Would he miss her the same way? She unbuckled the belt, and by the time she was free, he was at her side to help her from the seat. It was a long step to make in a dress, and she liked his courtesy. She liked—loved—everything about him.
“A pretty unusual first date.” He closed the door quietly. “But it was nice, all in all.”
“I agree. I’m glad Spence came by. I didn’t feel right just leaving Danielle alone until Dorrie got there.”
“She’s been through a tough time. It’s heartening to see that, sometimes, things turn out all right in the end. Jonas will be coming home soon. That’s a happy ending.”
“I’m glad for them.” Everyone, Dad and Dorrie included, had called. Dorrie was coming to spend the night, just in case there were any further—although unexpected—emergencies.
Lauren matched Caleb’s slow pace along the back of the garage, thinking of family. Thinking that she’d like a happy ending of her own. How was that going to happen? She had her internship to return to—it was too great of an opportunity to give up. She had classes starting and an entire life in another state. What she needed was to know how Caleb felt. What he really wanted.
They’d reached the gate and in the companionable silence, Caleb opened it for her. The horses in the field didn’t bother to come close. Tasha and Leo nickered a low-toned greeting and went back to their drowsing. Malia stopped trying to pick at the new gate latch and appeared completely innocent of any wrongdoing.
Caleb chuckled softly. “That mare. She does that just to get my dander up.”
“She’s just sweet on you.” Lauren was not only talking about the mare.
“Maybe I’m a little smitten with her, too.”
The way he said it was casual but Lauren’s heart stalled. Every bit of her soul wanted to believe he was talking about his feelings for her, but that would be getting ahead of herself. How did she hold back her dreams? She hesitated on the front steps of the romantic little house and, surrounded by the innocent scent of roses and sweet Montana winds she could imagine a happy future with Caleb in it. The kind of marriage Gran talked about. Did he see that future, too?
He broke the silence between them, leaning closer, an enigmatic grin on his lips. “Well, I guess this is it.”
“I guess so.” She found herself leaning toward him just a little.
“Tomorrow’s your last day here.”
“Part of a day,” she corrected. “I leave by afternoon. I have a long way to drive if I want to be home Sunday evening, to get ready for my week.”
It was hard to tell what he thought of that. “You must be eager to get back.”
“Not so much. I didn’t expect to find so many reasons to stay.”
He didn’t answer. He towered over her, crowned by the infinite blackness of the sky. She felt small and vulnerable. She didn’t know why he wasn’t saying anything. Her hands started to tremble. A single wish filled her heart, the wish for one sweet kiss from him. It would be her first. She waited breathlessly, holding back every other dream and wish. Did he feel this way, too?
“I guess this is good-night.” He didn’t move away.
Maybe he did feel this, too. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, long enough to gather her courage. She did her best to open her heart and let down every shield. There was no more distance, no more fear, just her revealed, vulnerable heart.
Kiss me, Caleb. Please, she wished. Just one kiss, so I know you feel this way, too.
He didn’t come closer, but he didn’t move away. His throat worked, as if he was debating what to do or what to say. “How about you and I meet up tomorrow before you leave? I’ll saddle up the horses and we’ll go on a little run.”
He took a step back, breaking her hopes.
And her heart. Riding? He was speaking about riding horses. Her mind stayed stuck in neutral and spun. She cleared her throat. Not a single word slid into her mind. All she could feel was heartbreak sinking to her toes. “Sure. Wait. I don’t know. Tomorrow might be kind of busy. I still haven’t packed.”
“Right. Okay. Sure.” He took another step back, shrugging those wide, dependable shoulders of his as if not seeing her again was no biggie. Not at all. “We’ll just take it as it comes, okay? I at least want to make sure I see you one more time. T-to say goodbye.”
Goodbye, huh? Disappointment left her gasping, but something worse. Something more painful and devastating than she’d ever felt before. Her love for him didn’t fade, sadly, as she watched him take another step away.
So, he wasn’t in love with her. She blinked hard and lifted a trembling hand in an attempt at a wave.
He didn’t look back. The garden gate clicked shut. He became a distinct shadow in the dark and then merged with it. She could not make him out in the thick inky blackness.
I can’t believe this. She put her hand to her face. Shock left her numb and she stood there, in shock, as the hot wind puffed over her, rattling the rose canes.
Where are you leading me, Lord?
An electronic tune rang from inside the little purse, and she nearly dropped it. She pulled out Aubrey’s phone with wooden fingers. “Hello?”
“Hi there,” came a cheerful voice. “It’s Aubrey. I wanted to know how the date turned out.”
Lauren pressed her hand to her face. What was she going to say? It was great, but he didn’t kiss me.
“—I had a few things to clean up in my studio and since it was late I decided to stay over in my room in Gran’s house. I can see Caleb’s truck pulling away from my window. That’s how I know you’re home. So, how was it?”
Lauren looked at her feet. Surely that was where her heart was, puddled there on the floor. “It was nice. The dinner was great. Caleb was very much a gentleman. He’s a good friend.”
Friend. Just friends, after all.
“He’s a great guy, but you didn’t have the entire evening alone together. While we love you more for running to Danielle’s aid, it wasn’t fair. You two need a do-over date.”
Pain rippled through her. Poor Aubrey had no idea what she was saying or the hurt she was causing. Lauren cleared her throat, hoping her heartache wouldn’t show. “There’s no time. Tomorrow’s my last day here.”
“Yeah, we don’t want to think about that.”
There was a beep. Was that another call coming in? Before she could say anything, Aubrey cut in. “I bet that’s Rebecca or Ava. Before I hang up, do you like chocolate ripple or mint chocolate chip?”
“You mean I have to pick?”
“Both, then. Great.” The line clicked, and then the second call rang in. “Hi, it’s Rebecca. I just met Caleb’s truck in the driveway, heading home. The date’s over?”
“It is. Thank you for the help. I managed to make it home with shoes unscathed. In fact, I’m going to take them off right now.”
“No worries. I’ll be there in a few moments. Don’t let Ava start eating without me.”
There was a click and Lauren didn’t get the chance to react. She’d be here in a few moments? What did that mean?
She had time to open the door and flip on the lights before Aubrey showed up, with Ava in tow, carrying two huge containers of ice cream and a big grocery bag. The twins were nearly dressed identically in pink printed pajamas and fuzzy open-toed slippers.
“I’ll get the bowls.” Ava made herself at home in the kitchen. “It’s pajama party time.”
Aubrey set a carton of strawberry milk on the counter and went in search of enough glasses. “Lauren, do you want to change before we start?”
“It’s tradition.” Ava tried to wrestle open the lid of the ice cream container and ripped it. “We did this for all our dates when we were teenagers. You’ve missed out, so we wanted to give you the total family experience.”
How could something go so wrong and be terribly right all in the same evening?
Thank you, Father, Lauren silently prayed with all of the pieces of her heart. Thank you for this wonderful family.
“Rebecca’s here. Quick! Go change,” Ava urged.
“But don’t change too much,” Aubrey added sweetly. “We like you just the way you are.”
How fun was this? Lauren tucked her hurt away, set her chin and crossed the room. Luckily, she had a perfect set of purple pj’s that would fit right in with the sisterly spirit. She went into the bedroom to find them.
Chapter Fifteen
Memories. They were all around her. Lauren straightened from the carriage house’s kitchen floor with the dustpan in hand. Why, on this last day here, when she was hours away from leaving, did she remember? She could see before they left in the family’s sedan, feel the day’s heat and grit in the air as she played in her sandbox in the backyard. Mom was yelling in that high, nervous voice, angry at Spence, something about how he was always wrong.
Lauren only remembered staring hard at the sand fisted in her hand and feeling like she had that sand inside her, so she couldn’t breathe. Everyone was crying, one of her sisters, it had to be one of the twins, had knelt down beside her and rubbed comforting circles against her back while Mom was yelling. She wasn’t happy, she was meant for better things.
Like always, Lauren thought as she emptied the dustpan into the garbage can. She could remember being so afraid by Mom’s yelling and being yanked out of the sandbox by one arm. The girls were crying “No, Mom, no,” and Mom was saying she’d had enough, that she was wasting her life.
I don’t want to remember this. Grimly, she tied up the garbage bag neatly and lifted it from the can. She carried it to the front door, set it on the porch to take to the garbage on her next trip to the house. She let the sweet, rose-scented breeze wash over her. Maybe it could wash away some of the agony.
It wasn’t only her childhood that hurt, but the present, too. She was heading for California. She was leaving behind the people she loved more than anything. At one time they had been her security, her comfort, her happiness and everything she’d ever known. As the leaves of the trees rustled and Tasha lifted her head from grazing to call out a nicker in her direction, Lauren was tugged back one more time. Being grabbed roughly around the middle, as Mom tended to do when she was upset, and shoved into the backseat. The door slammed; Mom was good at being unkind when she was in a mood. Lauren saw the suitcase on the seat beside her and started to shake. Outside in the yard the girls were crying. Spence had tried to stop Mom from leaving.
This is how I felt, Lauren realized. This was why she could never look back. In a few moments, her family would be here to send her off. She would have to say goodbye to them. She would have to watch them grow smaller in her rearview mirror until they were gone from her sight.
It’s not the same as last time, she told herself rationally as she eased onto the top step. I’ll see them again. We can talk on the phone. I’m coming back for birthdays and holidays. Dad and Dorrie will be visiting in a few weeks. So why was she feeling this way? It wasn’t logical. It didn’t make any sense.
Caleb was the reason why. The last time she’d felt this way, she’d been that small child, leaving love behind. That’s what was the same. Love. Didn’t that prove she cared for Caleb more than she thought? How could this be a passing thing, if her love for him was that strong?
She’d found the one man she felt she could truly trust. Her respect and opinion of him was sky-high. He was her answered prayer, but she was not his. Why was a foolish part of her wishing that maybe one day, he could be? That maybe this could still work out, even with all the reasons why it couldn’t?
She shook her head. There she was, getting ahead of herself again. Didn’t she have things to do? She grabbed the borrowed laundry basket from the couch and spotted the gray cowboy hat Caleb had lent her. It sat in a fall of sunlight through the window like a sign from above.
Lord, are you trying to tell me something?
No, this didn’t have to be over, she realized as she swept the Stetson off the couch. Maybe all she and Caleb needed was more time together. Maybe there was still hope. The way he’d looked at her, the way he’d seemed to want to kiss her last night.
There was a spring in her step when she snatched the garbage bag on the porch. She padded through the garden, feeling hope lift her up. Images of Caleb filled her mind, of the first time she saw him on the porch. Of him calming the runaway horses like a Western legend. Of how he’d looked at her on their date—with respect and, she hoped, with affection, with love.
She rounded the back side of the house, where the detached triple garage sat in the shade of the house and trees. She set the laundry basket, with Caleb’s Stetson inside it, on the back steps. She heard low voices, their words carrying on the breeze.
“I put you in a bad spot, Caleb—”
She recognized Spence’s voice, and while she shouldn’t be listening in, she couldn’t seem to make her feet turn her around. Caleb was here? Had he come to see her? Had he been thinking about these things, too?
Turn around, Lauren, she said to herself, or at least say something. A horrible sense of foreboding burrowed into her stomach. She opened her mouth to call out, but Caleb was already answering Spence. It was too late.
“I got that report on Lauren because we’re friends, but I didn’t feel right about it then and I really don’t now—”
What report? She felt the garbage sack slipping from her fingers. She wanted to move, she truly did, but she was as rooted into place as the maples arching above her and her ears were ringing with Caleb’s words. That report on Lauren.
“The report was squeaky clean,” Caleb continued saying. “I spent time with her and I know it’s right. She came to meet her family, nothing more.”
The bag hit the steps with a whispered thud as the terrible truth crashed into her heart. Caleb hadn’t been friendly to her because he liked her. No, he was a cop. He’d been pretending to like her. He’d thought she was like her mother and he’d lied to her about it.
The report was squeaky clean. I spent time with her and I know it’s right. His words hit like a cluster bomb to her heart and exploded. Pain, like shrapnel, splintered through her. She had to move. She had to get out of here. Pain melded with panic. Woodenly, her right foot moved her forward. She had to keep going, quietly, calmly, without making a noise, or the men would know she’d overheard them. Caleb would know. Caleb, the one man she’d thought was so true. But it had all been a lie, right? She’d believed what she wanted to, and this is what came from letting herself dream.
And I knew better. She had no one to blame but herself. She snatched up the laundry basket, plopped the Stetson on the step, and only then did she realize in a blurry haze that she’d left the garbage sack on the steps. Footsteps were knelling closer, echoing between the house and the garage; it sounded as if Caleb and Spence were headed this way.
Move, she had to move. She opened the screen door just enough to squeeze through, hoping the slight squeak of the metal hinges didn’t carry too far. She slipped into the shadows just as she heard the men’s voices discussing the abandoned garbage bag.
What if they figured it out? She was humiliated enough. With every step she took, her heart shattered more. She went as quietly as she could, but her feet still felt wooden and her vision blurred. The edge of the laundry basket smacked into the banister’s end post, that led to the upstairs.
“Lauren, is that you, dear?”
Oh, no. She could hear the squeak of a chair as someone shifted in it. And there was Gran in the library at the big antique rolltop desk. Lauren forced herself to keep going. “Sorry, Gran, I need to get my last load out of the dryer.”
Footsteps headed in her direction. “This will only take a moment. Come sit with me.”
She felt as if she were drowning in the pieces of her devastation. “No, I’m not packed yet.” And, most importantly, Caleb was outside. She had hold of the laundry room doorknob, when Gran stopped her with a gentle hand to the shoulder.
“Come, talk to me. Please.”
How could s
he look into her grandmother’s dear face, radiating love and vulnerability, and not do as she was asked? It was totally impossible. She stumbled after Mary into the cool library, where walls lined with books muted every sound.
“I have something for you.” Mary tore a check from her wallet and held it out. “To help with your schooling.”
Could the day get any worse? Lauren stared at the offered check in horror. First Caleb. Now this. Her heart couldn’t take it. “No. I didn’t come here for your money.”
“You’re saying no to five thousand dollars?” Gran only smiled. No judgment, no distrust, nothing but loving acceptance. “I don’t know how much that graduate school tuition of yours costs, but it must cost a pretty penny. I also wrote a check out for Rebecca for the same amount, but I didn’t stop to think that your school might cost more.”
“Rebecca is your step-granddaughter.”
“Goodness, she’s called me Gran since she could talk. Twenty years of love makes her mine. The same way twenty years of you being absent from my life didn’t stop my love for you.”
Lauren stared at the check. Spence was right. She hated to admit it, but he’d done the right thing by being protective of this lovely, generous, perfect lady. “I can’t accept that kind of money from you.”
“Maybe you don’t understand. I’ve helped everyone with their schooling and their dreams. Why shouldn’t I help you?”
“Because down deep, accepting this would make me feel a little bit like my mom. I don’t want your money. I want a grandmother.”
“Sweetheart, that’s something you’ve always had.”
“Then I have everything I need. This is what I want you to do with the money. Buy something wonderful for yourself. Take a friend on a cruise. How about that?” She gave Gran a hug, and as the fragile woman clung to her with such rare sweetness, she realized something else. She might have been duped by Caleb Stone, but it was for a good cause. She loved Gran enough to do nearly anything to keep her safe from any sort of harm. How many times had Mom manipulated money out of this kind lady over the years? Too many to count.
A McKaslin Homecoming (The McKaslin Clan) Page 16