Letting Go of Us (Anchored Hearts Vol. 3)

by J. M. Witt

  Cal was raging inside—and out—with the thought that Paul had taken advantage of me, when in reality Paul had been a perfect gentleman. I had been the one throwing myself at him.

  “Cassidy Arianna Charles, you tell me the truth right now!”

  “I swear, there’s nothing going on between Paul and me. It’s just a stupid crush, nothing more. I promise.” I lied to Cal through my teeth, probably for the first time, and prayed that he’d believe me.

  He bought the lie and convinced me to come finish breakfast. When I returned to the kitchen Paul’s plate was empty and he was nowhere in sight.

  Paul made himself scarce rest of that day. I felt like an idiot. Had the last few weeks been a waste? I became angry. That night, when I was sure everyone else was asleep, I snuck into the guest room that Paul was occupying. The lights were off and his bed was empty. Where was he?

  I crept down the stairs to the front door and stepped outside, after slipping on my shoes. Walking to the back of the house, I peered out into the night desperate to find him. I started walking to the back lot where our tree was. He’d carved our initials into that tree a couple nights prior. It was very childish, yet romantic. When I was far enough from the house, I began calling his name. Nothing. Maybe he was in the barn. When I made it to the barn, the moon full in the sky, illuminated his figure standing in the hay loft opening. I was so relieved to have found him.

  There was a tap on my window. Ryan. I turned off my car and stepped out as he asked, “Is everything ok Mrs. Benedict?”

  “Please don’t call me that. You can call me Cassidy.” He nodded. “I’m ok.”

  “If you need anything, please let me know.”

  “Thank you.” I walked up my steps and straight up to my room.

  The next morning when I was going through my mail I found a letter with a return address that made my heart sink. It was from the gallery Holly had worked at. I opened it and found that they were selling all of her artwork in a few weeks. I was livid. Sara had assured me that they didn’t have any of her art and Cal and I had thought that odd. Holly loved to paint and draw. I had a few small pieces of hers, but couldn’t believe there wasn’t more. Sara had blatantly lied to me and now they were going to benefit from it. And there was nothing I could do about it.

  The next couple of days came and went. Cecily was present less and less as Melissa and I took over. Melissa and I were eating lunch in my office together that Wednesday. I could tell she wanted to say something, I just wasn’t sure what it was.

  “Cassidy, can we talk woman to woman?”

  I gazed up at her and realized her eyes weren’t blue, they were brown. Colored contacts? I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear what she had to say. But if we were going to be business partners, we needed to be able to get along. I nodded my consent. She got up from her spot and closed my door before sitting back down.

  “I wanted you to know the truth. I have a lot of demons and I always looked to James as the person who could vanquish them. After my attack, I realized that only I can do that.” She stopped, as if waiting to make sure I was still with her before she continued. “James and I haven’t slept together in nearly two years. I know you may not believe me, but it’s true. Not that I didn’t try.”

  I wanted to believe her, but still wasn’t sure if I should. “That doesn’t explain why you’re living with him.”

  “He was trying to protect me. He keeps those he cherishes close to him.” I must’ve paled because she immediately tried retracting her statement. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “It’s ok. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t cherish me. He couldn’t get far enough away from me.” I pushed my lunch away, unable to eat anymore.

  “Cassidy, he cherishes you above anyone else and that scares him to death. I’ve known him almost my entire life. That’s why I acted the way I did at the auction. You changed the ballgame and I knew he’d never be mine again, not with you in the picture.” I sat staring at nothing as I listened to her words. “I was jealous, envious, whatever you want to call it. You sunk my battleship.”

  I chuckled at that. “I don’t know about that.”

  “I originally plotted with Dan to get you away from James. I had no idea he would take things so far.”

  I wasn’t really surprised by that admission. We had all figured that was the case. We sat in silence for a little while before she apologized about the day I had found her in the penthouse in nothing but a towel.

  “You should know that I moved out that day.” That made me happy to hear. “I’m sorry about the baby. I…”

  I cut her off, “It’s not your fault. I should’ve told him sooner. Maybe things would be different.”

  “He was devastated, Cassidy. He wanted that baby.”

  “I did too.” I was about to say more when there was a knock on my office door. Sighing, “Thank you, Melissa. I appreciate it.”

  “It’s not a problem. I’m really happy to be here and excited for the future for the first time in a very long time.” I wished I could say the same. “I hope you can make it work with James. I don’t know your history with Paul, but even I can see the pull between you and James.” Another knock on the door came.

  “There needs to be more than a pull.” She smirked at that before we both stood and walked toward the door. I opened it up to find Annie. I’d forgotten our appointment. “Annie, sorry. I totally forgot.”

  “It’s ok. I was nearby and just figured I’d swing by.” She looked to Melissa, “How are you doing, Melissa?”

  “I’m good. I should get back to it. QuickBooks beckons me!” We chuckled at that before she looked to me and said, “Anytime you want to talk, I’m willing to listen.”

  She made her exit as Annie took a seat at the table. I closed the door behind Melissa and sat down next to Annie. “She means well.”

  Looking to Annie, I acknowledged her. “I know.”

  “So, this art gallery. Tell me more.” I divulged all the details to her as quickly as I could. “I really don’t know if there’s anything we can do. With Holly not having any family, well, it’s complicated.”

  “Well, it was worth a try. If I had the money I’d just buy it all myself. I should’ve been more persistent last summer. I knew there had to be more.”

  “I’m really sorry, Cassidy.” She smiled at me and inquired, “So, what happened with Paul?”

  “Ugh. It’s complicated. But, needless to say, we’re not speaking. I told him I needed space and time.” She nodded. “It was foolish of me to, well, whatever.”

  “And James?”

  Shaking my head, “What about him? I haven’t talked to him in what seems like weeks. The wedding will be interesting.”

  “How’s that going?”

  “Good. Jane is probably the calmest bride I’ve ever worked with. Beverly on the other hand…” We both laughed at that.

  “Have you thought anymore about what we discussed?” I just stared at her, unsure what to say. “Well, here’s his email address. He’s very discreet and prefers to start up a rapport with his subs through email.”

  She slid a business card across the table and I picked it up and scanned it. There was no name on the little black card. Just an email address that gave nothing about his identity away. “I’ll think about it. Hell, it’d be nice to just have someone to talk to.”

  “I’m sure he’d enjoy that. I should run. Call me if you need anything.”

  “Will do. Thanks, Annie.”

  That night when I got home, with Holly on my mind, I called the tattoo shop and booked an appointment with Styx. I’d had the phoenix for almost a year and it was way past time to get the color filled in. He couldn’t get me in right away, but it was fine. I put the appointment in my calendar and came across the card that Annie had given me. I stared at it for several moments before placing it back in my wallet.

  That Saturday marked the one year anniversary of Holly and Sam’s deaths. Friday night, Cal and Jane had come over for p
izza, just the three of us. Jane and I worked on her seating chart as best we could since there were still a few rsvp’s we were waiting on. She had her final fitting the next week, as did I.

  “Cassidy, you doing ok.”

  Without looking up at her I replied, “Yup. I’m good.” I felt her hand on mine and looked to her. She clearly doubted my quick response.

  “Cass, you’ve been through a lot the last few months.” Cal had joined in on the interrogation as I rolled my eyes.

  “You guys I’m fine.”

  “Cassidy…”

  “STOP. There’s no point in talking about it.” Taking in a shaky breath I whispered, “You don’t understand. No one understands. I lost my baby and my husband in the span of days and now Paul.”

  “What do you mean ‘and now Paul’?”

  “Ugh.” I ran my hands through my hair before confiding in them. “I called it off with Paul. I wasn’t ready, probably never will be.” I couldn’t bear to look at either of them. “I don’t want to cry anymore. Can we please stop talking about it?”

  “I told Paul to back off.”

  “Cal, this isn’t his fault.”

  “I’m very well aware of whose fault it is.” I laughed at him. “Why are you laughing?”

  “Cal, I love you, but I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.”

  Huffing, he walked to the kitchen as he mumbled, “I doubt that.”

  “Really?”

  “Alright you two.” Jane tried diffusing the squabble between Cal and me but it was too late.

  “I never once questioned you and all those hussies you brought ‘round. Not once. Who I fuck is none of your concern, even if one is your best friend and the other your fiancé’s cousin.”

  Cal stared at me, glancing to Jane, whom I had clearly offended. “Ok. I think that’s our cue to go.”

  “Jane, I’m sorry.”

  “Nope, it’s ok. I’ll see you next week at the fitting.” Jane grabbed her things and walked out the door.

  “Nice, Cass.” Cal walked to me, anger radiating off of him. “If she calls off the wedding it’s on you.”

  “Oh give me a break. She’s not going to call off the wedding. I didn’t mean to offend her, but I’m not sixteen anymore, Cal. You have to stop treating me as such.”

  Sighing, he resigned. “I know. I’m sorry. I came over here because of Holly. It’s a year today. We didn’t want you to be alone. I don’t want to fight with you.”

  I rubbed his arm, “I know and I appreciate it. You should go after her before she leaves without you.” Nodding, he kissed my cheek and left.

  The next morning I woke up feeling like crap, but attributed it to what day it was. I went to the flower shop and picked up some flowers, leaving them on the front seat and ran back inside to grab my phone. I drove to the cemetery, almost on autopilot. I was barely aware that Ryan was behind me and had remained at the entrance, giving me some privacy.

  I parked between Eva’s grave and Holly and Sam’s. I headed to Eva’s first and placed a single rose on her grave as my thoughts drifted to her. I imagined how things would’ve been different had she not passed away. It was futile. Rising, I walked toward Holly and Sam. A chill ran over me.

  I placed the bouquet on Holly’s grave as a tear rolled down my face. How I wished I had her to confide in. She wouldn’t have judged me or my indiscretions. I laughed at the thought of her meeting Paul and wished she would’ve gotten to know James. Ugh! What was wrong with me?

  “Holly, show me a sign. Please.” I whispered the words not quite sure what I was asking for.

  Another chill ran over me as I stood. When I turned, his muscled figure greeted me. His hair was down and he wore jeans and a well-fitted polo. Was he my sign? I shook the thought away.

  “Wh, what are you doing here?” My voice was shaky as his presence rattled me.

  “What do you think I’m doing here?” He tilted his head and smiled that smile at me that made my toes curl.

  “You remembered?” I couldn’t believe he remembered. I mean, I could, but I was shocked to see him there.

  “How could I forget?” He was silently beckoning to me, I could feel it. What the hell was he playing at? I tried to speak, but the emotions were too potent to contain. He made a move toward me and I immediately stepped back. “Cassidy, let me hold you.”

  Hold me? He wanted to hold me? Why now? I scanned his eyes trying to figure him out. But that proved an impossible task. ‘He must be close to seven feet tall!’ I remembered Holly’s description of James when she first saw him. “I miss her so much. This last year…”

  “I know.” He made a move toward me again and I didn’t have the strength to walk away from him and I didn’t want to. I covered my face with my hands and he pulled me close. “Shh.” I let my body mold into his and when he inhaled my hair, it wasn’t lost on me. His own scent, mixed with cologne, drifted through me and immediately relaxed me. “It’s going to be ok.”

  Was it? How could he say that? I wanted to believe him. Was it possible to just forget everything and move on? Together? He guided me to a nearby bench and handed me a handkerchief and I used it to wipe at my eyes. I sat down and he followed suit. His arm was draped around the back of the bench and rubbing my shoulder. Another chill ran through me and I was beginning to think I was getting sick.

  “Are you cold?”

  I shook my head, “No, I don’t know.”

  His hand moved to my forehead, “Cassidy, you’re burning up.”

  “What are you talking about?” I’d been feeling a little run down that whole day, but just figured I was tired.

  “You’re running a fever.”

  “I’m fine, I assure you.”

  “You need to see a doctor.”

  “Stop!” He looked startled at my outburst. “Stop pretending you care. I know you don’t.”

  He attempted to place my hands in his, but I evaded him. “I care, Cassidy. More than you know.”

  I stood up. I couldn’t listen to anymore of his lies. “I can’t listen to this.” My head began to spin and the aches in my body became more prevalent. “You keep saying you care, but, but.” The cemetery began to spin around me. “Shit.”

  “Cassidy?” I dropped back down to the bench. “You’re not fine.”

  “I’m fine.” My protest was a weak one. “I just want to go home. Take me home.” I dropped my head to his shoulder and listened as he made a phone call. It sounded like he was sending Ryan to come and get me—or my car—I wasn’t sure which.

  “Cassidy, give me your keys.” Reaching in my pocket, I handed them over. “Alright. Up you go.” He helped pull me to my feet and we started walking.

  “Oh, no.”

  “What is it?” Before I could answer, I stumbled to a bush and discarded the contents of my stomach. He handed me his handkerchief again and I wiped my mouth. Standing back up, I tried walking to my car. “Not so fast. You’re riding with me.”

  I didn’t have the strength to fight him. I just wanted to go home and go to bed. He helped me up into his truck and buckled me in. As we drove, I became aware that he wasn’t taking me home. Where was he taking me?

  “James, I want to go home.”

  “I know, but not before you see a doctor.”

  “I told you I’m fine.”

  “You’re so pale you’re almost green. You’re not fine.” I just closed my eyes, knowing arguing with him was pointless.

  He took me to the ER and checked me in. We waited in the lobby for a few minutes before being called back. I didn’t bother telling him he could wait in the lobby. The nurse asked the usual questions and ordered some labs. James was playing on his phone and I tried to get some rest. The doctor came in to let me know my pregnancy test was negative. Thanks ass-wipe. Way to make an uncomfortable situation even more so. They hooked up a bag of fluids, since I was dehydrated and told me to rest as they waited for the other labs to come back.

  James was resting his head on the wall b
ehind him when I glanced over at him. His eyes were closed and I couldn’t help but scan my eyes over him. His arms were crossed over his chest and his legs stretched out in front of him. His polo was unbuttoned just enough to glance the muscles of his neck and the sleeves barely contained his biceps. My eyes traveled to the buckle of his jeans and then lingered on his package. The jeans were fitted on his muscled thighs as I pictured tugging them off of him.

  I sensed the movement in his upper body and my eyes landed on his staring back at me. Busted! I looked away and dropped my head back to my pillow. No one would argue that he was a fine fucking specimen.

  “Nice to see some color back in your cheeks.” I could tell by his tone that he had that fucking sexy as hell smirk on his face. There was no need to look at him and confirm it.

  “Shut your face.”

  “Yup, definitely feeling better.” I just shook my head as the corners of my mouth turned up.

  I must’ve dozed off because he woke me to let me know they were releasing me. He confirmed with the doctor that he’d keep an eye on me and get me to rest. The doctor wanted me to take a day or two off work, yada, yada, yada. They could try, but I had shit to do.

  We pulled into a pharmacy parking lot on the way home. He ran in and said he’d be right back. A few minutes later he came back with a bag full of goodies. He handed it to me and it was full of every possible flu medication you could think of.

  “You’re lucky they didn’t arrest you with all the meds in here.”

  “They tried!” We chuckled at that.

  I walked in the front door, not expecting him to stay. “James, I’m fine. You can go home.”

  “Nope, not a chance.”

  Sighing, “What are you trying to prove?”

  He mimicked my sigh and said, “That I care, Cassidy.”

  He grabbed the bag of meds from me and encouraged me to go to bed. I walked up the stairs and asked him to feed Chessa and he assured me he would. My body ached so badly that I couldn’t remove my clothes without cringing. I plopped down on the side of my bed and just sat there. Apparently I sat there for longer than I thought because his voice was the next thing I remembered.