by Becca Siller
“I guess it’s time to go then,” I tell him huskily then head for the car. My stomach is shaking with…guilt. I shouldn’t be trying to push myself like this. As soon as I reach the parking lot Ian catches me, pressing me into the car, kissing me with more intensity than he showed last night. His hands shake slightly as they wrap around my waist. He tentatively slides one up under the side of my shirt, stroking my skin softly. I feel a quick jolt of pleasure followed by a sinking feeling of betrayal. I ease the kiss back and press against his chest gently.
“Damn, you’re beautiful,” he murmurs against my neck, then pulls away, breaking all contact.
Ian doesn’t speak much on the ride back to his office. I start to worry my lip with my teeth. I hope I didn’t do something wrong, even though inside I feel tortured by my guilt, I try to keep it to myself. I wonder if it was what I said in the park.
“Thank you for meeting me for lunch, Charlie,” Ian says, startling me from my thoughts.
“Um, you’re welcome… Ian, did I do something wrong?” I ask, searching his profile for a hint of what he’s thinking.
“No, I’m sorry I was quiet. I was just thinking,” he responds, shaking his head slightly. I stare down at my fingers. “I was thinking that it’s funny how things work out sometimes. And I was wondering if the ring you wear is the ring Wyatt gave you?”
I gasp, clasping my hand over the ring. “I’m sorry, Ian. I just haven’t been able to take it off. I feel like I’m losing everything and it’s something I’m just not ready to let go of quite yet. Like I said, broken.”
He leans over and places his hand over mine. “Charlie, like I said, I don’t expect anything more than what you’re willing to give. I’m older and have a lot more patience than most. I won’t push you, I can promise you that.” He gets out and walks around to open my door. As I slide out he pulls me close, kissing me gently. A man hoots in the background, “Yeah, McShane!” Ian stills, pressing his forehead to mine. “I’m sorry. I work with some real douche-bags.”
I giggle at the way that sounds with his accent. “It’s ok, it makes me feel like I’m desirable.” Ian smiles, kisses me swiftly, then winks and strolls away.
Riley
“Thank you, I’ll see you tomorrow.” I whoop with excitement – I just got an appointment with one of the top bridal boutiques in Portland. I’ve been shopping online for different styles but I think I need something exclusive, I am marrying a movie star after all.
Charlie comes in, throwing herself face down on the couch. Deputy ambles over to lick the side of her face but is shooed away quickly. “What’s up with you?” I ask from the kitchen.
“Nothing – I don’t want to talk about it,” she mumbles into the couch.
“So it’s nothing or you don’t want to talk about it?” Charlie grunts something I can’t make out. I chuckle at her expression. “Well, I have some good news if you want to hear it?”
“What is it?” she asks, rolling over onto her side, impatiently pushing her hair out of her face.
“I got us an appointment with one of the top bridal boutiques in Portland,” I say, biting my lip to try to stem some of my excitement, but when Charlie’s eyes twinkle with delight I can’t control my squeal.
“That’s awesome! When?” she asks excitedly.
“Tomorrow afternoon, so I thought we could go have a mani-pedi, a massage and maybe a wax?” I question because I know Charlie may not be ready to let anyone near her cha-cha yet.
“I’m down, I don’t really want a wax but God knows I need it.” She scrunches her nose.
“I don’t know why we don’t have our cha-chas lasered like we did our legs and underarms,” I tell her and watch her lip turn in disgust.
“And your upper lip,” she snickers, making me smack her on the thigh.
“I guess I didn’t miss your pithy comebacks as much as I thought I did.” I pretend to examine my nails. “So what are you going to do now that you quit at the office?”
“I don’t need to do anything for a while. I’m looking for property to build on. You know, since you and Miles are buying a house. Maybe I’ll open my own clinic or something. To be honest, I might just try to enjoy life,” she says wistfully.
“Charlie, that’s a great idea, when are you thinking of building? I think your own clinic is a great idea. But there isn’t any hurry for you to do anything right now,” I question her excitedly.
“Not until after the wedding. I figure you’re going to need all of my attention for that. And as soon as I can find whatever it is I’m looking for.” She gives me a cheeky smile.
“So why are you upset?” She looks at me for a moment, her eyes stormy and confused.
“I like spending time with Ian. But I can’t give him anything real, I feel like I’m being unfair to him.” She looks up at the celling and I know she’s struggling with her separation from Wyatt. “He asked me about the ring. I think he sees it as a barrier between us.”
“Well, he’s right about that. He’s a damn detective, sweetie, he’ll pick up on shit you don’t want him to. I also think he understands you aren’t ready to get into anything serious.” I pat my lap for Sebella, who strolls in from the kitchen.
“I told him that and he said he was fine with it. But how do I stop the guilt?”
“Well, you could see Wyatt again? Get some closure maybe? That brings me to my next topic,” I pause, looking guilty for a moment. “I’m going to Scotland for a week in a little over a week. I really want you to go, too.”
Her eyes are wary and she just looks at me for a minute. “Riley, I’d love to go but if I see him with someone else I won’t survive it. I’m barely managing to survive now. I don’t think I can do it.”
“Will you just consider going with me, please,” I beg. I want my best friend to be there with me. “If it’s too hard then you don’t have to see him if you don’t want to. There are a zillion things we can do that aren’t anywhere near Wyatt Grayson. But think about it, talk to Dr. Iverson. I think you need more closure than you have right now.”
“I’ll think about it. I think I’m going to send Scott and Darius on a vacation, all expenses paid.” I look at Charlie, confused by the topic change for a minute. “Look at what they’ve done for me. They left their lives to be here to help me. I’ll never be able to repay them for all they’ve done, but I think this is the best way to show my gratitude.” Her reasoning is noble and understandable. Scott and Darius have been great to the both of us.
“Find out where they want to go and I’ll call the travel agent. I think you’re the most generous person I know, Charlie.”
Scott and Darius come in later that afternoon looking exhausted. “What the hell have you two been doing?” I ask bluntly.
“I had two open calls and Darius was working at an event all morning. I’m so damn tired I think my eyes are bleeding,” Scott says, rubbing his eyes roughly.
“It’s all the makeup they make you wear,” Darius says, bringing Scott a big glass of water. He kisses him, then heads back into the kitchen.
“Where’s Charlie?” Scott chugs his water.
“I’m right here, and you are just the two I wanted to see. Darius, come in here and sit – I need to talk to you.” Charlie leans her hip against the entertainment center.
“Scott told me about your talk earlier,” Darius tells her. I turn to look at her confused, but she crinkles her nose at me.
“Not about that, well a little. I was thinking today and you two have done more for me than anyone not related ever has. Riley, before you go off on a rant I consider you, Sky, Mom and Dad related to me.” I sit back in my chair. “I’m sending the two of you on a weeklong vacation to wherever you want to go, all expenses paid.”
Scott and Darius stare at Charlie disbelieving for a long while. “Charlie, that’s too much. I can’t accept something like that. You’re still paying me, remember,” Darius says sternly, a slight blush creeping up his neck.
“I know, and I
plan on continuing to have you around as an employee. But this has nothing to do with that. You both gave up your lives to help. There isn’t anything on this planet that would be enough to show my gratitude for what you’ve done for me,” Charlie’s voice starts to crack with emotion.
“Crap, Charlie, now I’m crying,” I curse at her as I dissolve into a blubbering mess.
She gives me a shaky smile, then looks back at the two stunned men sitting on the couch. “I mean it, Scott, you’ve pulled me from my nightmares more times than I can count. And Darius, you literally carried me out of hell. The two of you are my family and I love you. This is the least I can do, please let me.”
Scott stands, picking Charlie up and squeezing her tightly. I think he’s whispering something into her ear but I can’t hear it. “Thank you, Charlie,” Darius chokes out while trying to blink back tears.
“Now I just need to know where you’re going,” I say, standing. “You can go when we go to Scotland,” I say, hoping Charlie didn’t catch the we, but her glare tells me she did. “Oh and I got a caterer for our water party this weekend. It’s their tryout for my wedding.”
Darius shakes his head and smiles. “Natalie is going to be so impressed.”
“Hey, that’s what aunts are for, right, Leelee?” I wink at Charlie. She flops her hands at her sides in exasperation.
“Charlie, I ah…I don’t know what to say. No one’s ever done anything like this for me before.” Darius wraps her up tightly. I swear the two of them are going to pop her eyes out with all of this squeezing.
“Damn, who died?” Skylar strides in, practically dragging poor Olivia behind him.
“Charlie is sending us on a vacation,” Scott responds, still wiping his tears on the inside of his shirt.
“Sweet, you two deserve it. Hey Leelee, Ian’s outside, he wants to talk to you.” Skylar motions to the door, barely pausing as he drags Olivia into his bedroom and shuts the door.
“He’s such a caveman,” I say with disgust.
“At least he wasn’t dragging her by her hair. And I swear you two need to stop calling me Leelee. We aren’t ten,” Charlie says, then heads for the door. That’s when I realize I didn’t even ask how her lunch date went.
Charlie
I pause at the front door out of sight of the others while I collect my composure. I wipe the tears away from my cheeks and open the door. Ian is leaning against his car with his hands shoved into his jeans, studying his feet intently. His expression is pensive, so I hesitate at the step before proceeding. I know in my mind I should want to attempt a relationship with Ian. He’s a really nice guy. Much different than any other man I’ve had a relationship with in the past. There just seems to be something holding me back. I guess I’ll just have to wait to see what that something is and hopefully be able to get past it.
“Are you going to stay all the way over there?” he asks without looking up.
“I was debating.”
“On?”
I shrug, “Don’t know. I was just talking about you.” He steps up to me then.
“You’re crying,” he says, drying my tears. “I guess it isn’t good then.”
“No, I was crying because I gave Scott and Darius a gift. It was really emotional.” Before I can stop myself I blurt out what’s on my mind. “I can’t seem to stop beating myself up for wanting to see you and my guilt over still needing this ring. It’s like a security blanket or something. It has meaning to me that I can’t exactly explain.”
“Charlie, trust me, I understand better than you think,” he says, pushing my hair out of my face. “I haven’t told anyone but Olivia this but I was married back in Boston.” I sucked in a quick breath in surprise. “When my mom got sick I spent all of my free time with her, like bringing her here to Oregon. My wife didn’t like it. She didn’t understand why I needed to be there for my mother. She left me the day before my mom died. It was the worst time of my life. I loved her for a long time after that even though I didn’t want to be with her. It’s hard to lose someone like that and I don’t think you ever get your whole heart back when you give it away.” The whole time he talks he’s touching me in some way, not sexually, just comforting.
“Does it get better?” I push out through a painfully tight throat.
“Eventually, but it takes time.”
I tilt my face up to see nothing but kindness and understanding in his eyes. “Damn, you’re pretty awesome,” I say, trying to lighten the mood.
He chuckles softly as he wraps his arms around me, enveloping me in his warmth. “I’m glad you think so. I think you’re pretty awesome, too.”
“So what did you come by for?” I ask him, pulling back. His eyes darken and his body tenses.
“A man came into the precinct claiming to be Tony’s brother. I didn’t talk to him but I wanted to ask if you know anything about him.” That explains his pensiveness.
“I knew Vince. He’s actually a really nice guy. We hung out a lot in the beginning of our relationship. One night we had some people over for dinner and the game. Tony hit me in front of all of them for some perceived flirtation. Vince lost it. They fought hard, and Tony had to get stitches. I didn’t see him again after that,” I clarify. Talking about the earlier times with Tony doesn’t hurt me like the other stuff does. There’s actually a lot more to that story but it isn’t something I like thinking about.
“I’m sorry to bring it up. I just didn’t want to have to worry about retaliation from Tony’s family,” Ian expounds, still stroking my arms absently.
“Vince is the only family left. I seriously doubt anyone cares that Antonio Berretta isn’t around anymore,” I snort trying to cover my anxiety at the prospect of just that happenieng. “Except maybe Allison.”
Ian doesn’t relax right away. He seems to be worrying about something. “I know you don’t want to talk about it. But I think I would’ve shot him for what he did to you. Regardless of him pulling a gun on me.” Ian’s words are full of complete steadfastness.
I bury my face in his warm chest and ask myself again why can’t I care about this man the way I did when I met Wyatt. I need to change the subject so I decide to invite him to our weekend party. “Do you have plans this weekend? Because if you don’t, we are having a fun-in-the-sun water day. Riley hired a caterer and Darius is bringing his daughter up for a visit. I’d like it if you came.” I lean back to look at him. He is so very handsome. I inwardly cringe. My thoughts and feelings are so confusing. I wouldn’t trade the short time I had with Wyatt for anything, but what would have happened if I’d met Ian first?
“I think I can swing it,” Ian leans in to brush a light kiss on my lips.
“Charlie,” Scott says from the door, breaking our brief kiss. “Skylar bet me forty bucks that you guys have a routine for Britney’s “Circus.” I said he’s full of shit but if he’s telling the truth, I need to see it.”
“You’re going to want to stay for this,” I direct, dragging Ian behind me.
When we get into the living room I see Darius and Skylar moving furniture, clearing a larger floor area. Riley is pulling out the CD with our karaoke version of the song. We did this song for some stupid competition that Riley wanted to enter way back when. I don’t think we won but it was fun as hell. Riley was always signing us up for crazy crap and we always did it because I love her.
“Get ready to pay up, pretty boy. And try not to get a chubby from my sexy moves,” Skylar says as he pulls his shirt off. Olivia bites her lip and perches on one of the bar stools Darius has pulled into the room.
“Please, you could never give me a chubby, douche. But I’m going to record this shit for future blackmail potential,” Scott says, running into his room.
“So you guys did this as a routine or something?” Ian asks, sitting next to Olivia.
Riley answers, “I wanted us to be like the modern day Osmonds. I signed us up for all kinds of talent competitions. Ok, I have everything set here.” Riley hands Skylar and me a mic
rophone. She continues to explain while I take off my plaid shirt and kick off my shoes. I run my hand over my chest, worried about the scar on my chest. It still looks pretty angry. I see Ian eyeing me over Riley’s head. He gives me a wink of approval.
“Ok, I got the camera ready to record. This shit better not suck,” Scott taunts, striding back into the room.
The music starts and I shake out my arms and legs. It’s been a while and I hope I remember everything. As soon as I start singing I see Ian’s eyes widen and his eyebrows jump into his hair. When the beat drops we all fall into step like it was something we did every day. Riley is working her moves like a sex kitten and Skylar is rolling his hips like a male stripper. I throw all the attitude I can into my performance. I sing the lead and mostly have the others dancing around me. By the time the song ends we are all panting and sweaty. Scott hoots and Darius is laughing and clapping.
Ian’s eyes are fierce when I look into them. He’s leaning forward in his chair. I walk up to him and he drags me to him to kiss me hard. “That was the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen,” Ian rasps as he pulls back. Riley whistles at us, making me blush scarlet.
“Damn, that was hot. And no, Skylar, it wasn’t you that got me all hot and bothered. But the girls, damn. I think I need to go take a cold shower after that,” Scott says and Darius laughs harder.
“Skylar, man, I think you need to reconsider your profession. You could make a killing as a male stripper,” Darius jokes and Skylar gives him an arrogant grin.
“I’m going to send that to Miles,” Riley beams with excitement.
“You guys are amazing, we should all go sing karaoke,” Olivia suggests, making Ian groan. Clearly Olivia has tried to drag him there before.
Wyatt
“Miles, can I hang out with you tonight? Gillian is driving me crazy, man,” I plead. I thought my crude behavior would’ve sent the girl running but quite the opposite. She’s been hounding me every minute of the day. I’ve seen her every night since then and we’ve had sex each time. I like the girl but shit, there’s only so much faking I can do.