by J. M. Witt
“Ok. I’ll be back in a few hours with dinner.” He walked over and pulled me to my feet and hugged me. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For everything. I know we have a lot to figure out.” He kissed my forehead and then ushered me toward the stairs. “Nap. I’ll be back.”
I started to head up the stairs and heard him open the door. I grew panicked as my thoughts became erratic as I wondered if it was real. Was he really there, wanting to make it work? “James!” I ran down the stairs and leapt in his arms, my own clinging to his neck.
Clasping me tightly, he consoled me and kicked the door shut, “Hey, I missed you too.”
Talking into his neck I asked, “You’re coming back? We’re really going to work on this, together?”
His hand smoothed down my hair as he replied, “Yes. I’m coming back. I promise.” Pulling my face back, I tried to smile at him as the tears threatened. “I can’t do this without you. I love you, Cassidy.”
I wasn’t able to respond, my throat was so constricted with emotion. I simply nodded as I buried my face against him again. We stood like that for a moment. I just wanted to remain in the comfort and safety of his arms. Eventually, we pried our bodies apart and I carried myself up the stairs. He promised he’d be back in a few hours with dinner.
After I heard the door close, I turned on my laptop. I needed music and since my iPod was gone, my laptop would have to do. I knew I should have just splurged and bought a new one. I placed it on my nightstand and scanned through my songs and playlists. I wanted this to all be real, but I was scared to death, waiting for the other shoe to drop. I put on my favorite Thirty Seconds to Mars song, on repeat of course, and climbed under the covers.
Chapter 10 ~ Stay
~ JAMES ~
Was it really happening? I was throwing my plan away, unable to stay away from her any longer. I sat in my truck outside her place as her iPod sang songs through the cab. A piano infused melody caught my attention and I started it over. Her playlist titled with my moniker was the only thing I listened to in those weeks. Stay by Thirty Seconds to Mars echoed through as I fought with my body’s desire to claim her or to let her rest.
No sex. That’s what we agreed upon. At least not till we talked to Dr. Pratt. Fuck me. She was my home. I could live buried inside her for eternity. I told her I loved her and she had just nodded. Please tell me I haven’t lost her. She confided in me when I didn’t think she would. I knew I had to give her time. She was receptive and seemed willing to work on us and that’s the most I could hope for and more than I deserved.
I spent the next few hours at the office. I’d seen the flyer on her counter and started making phone calls. I tried calling Paul about the house and got no answer. Deciding I had time, I drove out to the property. The terrain had been cleared and the foundation would be poured soon. I really needed to sit down with Cassidy. I wanted it to be our house, not mine. She had a right to help with the design, but I didn’t want to put too much on her plate either. I knew she was swamped with wedding preparations for Jane and Cal.
I stopped by the local deli and picked up some different types of soups. Granted, it was June, but figured chicken soup is what she’d want. When I walked in I could hear music blaring and when I walked upstairs the shower was running. I made my way back down to the kitchen before I was tempted any further. I took it as a good sign that the loud music and shower running meant she was feeling better. Placing the soup on the stove, I pulled out some bowls and spoons and waited.
I placed the blueprints for the house on the table and waited for her to make her appearance. Chessa joined me on the couch and curled up in my lap. I was scratching her head when I heard her steps coming down the stairs.
“Looks like I’m not the only one who missed you.”
Smiling back at her, I picked Chessa up in my arms and walked over to Cassidy. She quickly turned her face so that I kissed her cheek and she was right to do so. Slow, James. Slow. “I picked up some soup. Hope that’s ok.” She nodded. “Are you feeling better?”
“Yes. Still a little achy, but I’m hungry.” I set Chessa down as Cassidy walked past the dining table. She spotted the blueprints and pointed her finger, “What are these?”
“The drawings for the house.” She just stared in my eyes, back to the prints and back to me again. “Ok.”
Smirking, “I’d like your input.”
“Uh, I, ok. Why?”
“Why do you think?” She shrugged her shoulders. “My hope is to live there with you. It’s your house, too.”
“No pressure, right!” She shook her head at me and turned toward the kitchen.
“Cass…”
“It’s ok. I’ll look at them with you, but I’m not sure that me getting invested in a house is such a good idea.” I followed her to the kitchen and watched as she opened the various soups. “It’s a lot to process.”
“I know.” It was too much. A day earlier she thought I still wanted a divorce and there I was talking about building a house. “Sorry. I’ll back off.”
“James, its ok. Really. Why don’t you show me what you got?”
She poured herself some soup and I did the same before we sat at the table. I pointed out the general layout and floor plan to her. She didn’t say much, just smiled and nodded. “We can change anything if you don’t like it, but if we want any hope of moving in before the end of the year, we need to get moving.” She started coughing on her soup, probably inhaling some. “Too fast?”
She smiled as she got her coughing under control. “That fast, huh?” I confirmed. “It looks really big.”
“Only about four thousand square feet.”
“Only, he says. James, that’s huge.”
“It’s not that big, but thanks for noticing.” I winked at her as she rolled her eyes at me.
“You’re not cleaning it.”
“You don’t have to clean it either.”
“Now you’re playing dirty.” She scanned her eyes over the drawings again.
“Want bigger?”
She smacked my arm, “Knock it off. We can always add on, right?”
“That’s the spirit.” She laughed and it was then that I realized how much I missed her smile and laughter. It filled me up with hope.
“What are you staring at?” She started checking her face as I shook my head at her.
“You. You’re beautiful.”
“Please. My hair’s up and I’m in yoga pants and a sweatshirt.”
“Exactly. Even like this, you’re simply stunning.”
“Whatever. Back to the house.” She never could take a compliment.
“So, what are some things you’d want in your dream house?”
“Hmm. A huge kitchen would be nice.”
“For all that cooking you do?” We both knew it wasn’t her specialty.
“No. For the chef you’ll hire to cook for me.” She stuck her tongue out and carried on. “A library, an amazing bathroom, guest bedrooms because it seems silly to have all that space and not enough bedrooms to hold friends and family.”
“How many bedrooms?”
She scrunched her lips together as she mulled it over. “I don’t know. Five or six in addition to ours would be nice.”
“Five or six! It needs to be bigger if you want all that. At least five thousand square feet then.”
“Oh, Jesus. Knock it off.” We were both laughing. “With the right design, is there a basement?” I nodded and she continued, “If the rooms are big enough you could have multiple sets of bunk beds, like at the cabin in some guest rooms or the basement. Murphy beds are making a comeback too.”
“Definitely five thousand…OW!” She punched me in the arm, “Ok, six thousand.” She crossed her arms over her chest as we laughed at one another.
“What about you? What are some things you want in a house?”
“Game room, media room, a sweet ass bar…”
“You’re such a guy. Ok, I want a cr
aft room and an office.”
Smiling, “I need an office too. Maybe we could share.”
“It would need to be a big office. My craft room and office could be one. With the event planning it should be together anyways.” She was still thinking, “Oh, and a big closet with lots of storage for shoes.”
“Shoes? I didn’t take you for a shoe girl.”
“Eh, I could learn. I prefer boots anyways, not heels.”
“What about a playroom?”
She seemed to grow nervous. “Um…isn’t that what our bedroom is for?”
“Will our bedroom be off limits to guests, because if it is then that should work?”
“I’ve always fancied hidden passageways. Bookcases that open to secret rooms. Think you can do that?”
Noting her sarcastic tone, I played along. “Anything is possible. I can check with Paul.” She grew uncomfortable when I said his name and I couldn’t blame her. “Sorry.”
“It’s ok. He works for you. It’s just weird. Are you sure he’s going to be ok with all of this?”
“If he’s not, I’ll find someone else to do it.” She started chewing on her nails and I took her hand. “Hey, it’s going to be ok. We’ll find a way around it all. Can I ask where things stand with you two?”
She sighed, “I told him I needed space. Time.”
“I see.” I tried to keep my anger in check. I was the one who pushed her into his arms. The question would be where she stayed and would he respect her choice if it was me. Because I knew I’d have a hell of a time respecting it if she chose him.
“I’ll talk to him.” She placed her hand over mine. “I want this.”
“I can come with you.”
Shaking her head, “No. We all have our own history. This needs to be between Paul and me.” Taking a deep breath she said, “He told me what happened with Cora.”
“Yeah, I guess we’re even now. But in my defense, I didn’t know she was married.”
“This isn’t a pissing contest.”
“I know. Sorry.”
“This is all my fault. I’ve probably ruined your friendship.”
“Don’t worry about it. You’re my number one concern, not Paul.”
“Me too.” Finally, some validation!
We watched a couple movies and half way into the second one, she fell asleep curled up next to me. I struggled behaving myself before she relaxed against me and got comfortable. Her head was in my lap as I ran my fingers through her red locks. I pulled a blanket over her and dropped my head to the back of the couch. There was no way I was going to disturb her.
I woke to her trying to tip-toe out of the room as she made her way for the stairs. Her blanket was now covering me as my eyes adjusted to the dark.
“Cassidy?”
She stopped and turned slowly, “James?”
Standing, I walked over to her. “I should probably head out.” She nodded slowly as I asked her, “You still up to meeting with Dr. Pratt?”
“Yes, of course.”
I pulled her into a hug, whispering, “Are you going to work? I can pick you up, but if you’re already downtown…”
“I’ll stay in touch. I’ll probably try to go to work.”
She was a very hard worker and I couldn’t recall a single day that’d she’d taken off work just for the sake of taking off work. “Ok. Get some rest.” She lifted her face to mine and stared into my eyes. “Cassidy, you should go to bed.”
She blinked her eyes a few times, acknowledging, “Right. Sorry. Habit I guess.”
Fuck it. It was just a kiss. I yanked her closer and dropped my hungry mouth to hers. The moan that escaped her lips sent a thrill through me. Her body immediately relaxed into mine as she let me lead the kiss. I loved her so much. She was the breath that filled my lungs. I wanted, no needed, to possess her and she’d let me if I pushed her. Showing no fear or hesitation, she’d always given her body over to me willingly. I had to treasure that. I cupped her face and slowed the kiss as her hands clung to my side.
It took all my strength to separate our mouths as I dropped a kiss to her forehead. “I should go.”
Her eyes were still closed as she dropped her head to my chest. Mumbling, “I hate you,” I grinned from ear to ear knowing her words weren’t true.
“Got to leave the lady wanting more.”
“Who said anything about me being a lady?”
I chuckled as she smiled up at me. “Maybe the lady can take care of herself, but I want details, or pictures.”
“A lady wouldn’t send you pictures or give you details.” She winked as I turned toward the door.
“You won’t be the only one taking care of things alone.” She pursed her lips and if she thought I missed her eyes dropping to my groin, she was wrong. “Harlot!”
Her eyes sparkled as she gave me her ‘come hither’ look. “No sex. That was the agreement. And I’m the furthest thing from a harlot! Maybe.” She walked around me and opened her front door. “You’ve overstayed your welcome Mr. Benedict.”
She could barely contain her grin as I stepped out to her porch. Making sure one of Smith’s guys was parked out front, I looked back to her. “Goodnight, Cassidy. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Looking forward to it.” She didn’t close the door until I was in my truck. I saw the light come on in her bedroom as I pulled away.
~ PAUL ~
How could she change her tune so quickly? I pulled in the drive several minutes after his truck left and banged on the front door. Her light was still on upstairs so I knew she was awake. When the door finally opened, the smile on her face quickly changed to one of surprise.
“Expecting someone else?”
“Paul, I, no. What are you doing here? It’s late.”
“What was he doing here? I thought you said you needed time and space.”
“Paul, I told you it’s complicated. He’s my husband.”
“And he threw you away like yesterday’s news. I sat by and watched the way he treated you. How can you go back to that?”
“Paul, I know he’s your friend and I know you care about me. I do.” She tried putting her hand on my arm and I shook her off. “I don’t need to justify or explain my relationship with James to you.”
I stumbled as I tried to stand a little taller. “What relationship?” Her face contorted as my breath hit her in the face.
“You’re drunk!”
I took a bow and smiled at her. “Yes, I am. Congratulations! I’m not the only man you’ve driven to drink.” She went to say something, but stopped short. “Cat got your tongue? Or maybe Misty or Roxy? Hell, I can’t keep them straight.”
I wasn’t expecting the smack that came, but I should’ve. The girl had a temper and only put up with so much. As my eyes focused on her face, I could see the tears welling in her eyes. “How dare you! I feel horrible about that night, but at least I know Misty and Roxy won’t hold it against me.”
“And what about James?”
“What about him? He knows, if that’s what you’re asking.”
“You told him!”
“I didn’t have to.”
She didn’t have to? I stood there for a minute as my thoughts tried to make sense of her words. Fuck! My head was spinning. All I wanted was her and I was too late. “Cassidy, I’m sorry.”
“Paul, I’m sorry too. You need to go.” She averted her attention to someone behind me. “Can you call him a cab or something?”
“I don’t need your pity.”
“It’s not pity. You’re drunk.”
“Screw you. Oh, wait. I already did that.” I had to get out of there. I got in my SUV and dropped the keys on the floor too many times to remember. My forehead found its way to rest on my steering wheel and I closed my eyes. A knock came on the window and I recognized Frank. Shit! How much time had passed?
I opened the door and stepped out. His partner was standing by a patrol car and Cassidy was nowhere to be seen. FUCK! What had I said to her
? I was a mean mother fucker when I drank.
“Cassidy said you could use a ride home.”
“Shit. Yeah. Probably not a bad idea.”
“I could arrest you Vincent. You owe me. Where are the keys?”
I pointed to the floor and stumbled around to the passenger side. Frank drove me home as his partner followed. It was a quick drive and I was grateful, knowing I shouldn’t have been behind the wheel. I needed to apologize to Cassidy, but I didn’t even know what to apologize for. I just needed sleep.
~ CASSIDY ~
Sleep was hard to come by that night. Paul had every right to be angry with me, I just hadn’t expected him to lash out at me the way he did. I had been trying to put my feelings of embarrassment aside and he had made it ten times worse. Quickly, I sank into a horrible depression. I was a hussy, a harlot, a slut, and certainly no lady. Who sleeps with their ex—and two chicks—at the same time just days after making a legal separation from her husband? I turned my alarm off, my phone to mute and crawled under the covers. Happiness didn’t owe me any favors and I deserved all the misery I brought upon myself.
I slept the day away, only getting out of bed to pee. I hadn’t even bothered checking my phone. For all I knew the battery was dead. Music was the only thing of joy I allowed myself and even they weren’t chipper songs. Hell, they were bordering on suicidal and I was happy to wallow in their dark melodies. I was listening to Break by Rebecca Roubion and had put it on repeat. The haunting piano driven song was feeding my depressed soul. I had it up louder than necessary, in my usual fashion.
“Are you still sick?” His deep voice startled me as I bolted up in bed. “Cassidy, are you ok? I’ve been worried sick about you.” I couldn’t manage to make eye contact with him and watched as he pulled my phone off the dresser and confirmed that it was dead. “I’ve been trying to call you all day.” He sat down next to me and turned my face toward his, “Baby, what’s wrong.”