Beautifully Broken

by Bailey B

  I swallow hard and lean back in my seat. It’s 4:59. “I should go,” I tell him before I say something stupid, like admit I want to go to his house after work. I climb out and Rex is gone and around the corner before I can get inside to peek out the window.

  “Him again,” Cooper growls.

  I grab a rag and the spray bottle from behind the counter and begin wiping down tables. “Jealousy isn’t a good look on you, Coop.”

  “Yeah well gold digger isn’t a good look on you,” he says under his breath.

  “Excuse me?” I rear back.

  “I can’t think of any other reason you’d be with Rex, besides the fact that he’s loaded and can take care of you.” Cooper throws the napkin container at the wall. Thank goodness the place is empty. Mamma T would have a fit if he acted this way in front of customers.

  “Fuck you, Cooper.” I’ve never said that to him before. Not in a meaningful way. Cooper’s mouth hangs open. He promptly shuts up and picks up the napkin holder and the napkins that have flown across the floor. I thought telling Cooper what happened last summer would have made him a little more understanding.

  Apparently, I was wrong.

  18

  Piper

  Roses, dark red, long stemmed with trimmed thorns, and wrapped in deep purple tissue paper. I’ve never been given roses, or any flower for that matter. In the land of the wealthy, flowers are exclusive to Valentine's day and romantic gestures. Both of which require having someone who likes you and up until recently I have either been friend-zoned or danger-zoned.

  However, on the other side of the tracks, flowers are reserved for funerals. A sign of condolence to help decorate the grieving family’s home because after the cost of a casket and the service, they usually didn’t have anything left.

  “What am I supposed to do with these?”

  Rex extends the bouquet to me then sticks his hands in the pockets of his khakis. The muscles of his arms flex underneath the short-sleeved navy polo. The sleeves tightening around his bicep.

  He’s so hot.

  “I think the words you’re looking for are ‘oh, my gosh, Rex! Thank you!’”

  Cheeky bastard. I bat my dark lined lashes and flash the cheesiest smile. I should get an award for this one, I don't think I've ever done anything so fake. “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome,” he says with a shit eating grin.

  I look down at my roses. Their fragrance fills the space between us. The soft petals waiting to be touched. If I plucked each one, would they say he loves me? Or does he love me not? “Seriously though, what do I do with them?”

  “Stuff ‘em in your locker. Braid them into a crown. I don’t care. I just thought, after everything that happened yesterday, you could use a smile. Gretchen would always smile when her oldest had flowers delivered.”

  “So, I remind you of Gretchen now?”

  “Fuck no. You’re way hotter.”

  “You’re not supposed to think your nanny is hot.”

  “Have you seen my nanny?” He shakes his head and whistles. “Just kidding.”

  “You’re weird.”

  “And you’re pretty.”

  The bell rings. I look up at the ceiling tiles. I want more time together. I like how easy things are with Rex. How talking and touching and existing come without fail when we’re together, but we only have two minutes.

  I hand Rex back the flowers and open my locker. Everything is organized to a fault. Last year, I bought a pink wire shelf from Target to help me get the most out of my available space.

  Books and notebooks on top. Toiletry bag with shampoo, hairbrush, toothbrush and toothpaste and bag of makeup on the bottom. At one point, I practically lived out of my locker and my shoulder bag. This was before Mamma T made me move back in with her, before the party, when she thought my life was just normal teenage-sucky.

  A mirror and a matching pink wire basket filled with pens and pencils are stuck to the back of the door. Underneath it, my favorite picture. Mama T snapped it on my tenth birthday. I’m in the middle in my bright yellow bathing suit, one arm around Logan, the other around Cooper. It was the first birthday party I’d ever had and by far the most memorable.

  After grabbing the books for my next two classes, I quickly rearrange everything to make the flowers fit inside.

  “Want me to walk you?” he asks when I close the door.

  “Won’t you be late?”

  “Maybe, but I’ll take fifteen minutes of detention if it gets me one more minute with you.

  Feeling my cheeks heat, I nod because I don’t trust my words. They might tell him he’s the best thing to happen to me. They might ask if he has a burger to go with that cheese. Or worse, there might not be any words. It wouldn’t be the first time they’ve left me when I needed them most.

  I slide into class just as the door is closing. My professor, Mr. Greene, grunts in disapproval but lets me in without causing a scene. I take a seat at the only open table at the front of the room. The table no one likes because you’re a target. Not only from Mr. Greene, but from our classmates too. Two minutes later the door opens again. I take my book out of my bag and duck my head, thankful the attention is off me, even if it’s only for a few minutes.

  “You’re late,” Mr. Greene growls.

  Silently, a body finds its way into the stool next to mine. The person, who I’m trying my hardest not to look at, nudges my arm with his elbow. His cologne closes the space between us, swirling in my nostrils. My gaze snaps up immediately.

  “What are you doing here?” I whisper yell.

  “Trying to pass physics. Can we share?” Rex points at my book. “I didn’t have time to run and get mine.

  I lay the inch thick text down and push it between us. “Since when do you take physics first period. With me?”

  He shrugs, the corner of his lips tugging to the ceiling. “Since January fifth, when I transferred on a Wednesday.”

  And I was in therapy. “But how have I not noticed all this time? You’re kind of hard to miss.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment.” Rex turns the assigned page, looking up at the board and nodding like he’s actually paying attention when the Mr. Greene walks in front of us. As soon as his back is to us, Rex says, “You usually come in just before the bell. Sit right here.” He points at the table. “And keep your head low. I used to hang out in the back and stare at you.”

  “Weirdo.”

  “Am I interrupting something?” Mr. Greene asks from behind us.

  The room fills with whispers and giggles. I duck my head, creating a curtain with my hair. “Just discussing nonlinear dynamics, Sir,” Rex replies with a smile as wide as Texas.

  “That’s not what we are reviewing,” Mr. Greene says with an I’m-growing-tired-of-you tone.

  “You didn’t ask what you were discussing, Sir. You asked if you were interrupting what we were discussing.”

  “Spill,” Melody says. She sets her tray, the same color blue as the sweater draped over her shoulders, on the table in front of her.

  In front of me.

  Melody flicks her wrist, tossing bleached hair over her shoulder. Like clockwork, Sarah and Rachel are only seconds behind and sit down too. My table of one is once again a table of four, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why they haven’t moved on yet.

  “If you’re going to sit with us,” Melody starts, sliding the straw into her Coke. “We need to know how you bagged Rex Montgomery.”

  “Pretty sure you sat down at my table.”

  Melody rolls her eyes. “Potato. Tomato. I’m risking my prom queen nomination by sitting with you as often as I do. The least you could do is tell me how you did it. Was it back door? He looks like a back door kind of guy.”

  “And you look like the type of girl to give it, Melody,” Rex says, walking up to us.

  Sarah chokes on her orange soda, earning her dirty looks from both Rachel and Melody. She wipes her mouth with the back of her hand mumbling “s
orry.”

  “You never gave me the chance to show you if I was,” Melody adds. She shimmies her shoulders in a proud you-would-have-loved-it way.

  Rex takes a seat beside me, one leg on each side of the bench. He slips his arms around my waist and pulls me into him. He’s claiming me for all of the cafeteria to see. Not that anyone else wants me. In reality, he’s letting everyone know he’s off the market.

  Of course, it’s this moment that Cooper walks up to the table. Most days he’d sit down without question, but the way things are between us I don’t know what he’s planning. We haven’t talked since work last night and it’s killing me. We’ve never gone this long without speaking. No texts, no notes, nothing. Twenty-four hours with no communication is twenty too long.

  Cooper stops at the head of the table and stares at us for a solid five seconds. Each beat of my heart, each breath I take waiting for him to speak is a lifetime of their own. My stomach flips, sending the few bites of my chicken sandwich I had into my throat. His brows pull together. He turns, tossing an untouched tray of food in the nearby trash can, and leaves. Leaves his friends. Leaves the cafeteria.

  Leaves me.

  “Now I’ve seen everything,” Rachel says, shaking her head.

  Rex’s arms fall to his lap when I jump up. I run—literally run—after Cooper. Rex will understand, he has to. I know being in the cafeteria today with me is a big moment for us—whatever we are— but Cooper comes first. Especially if he’s upset.

  My fingers grasp the metal bar of the cafeteria door, pushing it open, hitting the wall with a loud whack as I run into the long hallway. “Cooper!”

  He stops at the end of the hallway, his hand on the door to the parking lot. He’s not just leaving the cafeteria, he’s leaving school. My heart breaks because it truly feels like he’s leaving me. My protector, my hero in these halls, is giving up on me.

  Everyone does eventually.

  I’m panting when I reach him. Each breath pained and almost as difficult as with a panic attack. The past few months we’ve drifted apart. He began going out at night, giving me the space I needed. Wanted. But now I worry that the distance I equated with trust is actually the beginning of the end for us. “Where are you going?”

  “Does it matter?” He asks, his voice devoid of emotion. “It’s not like you care anymore.”

  “What are you talking about, Coop? Of course I care. I love you.”

  “No!” He booms. “You don’t love me, Piper, and that’s the problem. I love you. I always have and probably always fucking will. But you, you won’t love me. You can’t love me because I’m a before.”

  My face falls. The pit in my stomach that eats my butterflies from time to time swallows me whole. How could I have missed it? All these years, the late night texts after I moved out, the lunch dates in the cafeteria, the looking out for me. I always thought it was brotherly.

  “I kissed you and you ran.”

  Cooper bolted so fast that night he tripped over the beach chairs we were sitting in. I was left alone, by a dying fire in the Harris backyard, heartbroken and confused. After swallowing a lump of tears, I mustered up the courage to go after him. The plan was to apologize, tell him I was drunk and it was a mistake. I pushed open his bedroom door without knocking and froze. Sarah Archer had her legs around him, her lips against his. I didn’t think I took that much time outside, but apparently, I did. I ran from that room as fast as my legs could take me, tears running down my cheeks and bumped into Logan on my way out who promptly told me not to let the door hit my ass. Shit thing is, the night only got worse from there.

  Cooper shrugs. “And I freaked.”

  “Enough to swap spit with Sarah?”

  “That was a mistake. When you saw us, I threw her off me and ran after you. Kissing her made me realize how much I wanted to be kissing you.”

  “You realize how cliché that sounds, right?”

  Silence falls between us. Coopers eyes are bloodshot, sleepless from his night on the couch and maybe even brimmed with tears. My heart hurts because for a moment I wish I could have been his. I wish I could be the girl he deserves, but there’s no changing what happened. Even if there was a way to forget the way my heart hurt that night, I can’t forget everything that happened after. I can’t force my body to react to him the way it does with Rex.

  Cooper smiles, but it doesn’t reach his ears. “I can’t watch you with him, Piper. I’m glad he makes you better and I’m glad you’re happy. But it kills me that everything that happened to you is my fault.”

  “Cooper—”

  “No, Piper. If I would have kissed you back, pulled you into my arms, and told you I loved you back then like I should have, Gerald wouldn’t have hurt you. You wouldn’t have tried to overdose in Bane’s apartment. I wouldn’t have found you in a bathtub of blood two days later.”

  I’m trembling. The shakes from the pounding of my heart vibrate throughout my body. I suck in a breath and reach for Cooper. His touch burns, fire ignited under my skin in the worst of ways but I take the pain. I swallow the bile and let him hold me as long as he needs. By the time Cooper let’s go, I’m lightheaded. I cough on an inhale from the pressure in my chest.

  “I hurt you by holding you,” he says. “I’m sorry.”

  19

  Piper

  Cooper locks up the restaurant as I skip down the steps and into Rex’s arms. It’s been a week since our breakdown in the hallway. To make things easier, I haven’t been home.

  Rex and I have been hanging out after school watching movies or chilling at the beach until my pretend curfew of midnight, to which I pretend to text Mamma T and tell her I’m not coming home. I’ve pretty much taken up residency in Rex’s guest room. The reason being, I don’t trust myself with Rex. He’s handsome and sweet and patient. Most importantly, he turns me on and I’m scared I won’t be able to control myself if we share a bed.

  Rex pulls me into him, swallowing me with his massive frame. I nuzzle my nose into his chest, breathing in the scent of his cologne. “Ready to go?”

  Cooper turns around, a scowl on his face. “You’re not coming home tonight?”

  “I promised Rex I’d watch a movie for a bit tonight.” Lie. Why am I lying to him? All I’m doing is creating more walls, encouraging the space to grow between us. I wish we could go back to last week. I wouldn’t have chased after Cooper. He wouldn’t have opened his heart to me and things would be normal…ish. “I’ll probably be home late.”

  “Whatever,” Cooper mumbles walking past us.

  “I’ll drop her off as soon as she’s ready,” Rex says cautiously.

  I never made it back to the cafeteria that day. I fell to my knees when Cooper left and cried. I cried until I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. My heart broke with each inhale. I lost my best friend because I couldn’t love him right. Because he couldn’t heal me and ultimately, because I chose someone else.

  Rex found me curled in a corner and carried me to the nurses office. She gave us a pass for the day and he brought me back to the Horizon Hotel. We laid under an umbrella until the sun set and I was calm again. He didn’t ask what happened. I think he knew something monumental passed between Cooper and I, and he understood. There was no jealousy or bitterness, just compassion and understanding.

  My phone dings an hour into tonight's movie. Rex reaches over the side of the couch with one arm and hands me my bag. I sit up, leaving the warmth of his chest and rummage through the oversized messenger satchel until I find my phone. I pull out my life—a pair of jeans, two extra shirts, a school skirt, my bag of makeup, and two handfuls of random pens—until finally finding my phone zipped in a pocket it doesn’t belong in.

  Bane: Your boy’s here.

  Me:?

  What does he mean my boy’s there? I don’t have any...oh no.

  Cooper.

  I chew the inside of my cheek, using the pain to keep the tears welling behind my eyes at bay. Cooper hates Bane. Nothing good can come from
him being there. If it wasn’t for my overdose night, Cooper wouldn’t even know where Bane lives.

  I’d been hiding out at Bane’s for a little over a week by that point. We both knew at some point Gerald would figure out where I was. The man’s dumb but he’s not stupid. It was just a matter of time until he had someone camp out in front of the apartment complex, waiting to snatch me up when I left. But the thought of leaving, of being seen, or worse being taken was too much.

  I weighed my options. No matter which way I figured it, I was going to get caught, raped and probably killed. No one stabs a mob boss or drug lord or whatever Gerald is and gets away with it. Bad guys don’t keep their tough reputation by letting scrawny eighteen-year-old girls get the best of them. The deciding factor was how many people were going to be hurt in the process.

  My decision? One.

  Bane had a stash of pills in his bathroom. He wasn’t dealing, never had, but his recreational stash was stout. I locked the bathroom door and dumped a few of each in my hand. I had no clue what they were but figured something would work. I just hoped they’d put me to sleep and it would be an easy death.

  Everything after that is a blur. Somehow, I woke up in Cooper’s bathroom, throwing up everything in my stomach. It couldn’t have been the first time I puked either. My chest ached, my stomach knotted and my head was pounding. Next thing I know I’m in his bed, a wet rag on my head, being told I was moving in.

  Bane: Come to my house.

  Me: Is it safe?

  Not that safety matters at this point. Cooper’s family. Even if we are fighting, I’d give my life for him.