by Becca Siller
My feeble grasp of control snaps. I don’t understand why they’re all pushing me so hard to deal with this. It just happened. I can’t deal with it yet because I don’t know how. I begin stripping, they think they want to see, well so be it. “Baby, what are you doing?” Wyatt’s astonished tone hardly registers.
“You’re all so curious, well here you go, take a long look. You want to know what I’m dealing with? You want to see what hell looks like?” my voice starts to rise. I can’t control my hurt and anger anymore. I feel ambushed and can’t seem to stop my reaction.
“Baby, you don’t need to do this,” Wyatt croons, trying to stay my hands but I slap them away. Riley is sitting on the couch sobbing, Bill has his eyes cast down, and Gina is looking at me with such sympathy I almost cry. I know Darius and Scott are still behind me but I don’t care.
Standing in the middle of the room, I reach up to rip the bandage off my chest. The angry puckered stitches are a bright contrast against my pale skin. Gina cries and there are murmured curses from Bill and Miles. When I turn to show the numerous bite marks on my shoulders and back Skylar runs into the bathroom to throw up. I know how he feels. I had the same reaction the first time I saw all of it. I know what they see: the multiple deep gashes on my chest and abdomen, the dozens of cigarette burns, teeth marks and the bruises, all of the bruises.
“Look at me,” I direct calmly but no one reacts. “Look at me!” I shout loudly, my voice echoing throughout the house, making Gina and Riley jump. Wyatt is just standing there with his eyes closed and his head hung low. The words start pouring from me like I’m in some kind of a trance. “I thought you wanted to know, I thought I needed to talk about it. Well look at me. Look at what he did to me. What would you like to hear first? How he beat me? Look at my face and body. How he raped me? You can see the bruises on my thighs. I don’t want to have to think about it yet. It just fucking happened! Why can’t you just let me be?” As the last words come out, Wyatt’s strong arms blanket me. He drags me kicking and screaming into our bedroom. I fight him viciously, trying to escape. Escape from the pain I see in everyone’s eyes.
“Call Dr. Iverson, now!” he shouts over his shoulder, then slams the door behind him.
Riley
“Riley Ann Tate, I cannot believe you,” Gina admonishes.
“Trust me, Mom, I don’t need your help feeling worse about what I did. I know I’m a terrible person,” I say, standing to head into my bedroom.
“Riley, don’t make this about you right now. You need to apologize to Charlie. She trusted you and the second she was gone you spilled.” I start to cry again. Deciding not to confront her right now, I go into my room and shut the door. My mother has always had a way of making me feel like shit. I think it’s a mom thing. I know she doesn’t mean to hurt me but her words can cut me so very deep.
I curl myself into a little ball drowned with shame at my irresponsible mouth. Maybe it’s the pregnancy hormones that made me not able to bear the secret alone. Regardless, I know I need to fix this. Resigned, I rise to hurry out of the room and almost run into Miles. I stumble back onto the bed. I didn’t even hear him come in the room.
“Hey,” is all he says.
“If you’re going to berate me too, save your breath. I’m heading over to apologize and beg forgiveness.”
“I wouldn’t do that right now. She’s really worked up. Wyatt and Darius are with her. I don’t think she’ll listen right now and I don’t think you did anything wrong, Riley. I know you love Charlie. I know you thought everyone needed to know what they were dealing with. We all speculated at the extent of her abuse but you brought it to light. Her family needed to be educated in order to help her. Do I think you did it poorly? Probably, but Charlie was a time bomb waiting to explode. I’m just glad I was here for you when it went off,” Miles says, sitting on the bed next to me.
“No, I was wrong. I should’ve never said anything. She trusted me, Miles, me, and I betrayed that trust. I doubt she’ll ever fully forgive me. I love her and I just wish I could take this all away,” Feeling terrible in more ways than one, I lie back down on my bed.
“I know you hate what you did, and I know Charlie is really, really pissed at you right now. But trust me, baby, this was one of the best things she could have done for herself. She needed to open up about what happened. Maybe now she can truly start healing.” He pauses and peers at me for a long moment. “Now come here, I need to kiss the woman I love,” he directs before scooping me up into his arms. I’m always amazed at how strong Miles is. He can pick me up like I pick up Sebella.
Settling me onto his lap he starts stroking his palm up and down my spine. His touch is so gentle and soothing my initial anguish is overshadowed by desire. I roll my hips provocatively against him, making him straighten. “Riley, what are you doing?” he questions warily.
I look up into his eyes, sliding my fingertips along his roughened jaw. For a few long moments I just marvel at how beautifully perfect his face is, his dark, almost black, hair has flopped over his forehead, and his beautiful emerald green eyes are sparkling with love and desire. His perfect straight nose, full pink lips and heavy dark brow make for a picture that would make women weep. “Can I help it if my fiancé is gorgeous and I can’t seem to keep my hands off him?” I ask as I start kissing his jaw and neck.
“Ah Riley, you know I can’t say no to you but everyone is out there and a doctor is on his way to the house,” he replies as his hands start wandering.
“We can be quick and quiet, I promise,” I tell him as I pull my shirt over my head.
He grunts as his face darkens and I know I’ve lit a fire. He stands and tosses me onto the bed, making me squeal. “You asked for it,” he warns as he turns to lock the bedroom door. Slowly he stalks to me and I start to back up the bed until my back meets the headboard. I can see the desire burning bright in his eyes. When he smiles his wickedly seductive smile I shiver, making goose bumps break out across my skin.
“I think being pregnant makes me crave you even more,” I say huskily.
“Are you saying you want to use me for sex?” He clutches his chest like he’s wounded. I giggle and nod my head. He climbs up the bed to drag me down underneath him. “Well, use away, my love.”
When Miles kisses me my blood instantly heats and I can feel my stomach quiver with delight. I’ve always been a sexual person but I never knew exactly how wonderful it could be until Miles and I met in Las Vegas. That first night after we met by the pool I did something I never did – I slept with him after only spending a few hours together. I always make men wait for the goods but there was something about Miles, he never pushed, never even tried to seduce me. Actually, I think I was the one who attacked him that night. The thought makes me chuckle. “Are you laughing?” he asks, confused.
I can see the pulse hammering at his neck and his blush of embarrassment. “I was remembering our first night together,” I tell him, then run my tongue along his bottom lip.
“Oh, was it that bad?” he asks, looking truly wounded.
“Not at all, I was laughing at how aggressive I was with you. I’m surprised you didn’t run away then. I can only imagine how many women throw themselves at you,” I confess as I pull his shirt over his head, uncovering his perfectly defined chest and abs.
Miles sits up, breaking our contact. I groan my protest. “Riley, do you honestly think that? That you threw yourself at me?” My silence must have answered his question. “I’m going to confess something to you.” I stiffen and sit up quickly. “Calm down, girl,” he chuckles, “it isn’t anything like that. I saw you in the airport that first day. I prayed I would see you again but I knew that it was a slim chance considering the size of Las Vegas. I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Then when I saw you with Jesse at the pool I thanked God. I think I fell in love with you the first time I saw you wrestling your bag off the baggage claim. So needless to say, that night was the best night of my life,” Miles says as he runs his finger
along my collarbone.
“Really?” I ask, my eyes filling with tears.
“Really, and now I get to marry you and become a dad…You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me.”
When my shoulders sag with relief Miles pounces, slanting his mouth over mine with an all-consuming kiss. I melt under his hands and with little effort he has my body writhing beneath him.
Miles and I quickly strip the rest of the way, beginning to explore each other like we’re starving for contact. I whimper when Miles cups and squeezes my breasts. They’re so tender it’s almost painful but also very sensitive. I slide my hand between us to grasp his erection. He pulls back out of my reach and I protest. “We’ll get there, baby, but you have to be ready first,” he says. He rolls to his side and pushes me onto my back. Reaching down, he lifts one leg over his and spreads me.
It doesn’t take long. Every part of my body is oversensitized and when his finger grazes my clit, I practically explode with pleasure. He silences my cries with his mouth. As he kisses me he slowly works his finger into me, stroking my body into a fevered frenzy. By the time I’m about to reach my release, Miles is pumping three fingers inside me. He runs his thumb over my clit once, twice, on the third time I contract and explode. My vision winks in and out with the intensity. “Oh God, Miles,” I rasp.
“You’re so much more responsive,” he admires. Shifting, he comes over the top of me, positioning himself at my entrance. Before he presses in, he lifts up and sucks his fingers into his mouth, making me blush and flood with a renewed desire. The action is so base and carnal but when his eyes close and he moans I can’t stop my hips from surging up to meet him. Miles looks down, and the love in his eyes almost makes me weep. He shifts again then glides inside me slowly. His body shudders above me as I swivel my hips, rocking myself against him. “Stop, baby, you’re so wet and hot. I’m struggling for control here,” he says through gritted teeth.
Grinning I start to pump upward rhythmically. He grabs my hips and tries to press them into the mattress but I pry them off and continue. He growls and starts meeting me with each thrust. My skin prickles and I know I’m already close again. It has never been this easy for me to orgasm. Miles’ cheeks flush, a clear indication that I’m about to push him over the edge. Reaching around, I grab his firm ass and grind myself against him, rocketing myself into a toe-curling orgasm. Miles slaps his hand over my mouth to stifle my screams, then bites the back of his own hand as he releases into me. I shudder and collapse into the bed. “Damn, I needed that,” I tell him as he drags in his ragged breaths. His body is heavy but I love the feel of his skin against mine so much that I don’t care that I can’t breathe.
Laughing softly, “What the hell, babe, that’s the fastest you’ve ever gotten off. Not that I’m complaining, I bet we can break our record now,” Miles adds, grinning like a loon.
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s the extra hormones or something. Everything is just more sensitive,” I tell him. He licks my nipple, making me clench around his semi-erection still inside me. “Maybe it’s just you. My body needs you.”
Miles moans in pleasure. “I like that idea. We’re definitely experimenting more later,” he says, kissing me sweetly.
Wyatt
I was shocked at Charlie’s reaction to Riley’s alleged betrayal. I don’t think Riley was doing anything to intentionally hurt Charlie but I know I’m glad I know and that I’ve seen her mutilated body. She’s lying on the bed facing the big window, staring blankly out into the backyard. She cried in my arms for a while, then shoved me away roughly. I wish I were relieved her grief has subsided but I hate that anger has taken its place. She fought me hard while I was trying to drag her out of the living room. I had no idea such a tiny thing could put up such a fight. Once Darius came in, we were able to get her relaxed for a while, but the anger returned as swiftly as it left.
Sitting in a chair on the other side of the room, I remember the last time we were in here together. It was the day she was abducted. We made love to each other in the bathroom before she got ready for work. It’s amazing that it was only a few days ago. So much has changed in such a short time. I run my hands through my hair, waiting for her to say something, anything.
When Dr. Iverson knocks on the door I feel a rush of relief. Opening the door I look at his stony expression – he looks pissed. “Dr. Iverson, thank you for coming,” I gesture him into the room.
“Thank you, will you please excuse us?” he asks bluntly.
Confused, I stand looking at him for a long time. “I’m not going anywhere,” I tell him flatly.
“Listen, I can’t get her to open up when you’re around. I won’t hurt her and she trusts me.” His confidence makes me grind my teeth.
“Fine, but I’m not going far,” I stalk from the room and plop onto the couch. A moment later the door opens and Dr. Iverson is leading Deputy out by his collar, another reason not to like that asshole. Deputy is Charlie’s protector and teddy bear. She needs him in there.
Riley and Miles come out later, grinning. I snort a rude sound. I know that look. I’ve seen a very satisfied Miles before and he is definitely satisfied. A sharp jolt of envy shoots through me. I want to hold Charlie, kiss her, touch her, and bury myself deep inside her, but I know she isn’t capable of such intimacy yet. I’m truly ok with that, but not being able to hold her is killing me. Last night when she slept in my arms I felt at peace. I need to feel that again. Charlie is my home.
Charlie
Dr. Iverson walks around the side of the bed and squats in front of me. He doesn’t say anything for a long time, he just looks at me. I’m still not dressed. I’m wrapped in a blanket, clad only in my bra and panties. I should be embarrassed but I just don’t care. I can’t deal with all of this at one time. I feel like my life is a tornado that I can’t get out of. The only time I’m calm is when I have Wyatt with me but even he isn’t enough right now. I can’t stand being inside my own skin.
“Charlotte, can you tell me what happened?” Dr. Iverson’s voice is soft but stern.
Slowly I drag my eyes to his, and I don’t say anything for a long time. “What do you want me to say?”
“I want to know what happened.”
“Didn’t they tell you when they called?” I raise one eyebrow.
“Yes, but I want to hear what you have to say about it. What were you feeling? Why do you think you erupted like that?”
“You’re kind of patronizing, you know,” I sit up but don’t bother to cover myself. Dr. Iverson doesn’t say anything and doesn’t look away from my face. “They know everything now, I showed them what he did and now I can get better, right?” I ask him sarcastically.
“Charlotte, you know…that,” he points to the living room, “isn’t what I had in mind. I want you to tell your family how you feel. Not to strip and throw your abuse in their face as punishment.”
My anger is palpable. “Is that what you think? You think I was trying to punish them?” He just sits peering at me impassively. “Well, I think you’re very wrong about that and I also don’t think I need a doctor like you.”
“You can’t push me away. I’m not your friend, lover, or your family. I can’t be run off by your name calling, crudeness or rudeness. Now put on some clothes and let’s discuss where you go from here.” Dr. Iverson stands and leaves the room.
“Son of a bitch,” I curse, then get up to grab some sweats and a t-shirt. After dressing I sit on the side of the bed dragging in deep breaths to steel myself. A moment later Dr. Iverson comes back in without knocking. “God, you’re arrogant,” I mutter as he shuts the door on a clearly angry Wyatt.
He smiles then and I think he looks contrite. “I’m sorry, Charlotte. I know I was rough on you but I think that’s what you needed at the time to snap you out of it.”
Sighing, I look up at him. “So what do you suggest I do? I can’t live like this and I can’t treat my loved ones like this. Wyatt…I’ve been so mean to him. I’m madly
in love with him one minute and then I can’t imagine how he’s ever going to look at me the same again.” Absently I look down and roll my ring around my finger. “And Riley’s pregnant. I can’t believe I yelled at her like that. Christ, who am I?” I ask, as a tear falls onto my hand.
“Well, I think you need to make some serious decisions. I know you love being here with all of your friends but maybe you want to consider moving out. Maybe go to a facility for a while…you need a solid foundation inside yourself, Charlie. That’s broken down right now. Broken but not destroyed,” Dr. Iverson suggests.
“I can’t move, I feel safe here.” I think about it for a long time. “I don’t want to stress Riley out though. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if something happened to her because I can’t control my temper right now. I’ll think about it.”
“I think you need to take a break from your boyfriend,” he says, then pauses. My eyes shoot to his.
“Are you crazy? Wyatt’s the reason I made it out of that place. He’s the reason I fought so hard,” I exclaim, annoyed.
“I know, but you have a very high intensity, highly sexual relationship. I can guarantee you don’t need that right now. The two of you will only cause each other pain while you’re in this state, especially since he is leaving for an extended period of time. I’m just suggesting a break until you can get a handle on yourself again. You’re so volatile right now. It’s normal but it’s also something that’s very difficult for others to deal with sometimes. He will thank you for this later, trust me,” he says without the slightest sign of remorse.
“I can’t believe you are even suggesting that,” I say with a scowl.
“Just think about it.” He continues on a little more but I have a hard time processing anything else he says. I barely notice when he leaves.
I sit in the dark of my bedroom for what feels like an eternity worrying over what Dr. Iverson thinks is the solution to my problem. Can that truly be a viable solution, and will Wyatt really thank me later? For some reason I doubt that very much. I don’t want to lose him but I don’t want to hurt him either. This is so heart wrenching. Sighing, I lie back down and close my eyes tightly, forcing myself to sleep.