by Becca Siller
I sit and listen to him tell me things I already knew or at least guessed at. “I know, Wyatt. I know why you do what you do.” I stop and pinch the bridge of my nose. Maybe with the way Wyatt is, if I direct what I have to say toward Dr. McKenzie, I can get it out better. “When I was trapped with Tony, I knew what he was trying to do. He wanted to break me. Even through all the rapes, biting, beatings, burns and cutting, he couldn’t break me. It was the worst thing I could’ve ever imagined going through. The emotional toll it took on me was substantial. Wyatt was my light during those dark days. When he would come in to…” I have to swallow hard to get the words out, “…torture me whether it be rape or cutting or both, I could go to memories of Wyatt and try to drown out what he was doing to me. The physical pain was excruciating but I was worried about the long-term effect of what he did. I’ve already explained to Wyatt why I pushed him away and that I’ll forever regret that decision. But my issue with Wyatt is…” I don’t know if I can say it. I think it might break us both. “…Wyatt was able to do what Tony couldn’t.” I can hear Wyatt gasp.
“And what is that, Charlotte?” Dr. McKenzie asks without judgment.
“Wyatt broke me in a way Tony couldn’t. I let him in. I trusted him, which was really difficult after the relationship I’d been in. Then he just walked out on me without a fight…” I bite my cheek to keep from sobbing. “I wanted to die. I was catatonic for weeks. I didn’t want to eat or drink. Then when I saw him in Scotland I thought we could actually get better but he’s broken more than my heart. When I found out what he’d done when I was lying in bed praying to die, he broke my trust, my heart, and took a part of my soul with him.”
“And what did he do in Scotland?”
“He was out fucking anything he could get his dick into. Like I said, I understand why Wyatt did what he did. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less. I felt as though I was at the forefront of his thoughts the way he was with me. He was everything to me. He gave me confidence I thought I’d never get back.” Now that it’s started I can’t stop it. “Then he stripped me down to nothing. I can’t even be intimate with my boyfriend, for God’s sake!” I shout, covering my face, realizing that it’s wet with tears. After a moment I turn to look at Wyatt sitting on the other end of the couch. His hand is covering his eyes and his body is shaking with his sobs. I’ve never seen him this defeated before.
I try to slide closer to him but he holds his hand up, stopping me from approaching. I turn to Dr. McKenzie for help but she’s just watching me. “Aren’t you going to do something?” I ask harshly.
“Wyatt knew this was going to be difficult.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t know she hated me,” Wyatt says on a sob.
“No, baby. I don’t hate you. I could never hate you. I just needed you to know why this is so difficult for me.” My heart feels like someone is making sushi out of it. Slowly slicing pieces off. I want to wrap him up in my arms but I know we’re a long way from where we need to be.
“I knew I hurt you. But I had no idea I broke you like that. Charlie, I don’t know how…” he says but has to stop to catch his breath. “You weren’t the only one hurt, you know. I know I had sex with a few girls. But I didn’t have relationships with them. You have a relationship with McShane. You trust him and have sleepovers and shit. You confide in him and he does all the things I’m supposed to be doing with you, Charlie. That fucking hurts! You weren’t the only one who gave everything to the relationship only to be shit on,” Wyatt says harshly. I can tell he’s starting to get angry. And he has every right to be. He’s right after all. What I had with Ian had meaning. What he had with those other women meant nothing but getting off.
“I think you both have a lot of work ahead of you. Nothing is going to work if the two of you can’t stop blaming each other. So you trusted and that trust was broken. Now you have to figure out how to work it out or not. If you are truly dedicated to each other, I think you can make it but you are nowhere near there yet. Wyatt still needs a lot of work on himself and I’m sure, Charlotte, you do, too. From the way it sounds, you are just starting to work through those issues with Wyatt,” Dr. McKenzie suggests.
“Yes, Dr. Iverson and I just started working on it a few weeks ago,” I say brokenly. Watching Wyatt shake with silent sobs is killing me. “Wyatt, if you think you can do this, us, I won’t give up if you don’t.”
He turns to look at me then. We gaze into each other’s eyes, looking deep to see the conviction we both need to move forward. “What do you need from her, Wyatt?” Dr. McKenzie asks softly.
“Trust, confidence in me, and for her to stop seeing that fucking douchebag McShane!” I can’t control my snort at Wyatt’s requests.
“Ok,” Dr. McKenzie says with a little chuckle. “And Charlotte?”
“The same. I need him to trust me and I need to know I can trust him. I need him to be more open with me when he’s gone on location. The last time it was difficult for us. He would omit things because he thought I’d be upset. And I need him to keep it in his fucking pants.” Dr. McKenzie actually laughs this time.
“Well, I think we have the start of a foundation. I will get in contact with your Dr. Iverson to let him know of the progress we’ve made here.” I look at her with confusion. Just like that we have a foundation? She must have cued in on my confusion because she answers my unasked question. “Everything is out in the open now. A foundation of truth is being forged.”
“Well,” I respond. She looks at me waiting for more. I need to tell Wyatt that I’m not exactly ready for us to go back to the way things were between us. I still need time. I do not want to be so…needy and weak the way I was before. I want to stand on my own two feet. I don’t want to feel as though I need him to carry on. I try my best to explain that to him and Dr. McKenzie. “I’m still not ready to go back to where we were. It has little to do with my issues with Wyatt and more with my issues with myself. I need to feel strong again. The way I did before Tony and…” I pause, not wanting to lump Wyatt in with Tony but not knowing how not to, “…well anyway. I need to know that I’m ok enough to have a real relationship.”
“But you’re in a relationship with McShane,” Wyatt spits.
“Our relationship isn’t what you think it is. Yes, we’re together but I haven’t let my guard down with him. I’ve tried but have been unable to let him in.”
“Have you had sex with him?” Wyatt asks looking furious.
“We attempted it once. But it didn’t turn out so well,” I explain, feeling mortified having to talk to anyone else about this.
“What does that mean? You attempted it…did he put his dick in you or not?” Wyatt shouts.
“Wyatt!” I admonish.
“We’re getting off topic here. What Charlotte did or does in her relationship with this man is none of your business, Wyatt.” Dr. McKenzie holds her hand up to stop the argument from progressing, then shoots a pointed glare at Wyatt. “Charlotte, I think I understand what you are trying to say. You don’t want to be dependent on Wyatt?”
“No, it’s not that. I need to have my own life, too. I need to be the priority, not worrying every second what he’s doing or who he’s doing it with. I know that sounds like a trust thing but it isn’t. I need my own thing before I can be his thing. Does that make any sense?” I ask, frustrated with myself for not being able to explain my feelings better.
“And what steps have you been taking to accomplish that?”
Our meeting drags on for what feels like hours. By the time Dr. McKenzie leaves, Wyatt and I both feel raw and vulnerable. I know I need to talk to him a little more but I also don’t want to beat a dead horse. “Wyatt,” I start hesitantly.
“Not now, babe. I’m wrung out in every way imaginable,” he responds, sounding defeated.
“I know but I just need to say this one thing, ok?” He nods his encouragement reluctantly. “I do want to be with you. Only you. When I get back to Portland I’m going to end things with Ian. I’
d decided that before tonight. But I want us to get back into things slowly. We have nothing but time on our hands. All this…” I motion between the two of us, “…has happened in such a short time. Five months is nothing in the grand scheme of things. When I get back to Portland I have my house to get started building and the music thing with Skylar. And I want you to be a part of all of it. But we can’t live together. I’m not ready for that. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
He sits looking at me blankly for a moment before I see the walls he’d erected during our session with the good doctor come back down. His face softens and he reaches for my hand tentatively. “I do. We’ve both been through a lot in the last few months. I don’t think either one of us can handle being hurt like this again. I agree that we should start things out slowly.” I feel relieved I was finally able to express my feelings correctly. “But for tonight, can you please be my Charlie and lie with me again?”
“Of course.” I smile warmly and snuggle into his side. His hand skims the back of my arm rhythmically. The tender touch starts an all too familiar fire deep inside. A fire that hasn’t burned since he went to Scotland. When his hand slides around to my back, I try to restrain my body’s automatic response. I want him. My body is screaming how much I want him. I’ve always known where my heart belonged. I suppose it was inevitable, despite all the hurt we cause each other, we were destined to love one another.
Wyatt
Her skin is so soft. Despite the pain I’m in, my body is responding to her the way it always has. I know she’s trying to fight her reaction to me as well. When I draw my hand down her back, I feel her whole body still. I let my fingers glide along the patch of exposed skin just above her sweatpants. I smile into her hair when I feel her shiver at the contact. She turns her head up to face me, her brilliant eyes gazing at me full of love. I lean in to brush my lips against hers. The moment my tongue slips into her mouth I feel her body undulate against mine. Doesn’t she understand what she’s doing to me? With her first moan my cock goes from stirring to fully erect. “Fuck, baby,” I moan into her open mouth.
She stops suddenly. “Did I hurt you, I’m so sorry.” She starts to pull away but I gently pull her back to my side. She’s on the opposite side from my incision. I’m sore and my body aches in ways it hasn’t before. But I’m not in agony like I was before. It’s more of a dull ache now. Unless I move too quickly.
“No, baby. You feel amazing against me.” I point shyly to my tented flannel pants. “Obviously.”
She grins at me, then smacks my chest in admonishment. “Wyatt, you just had surgery.”
“You’re right, I did. I think I need a nurse,” I say, rubbing my chin mischievously.
“Stop it! You are too much, buddy.”
“You love me,” I say playfully.
“You know I do.” She’s serious now, looking at me with her entire heart shining in her eyes. “Now, where were we?”
I pull her slightly on top of me, pressing her perfect breasts into my chest. The feel of her body against mine like this is almost enough to make me explode. Our mouths collide with passion and heat. Her tongue swirls inside my mouth so tantalizingly I start to remember that tongue on other parts of me. Her hands are wandering over every inch of my body she can reach. I slide my hand down to clutch at her tight ass. Her hips surge forward, rubbing against my stiff cock and just like that my erection is raging. “Hell, Charlie, slow down. You’re gonna make me come in my shorts if you don’t stop.”
She giggles against my throat. “I’m sorry. We should stop anyway. I don’t think this is good for your recovery,” she states, beginning to withdraw her body from mine. Her hair is messed up and her lips red and swollen from our passionate kissing.
“This is exactly what I need to recover,” I say with an exaggerated pout.
She snorts. “I bet.”
“Charlie, I’m not ready for you to go home tomorrow night,” I tell her, feeling exceptionally vulnerable at this moment. “I’m afraid this was all a dream and when you go home the dream will end. I’m afraid you’ll get back home and realize you want Ian after all.” I’m sounding like a complete pussy but right now I don’t give a shit. I love this girl. I need her to know how much I need her.
“Wyatt,” she adjusts her position so she can cup my face in her delicate hands. I nuzzle my cheek into her palm. “That is not going to happen. You have to trust me, remember. I do love you, Wyatt, but we decided, together, to take things slow this time. Besides you’re going to be right behind me. Your flight comes in two days after mine does, right? Hell with the time difference I think you’ll be there the very next evening. This will give me a chance to talk to Ian.”
“How do you think he’ll take it?”
“I’m not sure. I know if I show up with you he’ll take it worse.” She chews her lip for a minute, thinking hard about something. “Look, I know you don’t want to hear this but he’s a good guy. He’s been nothing but patient with me. I was a real mess there for a while. He’s been there to support me and help me through some rough shit.”
“Do you love him?” I ask without any anger in my voice. I may hate the bastard but he was there for her when I wasn’t. I have to respect the guy for that.
“I care about him, yes. But you’re the only man I love. We just need to find our way back to being in love with each other.”
Riley
Being home sucks. Having Miles for a few days was such a tease. I love that man and need him here with me. Today is my appointment to find out the sex of the baby. I was hoping to have him here for it but he needed to finish up a few things before he could come home.
The wedding is almost here and I’m freaking out. The last three weeks have flown by, and now I’m at my final fitting before I go to the hospital for my sonogram. Hopefully my little button will let me see if he is a he or a she.
“Ok, Ms. Tate, everything looks perfect. I’ll be available if you need any last-minute alterations, all you need to do is call,” the seamstress says.
I stand stunned – my dress looks amazing. My belly is showing quite a bit now and it makes the cut even more flattering. “Thank you, it looks amazing,” I tell her past the tightness in my throat. I stare at my reflection entirely too long. A text from my mom asking about the dress breaks my trance, bringing me back to my very busy present. I change back into my regular clothes as quickly as I can and head for my car.
I call Miles after I plug my phone into the hands-free thingy that Skylar insisted on installing for me. He’s been a little edgy since his breakup with Olivia. They’re still seeing each other, just not nearly as seriously. He knows he cares for her but for some reason can’t find a common ground. I think it has to do with the other girl he’s been hanging out with from school. I told him it was too late to take Olivia out of the wedding so he was going to have to deal. Charlie and Ian…well that’s a whole other story. After Charlie ran off to Scotland to be at Wyatt’s side, I’m not sure their already casual relationship can withstand something like that. For Charlie’s sake I hope she and Wyatt can figure their shit out.
“Hey baby,” Miles’ voice comes over my car stereo.
“Hey.”
“Are you on your way to the appointment? Did you remember everything? Your laptop?” he asks eagerly.
“Yes, I already called ahead and they said there would be no problem Skyping with you during the sonogram.” Miles was so upset when he found out he wasn’t going to be able to be there in person to find out the sex of our baby. Skyping was the best thing I could come up with.
“I’m so excited. The only thing that would make this any better would be if I were there with you,” his voice drops.
“I can hear you frowning, Miles,” I admonish. “It’s a happy day, remember.”
“It is but I miss you so bad, baby. Seeing you for those few days was such a tease!” he exclaims.
“My words exactly. But don’t forget in eleven days we’ll be together and married. H
opefully on our honeymoon somewhere warm. Lord knows it’s damn cold here,” I tease, trying to lighten the mood.
“I have never been happier, Riley,” he says with so much emotion I start to tear up.
“Damn it, babe! You’re going to make me cry and I have to drive,” I say, with a hard swallow.
“Ok, I’ll let you go. I’m going to hook my laptop up to my big screen TV so I have a better view. I love you, see you soon.” Miles rings off with a loud kissing sound. I wonder if his friends know how much of a sap he is. He seems so manly and intimidating all the time.
Once inside the OB/GYN office I settle in for what I hope is a short wait because right now I have to pee. They made me drink a shit ton of water and won’t let me pee, the bastards. Don’t they know how difficult it is to hold my pee on a regular full bladder? This is truly some serious form of torture. Finally the nurse calls me. Yeah, it’s only been about two minutes but I’m not a patient person.
“Ok, Ms. Tate, we can set your laptop up right here.” The nurse gestures to a rolling table next to the exam table. I wait for Miles to log on but he doesn’t.
“Is everyone ready?” the technician asks, looking at me eagerly.
“Hell yes!” Miles shouts, startling me.
I look at the computer screen but nothing is there. Miles’ face isn’t on the screen. I tilt my head in confusion. “Miles?” I say, questioningly.
“Hey, beautiful.” I look up to see the man of my dreams staring back at me…in person.
“Miles,” I say on a quick sob. “You’re…you’re…”