The Nanny's Knickers

by Wren Mingua

  THE NANNY'S KNICKERS

  By: Wren Mingua

  Chapter One

  Excerpt from Zoe's blog--

  Imagine having the most terrible day of your life. Now imagine the terrible day just got WORSE. That's what I'm going through right now. Trust me, things can really go from bad to worse.

  Zoe had surrounded herself in a few of her favorite things: Fuzzy pajama pants. A pint of cookie dough ice cream. A two-liter of Vanilla Coke. A teddy bear, which Kyle had won for her at a carnival two years ago, was tucked under her arm. The bear's beady eyes were staring up at her with synthetic sympathy. One glimpse of those eyes, and she felt like she wanted to cry. Sometimes she swore that teddy bear was her only friend in the world.

  She was laying in bed with a spoon hanging out of her mouth, and she was watching the most recent movie version of Pride & Prejudice—the one with Keira Knightley, not Colin Firth. Jane Austen film adaptations were her go-to movies when she needed a pick-me-up. Staring at men in tailcoats and top hats never failed to improve her mood.

  “Men were so much nicer then,” she said with a sigh. “And they dressed so much better.” As she recalled the incident at the grocery store, Zoe sneered. She was standing in the check-out line with her ice cream and Coke, and the guy in front of her—probably in his early twenties—was sporting the saggiest saggy pants she had ever seen. At one point, he wrapped an arm around his girlfriend, and his raised arm put two inches of his butt crack on display. It wasn't a pretty sight, that's for sure.

  “Do you expect me to rejoice in the inferiority of your circumstances?” Zoe quoted Pride & Prejudice in a pitch-perfect British accent. “Well, that's not very nice of you, Mr. Darcy. Is it?”

  Zoe shoved another glob of cookie dough ice cream into her mouth. As she munched on a ball of cookie dough, she heard the front door slam, so she paused her movie.

  “Kyle?!” she cried out. “Is that you?”

  Of course it was Kyle. Who else could it be? He was the only other person who lived with her!

  Kyle popped his head into the bedroom, where he was greeted by the smiling face of his fiance, who was seemingly oblivious to the fact that her hair was terrifically messy. “H-hi,” he stammered.

  “Hi.” She raised her pint of ice cream. “Want some?”

  “No. No, thanks.” Kyle crept into the room and sat at the end of the bed. He was sitting next to her feet, which were encased in a pair of woolly black socks. There was a large hole in the right sock, which left her big toe completely exposed. “You look comfy.”

  “Yeah,” she agreed. “Pretty much.”

  Kyle turned his attention to the television, where there was a frozen frame of Keira Knightley's rain-drenched face. “Pride and Prejudice again?”

  “Well... yeah.” Zoe shrugged. “It's one of my favorite movies. Want to watch the rest of it with me?”

  “Uh... I think you know I'd rather die than watch that movie.”

  Zoe stuck out her lower lip. “That's not very nice!”

  “It's not my fault if it's boring as hell.”

  With a roll of her eyes, Zoe added, “And it's not your fault if the only things that hold your interest are bimbos and guns.”

  “Touche.”

  Zoe sunk deeper in the bed and pulled the blankets to her chin. She was dreading this moment, but it had to come sooner or later. Preferably sooner. “Uh... Kyle?”

  “Hm?”

  “There's, uh... there's something I have to tell you.”

  Was there any good way to break the bad news? How was she supposed to tell her fiance about losing her job? They were supposed to get married in three weeks, and now she was unemployed. It wasn't as if they needed the extra income, since Kyle had a high-paying job. Nevertheless, it wasn't the most positive note on which to begin their married life.

  Zoe clutched her stomach, groaning. Her nerves were making her nauseous. Or maybe she had eaten too much ice cream?

  “Are you okay?” Kyle asked.

  “Yyyyeah.” Under her breath, she added, “about as good as I can be...”

  “Actually, Zoe... there's something I've been meaning to tell you too.” Kyle rose from the bed and stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

  Zoe held her breath for a few seconds, relieved to have a reprieve. The longer she could postpone the news, the better. “What is it?”

  Kyle started pacing around the room. She could see him fiddling with something on their desk, but she couldn't see what it was, because his back was facing her direction. “I'm...”

  “What is it, Kyle?” Zoe repeated, noting his hesitation. “It can't be any worse than what I have to say to you. Trust me.”

  “It might be.”

  “Really?!” Zoe sat up in bed, and the blankets tumbled off her chest. “You aren't sick or something, are you?”

  “No!” Kyle's response was so emphatic, he made himself chuckle. “No, I'm fine.”

  “Okay. Good.”

  “You know I love you, don't you?”

  Zoe grabbed her teddy bear and cuddled it against her lap. The nausea clawing at her stomach was getting worse and worse. “Of course. And... I love you too.”

  “Shit... I'm just going to come out and say it!” Kyle ran a hand through his short, dark hair. His silver-gray eyes were red-rimmed and full of grief. “I'm cheating on you.”

  Zoe winced. Those words, few as they were, felt like a verbal slap to the face. For a few seconds, her entire body went numb. “Cheating.”

  “Yeah.” He ran his hand down the length of his face and snorted into the palm of his hand. “I'm so, so sorry.”

  “Wow.” She was blindsided. For some reason, she never thought it could happen to them. They always seemed like a happy, stable, normal couple. Apparently, she was wrong. “With... who?”

  “You promise you won't freak out?”

  “I... promise.” She was already freaking out! It couldn't get any worse, could it?

  “Cynthia.”

  “Cynthia?!” Zoe winced again. So Kyle was cheating on her with his ex-girlfriend. It was quite possibly the worst case scenario. Cynthia was the quintessential blonde Barbie doll, and Zoe never felt like she could live up to her. After being with a girl like Cynthia, everything else had to be a step down. Including Zoe.

  “I know. God! I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am, Zo!” Kyle ran to the bed and collapsed on top of her. He hugged her legs, clutching them, holding on to her for dear life. “I'm a scumbag.”

  Zoe nodded. She couldn't really disagree with him there.

  “I'm an asshole.”

  She nodded again.

  “And I know I don't deserve you.”

  “Kyle!” Zoe kicked him off and rolled out of bed. “We were supposed to get married in three weeks. THREE WEEKS!”

  “I know!” Kyle's lip quivered as he watched her leave the bed. “God, I know! I guess I was just...”

  When he didn't complete his sentence, she asked, “Having second thoughts?”

  “No! Not really! Zoe, you're the sweetest, cutest, kindest, most caring and adorable girl in the world!” he professed. “No one could ever have second thoughts about a girl like you. I just... I panicked, okay?!”

  “Great. That makes me feel better,” Zoe said with a roll of her eyes. “Are you still seeing her?”

  “What?”

  “Cynthia. Are you with her... currently?”

  “No!” Kyle crawled to the end of the bed and tried to grab Zoe's arm, but she pulled away. “I mean... okay... kind of. Cynthia thinks we're together, but we're not.”

  “You're not?” Zoe grabbed an empty, oversized purse from the corner of the room and tossed it on the bed.

  “No... I'm going to break up w
ith her!” Kyle exclaimed. “I want to be with YOU, Zoe. I wouldn't even be telling you this if you weren't the one I wanted. I just didn't want to get married when I had this on my conscience. You deserved to know. Cynthia is... she's great, but she's not you.”

  “Oh, I'm sure she's great!” Zoe swung open the closet door and started plucking shirts from hangers. “If you like her so much, why don't you go to her?”

  “Aren't you listening? I want YOU!”

  Zoe shoved a few shirts into the purse. She just needed a few essentials—the rest could wait. She packed a couple pairs of pants, a skirt. Then she reached for her underwear drawer.

  “What are you doing?” Kyle asked.

  “What does it look like I'm doing?” Zoe plucked a bra from the drawer and dangled it over the purse for a few seconds. “I'm leaving.”

  When Zoe dropped the bra, Kyle snatched it in midair. “Wait. No. You can't!”

  “Yes. I can.” Kyle could have her bra—she had others. She packed the purse with bras and panties until it was practically bursting.

  “Please, Zoe!” Kyle got to his knees and held his palms together in a prayer-like position. “Please. Please! Just give me a second chance!”

  Zoe slung her purse over her shoulder. “Nope.”

  “But why!?” Zoe left the room, so Kyle leapt from the bed and stayed on her heels. “Why? Can't you appreciate the fact that I wanted to be honest with you? I didn't want to start our marriage with a lie!”

  “Kyle... I just...” When she got to the front door, Zoe turned around and shook her head at him. “I have zero tolerance for this kind of thing. My father cheated on my mother when I was six years old... and he never came back.”

  Kyle had heard the story before—plenty of times. “I know. I'm sorry.”

  “He left us. Both of us. And I never saw him again.” Zoe shook her head as she glowered at him. “I won't risk getting abandoned again.”

  “So you're going to abandon ME?”

  When she saw the tears in his eyes, Zoe almost regretted her decision. Maybe she wasn't thinking things through. Maybe he was truly remorseful? If she gave him a second chance, maybe he wouldn't do it again?

  “No,” she said aloud, winning the battle with her conscience.

  “No what?”

  “No, I'm not staying.”

  “Nooooooooooo, please!” Kyle ran forward, seizing her by the arm. “Please. Please don't leave me. Give me a chance!”

  Zoe held up her hand and pointed at her diamond engagement ring. “Do you want your ring back?”

  “I'll get you to change your mind!” Kyle declared. “I will! I'll do whatever it takes!”

  “You're welcome to try,” she said with a sigh. “Now... do you want your ring back?”

  “No. You keep it. I want you to have it.” Kyle lowered his eyes to the ground. “And you'll have my heart too... wherever you go.”

  “I'm going to my mom's,” she announced. “I'll talk to you later.”

  “Pleeeease!” he whimpered.

  Kyle was a six foot tall, broad-shouldered, impossibly handsome semi-genius. Whining didn't suit him.

  “I'll... I'll be in touch, okay?” Zoe said. She pulled open the front door and stepped through the doorway. The further she went, the more he pouted. “Take care of yourself, Kyle.”

  “I love you, Zoe!” he screamed. “I love you!”

  When she closed the door, Kyle sank to his knees, clutched his face, and bellowed into the palms of his hands.

  She was gone.

  But at least she left him with some hope. “I'll be in touch” certainly sounded more promising than, “I hope I never see you again.” He half-expected her to say the latter, but she had been surprisingly placid.

  “I love her...” Kyle whispered to himself. He eyed the door, wishing she would return. “And I'll never give up.”

  Chapter Two

  Excerpt from Zoe's blog--

  I feel the familiar pinch of diarrhea in my lower abdomen. Just the thought of meeting my mom for lunch is making me sick.

  “Hiiii, sweetheart!” Beverly cried. She raised her purse, saluting her daughter from the other end of the restaurant. Her mother's obnoxiousness made Zoe want to slink beneath the table in shame.

  Beverly came bounding over, her red curls bouncing on her shoulders. At fifty-five, she was still a very attractive woman, and they were often mistaken for sisters. But Zoe wasn't nearly as glamorous as her mother, in her Chanel skirt and Prada bag. In comparison, Zoe was--

  “Frumpy!” her mother exclaimed.

  “Huh?”

  “You're looking a bit frumpy, honey,” Beverly said. “That sweater looks terrible. Is that Kyle's shirt?”

  “No.”

  “Well, it's way too big for you. Have you lost some weight? It looks like you've lost some weight in your cheeks. Oh! I should tell you about this new diet I'm on. It lets you eat cheesecake... CHEESECAKE! Doesn't that sound delicious?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  Beverly cracked open the menu and peered inside. “But I can't eat much right now... I'm saving my calories for dinner. You don't mind if I have a light lunch, do you? Ooo, the minestrone sounds good. And maybe some broccoli spears.”

  “You can eat whatever you want,” her daughter said. And Zoe was going to eat whatever she wanted to eat. Maybe a big, juicy hamburger and a boatload of french fries.

  “Did you know it was raining outside? I'm lucky I had my umbrella... it would have messed up my hair! Does it look alright?” Beverly patted the bouncy ends of her hair.

  “You look great, Mom. As you always do.”

  “Aww, you're so sweet. I spent some extra time on my hair because I'm meeting a neighbor for coffee later on. Have you met Roger?”

  “Roger? Who?”

  “He's my neighbor...and a handsome man, too. He doesn't look his age. I would swear he looks about forty-five!”

  “How old is he?”

  “Sixty-two.” Beverly reached across the table, seizing Zoe's hand. “And I swear to you, he has barely any gray. Maybe a bit of silver around the temples, but that's about it.”

  “So... it's like a date?”

  “Mmm, you could say that.” Beverly's thin, rouge lips curled into a smile. “What about you, dear? How are you and Kyle?”

  Zoe lifted her menu, hiding her face from her mother's scrutinizing eyes. It had been two days since their break-up and she had yet to tell a soul. She didn't want anyone asking questions about her personal life. “Well... you see, Mom, that's why I wanted to talk to you. I have a lot to tell you.”

  “Oh my god. You're not PREGNANT or anything, are you?!” her mother gasped. “It wouldn't be too terrible, though, since you're getting married soon. You wouldn't be too far along. I doubt anyone would be able to tell.”

  “Mom!” Zoe had to shout to get her attention. “I'm not pregnant, okay? Geez.”

  “Good!” Beverly gave her daughter a pat on the arm. “That's not to say I wouldn't want you to get pregnant. You know that, right? It's just... call me old-fashioned, but I think there's a proper order to these things. Marriage first, then you can think about the babies.”

  Tinkle tinkle.

  When Beverly heard the jingling noise, she took out her cell phone and checked her text messages. Then she started texting right then and there, completely oblivious to the fact that her daughter needed to speak with her. The waitress came to take their order, and Beverly had her eyes fixed on the phone the entire time.

  After several minutes, she returned her phone to her purse. “That was Roger. The other day, I had to teach him how to text. He's not very tech savvy.”

  “You're not very tech savvy,” Zoe countered.

  “Well... no. But I'm learning.” Beverly leaned forward and folded her hands on the table. “Now, you had something to tell me?”

  The waitress returned with their drinks, so Zoe took a few seconds to prepare her iced tea for consumption. She opened a sugar packet and--

 
“Oh my god, SUGAR?!” Beverly gasped, as if she had uttered the world's dirtiest word.

  Zoe dumped three packets of sugar into her iced tea. “Yeah. Why not?”

  “Because, honey, you should use SPLENDA!” Beverly picked up a yellow Splenda packet and wiggled it in her daughter's face. “Pure sugar is terrible for you, and Splenda tastes just the same.”

  “Well, I like the real deal,” Zoe said. “Anyway, Mom... I really, really need to talk to you about something, so stop trying to distract me.”

  “I'm not trying to distract you!” Beverly's lower lip protruded innocently. “What did you need to tell me?”

  “Kyle and I broke up,” Zoe blurted. She figured it would be best to get it over quickly, like ripping off a band-aid. “We're calling off the wedding.”

  “WHAAAAT?!”

  “Shhh! Mom!”

  “You broke up?!”

  “Yes!” Her mother was shrieking so loudly, Zoe was tempted to lean across the table and clap a hand over her mouth. “But it's not that big of a deal. We--”

  “Not that big of a deal? NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL?!” Beverly repeated, aghast. “Of course it's a big deal! All of our friends and family were expecting to come to a wedding! If you call it off, what are they going to think?”

  “I don't know, Mom. Maybe they'll think Kyle was a cheating asshole?”

  Beverly drew a sharp breath. “He cheated?! Really?!”

  “Yes! Please keep your voice down!” Zoe started massaging the worry line between her eyes. Her mother was going to give her some new wrinkles.

  “But you're thirty-two years old.”

  “And?”

  “And you haven't been married yet!”

  Zoe leaned back and crossed her arms. “And... what's your point? You think I should marry a cheater?”

  “Well... no.” Her mother pursed her lips. “But I really liked Kyle.”

  “I really liked him too.”

  “How many times did he cheat? Is it really so bad? Maybe you can forgive him?”

  “Mom!” Zoe crossed her arms. Out of all the people she knew, her mother was the last one she expected to side with her cheating boyfriend. After all, her mother had a history with cheaters. All of a sudden, Zoe felt like she was sitting across from a traitor. She shoved her straw into her mouth and sucked down her iced tea so fast, she gave herself brain freeze. “I thought you'd feel sorry for me. I didn't think you'd be on Kyle's side.”