by York, Zoe
They both laughed, and he eased back just enough to lift her by her waist and deposit her on the kitchen counter. Now she could stare into his hazel eyes, flecked with gold, and what she saw there made her heart sing. He was so damned earnest. Sweet. Not a player at all, unless this was the play of all plays. She frowned. “That’s not just a line, is it?”
He blinked at her, then laughed wryly and scrubbed his hand over his face. “You don’t know the half of it. Hell, no, that’s not a line.” He leaned in, nudged her nose with his, then slid their faces together until everything blurred and the only thing she could feel was his lips parting hers.
Don’t you dare stop, she thought as his tongue teased its way into her mouth, nudging hers when she started a sweet, sensual exploration of her own. She spread her legs enough to welcome his body into the cradle of her thighs and then squeezed, holding him there as he deepened the kiss, stealing all of her breath. She didn’t care. He could have it.
“Mmmm,” she moaned as one of his hands slid under her shirt and played with the bare skin at her waist. “Higher,” she whispered, pulling back enough to make it clear what she wanted. He groaned against her lips as she pressed little, hungry kisses across his mouth and down to his jaw. “Seriously, Jared, I don’t put out on the first date, but you’re cleared for second base. Please…”
He made a rough noise in the back of his throat as he cupped her breast, his fingers pressing into the bare flesh spilling over the top of her bra. “Three dates, huh?”
“I’d break that rule for you in a heartbeat, actually.” She panted as he wiggled his thick fingers under the lace and started to nudge her nipple free.
“No, it’s a good rule. Makes me happy when I think about how few guys have gotten to that third date with you.” He sucked her lower earlobe into his mouth and pulled, sending a current of electricity straight to her clit. “And we have to talk.”
“You keep saying that,” she gasped, wrapping her legs around his butt. “But then your fingers do that, and I’m about ten seconds from shamelessly dry-humping you in my kitchen.”
“Okay,” he said, dragging out the syllables as he jerked his hips away from hers just as she found that magical ridge she’d been looking for. She pouted up at him and he laughed as he kissed her mouth. “Come on. Couch.”
She brightened at the thought of getting horizontal for some more making-out time, but even though he laced his fingers through hers, when they got to her living room he sat them down with a throw pillow between them.
Then he swore under his breath and tossed the pillow across the room. She wiggled closer and pressed her face into his neck.
“What’s going on?” she asked softly. His Adam’s apple bobbed against her nose and his knee bounced up and down as if it was a perpetual motion device.
“I guess I should say up front that I don’t have any weird issues or anything. But being with you would be different than how I’ve been with women in the past. And I want it to be good for you.”
She nodded silently. She wasn’t sure where he was going, but given his track record for one-night stands, different sounded good.
“I had a girlfriend in high school. Hannah. We broke up senior year and I haven’t dated anyone else.” More bobbing and bouncing. She wanted to reach out and still his knee, but she didn’t dare do anything that might derail his sharing. “This isn’t about her. Shit, sorry. This is weird for me.”
She laughed gently when he didn’t continue. “This is weird for me, too, in a good way. Guys usually hate talking.”
He nodded vigorously and she squeezed his fingers in reassurance.
“Tell you what. I’ll tell you one of my secrets and then you can tell me one of yours.”
“I only have one secret. Except State secrets, but I can’t share those.” He said it so dryly she wasn’t sure if he was kidding, but when she looked up, he grinned. “I really can’t.”
“Okay.” She took a deep breath. “My ex-husband left me because I couldn’t get pregnant.”
Jared tensed up, then made that noise in the back of his throat again. So weird, how the same growly grunt could have two obviously different meanings. “I should’ve punched him.”
“No.” She sighed. “Karma will get him in the end. He’ll probably knock up a hooker or something. Not that I’d wish a child to have to call him Daddy for any reason.” She shuddered. “I really dodged a bullet there.”
Jared pulled her close and kissed her forehead, but he didn’t say anything. Should she push him? Hadn’t the tit-for-tat sharing been clear?
She felt awkward, like he hadn’t wanted to hear that from her, and fuck, wasn’t that the story of her life… But just as she thought about pulling away, he tangled his hand into her hair, his fingers finding the back of her neck. He squeezed there and pressed his cheek to her forehead, letting out a big sigh. “Well, now I feel like a fucking teenager.”
“Why?” She tried to pull back to look at him but he tightened his still gentle hold on her.
“Because my thing is really selfish compared to that.”
“It’s okay. You don’t need to tell me.” She gave up trying to put distance between them and melted into his big, warm upper body. He was both hard and comfy at the same time, like a really firm mattress. She slid her hand under his shirt, loving the way he tensed his already tight abs under her touch.
He coughed and made a painful groaning noise. “Oh, no, I do. Only now I’m not sure how it’s going to be received.”
“And now you’re freaking me out.”
“Really?” He tensed again, and she shook her head against his chest.
“No, not really. You’re one of the best guys I’ve ever met, Jared. It would take a lot to freak me out.”
He took a deep breath. “Okay. So, I think we have something between us. Something like a relationship, or the start of one. And that’s new for me. I haven’t done that as an adult. And I want to have sex with you.”
She grinned. Good. She wanted to have sex with him, too.
“And I haven’t done that before.”
He’d said it really fast, and the words all ran together, but she was still pretty sure he’d just said—
“What?” She jerked up, the top of her head colliding with the bottom of his jaw, and he swore as she bounced backwards. “Oh God, I’m sorry.”
He groaned as he rubbed his jaw. “I’m fine.”
She spun onto her knees and grabbed his arm. “What do you mean you haven’t done that before?”
He winced. “The sex part.”
“But you’re a horndog!” She was yelling, which wasn’t cool. “Wait. Aren’t you?” She took a deep breath and rubbed his arm where she’d probably pinched off the circulation for a moment. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“Why?”
He sighed. “It’s a long story.”
“Like, change into jammies and bust out the box of chocolates kind of long? Or just put on coffee kind of long?”
He gave her a seriously weirded-out look. “Is that a girl measurement of drama?”
She nodded. He held out his hand and she slid her fingers over his. “Up until the minute I kissed you last week, choosing not to have sex wasn’t a drama for me at all. It was just something that hadn’t happened because I hadn’t found the person I wanted to do it with yet.”
Oh, wow. She could feel her eyes get really big and wide. Despite her previous promise, she knew she was riding a fine line between normal reaction and totally freaking out.
He dropped his voice into a practiced calm-making tone. “This isn’t about soul mates, or anything like that. I’ve never thought I was keeping myself for marriage, although I don’t think that’s a bad idea.” He stroked his thumb over her knuckles. “Maybe we should make some coffee.”
“I’ll do it,” she whispered, but when she clambered off the couch, he followed. “You don’t need to—”
“I want to,” he interrupted. “I w
ant to pick you up and carry you to the kitchen, but I’m trying not to be grabby.”
She stopped abruptly and turned, letting him bump into her. “You want to be grabby with me?”
“Angel, you don’t know the half of what I want to do to you. With you. Against you and inside of you.”
She whimpered and he wrapped his arms around her, doing that fabulous almost-lift thing as he lowered his head to kiss her. Right. As she melted from the inside out, all the panic faded away. He wasn’t a virginal teenager. The man could kiss. And talk dirty. He hadn’t seemed fazed by her dry-humping reference earlier. He was an adult. A capable, sexy—Oh!
“Stop thinking and kiss me,” he growled against her mouth, and she squeaked as he pushed more ruthlessly against her mouth, as if his tongue had a point to make.
“You’re good at that,” she breathed when he pulled back.
His eyes danced as he gazed down at her. “I’m good at a lot of things. And I think when we do the one thing I haven’t done, I’m going to be a quick study on how to make that amazing for you, too.”
Her legs quivered beneath her, a wiggly, jiggly feeling that matched how she felt on the inside, too. She dragged in a breath, then another, as he lazily wrapped his big, capable hands around her waist and resumed their course to the kitchen.
“How about I make the coffee?”
She nodded dumbly.
* * *
The good news was that he was still in her apartment and she still liked him. The bad news was that he hadn’t told her everything yet. And he had a sinking feeling that when he did, her ardor would dim in a significant way. Screw the coffee, he needed handcuffs and more than twenty-four hours to convince Cassie they’d be good together—great, even—despite their differences.
Because in twenty-four hours, she was heading to her family’s Christmas Eve celebration. Alone, because some jackass broke her heart.
He wasn’t going to be the second jackass to do that if he had any say in the matter. She wasn’t going to spend the holidays alone, not if he had anything to say about it.
As they waited on the coffee, he tugged Cassie close for a quiet hug. When the pot finished brewing, he carried their full mugs back to the living room.
He sat first, in a laid-back, arms-and-legs-splayed-wide kind of way that invited her to join him however she was most comfortable. But if he was being honest with himself, wherever she sat he was probably going to try and tug her into his lap. Luckily she saved him that caveman embarrassment by curling up against his bent thigh, facing him as she tucked her toes under his other leg. Close enough for now.
She took a deep breath and launched into it. “So…I’ve seen you. With women. At the pub and at clubs a couple of times.”
He nodded. He didn’t want to hide anything from her, no matter how awkward the conversation. But he wanted to be respectful, too. Of her and those women. “I’ve rounded some of the bases, as you put it earlier.”
She wrinkled her brow. “I don’t get it. None of them…”
He shrugged. “I didn’t want to. I’m pretty good at setting boundaries up front.” And he liked to watch women come, but he wasn’t going to tell her that. It had always been easier when he made it about them.
“So, have you ever…” She trailed off, biting her lip.
“Do you want to know what I’ve done?”
She wrinkled her nose. “Could I ask what you haven’t done, instead?”
He swallowed. Yeah, that was better. “I’ve never been fully naked with a woman—both of us at the same time. I’ve never spent the night sleeping with a woman, and you know that I’ve never brought a woman back to my place.” He reached for her hand, wiggling his fingers. She took it and the sweet, cool slide of her fingers settled him. “I’ve never had intercour—I’ve never made love to a woman.”
She smiled.
“What?”
“You’re blushing. But you’re also saying all of this…in such a mature way. And I don’t say that like you’re not a grown-up, because just look at you. But I stammer when I talk about sex and I’ve—” She cut herself off.
He didn’t really want to hear about what she’d done with others, either, but she’d been married. They weren’t in this virgin boat together.
Cassie pressed her fingers to her lips for a second, then brought her hand to his face, stroking his jaw as she smiled. “Let’s just say that I’ve got some variety of experience, and I’m still shy about it.”
He wanted to leave the conversation there and go back to kissing, but he needed to dig deep and lay himself bare for her no matter the consequences. It would be way worse if he didn’t and she fell for him. Like he’d fallen for her. “How much more can you handle today?”
Chapter Five
She’d let his hand go to pick up her coffee, but now she reached for him again, her palm warmed from her mug. She squeezed hard. “No promises there won’t be more accidental head butts, but I want to hear anything and everything you have to share.”
“Maybe I should ask you a bit more about your… You said you couldn’t get pregnant?” Damn, he needed to tread carefully here. But he didn’t want to say the wrong thing, either. He knew nothing about infertility. His family had the fertile bit down pat, not that it was something to crow about.
She licked her lips, a nervous tick that he paid careful attention to. He wouldn’t push her at all, but if she freely shared something that helped him navigate this conversation better, he’d take it. “Mitch has a trust fund. Part of it unlocked at marriage. Subsequent parts unlock with each child born.”
Punching was too good for the jerk. Jared blinked away the seriously thick layer of red he was seeing. “Please tell me he’s shooting blanks.”
She shook her head. “I have some medical conditions. Nothing serious, but getting pregnant would take significant medical intervention. And neither of us had health insurance that would cover the full cost. I was willing to pay for it, but Mitch…” Her lips turned down at a private, sad memory, and Jared couldn’t process how Cassie—sweet, giving, smart, funny Cassie—had ended up married to such a self-absorbed jerk.
He sat a bit more upright, and settled her against his chest.
“What are you thinking?” she asked. He was glad she couldn’t see his face anymore—he was clenching his jaw so hard he was worried he might crack a tooth.
“A lot of things that I probably don’t know the whole story about. None of them reflect well on your ex, though.”
She sighed. “I know. It was a bitter divorce, so my view of him now is pretty pathetic. But he was charming, and we made sense at the time. He liked the idea of us being a power couple, with a nanny to watch our three well-behaved blond children. And I’m ashamed to admit that I once wanted that, too.”
He chuckled softly. “That’s a bit far from reality, though, isn’t it?”
She stiffened in his arms, but her hand curled around his thigh at the same time. What he’d said must have struck a chord, but he didn’t think he’d offended her. “Wait until you meet my family tomorrow…you’ll understand why I thought that was a perfectly acceptable future when I was twenty-one.”
“And now?” He wasn’t sure what he was asking. Are you looking for another husband? Babies? Because I’m practically a baby still myself.
She sagged back against him. “I’m still trying to figure that out.” She twisted her head to look at him. “I can tell you that the last few months, hanging out with you and figuring out who my true friends are…has been amazing.” She chewed on her lip for a minute. “I’ve been thinking a lot about buying a house. My lease on this apartment is up in May and the space here is not really practical. I need a home office. But that’s all that I can think about right now—getting back on my feet and living some of my adulthood as an individual. You know I never did that? I moved from my parents’ house into Mitch’s condo.”
It was the right answer. Checked all the boxes. She wasn’t looking for a serious relatio
nship. But the idea left him hollow inside. He wished he were older. At twenty-four, he still had fourteen years of Naval service until his earliest possible retirement date—if he lived that long, which he had every intention of doing. And between now and then, there would be literally years of overseas service, in one-, three-, and six-month tours, plus missions of indeterminate length as well. Being a SEAL didn’t preclude a family life, but it sure made it damned difficult. He closed his eyes and kissed her forehead again.
“Hey,” she said softly. “Do you want to come over to my place and watch a movie?”
He laughed. They were at her place. “You mean like on a date?”
She nodded slowly. “The first of three.”
“There’s more to talk about.”
“There always will be.” Smiling, she twisted her body to press fully against his. She straddled his lap for a second, and his dick perked up at the thought of holding her there, but she just gave him a sweet nose nuzzle before slipping off. “I’ll make popcorn.”
He watched her pert, round behind bounce toward the kitchen and again he was tempted to follow. It was like a switch had flipped inside him and now he wanted all of Cassie, all the time. He let out a slow, controlled sigh and looked at her DVD collection. Quigley Down Under. Her Alibi. Mr. Baseball. High Road to China. The complete Magnum P.I. series. He leaned in closer. That one was autographed. He was tempted to pick something not from the top shelf, but if his girl had a bit of a Tom Selleck thing, who was he to deny her? He picked Quigley Down Under and set it on the coffee table.
* * *
Cassie paced in the kitchen, waiting for the microwave popcorn to finish. Her hands were sweating and her mouth was dry. She pulled a bottle of sparkling water out of the fridge and set it on a tray with two glasses and a big bowl for the popcorn. From the living room, she heard Jared chuckling to himself, and she smiled.
Holy shit. He’d never had sex before. This was going to be so much fun.