“Mac,” Carolyn’s sleepy voice said, “I thought you were going out with my mom and the boys.” She pushed herself up in the bed, a task that was easier than weeks ago but still took some effort.
Mac got up and walked over to her bed, sitting down on the edge. “I wanted them to have some time away.”
Carolyn put her hand on his arm. “You’ve been so good to us, Mac. I don’t even know what to say or how to thank you.”
Mac thought his heart would crack in two. Thank him? He couldn’t fathom. He’d cheated on Carolyn almost their entire marriage, now she wanted to thank him. For what? Doing what any decent human being would do? However, he realized that somewhere along the way that she’d become his friend. It was an odd sort of full circle experience he hadn’t seen coming.
He smiled at her, “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”
Mac was pleased to see that even the shine had returned to her eyes and there was color in her cheeks again.
“I feel really good, Mac. I mean, really good. I’m just so…grateful.” She gripped his hand.
“You’re going to get past this,” he said softly. Her head was covered in a beautiful light blue scarf that Danny had found at a shop on the Santa Monica Pier.
“Before we leave here, I want to go to the beach,” she gave a heavy, slightly labored sigh. “I just want to walk on the sand.”
He nodded, “Sure. I’ll ask Dr. Wong what she thinks .”
Carolyn laughed, “Oh, Mac, you’re so sweet. I can walk, you know. You don’t have to be so overprotective,” her grip tightened on his hand. “But I’m so touched that you are.”
Carolyn looked out the window then back at Mac.
“How’s Kate dealing with all of this?”
Carolyn had only said Kate’s name a few times, so it was odd to hear her ask. Despite the fact that they were now divorced, Kate was oddly still an off-limits topic of conversation.
Something bloomed in Mac’s chest as he thought of Kate and how good she’d been through all of this.
“She’s great. She really is.”
Carolyn cocked her head, “Mac, are you sure? You always seem to think you know women better than you actually do.”
Mac burst out laughing. Carolyn was right. He generally overestimated his skills when it came to reading a woman’s mind.
“I’ve talked with her about it. It’s not easy, but she’s fine.”
“I don’t want the two of you to postpone your wedding anymore. Really, it’s silly.”
“Look, we don’t have to talk about this right now, Carolyn. How about we go outside for a walk in the gardens?”
“Mac, I’d like that, but don’t change the subject. You two should get married. Don’t wait on me or whatever is going on with my health.”
“Come on, let’s get you out of this bed.” Mac stood up and leaned over to pick her up.
“Mac, I can get up on my own.”
“No,” he said firmly. Pulling the covers back, he scooped her up and set her down in the wheelchair that was parked by the door.
“I need to get my strength back,” she insisted as he walked over to the chair and set her down.
“We’ll walk through the gardens. That’ll be enough.”
His voice was firm. Carolyn knew better than to fight him on this. Dr. Wong had said that while her recovery had been good—better than she’d anticipated—she still wanted Carolyn to build up to normal activity. The new treatment in the form of a clinical trial was a new form of chemotherapy. It was still pretty hard on the body, but it cut recovery time considerably.
Mac wheeled her into the hallway. The nurses at the station all smiled.
Mostly at him.
“Mr. and Mrs. Ellis, look at you. Out for a walk today?”
“Yes,” Mac flashed them a smile, not bothering to correct them. Technically, she was Mrs. Ellis. Carolyn had never returned to her maiden name.
“She needs her exercise.” He turned Carolyn towards the elevators and punched the button.
“Do you ever get tired of women swooning over you?” Carolyn smiled.
The doors opened and Mac pulled the chair into the elevator car.
“Never,” he laughed.
The gardens at City of Hope were exquisite. Full of tropical flowers, fountains and benches spread throughout so that visitors and patients could sit and enjoy the space. Mac found a bench that was sheltered by one of the large trees. He was keenly aware that sunlight wasn’t Carolyn’s friend right now. She’d burn easily because of the treatments, so he took great care to keep her in the shade. He also always brought a tube of sunscreen, just in case.
“Give me your arm,” he insisted. Carolyn complied.
“Now, I want to finish our discussion,” Carolyn insisted. “When are you going to marry that girl?”
“Soon,” Mac promised as he smoothed lotion into her skin. “Come here. Let’s put some on your face, too.”
Carolyn held out her hand and Mac gave her a dab of sunscreen, which she spread across her face.
“Set a date.” She finished applying the lotion. “Life is too short, Mac. You need to do this. Be happy.”
Mac sat down on the bench and Carolyn pushed herself out of her chair to join him.
“I am happy,” he said. It was true, sort of. The travel was hard; being away from Kate was hard. Not waking up next to her was hard. But Carolyn was getting better and that was good.
Carolyn hesitated for a moment and then said, “Mac, I need to tell you something.”
Mac turned to her, “Uh-oh, here it comes. Have you decided to leave New York and move to California?”
She patted his thigh. “No, Mac. I’m not moving to California. But I want to go to Paris. The doctor told me about a clinic there that is doing some amazing holistic work with my type of cancer. In fact, it’s the only place in the world that does this. A former colleague of Dr. Wong’s started this, and he’s had some amazing results. She said in terms of healing and recovery, there’s no better place to be.”
Carolyn smiled and continued, “And, you know I’ve always wanted to go to Paris. When I get out of here and return home, I want to go. It’s just three months, but I thought maybe the Danny and Dave can join me for a week while I get settled in. Who knows? Maybe I’ll even learn French while I’m there.” Her smile broadened.
Paris.
They were going to go to Paris on their honeymoon but never made it. Mac’s work had been too demanding at the time, and Paris was replaced by a long weekend in Niagara Falls. The Falls, while beautiful, could hardly compare to the City of Lights, but Carolyn had never complained. She’d understood why his work had taken a front seat to their honeymoon plans. His work was important, and it had been important to their family and their future. They could do Paris another time. The problem was, they hadn’t.
He regretted he’d never taken Carolyn to Paris and regretted the million other things he’d done wrong.
“Paris,” he said. He let the word float between them.
“Mac, I’m sorry. I didn’t say this to hurt you. I just, I want to go.”
Mac was silent. The wind sifted through the trees and the leaves rustled. “Then let’s go.” His voice was so low; she had to ask again what he had said.
“Mac, what?”
“I’m going. We’re going. We’re all going. In July.”
CHAPTER 51
“So, how’s therapy?” Grace smiled, sipping her non-organic wine.
Kate rolled her eyes. “I sort of hate it, but I kind of like it, in an odd, masochistic way.” They were at Joe’s, their usual hangout, and it was packed with “summer people,” as they were often called by New Yorkers. They were sitting at a high-top table near the bar. Conversations and laughter hummed around them.
“What have you learned about yourself?”
Kate took a long drink of her cosmo.
“Well, my life is a perpetual spin cycle, I bounce from man to man, and I let my authors walk all
over me.”
Grace nodded and suppressed a laugh. “And Andrew is paying how much per session to have someone tell you this? Hell, I’ve been telling you this for ages. Just pay me.” Grace winked.
“I have no idea how much Andrew is paying her, but once the six sessions are up I’m done.”
“How many have you had so far?”
“Three, and one time she said she Googled me. I nearly had a fit. She never talks about what I want to talk about, and I always get homework.”
“Do you do the homework?”
“Never.” Kate shook her head. “Seriously, like I have time for that?”
Grace took another drink. “How will you get better if you don’t do the work?”
“Stop it; you’re starting to sound like Dr. Ruth. I didn’t go there to do work. I went there to learn how to deal with the Carolyn stuff.”
“And how is that going?”
Kate shrugged, “It’s fine. I mean, I guess. They’re all coming home next week.”
“One big happy family.” Grace’s eyes never left Kate.
“Stop it,” she commanded, but Kate was certain Grace wouldn’t listen. She never did, and that’s one of the things Kate loved about her. Grace was relentlessly committed to the truth and Kate’s happiness.
“So, I haven’t seen you since the library thing. How did that go?”
Kate hadn’t told Grace that Nick had been with her. But if Grace read a paper, which she rarely did, she already knew.
“It was great. We had a great spread in the paper.”
“I never read newspapers. You know that. Now tell me. Was it everything you had hoped it would be?”
“I invited Nick,” Kate said softly, waiting for Grace to respond.
Her friend’s eyes flew open. “You did what?”
Kate shrugged, trying her best to downplay the whole thing. “It was his uncle. I figured he’d want to be there.”
Grace narrowed her eyes. “Is that the only reason?”
“Of course. What other reason could there possibly be?”
“That you still love him.”
“Seriously, Grace. You are really wrong about this. I know you like Nick, but I have no residual feelings for him.”
“I know you’re lying.”
Great, now her friend really was starting to sound like Dr. Ruth. The problem was, Grace was right. In the three weeks since the opening, Kate had done her best to put as much distance between herself and Nick as she could, which had been hard since his sister was a constant reminder of him.
Kate sipped her cosmo. Finally she admitted, “Okay, you’re right.”
“And what are you going to do about it?”
“I’m going to show up at his apartment, strip down, and beg him to take me back.”
Grace smiled, “Stop teasing me. I’m having my Team Nick t-shirt printed as we speak.”
Kate sighed, “Nick is my past, Gracie. Mac is my future. I need you to understand that.”
They were silent for a moment, and then Kate said, “Nick and I had dinner after, and when I got home Mac was there. He’d flown all the way from California just to surprise me for the opening. I felt horrible.”
“What did he say? Did you tell him you were with Nick?
“I did, and Mac was great about it, but I still felt bad.”
“Kate, you can’t keep doing this—not to yourself, not to Nick, and I’m sorry to say, not to Mac.” Grace leaned over the table to emphasize her point.
“It’s just confusing with Mac being gone.”
“Kate, I know you think that I’m an endless broken record here, but let me just say this: A solid heart isn’t conflicted, ever. If you’re wavering, there has to be a reason. Yes, your life has been a bit of a spin cycle, but that’s also because the work you do is so crazy. But if you don’t love Mac enough to marry him, or if you’re hesitant, then you should look at that. If that’s why Nick is in your heart, because you’re just unsure about Mac, then you must never see him again. He’s been through enough.”
And he had. Kate knew that all too well. Still, the thought of not seeing Nick again bothered her in ways she didn’t want to share with Grace—not until she figured this out for herself.
CHAPTER 52
Mac sat in the back of the cab as the city whizzed by. It was good to be home, although California had been a discovery of sorts. He’d learned a lot about himself, about his grown sons, and about Carolyn. Now things were getting better, but he was in a cab headed back to Kate. With every mile, it separated him more from his family.
His family.
Did that mean Carolyn, too? He supposed it did; she’d always be part of his life—now possibly more than ever. After the odyssey that was their marriage, they’d finally found a place that was comfortable—a place of friendship, mutual respect, and yes, love. But not the kind of love he felt for Kate. Still, he did love Carolyn, and part of that gnawed at him. He’d had a perfect life—really perfect—and he’d thrown it all away. Now he had another perfect life with Kate, but a small part his heart ached to go back and do things differently from the beginning with Carolyn. Then another part, a bigger part, wouldn’t have wanted to miss Kate for anything.
It was, in a sense, the devil’s deal, trading one life for another and then being granted a glimpse into what could have been. A life as a family man instead of the person he’d become. The man who had done things out of torment and selfishness. The man who’d lost his way so many times he was amazed he’d even found the path that led to Kate.
And now they were headed to Paris. He, Carolyn, his sons, and he hoped, Kate. He held off booking the tickets until he talked with her. He hoped she’d see it the way he did. Still, Mac suspected that Kate would simply flip out, and he couldn’t blame her if she did. If the roles were reversed, he wouldn’t be too happy either.
The cab pulled up in front of the offices. Flying west to east lost him three hours, and although it was already three o’clock in the afternoon, he wanted to go in and see everyone, especially Kate.
He handed the cabbie his credit card, paid, and slid out of the seat. The cabbie popped the trunk and Mac lifted out his suitcase.
As he walked inside, he realized how much he’d missed the office and missed his routine. The last however many months had been excruciatingly difficult. Running Carolyn all over, getting her to California. But she’d been the trooper he’d always known her to be, and she’d done it without a single complaint. God love her.
And now she was doing better, and soon would be back to her old self—at least that’s what he hoped. Well, almost. Cancer changes you in a way that nothing else did. He knew that from a few group sessions he’d gone to with his boys.
Cancer therapy. Who’d have ever thought he’d be sitting in a room with other family members talking about what it’s like to live with a cancer patient?
Just goes to show you that the minute you think you have it figured out, life changes the lesson plan.
“Earth School 101.” He once had an author who used that phrase, and it had always stuck with him.
CHAPTER 53
The elevator doors slipped open and Mac strode out.
“Hey there!” he smiled to the young receptionist.
“Mr. Ellis, good to see you. Welcome back,” her voice drifted behind him as he walked inside. It was a busy place. He could hear someone on the phone. It was Annabelle. Mac wondered for a split second how she was working out; last he heard it was tenuous, at best. Then he saw her. Kate was leaning over Lu’s desk, her back to him. Lulu spotted him and smiled. Mac put a finger to his lips, and Lulu went back to listening to Kate.
Mac snuck up behind Kate, grabbed her, and lifted her in the air.
“Whoa, wha… “ Kate was surprised until he spun her around and she saw that killer smile.
“Mac! I didn’t know…” Mac suppressed whatever else she was going to say with a kiss.
“God, I’ve missed you.” He held her face. She wasn�
��t a fan of displays of affection in the office. In fact, she’d insisted they keep it toned down, but now, somehow she didn’t care. Mac was here and he was home.
Finally.
Mac kissed her again, long and hard.
Finally, Kate loosened herself from his embrace, smiled, and said, “Let’s get you settled into your office, MacDermott Ellis. You have a lot to catch up on.”
There was a glint in Mac’s eyes. “Yes, there is.”
And Kate knew he didn’t mean work.
CHAPTER 54
“Paris?” Kate had been nestled but she pushed away. They’d come home the night before, skipped dinner, and went straight to bed. When they woke up, he was hungry for her again. Now in the afterglow of making love, he mentions Paris. Kate felt like she had to throw up. The word stabbed her right through the heart.
“Mac, are you serious?” Kate’s voice sounded brittle.
“Kate, listen. I thought it would be a great idea, I mean you know Carolyn’s gotten much better, but she still has a ways to go, and this clinic is amazing. I thought I would take her there, stay for a week, and come home.” He waited for her to respond. When she didn’t, he added, “And the boys will be there. You can get to know them better.”
A tag-along on a family vacation. Was he serious? Kate moved farther away, but Mac pulled her back.
“Kate, don’t be like that.” Okay, that was a mistake. He knew that the minute the words were out of his mouth.
Kate sat upright. It was a sudden move. “Be like what? Your fiancé who doesn’t understand why you have to go off with your former family to Paris for a long-overdue family vacation?” Kate’s voice grew louder.
Climax: The Publicist, Book Three Page 20