by HJ Bellus
Halo, by Beyoncé, blares through the speakers and State’s hand covers mine perched on my thigh. It makes me relax. The bundle of nerves threatening to blossom into a full-blown anxiety attack, simmers to a dull roar with his touch. I glance over at him every chance I get to study his relaxed jaw and the sexy-ass aviators he’s wearing. I’m surprised he’s not wearing a snapback, but his short hair is even sexy, and I’m thankful he’s not wearing a hat.
“Like what you see?” He smirks when stopped at a red stoplight.
“Busted, eh?”
He squeezes the top of my hand and on an impulse I reach over and place a light kiss on his cheek. I want to reassure him in every way that I’m in. All in, even if my weak psyche doesn’t think it will happen.
The drive is over forty-five minutes and before long we roll up to a gated community. My gut clenches in horror. It’s a damn mansion, or a damn castle as Rowe would classify it.
“Is this it?” I point with my free hand.
“Yeah, nothing in this lifestyle is boring or plain.”
“Everything I am.” I mean it as a joke, but it came out flat and all too meaningful.
“We’re made of the same cloth, Baylor. King’s made us and that’s something none of these people will ever understand. No one can take that away from us.”
“Sometimes I miss that place. How fucked up is that?”
“I do too, but it happens less knowing you’re in my life again.”
“Me too,” I whisper.
State parks his car, then rushes around the front of it until he’s at my side and opens the door. I take his outstretched hand and leap to my feet. I’m shocked when my legs don’t wobble or knees knock in nerves. It’s in this moment, when I look down at our clutched hands, that I know it’s because State’s holding me.
It takes a good while to wind around to the back of the house. The noise soon hits us hard. Music, laughter, and chatter fill the air. State grips my hand tighter and tugs me to his side. Once in the backyard, I’m assaulted by the amount of people, the colors blue and orange adorning every single thing, and then the huge men. State doesn’t stand out in this crowd.
I barely hit the top of his shoulders and feel like a dwarf among the sea of football players. It doesn’t take long before we are surrounded by the men giving State slaps on the back and riddling him with crude greetings.
He growls a warning and waves them back a bit. I know he’s protecting me, but in a weird way I feel okay. I don’t feel like a part of the group, but in turn I also feel like part of the crowd. Shit, this is all too confusing. State looks down at me and I’m able to give him a genuine smile.
It’s in this moment when he smiles back with force, that turns off the vicious thoughts in my mind. God, I want to yell to the whole crowd that I love State and I’m his Baylor, and nothing in this world will ever tear us apart again. A new and an authentic determination bubbles up in every single one my pores. I’m going to fight for State no matter the circumstances.
“Guys, this is Baylor. And Baylor?” He looks down at me with a delighted expression. “These are the guys, don’t worry about their names. They respond pretty well to dumbass.”
“State.” A woman’s voice squeals.
We turn to an older woman rushing over to him. It looks like she literally bathed in blue and orange, from her headband, to her jewelry, and right down to her sandals.
“Momma Pete.” State drops my hand and wraps her up in hug that leaves her feet dangling from the ground.
When he sets her down, he whirls her around to face me.
“Oh my lawd, you’re just as gorgeous as he told me. So nice to meet you Baylor. I’m Momma Pete, the coach’s wife, and I’ve heard so much about you.”
She has me wrapped up in hug, wiping her blue and orange collage of colors on me.
“Don’t scare her off, Momma Pete.” State takes my hand back in his.
“Oh heaven, I’d never do that. I’m just so happy you’re here.”
He squeezes my hand tighter and I realize I haven’t said a word.
“Thank you.”
“You’re simply gorgeous, Baylor. I’m jealous of that long stunning dark brown hair.”
I smooth it down making sure none of Rowe’s imprints are left on it. It took a bit to get all of the blue glitter off my face on the ride over.
“I’m really honored to be here with State. Thanks for having me.”
It’s not a lie. Not one ounce of it. I almost feel sick with the thought I didn’t want to come.
“Let me get you a drink. This humidity and heat is horrible. Over near the pool is a blue cooler with cold drinks in it. You two make yourself comfortable.” Momma Pete scurries off to get our drinks, even though she just invited us to get our own.
One man is left standing with us. I recognize him from Alley’s. He’s one of the men who was a little bit too excited to eat there.
“I’m Ryder.” He reaches out his hand. “I’m really the star of the team. Don’t believe anything this fool tells you.”
State grunts and elbows him in the side. “Bullshit, I’m always picking up your slack.”
“Whatever, pretty boy.”
The men pick up in conversation and I’m off the hook. I like standing by State’s side and not having to speak. It’s feels good. I quickly learn Ryder is the other leader on defense with State, and they’ve been ranked the number one defense the last three years in the nation. Both men started as Freshman and have broken all records that could be crushed.
I notice a girl sitting by herself on a chaise lounge. She has long brown hair and plain features. She seems so relatable, except for her perfectly sculpted body. She has to be an athlete.
“Quit staring.”
State’s voice causes me to jump, but when I look up at him, he’s not talking to me. Ryder is magnified to the same girl I am.
“You know she’s off limits.”
“Fuck off. I was looking at the decorations.”
State rolls in a fit of laughter. “Busted, bitch.”
Ryder shakes his head and then wipes his brow. This girl seems to really have him tied up in knots. My curious mind wants to know.,.but I’ll file that question for later.
“Coach will kill you. It’s his daughter, Ryder.”
Curious mind, fulfilled!
“I’m not doing anything with Shayne.”
“Your eyes tell another story, man.” State slaps him on the back. “Focus on football and not pissing off the head coach.”
“Did I hear my name?” An older man, wearing a blue and orange visor with grey poking up from the top, joins us. Momma Pete is by his side holding his hand.
“Sure did,” State quickly recovers.
My vision darts back to the bored girl, then to the coach, State, and Ryder. An awkward feeling drifts between everyone and I feel like I have a flashing sign on my forehead explaining why the men were talking about him.
“Just telling Ryder how I’m your favorite, Coach Pete.”
The man lets out a hearty laugh with a sparkle of love shining in his dark brown eyes. “You know you’re all like my own kids. I can’t pick a favorite.”
“Yeah, good cover-up story.” State beams widely.
There’s a bond between these men that’s contagious. They’re not just a team, but a family. I’ve picked up on it in just a matter of thirty minutes or so.
“I’m going to the gym, if I’ve spent enough time here.” The girl, Shayne, has joined the conversation and doesn’t seemed impressed at all. She’s shorter than me and definitely an athlete with her toned body. I suck in my gut feeling fat around her.
State grips my hand firmly and I suck in even harder. Shayne’s hand remains on her hip and her death stare aimed directly at her parents.
“Have you met Baylor?” Her mom claps her hands together.
Talk about oblivious.
Shayne looks my way and softens her glare. Her warm blue eyes meet mine and she even offers
“Hi. I’ve heard lots about you. Nice to meet you.” She extends a hand.
“You too,” I manage to get out and shake her hand.
“Won’t kill you to hang around,” her dad barks out.
“Wouldn’t kill you to show up…”
Her mom cuts her off. “Go ahead, honey. Text if you need anything.”
I feel like a soldier on a battlefield, dodging bullets. They’re streaming from every direction without warning.
“Ryder.” Shayne smiles and nods before walking off.
He’s not very discreet watching her sashay away in her white eyelet dress. The battlefield is distracted when other players join us, and the conversation goes right back into talk about the first upcoming game.
“Let’s go sit down.” State guides me to an empty table.
He receives a few jabs from his teammates about being a pussy, but he ignores them. We settle into a couple of chairs that are perched at the corner of the pool under a shade tent, with a large fan blowing. The aroma of food is overwhelming as servers in white jackets bring food out.
“Doing okay?” State asks, placing his hand on the top of my leg.
I nod to him still taking everything in. A group of girls dance on the opposite side of the bowl. Their moves are ridiculous and it seems they’re gaining the attention they want.
“Girlfriends of players,” State answers my unasked question.
“Wow,” it slips off my tongue.
“Pathetic, I know.”
“Please slap me if I ever become that.” I look up at him and smile.
His large hands cup my face and he smiles right back down at me. “Will do.”
“Kiss me,” I whisper.
His lips brush mine before he kisses me. It’s quick and just what I needed.
He pulls back. “What was that about?”
“Just felt the need to claim you.”
“Really?” He raises an eyebrow.
“You’re, by far, the best looking guy here.”
“Want me to take my shirt off?”
I choke in embarrassment. “Your beauty doesn’t need to be expanded by being shirtless.”
The rumble of his laugh vibrates off his chest. “My tattoo says it all.”
“Right.” I giggle.
“Thank you for coming here. I know it’s hard on you.” He brushes away a stray hair.
I close my eyes and fight not to moan out loud. “Thank you for pushing me.”
The table is soon filled with other players and few women. State’s irritation is clear.
“It’s okay.” I lean over and whisper in his ear. “Enjoy.”
He laces his fingers in mine and relaxes back a bit. It becomes evident I have no idea about football while listening to the players. The extent of my knowledge is it hurts your fingers when you catch the ball.
I grab my phone out of my small purse and check it. There’s several texts from Miss Tami checking in on me and even a few selfies of her and Rowe. I give a State a quick understanding look, untangle our fingers, and send a quick text to them, then one to State.
Me: Remember when you’d force me to play catch and nearly break my digits off?
He picks up his phone and smiles when he sees my name on it.
State: You’re over dramatic.
Me: It’s all I know about football.
State: I know a great teacher.
Me: I’m never playing catch with you again.
State: I’m more into tackling people now.
Me: I could handle being tackled by you.
“Jesus, get a damn room,” Ryder blurts out.
And we’re busted in action.
“Fuck off,” State growls, placing his phone on the table.
“You don’t talk much.” Ryder pulls a chair up behind us.
I shrug. Shrug like a motherfucking champion.
“Did State here make you mute?”
State slaps him hard in the back of the head. “Don’t be a dick.”
“I talk.”
“She has a voice,” Ryder replies.
“I do. Just a bit shy,” I offer.
“No need to be shy around here, sweetie, this is your new family.”
“Call her sweetie one more time and I’ll break your fucking legs.”
I shake my head at State’s over protective nature.
“Thanks, Ryder.” I grab State’s hand again.
“This tough guy here has it bad for you.”
“Yeah?” I ask.
“Been his roommate since our Freshman year. I was starting to think you were his imaginary crush.”
“We were imaginary to each other for several long years,” I offer.
“Never again.” State lightly kisses me on the lips.
The action makes me blush and feel out of place. It’s scary to be cared for so publically. I chalk it up to a new sensation and chose to not run from it.
“Who is that?”
We all look up to the new voice. It’s the girl from sports bar that was all over State. My guts twist with fear. She’s not impressed, and I have a feeling that a determination within her has just surfaced to ruin my life. Call it a woman’s intuition.
“Who you banging now to get in here, Bridget?” Ryder asks.
He doesn’t hold back any distain. Ryder just became a good friend of mine.
“Fuck off, Ryder.”
“No, really who you banging? They’ll need to be vaccinated stat.”
State lets out a chuckle.
“Really, State, seems you’ve never minded.”
And there’s the first blow from the monster bitch.
“You wish,” he fires back.
“And we don’t care for rotten trout. Do us a favor and get your nasty box away from us.”
Ryder for the touchdown. Bridget whirls around to leave us.
State’s up on his feet. “Oh, Bridget this is Baylor, by the way. My girlfriend.”
Girlfriend. Penalty for State, or is it the winning touchdown?
“Baylor.” My name rolls off of her tongue coated in venom. “The name on your back?”
“My one and only,” State says back with a gleam in his eyes.
“What’s going on?” A guy wraps Bridget up, joining the conversation.
“Hey, Dylan,” she purrs.
“Better get into the fucking clinic, man.” Ryder laughs and stands to his feet.
“He’s the fucking third string QB, he’ll be fine,” another gentle giant adds.
The men at the table all enjoy a good laugh. I had no idea they were even part of this conversation.
“Yeah, Burnett, careful your tiny dick might fall off.”
It’s the final comment that sends the pair away from out table. Studying their backs when they walk away, his number and last name strike me hard in the face. I’m barely able to breathe as it all sinks in. My blood runs cold and fear paralyzes me.
“Baylor?”
I hear State’s voice, but can’t quit staring at the back of the man. How did I not recognize him? My jaw clenches and face pales at the realization. It’s the brother. The brother of the man who abused and raped Rowe. We’ve never crossed the family since the final court proceedings. His brother was tried as an adult and put away.
“Baylor.” State’s voice tickles my ear. “Are you okay?”
I place my shaky hand on the tabletop and know I have to lie. He’ll go fucking ballistic. Football is his life and this will be the end of it. This is his family and team. I can’t tell him.
I nod. “Sorry, just forgot about a paper I have due.”
I die on the inside with my weak ass lie.
“Are you sure, Baylor?”
I nod again and welcome the conversation singing around us. We enjoy food, music, and talk about football the rest of the evening. A part of me has grown ice-cold knowing that a Burnett plays with State.
I learn Burnett is merely a third string quarterback, while State runs the other side of the football team on defense, but in the end they’re on the same team. Coach Pete gives a short speech about the purpose behind the barbecue. The theme is team bonding for a victorious season. I can’t tear that apart.
Fifteen
“We’re here.” My shoulder shakes.
I hadn’t even realized I’d dozed off on the way home. State is out and rounding the front of the car. He has my door open with an outstretched hand.
“Sorry, guess I’m crappy company.”
“Never. I love watching you sleep.”
“Will you stay the night?”
“Thought you’d never ask.” He grabs me by the waist, pulling me up to his chest. “This is where you wrap your legs around the prince.”
I chuckle into his neck and follow the instructions.
“My legs barely fit around you.”
“You fit perfectly, Baylor.”
Our lips connect. My stomach flutters as he works over my lips with his. The simple graze lights me up. I press my lips harder into his. When his tongue lazily grazes my bottom lip, I open up for him. He presses into my mouth with need and want. His taste is intoxicating. His tongue teases me with delicate brushes.
He pulls back. “I have to stop myself now or I won’t be able to.”
I drop my forehead to his and smile. “It feels so good to be with you again.”
“I know, baby.”
My heart bursts wide open with no hope of ever being the same. I shiver with the night chill. State puts me down on my feet and hand in hand we walk into my home. Rowe is passed out on the couch with her roses by her side. Miss Tami is busy working on a new blanket with the Golden Girls blaring in the background. It’s her favorite show. I’m pretty sure she’s seen every episode, but it never stops her from watching them over and over.
“Hi.” I wave, keeping my voice low not wanting to wake Rowe.
“Kids.” Tami beams up at us. “How was your day?”
“Good.” I nod. “Really good.”
Miss Tami doesn’t need any extra stress or worry. She’s spent a life time absorbing the stress of others while saving kids. So, for a second time today I’ll be lying to a person whom I love.
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