"I could take their fists. I'd had worse in Miami." His voice held as much emotion as his expression – none. "But they'd push all the right buttons. Beat you until you prayed you'd pass out. Then haul you up and talk about America and what I could be doing instead, if I'd just tell them where my men were meeting. I'd refuse. The beatings would start again. With whips or pipes or chains. Whatever they got their hands on. Then they'd talk some more. Then electric shock. Then beat me some more. Got to the point I could time it."
He chuckled without humor. "I kept refusing. I don't know how. The more they pushed, the more I vowed to not give them what they wanted. Then they brought in Carmen."
Abruptly he turned away from the window and began pacing the room. She didn't want to hear his next words. The horror in his voice told her enough.
But she'd listen. Even if she ground her teeth down to the nerves, she'd listen.
"She was our informant. A member of the local rebels. She was beautiful. Exotic, but natural. Different from anyone I'd ever seen before.
"She was also the oldest teenager I'd ever met. Seventeen years old with eyes that had never been young. I don't know what she'd lived through. I only know our lives looked like a walk in the park next to hers.
"We're still not sure how they captured her. Or how they even knew she'd helped us. But a little money goes a long way down there, and information is easy to get."
He stopped, and she knew he couldn't avoid it any longer. He began to ramble, completely caught up in the past.
"They gave me one more chance to tell. I looked at her, as much as I could. My one eye was blinded by blood. The other swollen shut. But I could see her. They hit her. Over and over. And she kept glaring at me, screaming at me not to do it. Not to tell them. They ripped her clothes off and still she looked at me, so brave and proud—"
His voice broke and she covered her mouth with both hands to hold back any sound. She didn't want him stopping because of her reaction.
"I knew that if I told them where my men were they'd kill us. And I couldn't tell. They'd have sent a small army after them. That night was the pickup, and hopefully the reinforcements would arrive with it."
He stopped pacing and stared down at the flame of the candle.
"They could see I was wavering, so they chained her against a wall and left us alone. She stood there, shivering, naked, bruised and bleeding and told me she'd never forgive me if I told. That her whole family had been killed by the Balangerios and she would do anything to bring them down … that being raped was nothing, it had happened before."
He shook his head and looked at her. "Can you imagine? Rape being a way of life? This girl stood there begging me not to help her!" He heaved a huge sigh, and Anna could clearly see the weight he carried. "Carmen knew the men were meeting the helicopter and said maybe things would change. I knew she was referring to the brief chance help would arrive. Then she said she knew it wouldn't be easy for me to watch, that I reminded her of her dead brother, and he too would have done anything to prevent her from being hurt."
His voice had become progressively quieter as he spoke. He turned to face her and it took all her strength not to go to him. A tear rolled down the candlelit side of his face.
"They raped her. The whole time she stared at me, and I never looked away. I wanted to will every ounce of strength I had left to her, and she knew it. It sounds ridiculous, but I think I helped her. And because she didn't fight back or scream or cry, she took away their pleasure in it. When they realized their plan backfired, they stopped and let her up. She walked out of my cell and gave me a small smile. It was victorious. Like somehow she'd won a battle."
Anna couldn't stay on the bed. She went to him and took his face in her hands, but left space between them. "Don't carry this guilt. You can't. Carmen made a decision, and like you said, if you'd told, they might have killed you both."
He exhaled, more of a sob than a breath. "I can't stop seeing her. I couldn't do anything, Anna. I couldn't help her!"
She realized that this situation only aggravated the deep guilt. Here he was in a situation without any control.
"Where is she now?"
He reached out to her and pulled her close, cradling her the way she wanted to do for him. His warm, naked skin was slick against her face, and his heart beat fast in her ear. "I don't know! That's just it. I don't know where she is. About six hours after she left the cell, all hell broke loose. Reinforcements had arrived, and against orders, my men came back for me. I told Mike to look for her, but no one ever found her."
He hesitated, and she knew what his next words would be, so she spoke quickly. "That's no reason to assume she's dead."
"How can I not? They wouldn't have just let her walk away. She should have been on the grounds somewhere. And even if by some slim chance she managed to get away, where would she go? She had no one! It kills me to think of her being left with nothing after risking her life."
Anna sighed, unsure of what to say. "Maybe you didn't leave her with nothing. The Balangerios were taken down, just as she wanted." She hugged him to her. "I understand what you're saying about her being alone, but surely she had friends."
He shrugged and spoke with his lips against her hair. "I hope so. I hope someone's taking care of her."
Anna held him and sent up a prayer about Carmen. Then she led him back to bed and pulled him to her.
It was time someone took care of him.
* * *
"Why do ya think he's seepin' with Mom?" asked the whisperer.
"Maybe she had a bad dream," said whisperer number two, in a matter-of-fact tone.
"Or maybe she needed a hug," said the first one.
"She still needs one."
The sleep-warmed wall behind her began to shake. Having had more experience, Anna was able to keep on her sleep face. Usually she heard the most interesting conversations between the twins when they thought she still slept.
Just when she was about to crack open an eye, another hushed voice entered the room.
"You two come out of there. It's barely dawn. Let your mother and R – Gage sleep."
If the cat was ever in the bag, it was surely out now. On their way out, Rebecca asked Lina why Gage had no pajamas on. All they heard of Lina's answer before the door closed was, "He only wears the bottoms."
Anna and Rico burst into quiet laughter, neither realizing Lina stood on the other side of the door, a matching smile lighting her face before she followed the twins to their bedroom.
Rico leaned over her shoulder. "I get the feeling this is a morning ritual."
She let her lids drift shut, refusing to figure out the minutes of sleep they'd grabbed between Rico's frequent house checks, his nightmare and the twins' arrival. "Every morning, I listen to them and then pretend to wake up. It's better than a loud, beeping alarm clock."
She squinted a scratchy eye open, thankful the blinds prevented the sunlight from piercing her brain. Rico's shadowed jaw and sleepy, deep-yellow eyes came into a blurry focus, causing a knee-jerk reaction of disbelief.
He was in her bed.
Unfortunately, morning was not her best time, regardless of the motherhood prerequisite, and she didn't think before saying, "You're not going to kiss me, are you?"
"I'd been considering it."
"Don't. Bottle my morning breath, and the government would have a lethal weapon."
Something between a snort and a laugh made her realize that this wasn't the usual morning-after type chat. Too tired to be completely embarrassed, she buried her face in her pillow and mollified herself with the thought that this was not a usual morning-after, either. The bed shifted as he got up and as she gave in to the pull of sleep, she heard him in her bathroom.
Much too soon a voice said, "Here, princess," and something was pushed into the hand dangling off the bed.
She opened her eye again to see her toothbrush, prepped with toothpaste.
"Hey, hurry up. I want my kiss," he said around his own too
thbrush. "Hope you didn't mind, I found this new one under your sink."
"I've heard of breakfast in bed, but not dental hygiene," she mumbled as she pushed herself into a sitting position. Even knowing she'd be embarrassed about this later, when the rest of her brain cells woke up, she couldn't push away her normal morning grouchiness.
At least, she rationalized, he now knew mornings were not her best time.
With her empty hand she slung her mass of tangled hair off her face and started brushing. As he stood there brushing his own teeth and looking far too pleased with himself, her grumpiness escalated.
Around her toothpaste bubbles, she grouched, "I have to get up now to spit."
He smiled around his orange-handled toothbrush, and bent gallantly at the waist, gesturing to the empty bathroom. Anna walked past him as regally as the situation allowed, finished up and returned to bed.
"If you're not running for the door now," she said, half seriously, "Nothing's going to scare you away."
"I told you before, I'm not going anywhere. I already knew you weren't a happy person in the morning, remember?"
She frowned.
"Who had to wait every morning for you to get ready for school? You were never ready on time and usually didn't speak until we got halfway there."
"I forgot about that," she mused.
"I didn't. I figure I can handle it. Even if I have to bring you toothpaste in bed every morning." He grinned, looking far too devastating for someone who hadn't showered yet.
She sighed, wondering if this was another one of God's little jokes. She must look like something a tornado spit out, and he could pose for a magazine cologne ad.
"The things I do for one of your kisses," he teased, crawling back onto the bed. "Is it safe now?"
She squinted her eyes in a pseudo glare, then ruined it by smiling. "I don't know, you tell me."
He did, but much later.
* * *
"I'm so happy for you both, hija," Lina said, giving Anna a rib-crushing hug.
A sliver of disquiet whispered through her, but she shoved it away. "We worked through a lot last night, but there are some things left."
She looked over Lina's shoulder to see Rico on the floor with the kids. They'd all finished breakfast, and he'd been occupying them with a puzzle while the women did the dishes.
"I told him the truth," she said, sliding in the bottom tray of the dishwasher and closing the door.
The fork Lina was putting away dropped to the floor.
"And?"
"And he took it well. I explained things and he was confused, angry. But I think he understands."
Lina nodded, both women remembering the long hug he'd given his mother earlier that morning.
"Does not mean he will forgive me."
Anna folded her dish towel and hung it from the stove door. "He'll always look at you as the mother who loved him enough to try to protect him. And he'll always love you."
Lina pressed her lips together and nodded briskly. "I hope you are right, hija."
"Grandma!" Rafe called as he skip-jogged into the room. "I'm hungry."
"You just finished breakfast, little one. How can you be hungry?"
"Gage says it's cause I'm a growing boy," he answered, stretching on his tiptoes to try to grab a banana.
"Oh, wait just a moment," Lina said, putting down her dish towel and getting the banana out of the fruit bowl. "You are going to turn into a monkey with all the bananas you eat."
That had Rafe itching his sides and bopping around making monkey noises. Anna rolled her eyes at Rico, who'd paused at his puzzle making to stand and watch his son's theatrics. His dark, contact-colored eyes still managed to dance with mirth as they met hers.
Suddenly he looked down at his beeper, and all humor disappeared. She regained her breath as his expression calmed.
He walked up behind her, one hand taking advantage of the island counter's cover to slide down her right hip. The shivers went straight up her spine in a slow, heated blush.
"That was Mike," he said low in her ear, obviously uncaring of his mother's delighted glances. "He's here."
"Here?"
He linked his fingers with hers and led her into the living room at the front of the house.
"Don't panic," he said, keeping away from the windows and gathering her in his arms. "He has pictures and information we need to go over. I don't want him coming to the house."
"Why not? Wouldn't it be safer if you stayed here?" He pressed his lips together and cradled her face in his large palms. "I'll be fine and so will all of you. We'll have one agent tail us and leave three with you. I won't be gone long. I promise."
It was absurd to feel so scared; she knew that. After all, this psycho wasn't going to storm in here without being stopped by their government caretakers first.
"Are you sure Mike can't just come here? He's a friend of Gage's, so why would it make any difference?"
"Whoever is looking into my background will find Mike. Probably already has. We started out in boot camp together and were in the same units for years.
"Look, this guy has every marking of a professional. A professional would know everything about their target, even things their target doesn't know about."
She searched his eyes, looking for something to lessen her growing fear. The determination she found didn't help.
"You're talking about Rafe."
He nodded. "I never gave information about the twins. How could I? Yet this guy knows about them. Which means he's known about you and Mama for a while and has been waiting."
The chill in her manifested into a shiver. He sighed and rubbed his hands carefully on the outside of her arms. Even though she suffered no bruises from the arm twisting last night, he was absurdly gentle.
"I don't mean to scare you, Anna, but I want you to understand what we're up against."
"I do," she said into his shirt. "I just don't like it."
"Neither do I," he whispered, planting a kiss on her temple and cocooning her in his arms.
"How long will you be gone?" she asked, pulling away to look up at his face. If she could keep looking at him, he was still here.
"An hour, tops."
They stood there, holding each other. Along with her fear of his safety and theirs was another deeper dread. He might not return.
Again.
"The sooner I leave, the sooner I return," he coaxed, rocking side to side.
The chill in her iced. She'd heard those words before. Her father had said them as he uncurled her small arms from around his waist.
Only he'd never returned.
She nodded, the jerky movement hurting the tight muscles in her neck. Searching for more strength from her ever-depleting reserves, she faced him, memorized him.
"Be safe."
He cocked his head to the side and brought her hand up to his lips. The emotion in his eyes caused the lump in her throat to burn even more.
"I'll be safe, Bella. I've got too much to live for this time."
* * *
His words replayed in her mind long after he'd left. Too much to live for this time. If they survived this hell, could the two of them actually have a second chance? Could she trust him enough to stay, even though she hadn't been the reason for his return?
Glancing up at the clock for the hundredth time since he left, not thirty minutes before, she slapped the playing cards on the table and fell back against the chair.
"A watched pot never boils, hija."
Lina sat across from her at the kitchen table while the twins sat engrossed in an educational television show.
"I know, I know."
"He'll be back."
Anna glanced up at the confident tone. "You seem sure."
"Sí, I am."
Ridiculous as it was, the tension in her eased a bit. Why Lina's belief would make a difference she didn't know. It just did.
"I need to do something," she announced, standing to put the cards away.
; The doorbell rang.
The cads flew out of her hand, tumbling around her like old leaves in a fall wind. She met Lina's serious gaze.
"Stay with the twins."
"Sí."
Inching into the foyer, she tried to use the afternoon sunlight to see a shadow on the porch. The long, thin windows on either side of the door were covered with sheer curtains, and usually a person's silhouette could be seen.
Not this time.
The agents wouldn't let anyone unknown get close to the door. So who could it he?
Skirting the door, she came up close to one of the small windows just as the knocking started.
"Anna, I know you're home. Hurry up! This cake's heavy!"
Relief clashed with the adrenaline in her system, and she swallowed to push back the nausea. She took labor-reminiscent pants to slow her heartbeat and swung open the door.
"Dana! I'm sorry about that. I was downstairs doing laundry and Lina was on the phone."
Dana's big grin widened further. "You're out of shape, my friend, if you get that winded running up the basement steps. You know, maybe I should keep this cheesecake all to myself."
"Don't you dare!" Anna said, swinging her friend into the house with one hand and closing and subtly locking the door with the other. "I need to indulge, and this is perfect."
Dana laughed, leading the way to the kitchen.
"Hello, Lina," she said, leaning over to give the woman a kiss while she set the cake on the table. "I made this extra special today. In fact, I think it's my best attempt yet."
"You need to leave your recipe alone! Always changing it, when every time it is perfect."
"I love this woman," Dana said, sober. "Why can't my men friends say the same thing about me?"
Anna laughed, feeling relaxation seep into her for the first time since Rico's return. This was exactly what she needed. Girl chat with her friend over fattening food.
"Don't just stand there, you dope. Get the plates while I go kiss those beautiful children."
Shaking her head at the funny face Dana made, Anna gathered the necessary supplies.
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