by David Spade
Now this was a pretty ballsy move, to just show up at the hospital gacked out of my mind. This was right before basketball player Len Bias died of a coke overdose two days after being drafted by the Boston Celtics. If I had known you could actually die from cocaine, I’m pretty sure I would have scared myself into a heart attack.
Once we got to the hospital, I was too scared to go in. I was afraid that the doctors would know I was famous. (I wasn’t. I performed at bars during Monday Night Football or before karaoke.) So my friend secretly cranked the heat and proceeded to talk me off the ledge for two solid hours. He spent all that time calmly asking me questions to get my mind off the cocaine. Eventually, the sun came up, and I sat there drenched in sweat. “Want to go home?” my friend asks. We head back to his house, and on the way in pass his parents, who are on the way to their jobs. They look at me like I’m a freak, which is more than fair. I spent the day sleeping, like the loser I was.
That wasn’t my last run-in with the white dust, but eventually I decide that I’m over it. I can’t keep up anymore. Just a little vodka and Diet Coke and I’m good.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Special thanks to Gurvie, Lorne, Venit, Sandler, Caitlin, Levine, Warren, and my brothers Andy and Bryan.
Of course, to Harper.
And to my dad, Sammy. If he hadn’t scrammed on us when we were kids I wouldn’t be fucked up enough to get a book deal. Thanks Scrammy!
PHOTO INSERT
Mr. Hitler will see you now. Photograph courtesy of the author.
Opening for Ray Charles in New York. My first trip to NYC and my highest paid gig, $1,500. Photograph courtesy of the author.
With my buddy Dennis Miller and his mullet. Photograph courtesy of Tribune Media Company.
And you are . . . ? The late great Phil Hartman doing Sinatra. Photograph courtesy of Ng for Edie Baskin.
Me trying to avoid permanent residence in a van. Photograph courtesy of Ng for Edie Baskin.
The first poster and title of what would become Tommy Boy. Photograph courtesy of Paramount Pictures.
Black Sheep in between cop car takes. Frying in 103-degree heat. Umbrellas like Puff Daddy. Photograph courtesy of Paramount Pictures.
Tommy Boy poster. The movie that changed everything. Notice Chris signed it. I signed one for him too. Photograph courtesy of Paramount Pictures.
Tense in a limo after SNL on the way to the airport for a rough Tommy Boy Sunday shoot. Photograph courtesy of the author.
Hollywood Minute with Kevin Nealon and Steve Martin. Steve was very cool to participate in this. Love this guy. Photograph courtesy of Ng for Edie Baskin.
SNL rundown sheet from hosting. Photograph courtesy of the author.
Skippy. Photograph courtesy of the author.
Bryan, Andy, and me. Photograph courtesy of the author.
Bryan, Andy, my mom, and me at the old Malibu house. Photograph courtesy of the author.
Bryan, me, Mom, and Andy. And Princess. Must be the ’70s. Photograph courtesy of the author.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
DAVID SPADE is an actor, comedian, and writer. A former cast member of Saturday Night Live, Spade has also starred in the films Tommy Boy, Black Sheep, and the Joe Dirt and Grown Ups franchises. He was nominated for an Emmy, two Golden Globes, and an American Comedy Award for his role on NBC’s Just Shoot Me! He also won a participation award for being in show business. That’s the one he’s most proud of. He lives in Los Angeles, California.
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CREDITS
COVER DESIGN BY JEANNE REINA
COVER PHOTOGRAPHY AND AUTHOR BIO PHOTOGRAPH BY SCOTT McDERMOTT
COPYRIGHT
This is a work of nonfiction. Some names and identifying characteristics have been changed to protect the privacy and anonymity of the individuals involved.
ALMOST INTERESTING. Copyright © 2015 by David Spade. All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright Conventions. By payment of the required fees, you have been granted the nonexclusive, nontransferable right to access and read the text of this e-book on-screen. No part of this text may be reproduced, transmitted, downloaded, decompiled, reverse-engineered, or stored in or introduced into any information storage and retrieval system, in any form or by any means, whether electronic or mechanical, now known or hereafter invented, without the express written permission of HarperCollins e-books.
FIRST EDITION
ISBN: 978-0-06-237697-8
EPub Edition OCTOBER 2015 ISBN 9780062376985
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