My father sat back and studied me. “Very well. I hope you will be reasonable on this.”
I refused to let my muscles twitch, and asked, “Define reasonable, please.”
He leaned closer and said, “Your Nicole overshares her life. As royals, we must be reserved and above having opinions on frivolous matters because we’re needed for bigger crises.”
She loved her life. One of the reasons she’d agreed to marry me was to give herself some distance, but still keep her fans waiting for her. My heart beat a little faster. I didn’t want to lose her, but my father had control at this moment. I gripped my seat and said, “She’s authentic, and she’s promoting her belief systems. She’d not consider her opinion on yoga as being frivolous.”
He folded his hands on the table. “No one should have even known about her virginity. It’s not a topic for discussion.”
A scoff came out of my lips and I shook my head. “Yet, you selected her on that basis, and then demanded she be tested. I was ready to walk away from your decree then and marry her.”
His gaze narrowed like he was testing me. “Because you’re in love, and think duty to family and country doesn’t matter?”
Love and duty. I’d been trained since birth that country comes first, but this was the first time the obligation had stung. I blinked and ignored the sensation as I asked, “What state secrets has she divulged?”
This time he didn’t blink, but took out photos from her social media posts, and others of the outside of the palace with red lines drawn on it. “Where you both sleep at night can be triangulated from the angles of her photos.”
“I see,” I said, and my heart sped up. He was going to use this evidence to stop me from getting the life I wanted. A life with Nicole, away from my duties.
My father then showed me another folder with social media commentary and said, “And, your sister shouldn’t be used to promote books and exercise.”
This was nonsense. I closed the folder on my sister, though my skin now had pins and needles. I said, “You knew who Nicole was before I did, and yet you set us up.”
“I don’t understand why this is a hardship for her.” He gave one nod, which was all he’d ever do to acknowledge me. “I figured if you offered this woman a tiara, then she’d stop this sharing.”
“Her name is Nicole, and your own matchmaker said she was perfect for me.” One of the best things about Nicole was that she wasn’t like any other woman I’d ever met. I pressed my ankles together and said, “So I need to be what she wants, and I can’t ask her to give up doing what she loves and believes in. I won’t.”
His eyes widened. “You won’t?”
I stood and didn’t wait for permission. “I will marry her, if she’ll have me.”
He jumped up and said, “Because you’re so in love you can’t see reason? We need to protect our family, and we have a royal duty to our country. You swore to do both.”
“I have done what I can, but let’s be honest now. I haven’t seen much of you since we were told Mom was hospitalized after she collapsed on stage giving a speech. This time, though, I refuse to back down.”
“You must.”
“No. I’ve not been your concern since Mother died.”
He placed his hand on my shoulder. “That’s not true, son.”
For one moment, I didn’t move. I wished we were closer, but we hadn’t spent any alone time since Mom’s pneumonia that had ended her life too soon.
If I had my way, I’d hold on to Nicole. She was the one bright light I had in my life, even if we’d been set up. I reached for the door. “It is. Nicole makes me happy, Father, and I’ve not been that in years. Now, I must go.”
As I opened the door, his secretary bounded toward us, clearly intending to see my father, but my dad said, “Ryder, don’t do this. Don’t walk away from your king.”
I widened the door. It was time. I didn’t fit in here. I stepped into the hall. “I’m walking away from my father.”
He took a few steps, like he’d follow me out. “It’s the same thing.”
“No, it’s not,” I said, and for the first time in my life I showed him my back.
Proper etiquette wasn’t my concern any longer. Soon, I’d find a way to leave this family, forever.
I stormed through the castle and only slowed when I locked eyes with Nicole. She stood with her phone in her hand, though she put it away as she asked, “What happened?”
I reached for her hand and said, “We’ll talk outside of the castle.”
“Okay.” She trotted outside with me. Beside her, I was calmer, but as we made it onto the street to return to the hotel in town, she bumped into me and said, “We’re alone now. What happened?”
I glanced at my side. Nicole was vibrant and alive in a way I’d never been. I knew better than to believe we had a love-filled future, but her nearness sent hope in my veins and butterflies in my belly. I wasn’t sure what this meant, but she deserved the truth. “He believes the photos you took in your room violate castle security as the tower can be figured out from the angles of your photos.”
She reached in her phone and swiped and hit buttons fast as she said, “Oh, wow. I’ll take them down, but I don’t know if anyone might have downloaded them already, or taken a screen shot.”
I put my hand in front of her to stop her. “I told him he didn’t get control of your blog or social media. He disagreed.”
She put her phone back in her pocket and asked, “So what do we do?”
I stopped. I didn’t care that we were about to enter the small fishing town where people might see us. “I’m hoping you’ll marry me without my father’s approval.”
She stepped back, took out her phone, and stared at the street and not at me. “I don’t know right now.”
Fuck. I knew better than to believe in love. I’d been rejected for years, so this wasn’t anything new. I stared back at the palace and said, “I asked for too much.”
She patted my arm and her touch sent a thrill through me like we were the only people in the world. “That’s not it. I need time. I’ve texted Frank. I’ll take the photos down, and give the crown the right to censor me while I’m in the castle, or any military place, or with your family.”
She hadn’t wanted me to know her plan. The chill in my body lessened. I hadn’t expected this switch and I rubbed my forehead. “That’s okay with you?”
She let out a sigh and said, “It’s what we agreed originally. Remember? I agreed to not use your family without permission. I should have thought that it would include your family’s private quarters in the palace. I’ll stop taking photos in the castle. I’m hoping it’s enough.”
Once I gave in to whatever my father demanded, he usually steered the ship. I pressed my forehead to hers and said, “He’s stubborn.”
She laughed. “Like you?”
A chill rushed through my spine, but I didn’t let go of her as she held me closer. “I hope I’m nothing like him.”
Her phone beeped. She didn’t look at it, but she held my arm and took a step, tugging me along with her. “Come. I think you should sit with my family for dinner. Let’s go back to the hotel and change. We’ll figure out what’s next tonight.”
Then, I was at her mercy. I went with her and said, “I’ll do as you want, Nicole. Just don’t expect my father to change.”
However, my heartbeat was off. I knew it. I needed to protect myself because my father was going to ask for more than she offered. He’d never been reasonable when it came to me. Nothing would change and I could lose her fast.
Chapter 15
Nicole
My sisters being with me, at least some of them, was like I’d been thrown an anchor in the chaos of today.
Stephanie’s sensible brown eyes and Olivia’s bright blues had helped me follow my own path since we were little.
Nothing had changed. I needed them in my life.
The walk from the castle had my stomach twisted. Ryder was so sure
his father would refuse.
If he did, though, then I had to stop this. If I signed over rights to my social media, then there was no way I’d ever be able to start over.
I’d started writing my blog before I graduated high school. This life was part of me. And all my messaging was my own.
My parents hadn’t been able to stop me. They’d trusted me. The concessions I offered should be fine. I deleted the photos to prove I meant what I’d said.
Ryder’s tension was palpable in his every step, so we didn’t talk much on the short walk.
Even more important than my life, though, was Ryder’s. He might not realize it, but he loved his family. The loss of his mother was hard, but he’d be happier if he had the rest of his family in his life, even if he didn’t see that right now.
As we joined Stephanie and Olivia at the private table that overlooked the wharf, Stephanie poured us both glasses of wine. Ryder held my chair for me, then joined us.
Olivia slid closer to us in her seat and asked immediately, “How did the meeting go? Is everything okay?”
I glanced at Ryder and wished he was more positive. For now, I folded my napkin on my lap, though I wasn’t hungry, and took a sip of my wine.
I glanced at his eyes and wished he had more faith. Marrying Ryder was a chance of a lifetime, but I’d never lived my life without my social media outlets. I didn’t think I could. So my skin buzzed with my own fears as I finished my sip and said, “I’ll let you know tomorrow, once Ryder and I have a chance to talk.”
The waiters brought us salmon dishes, and the lemony smell normally would have made my mouth water. Today, my lips were dry, and I wasn’t sure what I’d do. I ignored the plate.
“That bad, then,” my little sister, Olivia, said. “I was hoping you’d get what you wanted. I still do.”
“Thanks, Olivia.” My lips curved in a faint smile. I needed hope. It was the missing jewel to my world at the moment. I let out a sigh and said, “I’m just happy Frank could come on short notice. He’s still negotiating with them.”
Stephanie brushed against my arm and motioned for me to eat as she said, “See? So there is hope. Ridley said Frank set her up wonderfully.”
Ryder finished his bite. His face was white. “My father is a king. Negotiation isn’t his style.”
There it was. His negative energy was like a weight of bricks that made me think “no”.
Olivia finished her salmon quickly. She must have loved it, as her face was brighter as she said, “Well, you and my sister seem happy and in love.”
My entire body grew hot and I glanced at Ryder. But his stoic face gave me no hints about his feelings and my heart thumped. Love? It couldn’t possibly be true for us. I sighed.
Stephanie said, “Tomorrow you’ll meet Indigo, Ridley and Georgie and their husbands. They are all great guys, like you, your highness.”
This time Ryder blinked, and he shook his head. “Ryder is fine,” he said. “I’m not a great guy, but please, call me by my name.”
They smiled, but Stephanie took Olivia’s hand and jumped up from the table. “We will,” she said, “We’ll see you tomorrow. Olivia and I need to check into our room.”
Olivia bounced but hugged me as Ryder and I said, “Bye Olivia, bye Stephanie.”
They left and I forced myself to bite into my food. This fish was fresh and practically melted off the fork. I wished my taste buds were in alignment, but it was as if nothing mattered.
I took a few bites anyway, and the sustenance helped settle me. The moment I put my fork down, Ryder folded his hands on the table and said, “Your family loves you.”
I washed down the fish with wine that also didn’t do anything. Once I put my glass down, I smiled. Ryder made me ache in ways I hadn’t known possible. I let out a deep breath and said, “And, I love my sisters and my cousins. When my parents died, all we had was each other. It brought us closer than ever.”
He finished his glass. Then, he said, “That’s clear.”
I crossed my legs under my seat. We needed to be smart. I needed to be, anyhow. I wasn’t sure what I’d do if I didn’t have my life work. I nursed the last bit of my own wine and said, “It’s comforting.”
His shoulders slumped and, for a moment, his eyes glistened. He shut that down, though, as he said, “I can’t imagine. My sister and brother … we weren’t close after my mom died.”
I reached for his hand and a spark rushed in my veins as I said, “Emily seems interested in being close to you.”
That small laugh of his made my veins race a little more and I ached to hug him. “She was good to you, which was nice to see.”
I bit my lower lip. I didn’t want to ask the next question, but then the words came spilling out of me. “What happened with you and your brother?”
He sat back and let my hand go. His muscles seemed hard, like he was holding back his anger. “He’s been an asshole. I didn’t like how he spoke to you.”
I tugged my ear and refilled our glasses with the remnants of the bottle. There wasn’t much for either of us, but it gave me time to think. I said, “Yeah, I saw that. Any reason he’s like that with you?”
He shook his head. “Not that I know of. I’ve never even blinked at any of his girlfriends.”
Good. The last thing I needed in my brain was some sort of jealous streak to complicate how I felt. I was already confused. I sipped my wine, then my phone rang. I grabbed it and showed him my screen. “Frank is calling.”
Ryder picked up his own glass. “I’ll let you talk.”
I put the phone to my ear and glanced at the clouds in the distance over the water as Frank said, “The talks have been shut down. No progress, and I’m told not to expect any more meetings tomorrow.”
My stomach turned to stone. Ryder had predicted this. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to understand. I had given up so much already. I rocked in my seat a little as I asked, “Seriously? He won’t budge?”
Ryder finished his wine and looked at me as if he was ready to drive the last nail in my coffin. My mind raced and I wasn’t sure what to do.
“I’ll try in the morning to see if I can fix this before your ceremony,” Frank said, but he didn’t sound hopeful.
Oh, goodness. Now it was time to be completely honest. My blog was a part of me. A chill ran through me as I said, “Thanks, Frank.”
I ended the call and tucked my phone in my pocket. Food wasn’t going to fix me. I pushed my plate away and Ryder signed the bill that must have come when I was on the phone. He put the pen down and asked, “My father’s playing hardball?”
I nodded. I had no idea what to do. My skin buzzed with energy, as I said, “He refused any more talks.”
He folded his hands on the table like this was a contract negotiation, too. “So it comes down to you and me. If you want to call off our plans for tomorrow’s wedding, I’ll call the priest.”
I shivered but forced myself to speak. I needed to express myself, and couldn’t imagine my life under supervision. I scooted away from him. “Yeah. I don’t want this, as it is now.”
His face drained of color, but he turned away like he didn’t want me to see him. “I figured. I’ll go, Nicole.”
My gut had no answers. All I knew was that I didn’t want to hurt him. He moved to get up, but I reached out and held his wrist. “Wait.”
“Why?” He turned toward me and as he spoke, my heart pounded. I’d just fucked everything up.
“You don’t want to marry me. I have to find another way to escape my father.”
Boom. Right. This wasn’t about love. My feelings for him, or whether he loved me, didn’t matter. I wasn’t stupid. I felt the sting of almost-tears and forced them to freeze in place. I asked, “That’s all this is to you?”
He stood up and tightened his tie. “What did you expect? I said I could help you cash in on being a runaway royal, but you refused that. And I get it. You don’t need me.”
He turned to go, and I let my arms collaps
e on the table as I said, “Ryder, I’m sorry.”
He stared at me and I stood up to face him.
“Me too, Nicole. I’m sorry I let it get this far. I should have just stuck to my original plan with the stripper.”
If words were like bullets shot from a gun, I’d be dead right now. I’d been so stupid about everything. I glanced at his polished shoes. Honesty, even when it hurt, had always been a life model for me, so I ignored my chills and said, “For what it’s worth, you were the best man I’ve ever been with.”
He came over. For a moment I thought he’d kiss me, but his lips met my cheek. “I’m the first. I hope you find whoever it is you want as your husband.”
Tears streamed from my eyes now. I held him like this was the last time I’d ever see him, and I sniffled a little but said, “That’s just it. I never wanted a husband. I never saw myself as a bride or a princess. And, I’m afraid I’m not cut out for your life. It’s too constraining and I need to express myself.”
He backed away, but the way his blue eyes stared at me it was like he saw straight through me and realized he and I were wrong for each other. He pressed his hand to his heart. “I’ll buy your book when it comes out.”
I wiped my face and said, “You’re wonderful, Ryder.”
He turned away, massaging the space between his eyes. “You don’t have to lie to me. That’s what staff is for. Good night.”
His steps echoed as he walked away. My heart was on the ground and shattered. I needed to be honest, so I ran after him and didn’t care if anyone saw me. I rushed onto the sidewalk and called out to him, “Wait!”
He turned and his muscles twitched. But he stared at me and asked, “What?”
This felt wrong. I didn’t want to lose him. I shuffled and said, “I’m sorry.”
That sigh of his made my body ache with need but he said, “Me, too. I wanted to marry you.”
I reached out like I needed him to hold me, but I said, “I wanted that, too, just not like this. Not now.”
His face went white then he said, “Right. So this is me walking away, as you wished.”
Powerful Prince (Steel Series Book 5) Page 11