As the laughter faded, Jenny looked around the table, a bittersweet pang in her chest. Her children would be hurt when Seth stopped coming around. Would Cole and Morgan understand why she had to send him packing? Or would they blame her for it?
"I need to move after that big meal," Seth said with a smile. "Anybody feel like taking a walk? I figured we could walk the few blocks to downtown and judge for ourselves which house ought to win the town's holiday lighting contest."
"I want to!" Morgan exclaimed.
Cole shrugged but didn't seem opposed to the idea. Or if he was, at least he didn't roll his eyes or say it blew.
"Jen? Jason? What about you two?"
"I have to finish the dishes," Jenny stalled, despising herself for her cowardice.
She had yet to go anywhere in town with Seth where others might see them together.
Though she knew they always stood the chance of running into someone from Pine Gulch in Jackson or Idaho Falls, she'd convinced herself the likelihood of that was slim.
On the other hand, even if someone did see them tonight as they walked through town, what would be the harm in enjoying the holiday sights with him accompanied by the rest of her family?
Her father slid his chair back from the table and started to clear away dishes. "You all go have some fun. I'll clean up."
"The kitchen's a disaster," she said. "You know what a mess I make when I cook."
Her dad only smiled. "Well, you are the only person I know who can dirty three or four pans just boiling water for pasta. But I think I'm up to the task. Go on."
He used that implacable "don't argue" voice and she sighed. She could have used a little backup, but she didn't think she would find it from her father. At least not in this instance.
Though she wouldn't have expected it, Seth had managed to charm even Jason, quite a feat, since her father had disliked Richard from the start.
The two of them talked about fishing, cars, even politics. After one of their trips to Jackson for dinner, her father had let her know in a subtle way that he thought Seth was a good man.
She didn't have the kind of relationship with her father where she could spill all her own angst to him—all the reasons she knew Seth was bad for her—so after a stunned moment, she had just thanked him for watching Morgan and Cole for her and gone to bed.
No, she couldn't expect any aid from that quarter.
"All right," she said now. "Thanks. I just need to grab my coat."
It wouldn't be so bad, she decided. If she could find a quiet moment while Morgan and Cole were distracted, perhaps on this snowy, moonlit walk, she might be able somehow to find the opportunity—and the strength—to talk to Seth.
Fifteen minutes later, bundled against the cold wind blowing down off the mountains, they walked out into the night, Lucy in the lead, scampering a short way ahead of them.
People in Pine Gulch took their holiday lighting seriously, she had learned the last few weeks. Nearly every house had some kind of holiday decoration, from a string of basic colored lights framing a window to more elaborate displays of reindeer and Santas and full-size nativities.
All the holiday spirit gave the little town a quiet, magical air on a winter evening. They seemed to be the only ones outside and their boots left tracks in the skiff of new snow covering the quiet streets as they walked toward the small downtown.
Seth walked at Morgan's side, easily matching his long-legged stride to her much shorter one, while Jenny walked beside Cole, grateful her son had come along.
The town had its own light display at the small park next to her elementary school and that was their ultimate destination.
Here, the trees were lit with what seemed like millions of tiny multicolored twinkling lights. They were lovely, Jenny thought, though the rest of the display looked as if had been added to piece by piece over the years. A trio of illuminated carolers stood next to a plastic snowman of a different style and size and across the sidewalk from a couple of giant nut-crackers.
Lucy's leash suddenly slipped out of Morgan's hand and the puppy took advantage of the unexpected freedom to race across the park toward the play equipment, her leash dragging through the snow.
"Oh, no!" Morgan exclaimed.
"Don't just stand there like an idiot," Cole snapped. "Go get her."
Seth didn't even say anything, he just raised an eyebrow at the teen. That always seemed to be enough to remind Cole to stow the attitude. This time was no different. After a second, Cole huffed out a breath and went after his sister and the recalcitrant puppy.
As soon as they were out of earshot, Jenny was painfully aware this was the private moment she'd been seeking. She was trying to figure out the right words when Seth spoke.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
She opened her mouth to tell him the truth but the words seemed to catch in her throat. "What makes you think something's wrong?" she stalled.
"You haven't said more than a few words at a time all night. Is something on your mind?"
It was exactly the kind of opening she needed and she knew couldn't put this off anymore, no matter how hard it was. She might not have a better opportunity all night. A careful glance at her children told her they had caught the puppy and were busy watching her scamper through snowdrifts as tall as she was.
Between the three of them, they were making enough racket that anything she might say to Seth wouldn't be overheard.
She released a puff of condensation on a heavy breath. "Yes, actually. Something is on my mind. Seth, I…we can't do this again."
In the colored glow from the lights, she thought she saw some strange emotion leap into his eyes, almost like panic, but it was gone so quickly she thought she must have been mistaken.
"Yeah, you're right," he said after a moment. "We can see the Christmas lights better this way, up close and personal, but it's just too darn cold. Next time we'll take a car so we can cover more ground."
"You know that's not what I mean." She sighed. "This has been wonderful. It has. But—"
Her words ended in a shriek as something cold and wet suddenly exploded in her face.
She brushed snow off and scowled at her offspring, who both surveyed her with expressions so innocent they could have belonged to the angels in the town's crèche.
Even Lucy gazed at her, her little head cocked and her eyes soft and limpid as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. Morgan and Cole's innocent looks lasted only seconds before they busted out laughing.
"Oh! That was so not funny!" she exclaimed.
"Don't worry, Jen." Seth bent down for a handful of snow. "I've got your back."
He lobbed the snowball—but instead of aiming it toward her kids, the man she knew perfectly well had been a star baseball pitcher miscalculated by a mile and threw it at her instead, where it thudded against the back of her coat.
Of course, this set Morgan and Cole into more hysterics.
She rounded on him, her glare promising retribution. "I think you are missing the intent of that particular phrase."
Any response he might have made was lost by another snowball, this one launched by Cole, that landed exactly in the center of his chest.
"Kid, that was a big mistake," Seth said, though she didn't miss the glee in his eyes.
From then on, it was full-out war. She took cover behind the plastic snowman and had the satisfaction of hitting both Cole and Seth with solid lobs.
With maternal consideration, she took pity on Morgan, but her daughter repaid her kindness with a sneak attack to her flank. While Jenny was busy evading a concerted attack from the males, Morgan must have skulked along the shrubs until she was just behind her mother, where she had an unobstructed shot. She took full advantage of it, then raced back for cover.
After fifteen minutes or so, Seth finally raised the white flag—or in this case a tan flag, one of his gloves.
"Okay. Enough. Enough!" He stood up. "We're all going to freeze out here if we keep this up. I say we call
it a draw and head back to your house for hot chocolate."
As if they had all perfectly choreographed it, she, Morgan and Cole each launched snowballs at him simultaneously, hitting him from every direction while Lucy barked with delight and danced around his feet.
Seth looked down at the dripping mess on his coat and shook his head with a rueful grin. "Remind me not to take on the Boyer clan again unless I have better reinforcements than an Australian shepherd pup."
His laughing gaze met Jenny's, the colored lights gleaming in his eyes. She stared at him and suddenly felt as if an entire truckload of snow had just been dumped on her head.
There in the city park on a cold December night, the truth washed over her stronger than an avalanche, and she had to grab the plastic snowman just to keep upright.
This wasn't just a casual attraction, something she could walk away from without any lasting ramifications.
She was in love with him.
She shivered, chilled right down to her bones, and she couldn't seem to catch her breath.
Oh, how could she have let this happen? She knew he wasn't good for her. From the very beginning, she had told herself he would break her heart but these last few weeks had been so wonderful, she had completely ignored all the warning signs and plunged straight ahead anyway.
And now look what a mess she'd created!
She was in love with a completely inappropriate man, a man who had probably never had a serious relationship in his life.
The gaping maw of heartache beckoned her. She could see it as clearly as if it were in front of her outlined in bright, blinking Christmas lights. Of what use was it to know just what was in store for her, she wondered, since she was suddenly terrified it was far too late to do anything about it?
"I'm cold, Mom. Can we go home?" Morgan's voice jerked her out of her stupor and she somehow managed to catch her breath again.
"Of course, honey. Let's go," she said, forcing a smile that felt like it was made of thin, crackly ice.
They covered the few blocks toward her father's house quickly as the cold wind cut through their snow-dampened clothes like a chainsaw.
When they reached the house, both kids rushed to their respective rooms to change into dry clothes.
Jason was probably in his den—she could hear the TV going—but he didn't come out to greet her and for the first time in a long time, the silence between her and Seth seemed awkward.
He cast a look at the door, looking suddenly anxious to leave. Why? she wondered nervously. He couldn't suspect her feelings, could he?
She cleared her throat. "Would you like to put on something dry from my father's closet?"
"No. I'll just run the truck's heater full-blast on my way home and I'll be dry soon enough."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah. I'll be fine."
Again they slipped into that awkward silence. Here was where she should tell him she couldn't see him again, she thought. She opened her mouth but he cut her off so abruptly she almost wondered if it was deliberate.
"Thanks again for dinner. It was really delicious," he said.
"Um, you're welcome. Seth—"
"What are you doing tomorrow?"
She blinked, wondering at his apparent urgency. "I don't know. I have a faculty thing Sunday, but tomorrow I just need to take care of some last-minute shopping for the kids. The last Saturday before Christmas is the biggest shopping day of the year, did you know that? A lot of people think it's the day after Thanksgiving but it's not."
She was babbling, she realized, but she couldn't seem to rein in her unruly tongue. Filling up the space with the inconsequential and mundane only delayed the inevitable, she told herself.
"Shopping is on my agenda, too," Seth said, then smiled suddenly, though she thought it looked a little strained. "You know, I could sure use your help."
"My help?"
"I'm not having much luck this year shopping for my brothers' wives or for Natalie and I'm running out of time. I could use a woman's perspective, you know?"
This from the man who seemed to know far more than most women about what they wanted?
"I was planning to head into Jackson Hole," he went on. "Maybe check out some of the galleries. We ought to save gas and go together. What do you think?"
She didn't think he really wanted to know the grim thoughts running through her mind—that she should run far away from him, that she should make this their last goodbye, that her heart was already bracing itself for the pain.
But, oh, she wanted to say yes. One more time. That was all she craved. A few more hours to spend with him. She would go shopping with him in Jackson and store up one last day of priceless memories and then she would have to break things off.
"All right," she said before she changed her mind.
Again he had an odd reaction. Something like relief flickered in his blue eyes.
"I'll pick you up at nine. Does that work?"
At her nod, he stepped forward for the kind of hurried kiss she'd come to expect from him at the end of the night.
She wanted to curl her hands into his parka and hold him tight for a real kiss, the kind they'd shared that night in the garage, the kind she dreamed about at night. But she knew she couldn't, not in her father's entryway with Jason just down the hall, where her children could come running in at any moment.
"Good night," he said, giving her that slow, sexy smile that curled her toes, then he walked out into the night.
She closed the door behind him and leaned against it. She was weak. Weak and stupid and doomed.
* * *
The next morning, Seth climbed back into his pickup after dropping Lucy off with Quinn and Marjorie for a play day with her brother.
Her delight at the prospect of a full day of cavorting with another puppy hadn't quite been enough to prevent her from giving him a reproachful look when he headed for the door without her.
He had withstood her canine wiles, though, not wanting anything—not even his adorable but energetic puppy—to get in the way of what he was hoping would be a perfect day.
Even the weather was cooperating. It was a gorgeous Teton Valley day, the kind they ought to put on travel brochures. The inch or two of new snow from the night before sparkled in the brilliant sunshine and the sky was a bright, stunning blue.
He drove the few blocks from his mom's house to Jenny's, his stomach jumping with anticipation. He wasn't sure he liked the jittery feeling in his gut. It was just a date, after all. Nothing to get so worked up about.
He had been telling himself that all morning while he fed and watered the horses and hurried through the rest of his chores, but he couldn't seem to escape the conclusion that he had to make everything about their time together unforgettable, so incredible she wouldn't be able to bring herself to end things.
He wasn't an idiot. He knew damn well she'd been about to break things off with him the night before while they'd been walking through the town square.
He had seen it in her expressive green eyes, that moment of resignation and resolve, and he'd known a moment of sheer, blind panic before the kids had unknowingly bailed him out by starting their snowball war.
She had agreed to go with him today, though. The way he saw it, he had one last chance to change her mind.
He had to. He didn't even want to think about the alternative. He didn't understand any of this, he just knew he couldn't bear imagining his world without her and the kids in it.
These last few weeks with her had been incredible. He'd never been so fascinated with a woman before. Obsessed, even. He thought about her all the time and he couldn't wait until the next time he would see her.
If she asked him why, he had to admit he wasn't sure he could put a finger on it. It was a hundred different things—the way she pursed her lips when she was concentrating on something, the tenderness in her eyes when she looked at her kids, the little tremble she tried to hide whenever he happened to touch her, even in the most casual way.
/>
She was smart and funny and beautiful, and she had this quiet strength about her he found soothing and incredibly addictive.
He was also amazed how she seemed to bring out the best in everybody around her—even him. When he was with her, he felt like a better man, somebody kind and good and decent.
He wasn't ready to lose all that. Not yet. Maybe after the holidays, though even the thought of that left him with a cold knot in his chest.
He pushed away his nerves as pulled into her driveway. Today he wouldn't think about goodbyes. The sun was shining, the day was perfect, and he would spend the rest of their time together showing her all the reasons she needed him.
* * *
"Please! I just want to go home," Jenny practically wailed ten hours later. The bruise around her eye looked dark and ugly—almost as miserable as the blizzard that swirled around his pickup.
"I'm real sorry, ma'am," the highway patrolman at the roadblock to the canyon between Jackson and Pine Gulch leaned across Seth in the driver's seat to say to Jenny in a patient voice, "but I'm afraid nobody's getting through this canyon right now. Between the storm and that jackknifed big rig, the canyon's going to be closed anywhere from three to four more hours. Maybe longer. This is one heck of a nasty storm, coming out of nowhere like it did. It's shut down this whole region and we're recommending that people who don't have to travel stay put until it lets up."
She let out a little sound that sounded suspiciously like a sob. The frazzled highway patrolman gave Seth a dark look before turning back to Jenny.
"I wish I could give you a better option but right now I'm afraid you folks are going to have to turn around and head back into town and find a place to wait out the storm until we open the canyon again. The Aspen is a pretty nice place."
"No!" Jenny and Seth both said sharply.
The patrolman looked a bit taken aback by their vehemence, but there was a long line of cars behind them at the roadblock trying to get through the canyon and Seth knew the man had other frustrated motorists to deal with.
"There are other restaurants in town. You can try to find a hotel room, too. That might be your best bet."
"Thank you for your help," Seth said grimly. "We'll figure something out."
Dalton's Undoing Page 14