L'amore: The Luminara Series

by SJ Molloy

  He pleads nonsensically. My stomach churns. What if she lives locally? What if I bump into her again?

  Fuck!

  File H for hibernation. Hibernation is a possibility.

  “Why was she here? When was the last time you saw her or were in contact with her? How often did you see her?” I’m firmer now and try to calm my tears because I need serious answers. I swallow because I’m not sure I’m going to like what I hear. Although, I need to know. Becoming rigid, I sit up and lean back to open the space between us.

  He squeezes my hand, pressing it against his chest to reaffirm he is telling me the truth and everything he says is from his heart. Meeting my eyes, he shows me he’s being honest. “I have not seen or heard from her in fifteen or sixteen months. I have only ever been with her twice on the same weekend. We were in a hotel at a work conference. Both times I was drunk and it was meaningless.”

  “So she works with you too?” I tsk.

  “No, she was with a sponsorship company but happens to know some of my employees, so she ended up sitting at our table.”

  “If you haven’t had contact with her, then why was she here? Do they do that, the whores you’ve been with? Just turn up out of the blue? Help me understand this.” I hit a raw nerve because his jaw twitches; he closes his eyes, opens them, and looks browbeaten.

  “No, of course not. No one I have ever seen before has ever turned up and especially not in that way. I tend to only have family and my close friends here and it is by invite only. When the police interrogated her, I tried to find out why she was here. I could not understand it. I was as shocked as you. She lied and said she was invited. I barely even remember her. She told the police she was an ex-girlfriend, which is a lie. I have no idea why she would do or say that. And, she was doped up and therefore trying to play immature mind games. I still do not know why she was here.”

  “Well I do,” I snap. “She was here for sex. Sex with you, and clearly she had some crazy idea that I was one of your other whores and she wanted me to join in. If I ever and I mean ever have to be subjected to that again, believe me when I say this, Lucca, I’ll walk away. I’m not putting up with that crap.” I turn my head and stare at the wall.

  He inwardly gasps. “Do not call yourself that again. You are my fiancée, and I will do everything to make sure you know it and everyone else does too. I have no interest in anyone else but you, and I certainly would not be entertaining that behaviour in my house even if I was single. I will never let you walk, Lexi … ever, so I will need to make it up to you and ensure you are never put through anything like this again.”

  I need to know, I don’t know why, but I want to know. “Is that how you enjoyed sex before? With more than one woman at a time?” I’m praying this was not the case because it would crush my heart, and I might always continue to feel too inadequate for him knowing he enjoyed a more adventurous sex life.

  “God no, absolutely not. I promise you. She obviously has and does, but, baby, she was doped up and completely out of it. Come here. I would never treat a woman like that and partake in something so distasteful. Lexi, you should know me better than that. I am not that type of person.” If he promises me, then I believe him and I’m relieved, but still, I can’t get the image of her out of my head. It’s sickening. He tries to pull me back into his embrace, but I’m not finished so I remain tense.

  “And then there is Kimberley. I don’t like that she works so closely to you. Am I going to be introduced daily to the women of your past? Women who you have slept with, who obviously still want you. Don’t you see how degrading and hurtful that is?” I slap my free hand on the mattress.

  “Yes, it is degrading and I am sorry. I did not expect Kimberley to be rude or jealous. I do not and have not had any feelings for her. But you are right; she works in my immediate team, so I did not see any harm in you meeting her. To me she is just another work colleague, but I get that it was wrong of me, insensitive and thoughtless. I understand now that it is hurtful for you and that it upsets you. I will be more considerate because you are my priority, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you.” His thumb brushes over my wrist. Even with the space between, us he’s not let go of my hand.

  I sigh because I do appreciate that he wants to protect my feelings, but she is Anna’s friend and it’s inevitable we are going to bump into each other again. “I feel like I am never going to get over this, Lucca. While you can try and keep me away from Kimberley, realistically, we will cross paths and I will always feel like this.” I suddenly feel cold and shivery after waking up hot and sweaty.

  “I am not going to lie. I cannot guarantee you will never see her again. She is Anna’s friend, so she does spend time with her outside of work. Although, I will do everything I can to try and settle your worries and make you feel better. I was thinking that I could transfer her into another department so she is not working directly under Suzanne. Would that help?” He lifts my hand up and kisses my ring again and then my fingers, finally pulling me back onto his lap. I don’t object this time because I’m thankful he is trying and he can now see why I’m so upset.

  “Yeah, I suppose. Thank you,” I answer with a sense of relief as I rest my head back on his chest.

  “Lexi, baby, I am really trying here. Other than Fran, I have not had a committed relationship. With Fran it was different. Because we grew up together, she was a friend to begin with. I have told you I did not love her like I love you, and that is why it is so important for me to get this right. I feel like I constantly disappoint you and fuck things up. I am learning too. This is new to me too. I never thought I would ever be in such an all-consuming relationship, and I am so grateful that I am. I need to try and get it right, but I just keep tripping up. I cannot lose you, not now, not ever. I want to make you happy, baby.” His voice is soft and sincere.

  Through his sensitive caressing, I relax my tense muscles and tighten my grip on him then kiss the top of his head, reassuring him I believe him. In response to my gesture, he slumps with relief.

  I don’t speak as I collect my thoughts, stroking his bare chest with my fingers. I do feel better after getting it off my chest, and Lucca’s promises are exactly what I need to hear right now.

  “You are soaked with sweat. I am going to run you a bath then feed you. After that I will apologise some more and do everything in my power to make this right and take your worries away.” Leaning over, he trails his nose over my hairline, kisses my temple and my cheek. It’s not lost on me he hasn’t kissed my lips yet. I’ve been rejecting his touch since I exploded last night so he’s probably being cautious.

  “Lucca, I can’t sleep in that bed ever again. Just knowing she was in it and God knows how many before her … I just can’t.” I stretch my legs and wiggle my toes feeling irritable with the thought of the bed she has ruined for me.

  He lifts his head and stares with his grey-blue eyes; he’s lost the azure sparkle again.

  “I knew you would say that and I do not expect you to, so I have already taken care of it. I had a new bed delivered today, which I had already ordered for us. It was custom built and has taken a while to be completely finished. It was supposed to be a moving in gift, but it was not ready in time. I wanted us to start our new life here with something that we share together from new, a token of our relationship together. After last night, I called this morning and brought the delivery forward a few days because I thought it was necessary given the circumstances.” He kisses below my ear and nuzzles against my neck.

  “I thought it was the right thing to do. You might not believe me, but I have never slept with a woman other than you in this house, not even Fran.” I already knew this because he said my dressing room has never been used because he has always lived here alone.

  This is hurting him.

  “I have a flat in Bearsden which I rent out. It is where Fran and I stayed while I was renovating this house. The woman from last night has been in the house for a New Year’s party but never stayed o
ver. Only family stayed. It was the week after that party that we ended up at same the conference in the hotel. Fuck, Lexi, I wish I could erase it all, my past.”

  He’s desperate for my forgiveness I can hear it in his needy voice, but I’m silent and don’t know what to say. I’m glad we have a new bed, but it doesn’t stop my fear that she will come here again or someone else will.

  “This is your home. Any changes you want, anything you need or do not like, please let me know and I will change it. I mean it, Lexi, this is our life together and you need to be comfortable and happy here.”

  I tilt my head up so I can see his stormy eyes filled with emotion and conflict. “Lucca, what if she comes here again? Or someone else? You know how I feel about trespassers in general, never mind facing sleazy women like her.” I worry my fingers in front of my mouth.

  “Lexi, it took all the strength I had not to drag her out myself and toss her. When I saw her on the bed, I was horrified. I could not find that fucking key for that stupid cuff, and then you were gone. I stormed out and sent Rose up until she was decently clothed. I have changed the code for the gates, and I am having a new security system put in. I cannot blame Rose and Peter because they were sleeping, but I need something more reliable, like sensors to also set the alarm off.” I know he was put in an awkward position, but I’m glad he kept dignity and decorum and left allowing Rose to sort her out.

  “Thank you for the bed. And thank you for taking care of extra security,” I whisper, although I am still reeling with conflict.

  “Do you feel better now we have talked?” He plays with a curl of my hair and strokes my back with his thumb.

  “Yes, I do feel better. Thank you for answering my questions truthfully.” I splay my hand across his abs.

  “Baby, I will always be truthful. I told you that you are mine and you have me, always. Are you still tired?” he asks, tilting my head back to look into my eyes.

  Sighing, I close my eyes and tell him. “I’m worried I will have the same dream if I fall asleep again. I dreamed about the day I escaped from Michael and ran into the bush. He was going to tie me up and photograph me and I hated it. I was scared. I hit him with a pot then ran. I don’t even know where I was running to except anywhere away from him.” I open my eyes, and he looks ashen and winded as if he’s been knocked over.

  “I was barefoot because we never had shoes; we walked around the shed, grass, and house like that, so I was very used to it. I crawled under the barbed wire fence then ran into the bush and faltered because I almost ran into a funnel web spider and a poisonous snake. Both would likely have killed me. I couldn’t move, couldn’t go forward and the only way back was to Michael. He saved me from the snake, but as a punishment for trying to run, he started his sexual abuse.”

  I know I don’t need to tell him anymore because he’s clenching his jaw and fisting his hands. It hurts him to hear this, even though he wants to help me. I’ve said enough. He cradles and soothes me.

  “Is that the type of dream you always have during your nightmares?”

  “Yes, this one the most. I’m fine when I’m not stressed or anxious, which is why I was sleeping well in Tuscany at the farmhouse. Last night was horrible for me, so it must have triggered these memories.” He turns my body inward so my chest is now pressed against his.

  He leans over, kissing my head sweetly. “I do not want to be responsible for these nightmares; I want to take them away. I need to understand it. Why do you always run?”

  “I was angry and scared. It must be my instinctive reaction to fear, I just need to run when I’m scared and want to be safe. Mum used to tell me to run to safety when I was little.” He processes what I am saying, still breathing heavily, then pulls the covers back and moves to the foot of the bed.

  “What are you doing?” I ask.

  “Checking your feet.” He’s quiet while he examines them then leans over and places small gentle kisses along the soles of my feet and my ankles.

  “Are they bad? I thought it was minor grazing I had this time.”

  “Just some scrapes and bruising from what I can see. I will take care of them. You are going to give me a heart attack one of these days, or get yourself killed,” he grumbles, furrowing his brow then continuing to kiss them attentively. I wriggle when his soft lips meet my weak spot on my sole.

  He sits up on the bed, pulls me over to him, and scoops me into his arms. “So are we talking again? Do you still love me?” he asks.

  “Yes, of course I love you. I never stopped. I was seriously mad at you though.” I smile lethargically, glad I’ve been assertive and told him straight, and he broadens his grin in delight.

  Chapter 7

  Senses

  He tells me to wait a few moments then returns and carries me into our suite, telling me to close my eyes. I can smell a familiar sweet, floral smell … orchids, and hear “I Need You” by Leann Rimes playing.

  “Okay, open them.”

  I open my eyes and look around the room. It is covered with fresh flowers, and there are fairy lights hanging over the mantel on the fireplace with lots of glowing church candles sitting on the ledge and on the bottom hearth. He places me down but keeps a tight grip on me. There are flickering candles placed everywhere throughout the room.

  Romantic.

  Sensual.

  Warm and inviting.

  The new bed is unique. It’s an enormous oak four-poster, which doesn’t look out of place in this monstrous suite. Carved with gilt accents, it has an antique appearance. It’s draped with navy, gold, and cream velvet and covered with navy and gold satin damask bedding. There’s also a sumptuous navy and gold velvet throw. But what makes my heart skip a beat is the arrangement of blue orchid flower petals spelling out words on top of the bedding.

  Sposare me.

  Our love.

  The love.

  L’amore.

  These sweet words are scattered with the vivid cobalt blue coloured petals.

  Looking at him in wonder, I say, “I already agreed to marry you. I want nothing more.”

  He now kisses me on the lips, showing his gratitude. “Good, I was worried you would change your mind. Do you like the bed?”

  “Yes, it’s beautiful, and the blue orchid petals are very thoughtful.” I smile in appreciation.

  “Look closer at the bed.”

  Staring at the carved panels of the headboard, I notice our names have been carved into the wood. Gosh. That’s why it wasn’t ready in time.

  “I don’t know what to say.”

  “The headboard comprises of the twists and turns of life in three separate panels. I had our names engraved in the middle panel—the “Tree of Life” panel—within the Tudor arch. The carved Baronial Lord & Lady Figures standing in the two open post arches are interchangeable by tradition to bring good fortune and to signify the bedside of the master and mistress of the house for God’s blessing,” he explains.

  Wow, he sure put a lot of thought into this.

  “It’s wonderful, Lucca. I love it.”

  “So are you still my fiancée?” he asks.

  “Of course I am. You don’t need to ask me again. Although, this is really something special.”

  “You are something special, and I will remind you every day of our lives.”

  He takes my hand and leads me into the living room of his suite. In front of the large French doors is a circular dining table. The room has been redesigned like the garden of our suite in the Four Seasons Hotel in Firenze the night Lucca proposed to me.

  An impressive vase of fresh fragrant blue orchid flowers dominates the centrepiece of the table, and champagne flutes and crisp white linen complete the decadence. A new song echoes from his sound system. “When You Really Love A Woman,” by Bryan Adams.

  He’s put thought into his song choices as well.

  “Lucca, it’s amazing.”

  “I wanted to give you a piece of Firenze back, and reinforce what you mean to me. I also wanted to
transform the appearance of the bedroom to make you more at ease and to make it more specific to us. I have been waiting all day for you to come back.” He wraps his arms around my waist, breathing heavy into the bare skin of my neck.

  I drop my head to the side to allow him access to my exposed skin, enjoying his warmth and tenderness. He kisses softly, slowly, and I quiver under his touch, but I don’t think I’m quite ready to be making love to him yet. Insecurity is still burning inside me. It’s still so raw.

  He rubs his fingers and thumb over my bare navel. Then his hands travel to my breasts. Cupping them over my bra, I groan with delight as my body betrays me under his touch. My throbbing sex wants him badly, but emotionally, I’m not ready.

  Wriggling reluctantly, I turn around to face him. “I’m sorry, I’m just not ready yet. I love what you did here, and I love you, but I just need more time. I can’t relax for lovemaking while I’m still feeling insecure.”

  He presses his forehead against mine. “I desperately need to make love to you over and over again to show you what you do to me, and how special and beautiful you are, but I will wait. I promised you I would give you space. I am just fucking happy you are letting me back in.”

  He kisses my lips then moves a stray curl behind my ear. “How about I run you a bath then feed you? You must be starving.”

  He takes my hand and walks me into the bathroom where there are candles and flowers adorning the room. He fills the bath, adding his tropical scented oil of mango, nectarine, and papaya while I search in the fitted vanity for my products.

  I lift out my packet of painkillers, but its empty and so is the anti-inflammatory packet. Lucca watches me throw the empty packet in the bin.

  “What is that?” he quizzes while testing the water.

  “It is just my prescription from Tuscany.”

  “Why do you still need them? Are you in pain?” he panics.

  “I’m fine, but my wrist still hurts at times, and I need pain relief for it. Stop worrying. I can get more from the doctors.”