“Best idea yet, Girly.”
“I’m so afraid she’ll end up running back to Portland and I’ll lose her forever.” Jamie finished re-stacking the folders and set them on her desk with a look of resignation. “Just give me five more minutes, okay? I promise I’ll be ready.”
Paul shrugged and swiveled around in his chair, passing the time by playing with the computer on the desk where he sat. As promised, after five minutes Jamie switched off her light and emerged from her office.
“Ready to go?” she asked.
“Hey, Jay, come check this out,” he replied, beckoning her toward the computer screen.
“What’s this?” she asked.
“Something to amuse you. Take a look.”
Jamie read the email on the screen. “Oh my God. Paul, that’s sick,” she said with a chuckle. “I was joking. You’re really sick, my friend.”
“But you laughed. It’s funny, right?” he countered with a grin.
“You think killing off Jay in a blizzard in Antarctica is funny?”
“I only implied he was dead. He could just be missing.” Paul smiled. “You want me to print this out for you? Or send it?”
Jamie reread the fake email that Paul had composed while she finished her work. He’d written it on an official Marine Institute template, addressed to Claire’s email and everything. It looked very authentic, and the truth was it cheered her up, even if she didn’t want to admit it. Part of her really wanted to print it and take it home with her. A very perverse part. An even more perverse part wished she could press send and be rid of Jay forever, consequences be damned. She shook her head to clear the impulse. She’d never do that to Claire. She hadn’t even been able to ignore Jay's messages for longer than a day because she knew Claire would be hurt by it. I’m never going to get myself out of this.
“Come on Paul, stop fooling around. Do not hit print, and whatever you do, do not hit send. Just get rid of it,” Jamie demanded. “How did you get onto this computer, anyway? It’s supposed to be locked, and we both know you’re no hacker.”
“Dude left his password on a sticky note under the keyboard. You don’t have to be a hacker to break through that kind of security.”
Jamie groaned. “I should tell Dr. Swenson about this.”
“About Jay?” Paul asked in surprise.
“God, no. Are you kidding me? I meant about my research assistant, Alan, putting his password under his keyboard. It's a violation of protocol.”
“Well, protocol. La di da. Why do you care? It’s not your job.”
“No, but it could be. I know you don’t really understand lofty career ambitions, but I have a real shot at being the next Head of Research. It would be a huge promotion. And a raise, too.”
“Oh yeah? Great! You and Claire can buy your own house and decorate kids’ rooms to your heart’s content and I can get my bachelor pad back. All your feminine domesticity has put a serious crimp in my sangria parties.”
Jamie snorted. “Ha! How exactly am I going to make all of that happen?”
“How about you tell her the truth?”
“You just agreed with me that telling her the truth would ruin my chances.”
“The truth about Jay, maybe. But what about the truth about how you feel about her? You said yourself that it’s not Jay she cares about. She wants to be in love, and get married, and have a house and a family. Is that what you want?”
Jamie nodded. “With Claire? Of course.”
“So tell her. She'll choose you over Jay, I'm sure of it. Of course I can just send her this email and make the choice easier for her…”
“Very funny, Paul. Come on, delete that thing and shut off the computer so we can get to the theater before the show starts.”
“Alright,” he said, with a final flourish of fingers on the keyboard. “All done. I still say it's a waste of a masterpiece, though.”
As they walked toward the theater, Jamie thought about what Paul had said. Tell her the truth. Could the answer really be so simple? Surely Claire already knew that Jamie wanted the same things she did. But then again, as far as Claire knew, Jamie loved hosting midweek sangria parties with Paul and enjoyed her reputation for dating lots of women.
A reputation that I know makes Claire insanely jealous. Jamie chuckled to herself at the memory of how Claire had reacted toward the sales clerk in that store when she’d thought Jamie had been flirting with her. It had been all Jamie could do not to skip the whole way back to the truck that day.
Maybe Paul was right. Maybe Claire just needed some assurance that she and Jamie wanted the same things before being willing to open herself up and take a risk. Jamie resolved to find some way to tell Claire the truth about her feelings for her. She just prayed it would work.
16
Claire walked along the cobblestones of the Marina Marketplace, admiring the Christmas displays in the shop windows and trying not to focus on the hulking mass of of the Marine Institute across the street. The building was closed to the public at this hour, but Claire knew Jamie was probably still working inside. Her heart fell at the thought of Jamie, sitting alone at her desk. She hadn’t seen her in almost a week and she felt the absence like a physical pain.
It’d been five days since her sister left and she had retreated back into her tower room, hiding away from Jamie while she tried to fix the mess she’d made with Jay. It isn’t fair. None of this was fair, especially not to Jamie. None of this was Jamie’s fault.
Claire was still furious with Theresa for manipulating her, but when she thought of Jamie, she mostly felt sadness. If only things could be different, if only there was some way that she could still be friends with Jamie without jeopardizing the future that she had always envisioned… but it simply wasn’t possible. She’d been able to control her impulses in the past where certain close female friends were concerned, but Claire’s defenses were weak when Jamie was around.
She was going to have to find a new place to live. Tears stung the corners of Claire’s eyes, and she blinked rapidly to keep them at bay. She loved the house on Cape Ann, loved the tower room and the view, and the new playroom she and Jamie had worked together to create. She’d been looking forward to playing there with Abbey and Zooey after Christmas. She was going to miss them, and Jamie, and Paul. The image of them was so clear in her mind that she almost felt like she could hear the ringing of their laughter in her head.
No, that’s not in my head. Claire stopped walking and looked toward the Marine Institute. Paul and Jamie had just exited a side door and were heading straight for where she stood. Claire glanced around furtively but the shops along the street were closing for the night and there was no place to hide.
“Claire?” Jamie called from across the street. “Is that you? What are you doing out here tonight?”
Claire waved at her friends, pretending she hadn’t spotted them until just then. “Just doing some Christmas shopping after work, but it looks like everything’s closing, so I’m about to head home and grade papers.”
“Papers on a Friday night?” Jamie's expression was sympathetic. “Paul and I were just heading to a movie at the little theater at the end of the block. Did you want to come along?”
Claire hesitated, fighting back the urge to say yes. “I really shouldn’t. I have so much work to finish.”
“Are you sure?” Jamie asked, disappointment evident on her face.
The only thing Claire was sure of was that she wanted to spend the evening with Jamie like she’d never wanted anything before in her life. “I don’t know, I—”
“Oh, dang!” Paul interjected loudly, looking at his phone. “I forgot I had that thing tonight.”
“That thing?” Jamie asked.
“Yes, you remember the thing I told you about,” Paul said pointedly. “I’m afraid I won’t be able to go tonight after all, but how lucky that we ran into Claire! I’m sure she can take a couple of hours away from grading papers to keep you company and make sure you're not a
ll alone and friendless. Right, Claire? It would be a huge favor if you got me off the hook, here.”
“Well, I guess I can,” Claire agreed.
“You really don’t have to keep me company if you have things to do, Claire,” Jamie told her after Paul left. “I understand.”
Claire’s emotions warred within her. It was one thing to try to keep her distance from Jamie, and another thing entirely to have enough willpower to walk away now that she was here. The allure of spending the evening with Jamie was just too great, and she quickly gave in. “As long as I have it ready for Monday, I think I can take a few hours off tonight.”
A smile lit up Jamie’s face. “Fantastic! You’ve been working a lot lately. You could probably use some time to relax.”
Claire sighed. “I honestly could. This job is a nightmare. My schedule’s a mess, they have me filling in all over the department. When I was in Portland, I was pretty sure I had a good future ahead of me, but I can’t ever see that happening here. And back home when I was stressed, I could at least get out on the water, but it's too cold now to even go sailing.”
Jamie thought for a moment. “I have an idea. You don’t have your heart set on going to a movie tonight, do you? Because I think there’s something you’d enjoy way more, if you don’t mind a little bit of risk.”
“Risk?” Claire repeated, nervous but intrigued.
“Not a lot,” Jamie assured her. “It’s not exactly allowed, but people do it all the time. You in?”
“You haven’t told me what it is yet.”
“And I’m not going to,” Jamie told her. “It’s a surprise. Are you willing to trust me?”
She knew it was a bad idea. It was herself she couldn’t trust. But one look at Jamie’s mischievous grin and Claire couldn’t say no. “Lead the way.”
Jamie held out her hand. Claire hesitated, then decided she was already making such a colossal error in judgment by going with her at all that it didn’t really matter. She slipped her gloved hand into Jamie’s and allowed herself to be pulled across the street and along the path toward the Marine Institute's side entrance.
Jamie dropped her hand when they reached the door long enough to swipe the key card from her back pocket. Claire laughed. “Another one of your magic keys?” she teased.
“You’ll see,” Jamie replied, taking her hand again and starting up the flight of stairs in front of them. They went up three stories, then down a long hallway that ended at a door to a locker room. Jamie opened one of the gray metal lockers and rummaged inside, finally pulling out a fistful of swimsuits. “This is where we keep the extras. Take a look and see if one of these will fit,” she instructed. She opened another locker and grabbed her own suit, then headed toward a door at the far end of the room. “There are showers and changing rooms through here,” she said.
Claire chose a navy blue one piece that looked about the right size and followed Jamie into the next room. There was a towel waiting for her on one of the changing room doors. She changed quickly, then rinsed in the warm spray of the shower, and emerged, dripping beneath her towel, a few minutes later. Jamie was already waiting for her next to a sign with an arrow that pointed toward the dive platform.
“We’re not going diving in that big ocean tank, are we?” Claire asked in surprise.
“Diving? No. That would get me fired. There are at least a hundred forms and insurance waivers you have to sign before you can use the equipment. We’re just going for a little swim.”
“For a swim in the tank? Not, like, some employee pool or something?”
Jamie laughed. “The Institute's pretty generous, but not enough to put in a private pool for its employees.”
“And it’s okay for us to go in?” Claire asked, her voice filled with awe as she approached the edge of the platform and peered down into the vast tank of clear water.
“Technically? Of course not,” Jamie replied. She was seated on the platform with her feet dangling in the water. “I told you. We're breaking the rules tonight.”
Claire’s body tingled at those words. Exactly how many rules am I willing to break?
She watched Jamie trace circles in the water with her toes. Her long legs glistened with droplets of water from the shower. Claire’s gaze traveled slowly upward, taking in the slight curve of Jamie’s hips, the bare expanse of her back, her strong swimmer’s shoulders and lean, muscular arms.
Claire’s breath had grown shallow and it occurred to her to be grateful that Jamie was wearing a very modest suit, as anything more revealing might have sent her passing out into the tank. Drowning during their clandestine swim would almost certainly get Jamie fired. She shouldn’t even be looking at Jamie. Not in this way. She was failing miserably at her rules, but not dying and getting Jamie fired should be one rule she could manage not to break.
Jamie lowered herself all the way into the water, flipping her body around with practiced ease to face Claire. “You coming?” she asked, chuckling as Claire attempted to slide from the diving platform while still clutching her towel tightly to her chest with one hand. “It’s easier if you leave the towel up there,” she pointed out. “Need me to turn around, or something?”
Jamie laughed out loud as Claire tossed the towel aside and, with a look of determination, jumped from the platform into the water. Her head bobbed up several feet beyond the platform, where she tread water for a moment before noticing an outcropping of artificial rock in the center that formed a small island. Claire swam toward it, coming to a rest with her back and elbows against the rock, kicking her legs gently to stay afloat. Jamie joined her.
“So, what do you think?” Jamie asked.
“It’s spectacular,” Claire answered, looking around appreciatively. “I don’t know how I feel about a pool that's three stories deep, but it’s so warm and relaxing that right now, I don’t think I care.”
“Yeah, it’s like visiting the Caribbean without ever leaving Cape Ann. And you’ve already discovered the secret island. Even though the water’s deep, if you swim out to the middle, you can rest here all day. It’s not that different from sitting in a hot tub, really.”
“Do you do that a lot, sit here all day?”
“Uh, no,” Jamie responded with a snort. “It's not exactly part of the job description. And when I do get to take a turn, I’m expected to, well, work.”
“Still, you’re so lucky. Going to work would be a lot easier if I had this there.”
“Your job is really that bad?” There was sympathy in Jamie’s tone.
“It’s just not what I expected. Then again, nothing about moving here is what I expected.”
“Do you miss Portland? Your family?”
Claire thought about that for a moment and realized that returning to Portland held little appeal to her. Her family was another matter. Even though she was angry with her, she missed her sister immensely. Her meddling, nosy sister who was usually, infuriatingly, right about most things. Even when Claire didn’t want to admit it.
She felt the gentle pressure of Jamie’s hand coming to rest on her shoulder. Claire tensed and her mind flooded with a million reasons that she needed to make this stop. But for some reason, it just wasn't as convincing as usual. Maybe it was the soothing effect of the salt water that left her unable to fight. Her body relaxed, her brain no longer thinking, just feeling the reassuring warmth of Jamie’s hand.
Claire drew closer, slipping her own arm gently around Jamie’s waist, melting against her as she rested her head against Jamie’s shoulder. She closed her eyes and breathed slowly and deeply, a delicious shiver running through her as she felt Jamie’s fingers slide from her shoulder to the base of her neck, twirling a damp tendril of hair into a tight corkscrew around her fingertip. Claire remained still, her heartbeat steady, allowing herself to be rocked by the peaceful movement of the water. Her ear pressing tightly against Jamie’s skin, Claire could hear the sound as Jamie swallowed, and the hitch in her breath just before she spoke.
“Cl
aire,” Jamie whispered, “there’s something I need to tell you. I think…I think that I’m falling in love you.”
Claire rested silently against Jamie, feeling strangely peaceful. Her breathing remained steady as Jamie’s words washed over her. She thought she'd feel more terrified when the time finally came. She’d known that it was coming, of course. She'd probably known it as she took Jamie’s hand on the cobblestone street, and while she watched Jamie’s toes drawing circles in the water, and certainly when she leaned into Jamie’s embrace.
I could have stopped it at any point, but I didn’t. It’s no one’s fault but my own. But she knew, deep down, that no one was to blame for anything. She’d needed to hear Jamie say the words, ever since she had overheard her and Theresa's conversation in the dining room. Now that she had, Claire had no idea what to do next. But she was very calm about it.
“Have I ruined everything by telling you?”
Claire shook her head no.
“Are you going to say anything?”
Jamie’s voice sounded small and nervous, and the uncertainty in it tugged at Claire’s heart. Claire tightened her arm around Jamie, squeezing her waist with her fingertips. “None of this is what I expected,” she finally said. “It’s a lot to think about.”
“But it’s something you will think about? You won’t hide from me, or run away?”
Claire took a deep breath in and out. She nodded her head slowly in reply before resting it against Jamie’s shoulder again and letting the peace and tranquility of the water wash over her. She listened to the gentle whoosh of Jamie's breath. Closing her eyes, she pictured Jamie's lips, slightly parted, as the air rushed in and out. For a moment Claire let her mind wander, allowed herself to imagine how Jamie's lips would feel against hers, imagined the salty taste of her skin. She shivered in longing, but also in fear. Claire's heart raced and for a moment she was overcome with the urge to bolt, to swim back to the platform and disappear. But she’d promised. No hiding. No running. So she stayed, waiting for her pulse to slow. Knowing that, in truth, there was no place else she’d rather be.
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