24
“Newport, huh?” Paul said, eying the manila envelope in Jamie’s hand.
They sat in a booth at a cafe near the marina, the type of place with tables on the deck outside during the summer and cups of homemade chowder to warm you in the winter. Jamie had intended to go straight home until she remembered Paul had dropped her off at work that morning. She’d swallowed her pride and texted him to pick her up. Stopping for food had been his idea. Food was always his first thought, but he made a good point that almost any disaster was best faced with a full stomach. It was still early for the lunchtime rush, so they had the place to themselves and a fantastic view of the water. Jamie choked back a sob as she realized how much she would miss this view once she moved.
“It could be worse,” she forced herself to say. “At least Newport is known for their sailing, right?” She sighed. “How did I let this happen, Paul? I keep thinking there had to be a point where I could’ve stopped it, but looking back, I can’t figure out when. Was this just destined to be a disaster from the beginning?”
“I don’t think so, Jay.”
Jamie cringed. “Could we just stick with Jamie? I don’t ever want to hear the name Jay again.”
“Sorry,” Paul said with a sympathetic smile.
“I can’t believe she’s gone, Paul. The job situation I could handle, but how am I going to live without Claire?”
“Maybe she’ll come around,” Paul suggested. “Once she’s had time to think about it, maybe she’ll come back.”
Jamie snorted in disbelief. “You’re a hopeless optimist, Paulie. There’s no way she’ll ever forgive me for this. I lied to her. She has every reason to hate me. I’m a terrible person.”
“No you’re not. You only did what you did because she wouldn’t have given you a chance otherwise. And you guys were great together.”
“We really were.” Jamie blinked rapidly as her eyes welled with unshed tears.
“So maybe she’ll realize it, too.”
She shook her head sadly. “She’s gone, Paul. She doesn’t want to talk to me. I’m never going to see her again.”
“Don’t think like that, Jamie,” Paul encouraged her. “You don’t know that. She only left a few hours ago. She might not even be out of the state yet! Try calling her. Maybe she’ll come back so you can work it out.”
“Do you think I haven’t already done that? She won’t pick up when I call. I’ve texted her at least a dozen times. She finally did answer,” Jamie added ruefully, “but only to say that if I contacted her again, she’d change her number.”
“Ouch. Okay, maybe she’s not ready,” Paul conceded. “So give her a few weeks and then go see her.”
“You mean fly to Oregon on the off chance she won’t slam the door in my face?” Jamie scoffed. “Even if I thought it would work—which it won’t—when am I supposed to find the time to do that? I have about two weeks to pack, find an apartment, and move before I start my new job. I don’t have time to rush off on a fool’s errand, too.”
“So you go after you’ve settled in a little.”
Jamie sighed. “Can't. I’ve only been offered a six month contract at this point, so if I want to make it permanent, I’m going to have to prove myself. That means working overtime, not taking vacation days. There’s too much at stake.”
“And there’s not too much at stake with Claire?”
“Honestly? Probably not. Not anymore. I think I let it all go too far to ever get her back,” Jamie admitted in defeat.
Paul reflected for a moment. “Alright,” he said finally, “I guess you know best. So, what’s this new job supposed to be like, anyway?”
Jamie shrugged. “I’m not even sure. The whole morning has been such a shock, I’ve barely glanced at the offer.”
“That’s it there?” Paul asked, inclining his head toward the manila envelope on the table. “Mind if I take a look?”
Jamie slid the envelope across the table. “Be my guest.”
Paul whistled under his breath. “Not a bad salary,” he said. “And there’s a stipend for relocating, too. That’s nice. You may have destroyed your love life, but it looks like your professional life’s still intact, if this is any indication.”
Jamie smiled a little despite herself. “Yeah, it’s a good offer. The truth is, this may end up being a really good move, job wise. This place has tons of global connections, so even if it's not permanent, it could open up some really exciting opportunities.” She gave a little laugh. “Ironic, huh? This fiasco may do wonders for my career.”
“Uh, Jamie? Your career might not be the only thing.” Paul’s expression was unreadable.
“What do you mean?”
He pointed to the contract. “Exactly how much of this did you read?”
Jamie gave a dismissive shrug. “A quick skim. Why?”
“So, you didn’t read the last page? The one with the mailing address of the Newport Marine Research Lab?”
Jamie shook her head impatiently. “Obviously I must not have. What are you getting at?”
“Jamie, the lab’s not in Newport, Rhode Island. It’s in Newport, Oregon.” Paul’s face lit up in a grin. “Newport frickin’ Oregon!”
“You’re joking.”
“I am not joking. It’s a sign!”
Jamie stared at the contract in shock. “There is no such thing as signs. When is the universe going to stop screwing with me?”
“Are you kidding me, Jamie?” Paul countered. “The universe just handed you this on a silver platter.”
“You’re as bad as Claire,” she replied in disbelief. “Signs. I wish I could believe in them, Paul. I really do. But I can’t. I evaluate the facts. And the truth is, the facts haven’t changed.”
“Of course they have! You’re going to Oregon!”
Jamie shook her head. “So, I’m going to Oregon. So what? That’s just geography. Claire still hates me. I still lied to her, and betrayed her trust. She isn’t going to forgive me, whether I’m three miles away or three thousand. The only thing this is a sign of,” Jamie concluded, “is that the people in Oregon stole way too many of their town names from New England.”
“But you’ll at least go see her?”
“No.” Jamie shook her head sadly. “I don’t think I will. It’s over, Paul. I’ve lost her. I deserved to lose her. I need to move on and try to get over this somehow. Where I do that from doesn’t really matter.”
“You’re serious, aren’t you?” Paul asked in disbelief. “You’re really going to go all that way and not even see her. Will you at least tell her where you are?”
“Why bother?” Jamie shot back, slumping in resignation.
“Why? Because when she comes to her senses and realizes that you don’t find the love of your life everyday, she should at least know how to get a hold of you.”
“I’m sure Claire will have no trouble finding someone else,” Jamie said bitterly. “As for me, maybe knowing that I’m so close and can never be with her is just the universe’s way of punishing me. There’s no need to punish her with the knowledge, too.”
The waiter arrived with their bowls of chowder and Paul was momentarily distracted, giving Jamie a chance to reflect on the unexpected turn of events. Newport, Oregon? I sure didn’t see that coming. But she’d meant what she said. It didn’t change anything. Claire had every reason to hate her. The truth was, Jamie hadn't just lied. As much as she hated to admit it, Claire was right. Jamie had been manipulative. She'd used information that had been shared in confidence with Jay to her advantage. What kind of a person did that make her?
“Promise you’ll at least think about it,” Paul said after swallowing a mouthful of soup.
Jamie nodded, but it was noncommittal. She’d think about it, sure. Every single day once she was in Oregon Jamie had no doubt she would think about it and be tempted. But she couldn’t let herself do anything that would hurt Claire again. Jamie loved her too much for that.
Why does the unive
rse have to be so cruel?
25
Raindrops swirled in a drizzling mist as Claire plodded up the flagstone steps to her sister’s house. Did it always rain this much in Portland? It had never bothered Claire before, but in the past six weeks since she returned home, it seemed as if the rain had never stopped. The days were biting and raw, matching her mood perfectly. It took most of her energy just to drag herself to work each morning.
Lovejoy College had been willing to take her back for the spring semester, but her schedule consisted of the least desirable classes and times, meaning she was at the office constantly but only barely bringing in a part-time salary for her trouble. The chance of ever getting back on track professionally felt remote.
As she removed her wet shoes and coat, Claire heard Theresa’s footsteps coming toward the front hall.
“Claire, is that you?” her sister called. “I wasn’t sure you’d make it in time for dinner. Where have you been?”
“Out,” Claire replied sullenly. “I went to the mall to see if anyone was hiring, but now that the holidays are over, there’s not much available.”
“A second job? You already spend all day at the college! When would you have time for something else?”
“I don’t know, Theresa.” Claire nearly snarled in response. “But I have to do something! I can’t afford to get my own place on what I’m making, and I don’t want to live with you and Larry forever.”
“I’m sure your schedule will be better in the fall. The department just wasn’t expecting you back this semester, that’s all.” Theresa placed a hand on Claire's shoulder. “I know it may not be what you want, but you’re welcome to keep living here as long as you need to.”
Claire sighed. “I’m sorry, Theresa. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. I’m just so frustrated and angry. But with myself, not you.”
“Are you finally ready to talk about it?”
Claire shook her head. She had steadfastly avoided giving her sister any details since calling her from a rest stop in New York to let her know she was on her way home. She didn’t want to talk about it now, or ever.
Theresa sighed. “Fine. At least come sit with us while I finish making dinner, and say hello to your nephews. They’ve missed you. Of course, they probably thought with you living in their house that they'd see you more than they did when you were on the other side of the country.”
Claire felt a stab of guilt. It wasn’t her nephews’ fault that she had turned into a recluse since returning to Portland. She’d need to make a bigger effort to spend time with them, if only so they wouldn’t worry.
“Aunt Claire,” Ryan called, his face brightening when his aunt entered the room, “look what I got under my pillow last night!” He held up a gold dollar coin.
“Another visit from the tooth fairy, mijo?” Claire replied, trying her best to sound jovial. “You’re going to run out of teeth pretty soon! Here, let me see that,” she added, reaching for the coin. She held it in her hand, absentmindedly twirling it along her knuckles and then making it disappear with a flick of her fingers and wrist.
“Wow,” both boys gasped, impressed.
“Hey, where did my coin go?” Ryan asked, a little worried.
Claire reached behind his ear and the coin reappeared in her hand. “Here you go, mijo.”
“So cool,” Ryan breathed. “How did you learn to do that?”
An image of walking home from the park with Jamie assaulted her memory. She could almost feel the crisp fall air and smell the faint aroma of Jamie’s sandalwood soap. It had been at that moment, she realized, when Jamie had first stolen her heart. Jamie had taken it just like Claire had taken Ryan's coin. And then she'd made it all disappear, and Claire would never get it back. She blinked her stinging eyes and a tear escaped, gliding down one cheek.
“Aunt Claire, why are you crying?” Jesse asked.
Theresa whipped around in place at the stove. “Boys, you can finish your homework upstairs, okay? Go on, now. March.” She waited until she heard the creak of feet on the stairs before addressing her sister. “What the hell, Claire?” she whispered sharply. “You still won’t tell me why you left Massachusetts, and now you’re crying in the middle of the kitchen. What's going on?”
Claire’s answer was muffled by sobs. She lay her head on her arms atop the table and wept bitterly for what seemed an eternity. Her sister sat beside her in silence, stroking her shoulders and back, soothing her like she would a small child. Finally, when Claire’s sobbing had turned to shallow, ragged breaths, Theresa spoke.
“Is this about Jamie?” she asked.
Claire nodded.
“Were you…were you two dating?” Theresa asked with as much delicacy as she could.
Claire nodded again.
“And something happened.” This time it wasn’t a question.
“She lied to me. That’s as much as I want to say, okay?”
“Okay,” Theresa said, nodding. “But don’t you think you should talk to her, try to work it out?”
Claire shook her head vigorously. “No. The whole thing was a mistake. It never should have happened.”
Theresa sighed. “Claire, I saw you two together. It seemed very real to me.”
Claire gave a bitter laugh. “Reality had nothing to do with it, trust me.”
“Claire, did this have something to do with that emergency with Jay that you tried to tell me about?”
“Jay.” Claire snorted in disgust at the name.
“What, he did something to make you angry, too?”
Claire contemplated this silently for a moment. “In a way,” she said finally. “He didn’t exist, Theresa. You wanted to know the details? Well, there they are.”
“I don't understand,” Theresa replied.
“Jamie made him up.” Claire’s eyes flashed with anger as she spoke. “She lied about the whole thing. It was her the whole time. And then she sent me an email saying he was missing, and probably dead.”
“What?” Theresa said, clearly shocked. “That’s insane! Jamie did that? Why would she do something like that?”
“She said it was all a mistake, an accident. It got out of her control.” Claire's shoulders slumped. “And the thing is, I guess I believe her. It just doesn’t matter now.”
“Oh, Claire,” Theresa said, resting her hand on her sister’s shoulder. “I’m so sorry. What are you going to do now?”
Claire shrugged. “Just go back to the way things were before, I guess. Hope to get my career back on track eventually, get my own apartment. What else can I do?”
“What about dating again?” Theresa asked tentatively. “I don’t mean now, obviously. But at least one good thing came out of all this. You’ve figured out something important about yourself, right? Eventually, maybe you’ll meet another girl you like and—”
“No.” Claire was emphatic. “I won’t be doing that again.”
“But, Claire. You’ve been looking for a relationship forever. You can’t give up on finding love just because of one set back.”
“I don’t intend to, not forever. Look, I don’t know what Jamie did to manipulate me into being with her, but I won’t fall for something like that again.”
“Come on now, Claire. The one thing you must have figured out through all of this, once and for all, is that you’re a lesbian, right?”
Claire’s back stiffened. “I don't know that at all. Jamie confused me. I have no idea how I really feel. For all I know, it was all just part of her trick.”
“Seriously, hermanita? How many of those precious signs of yours is it going to take to get through to you?”
“Signs? What do I know about signs anymore, huh?” Claire’s voice cracked in frustration. “As it happens, there’s a new adjunct in our department who’s been very friendly lately. So maybe that’s a sign. Maybe he’ll ask me out. Maybe I’ll go.” Her voice held little trace of enthusiasm.
Theresa rolled her eyes. “I see. Well, I don’t know what else to say.
I should probably get dinner on the table. You eating with us?”
“I’ve lost my appetite.” Claire disappeared down the hallway toward her room.
* * *
After the dishes were cleared and the kids tucked into bed, Theresa sat alone in the kitchen, reflecting on what Claire had told her. She had to admit, the whole situation worried her. Claire was hurt and retreating into herself. She obviously needed closure with Jamie, and some serious soul searching. Despite what Claire had said, Theresa still held out a glimmer of hope that her sister and Jamie would reconcile. She’d been so positive about them, and she was rarely wrong when it came to matters of the heart. There had to be another side to this story, one that would make the pieces fit together better. Jamie deserved a chance to explain her side of things.
Theresa picked up her phone and found the number for the house in Cape Ann. Resolutely, she pressed the call button, and it was only when a groggy voice on the other end picked up that she remembered the three hour time difference. She cringed when she saw the clock. It was well past midnight on the east coast.
“Hello, Jamie?” she inquired, her voice tinged with guilt. “I’m so sorry. I forgot it’s three hours earlier in Oregon.”
“What?” a voice answered in a gravelly tone that could only belong to a man. “This is Paul. Did you say Oregon? Is this Jamie?”
“No, no, Paul,” Theresa corrected, “it’s Theresa. Remember, Claire’s sister? We met at Thanksgiving. I was calling for Jamie. Is she home?”
“Huh, I don’t know. You’d probably have an easier time finding that out than I would,” he said, sounding amused. “Jamie took a job in Oregon about a month ago.”
“What? She’s moved here?” Theresa was confused. Why had her sister never mentioned it? “Does Claire know?”
Paul gave a little laugh. “Are you kidding? No way. Jamie was so convinced that Claire would refuse to see her, she swore me to secrecy. Oops,” he added. “I guess I kind of screwed up by telling you.”
“Paul, this is nuts. What exactly happened, do you know? What Claire told me didn't make a whole lot of sense.”
Telling Lies Online Page 19