My beautiful children: Jessica, Aliyah, Derek, Jacob, Sam, and Max. You all always bring so much laughter, joy, and love into my life.
My wife, Melissa, who appeared in my life just at the right moment and turned it upside down. There hasn’t been a day that goes by that you are not in my every heartbeat.
To Mom and Dad. For your unconditional love and support. And for getting me through the darkest days of my life by helping me see the light.
My sister, Sandy, for her faith and love. She believed in me even before I did. It is because of her that I got onstage the first time. Otherwise, I’d be a fifty-seven-year-old stereo salesman today.
My brother, Jeffrey, for his love, passion for perfection, and always doing everything in his power to protect me. In 1992, Jeff was my writing partner on In Living Color. In reality, Jeff did all of the writing.
Special thanks to Lee Kernis. The man who hid my kids at his house while I was on the lam. My personal manager. My friend. A real genuine guy. There will never be anyone like him again.
Thanks to Rick Greenstein and everyone at the Gersh Agency.
Thanks to everyone at Da Capo Press, especially Ben Schafer, Marnie Cochran, Renee Caputo, and Donna Moore. And David Vigliano and Kirby Kim of Vigliano and Associates.
Thanks to Keenan, Damon, Shawn, and Marlon Wayans for their support. I owe my last visit with my son to Keenan.
Thank you Lance Burton, Nivea Santiago, and the staff of the Monte Carlo for gambling on me by letting me onstage while I was still going through treatment.
Thanks to Howard Stern for all his support. He personally called me while I was in the hospital getting chemotherapy and asked if I thought I’d make it to New Year’s Eve. Because he had me in the death pool, and Robin had Anthony Quinn.
Bob and Tom, Lamont Tonelli, and all of the radio show hosts who called and kept me alive with my fans by putting me on the air during my hospital visits.
Tom Cruise. He visited my son Derek at Children’s Hospital during the filming of Days of Thunder. There was no entourage with him. No publicist. No paparazzi. Just Tom. Just him spending time with my little boy. Thanks, Tom.
Carey Strom, M.D. For his heartfelt advice and friendship. He’s the only guy I’d feel comfortable giving me a colonoscopy in the privacy of his home.
Thanks to Vicki for taking such loving care of our son Derek. You devoted your entire life to him during his illness. You were not only his mother, but also his hospice nurse and advocate. Thank you for being understanding and for giving me the opportunity to spend quality time with my children while I was sick, and helping me get through my treatment.
Jay Leno, for his support when Derek was in the hospital. Jerry Lewis, the man who inspired me to become a comedian in the first place.
Also a special thanks to William E. McEuen, Bob Merlis, Jeff Gold, Russ Thyret, Martin Landau, Steve Martin, Alan Metter, Mike Scully, Ronnie Weinstein, Jay Rosenthal, Theodore Braich, M.D., John Camoriano, M.D., David Mulligan, M.D., David Douglas, M.D., Marc Golden, Michael Gendler, Jeff Glieberman, Penny Salomon, Rick Murdock, Budd Friedman, Ira Kurgan, Sandy Grushow, Dr. Peter Sheerin, Eric Gold, Rodney Dangerfield, Jerry Lewis, Robert Hartman, Dan Mer, Bill Blumenreich, Tim Sarkes, Billy Crystal, Conan O’Brien, and Mel Gibson.
Very special thanks to Alan Eisenstock. Without him, this book would not exist. Alan and I had a special bond right from the beginning. I learned that he also suffered the loss of a child. His son Zachary. I knew then that if there were anyone that could help me express my true feelings, he’d be the one. And he did. During our sessions together we both shared a lot of tears. Some from laughter. Some from memories. His passion for helping me tell my story in my words was never-ending. (Although a lot of the F-words were mysteriously taken out.)
And God. Who, after taking my only son, graced me threefold with three more sons in return. I am truly blessed!
ALAN:
Thank you, Robert, for your courage, your spirit, your passion, and for making me laugh longer and harder than anyone else ever has. You are an inspiration.
Thank you, Melissa, for being Robert’s rock, our driver, the mother of the year, the voice of reason, the keeper of the kingdom.
Thanks to David Vigliano, Kirby Kim, and Michael Harriot. Thanks to everyone at Da Capo Press, especially Ben Schafer, Marnie Cochran, and Renee Caputo.
Thank you, David Ritz.
Thanks to Shirley and Jim Eisenstock; Madeline and Phil Schwarzman; Susan Pomerantz and George Weinberger; Susan Baskin and Richard Gerwitz; Loretta, Brian, Linda, Lorraine, Diane, Alan, Chris, Ben, and Nathan; Art Goldman; Edwin Greenberg and Elaine Gordon; Linda Nussbaum; Bruce and Judy Levitt; Linda Bowen; Kathy Montgomery and Jeff Chester; Randy Turtle; Randy Feldman; David Goodman and Wendy Felson; David Perren; Joyce Barkin; Diane Golden; Judi Farkas; Bob Vickrey; Tony Koursaris of Taverna Tony in Malibu, our office; and Katie O’Laughlin and her incredible staff at Village Books in Pacific Palisades, my hangout.
Thanks always to the Miracles—Bobbie, Jonah, and Kiva.
Finally, thanks to my constant companion, Snickers the Wonder Dog, who loves everything I write and laughs at everything I say. At least I think she does.
Authors’ Note: Dr. “Mehldau” is actually a compilation of several doctors who treated Robert over the course of his diagnosis and chemotherapy.
Cancer on Five Dollars a Day* *(chemo not included): How Humor Got Me through the Toughest Journey of My Life Page 15