by Nic Roberts
“You know,” he continued with a shrug of his shoulders. “Maybe a blanket or something. And any sort of… feminine hair or makeup things you might want.”
Olivia chuckled at that comment. If he had any suspicion she was medicated, he wasn’t showing it. That was something.
“Feminine hair or makeup things?” she asked, letting warmth seep into her voice as she teased him for his odd comment.
“I don’t know, Liv,” he sighed, with the hint of a smile on the corner of his mouth. “The point is, I think we might be doing a lot of work the next few days. I don’t want you to burn out early. Once you get back, we’ll swap. I’ll grab my own things. Plus, I’ve got to make arrangements with my dog sitter,” Dean confessed.
“Shit!” Olivia swore louder than initially intended, earning her a surprised look from DI Lawrence. “Earnest!” That comment earned her an even more befuddled glance. “My cat,” she explained. “I’ll call my mum, see if she can cat sit for the weekend. She does love him.” A proper laugh came from Lawrence.
“I wouldn’t have pegged you as the cat type, Austin,” he replied.
Olivia shrugged.
“My therapist reckoned a companion would be good for me,” she informed him. “Plus, he’s bonkers in the best way, of course.”
“Oh, yes,” Lawrence chuckled. “Sounds like it!”
He didn’t at all seem fazed by her revelation. It was the first time she felt as though she didn’t have to keep her guard up about her mental health around her new co-workers.
“You’ll have to meet him sometime,” Olivia commented before fully processing the words coming out of her mouth. She hadn’t yet had anyone from the force visit her house.
Since the incident in London, she simply worked and went home. There was no crossover between the two realms of her life besides the bag she took into work. She didn’t even wear her work clothes around the house. The first thing she did when getting back was to shed them for loungewear—or pyjamas if it was a particularly late night.
“Meet my cat, that is,” she added, noting the silence she’d created. “Not my therapist.”
Lawrence laughed at that one.
He gave a quick glance over to his partner but otherwise didn’t let on that the comment was anything out of the ordinary, which led Olivia to believe he knew exactly how strange it was.
“I’m more of a dog guy myself,” he replied. “But I won’t hold that against you or say no to meeting a cat named Earnest for that matter.”
His gentle chuckle was infectious, and Olivia couldn’t help the smile that spread across her mouth.
“After the case is closed, we can celebrate with a bottle of wine,” she offered. It shouldn’t have felt so odd to invite a co-worker over for a drink; she did it all the time in London. But this felt significant, a new first in her life after the incident.
“Red or white?” Lawrence asked, keeping his eyes on the road.
She thought for a moment.
“Red,” she answered with a wry smile. “You?”
“Don’t tell anyone,” he started, a smile echoing Olivia’s own, “but my favourite is a good rosé.”
Olivia gave a small guffaw.
“Brilliant,” she smiled. “My lips are sealed. We’ll have a rosé once this is all over.”
Lawrence nodded, pleased that he’d made her smile, and the car slowed to a stop at a set of lights.
“So, you’re alright if I drop you off at your place?” he asked, cocking his head a bit. “I can send an officer to pick you up when you’re ready to come back to the station.”
The lights turned green and they moved off again. She watched an elderly man and his limping dog pass by before she spoke.
“Yes, that works,” she conceded. It’d be nice to gather herself a bit more than that morning had allowed her to do. “I’ll give you my address. Promise you’ll phone me if anything big comes up?”
“Of course.”
The two sat in a comfortable silence as Lawrence drove the rest of the way to Olivia’s cottage.
She couldn’t quite fully comprehend it in the moment, but the more she thought about it, the more she was certain it was time she considered Lawrence not just a partner but also a friend.
The realisation hit her like a brick wall.
Fuck.
9
She had promised herself no more close connections at work. That was part of the deal. No bonds, nothing that could shatter her heart again after she had spent the last year picking up small fragments. Maybe in a couple of years she could open up, but not this soon. She still wasn’t whole again after losing Rhys just over a year ago.
Thinking his name brought another wave of pain, twisting itself deep in her chest, settling itself near her sternum. Rhys. She blinked away tears at the thought of him.
It had been a simple task—keep distance. Stay cordial, likeable enough, but always at an arms’ length. Yet she couldn’t even accomplish that. How could you be so stupid? But everything with Lawrence was so easy. Their styles were different, sure, but the more she spent time with him on the case, the more she could see him beyond the suit he wore, beyond the paperwork they were always filling out together. And the more she thought about it, the more she realised that he truly was a trusted friend.
She startled at the knock on the front door.
“Mum,” she muttered under her breath, hopping up from the sofa that she had forgotten she had plopped down on ten minutes previously. She’d called her mother as she walked up the steps to her cottage, doing her best not to waste any time securing a sitter for Earnest. It always delighted her mother to hear from her eldest daughter. It wasn’t that Olivia didn’t like her; in fact, it was the opposite—she quite adored her. She just didn’t like the barrage of questions that accompanied their every interaction these days.
“Come in,” Olivia called out, rubbing her face before picking up the toiletries bag that she had set down on the coffee table. “Door’s open!”
“I’m so glad you called,” her mother declared as she entered the threshold. “I’m always happy to help out. You know that, and it sounds like this case is a big one. I’m already hearing stirrings about it around town. So terrible, to lose a child. I took the sheets to the laundrette, and Jenny was there. The one with the son who’s...”
“...in the army?” Olivia finished, and her mother smiled.
“Yes! That one! She said that the poor young woman was on her way back home to make proper amends. Can you imagine? You know, I met the poor father once at some charity benefit.” Her mother had a great penchant for gossip. She noticed her daughter’s expression. “But enough about all that. It’s great that you’ve gotten back on your feet. This is your first murder case, isn’t it?”
“It’s not a murder case yet, Mum,” Olivia chided. “We don’t know what the state of Ella Hebden is currently.”
Her mother raised her eyebrows in awkwardness. She was a somewhat portly woman, only slightly shorter than Olivia’s 5ft 5. She had started dyeing her hair when her first grey had appeared over a decade ago, and her hair still was a too-vibrant copper colour. Her smile was always warm, her hugs always welcoming, and her ears always ready to pick up the slightest hint of drama.
“Come here, Livvie,” her mother insisted, outreaching her arms and putting aside any talk of the case instantly. Olivia did her best not to roll her eyes at her childhood nickname but allowed the embrace. Despite her mother’s overbearing nature, it felt even better than she thought it would to hug her. She sunk into the hug, allowing herself the small luxury of comfort. Her mother smelled of lilacs and cognac, and like the bittersweet nostalgia of Olivia’s childhood home.
“There, there,” her mother spoke as she pulled away from Olivia to meet her gaze with her own. “Something’s bothering you. I can tell. Do you want to talk about it?”
Always a bit of a nosy one, she was.
“Not really.” Olivia sighed. Her mother gave a frivolous sigh. �
�I can always talk to my boss about it if it gets to be too much. Honestly, Mum. I’m fine.”
Her mother didn’t seem entirely satisfied but decided against pushing it further.
“Okay, dear, if you say so,” she replied gently. “I’m just proud of you for returning to the force, I really am. Apologies if I don’t always act it.”
“You’re doing great, Mum. Promise.” Olivia continued to travel throughout her home, grabbing a fresh set of clothes and some snacks. She’d already eaten her soup lunch.
“You remember where Earnest’s food is?” Olivia called out as she rummaged through her wardrobe.
“Of course, Livvie!” her mother promised as she dropped her bags in the kitchen. “And I’ll make sure to keep the house in tip-top shape while I’m here. I’m happy to stay as long as you need, you know that.” She paused, giving herself just enough time for her head to peek around the door of Olivia’s bedroom. “Honey, I was on the phone with your sister the other day...”
Simple words, but Olivia felt the weight of them from where she was crouched over her clothes and braced herself for impact. Her mother and Camilla were always scheming about her. She loved spending quality time with both of them when it was just one of them, but together they were a force that Olivia did her best to avoid.
“Really?” she asked cautiously, doing her best to sound disinterested.
Silence momentarily descended between them.
“We know that the fifteen-year anniversary of Alexander’s disappearance is coming up.” Her mother said the words slowly as though each one had to be nursed before she allowed them to be heard. “My goodness, can you believe it? Fifteen years. Well, we’d like to have some sort of memorial for him.”
Olivia’s stomach dropped as her mother spoke about it. The pang of sadness and guilt had lessened over the years, but it still lingered, a whisper that lurked in the shadow of her consciousness. She’d been off at university when it had happened, studying engineering, when she’d gotten the call.
The police had never discovered what had happened to her little brother. Fifteen years into the cold case, and there still wasn’t even much of a trail to go on. It made Olivia seethe in a very deep, quiet place when she thought about it too much, like the stirrings of a once-dormant volcano, biding its time before eruption. How could someone just fully disappear like that?
She had decided to take on the uniform five weeks into Alexander’s disappearance. She wouldn’t let other families go through the heartbreak of that uncertainty again.
Her determination to solve the disappearance of Ella Hebden grew even stronger. She wouldn’t rest until Mr and Mrs Hebden knew what had happened to their daughter—regardless of what it was. She wouldn’t let them go to bed night after night for over a decade without a clue of what happened to their rosy-cheeked, blonde daughter.
“Honey?”
Olivia looked into the green eyes of her mother, who had cupped her face.
“Sorry, Mum. A memorial sounds lovely,” she replied trying to hide the crack in her voice. Really, it sounded a little like hell on earth. Countless faces turning up to stare and watch the family crumble all over again. To face a room full of people smiling to hide the tears.
Her mother stepped backwards and nodded.
“I’m glad you think so, dear.” She sighed wearily, and Olivia noticed the bags under her eyes. “I really think we can make it quite tasteful. You know how Millie is with gatherings. She’s got such a knack for it. And well—” Her voice broke at this, no longer the chipper tone of a mother encouraging her daughter. “I just miss our Alex. I miss him. I’ve never stopped missing him.”
Olivia pulled her mother into a tight embrace this time.
“Me too, Mum,” she reassured her. “Me too.”
They stood there for a moment, holding each other in the bedroom, the sadness that reared its ugly head at the same time each year lurking about them. Even after all these years, the family—her mother in particular—still hadn’t fully come to terms with it.
Her grief had slowly eroded away the bright spark that she’d always been praised for. Now, just the mention of her brother’s name was enough to encourage tears.
A chirping bird settled itself on her windowsill and peered in. A sign possibly?
“Have you met anyone yet?” The question startled Olivia out of the silence.
“Sorry, what do you mean?” she asked, pulling back to look at her mother.
Mrs Austin simply blinked back innocently.
“You just smell like men’s fragrance that’s all,” her mother observed. “I don’t mean to pry. But I do think It would be good for you to start putting yourself out there again. Just to help you find your way back.” She said the last part quietly.
“Mum,” Olivia groaned. It had barely been six months after she’d lost Rhys that her mother and Camilla first started asking her about any potential suitors. As though she could just simply forget him that easily. She sighed at the insensitivity. “No, I’m not seeing anyone.”
“Oh.” Her mother’s voice was flat.
“Don’t sound so disappointed,” Olivia replied, defensively turning away from her mother. “I’ll start dating again when I’m ready. It’s just… It’s still raw, that’s all.”
Mrs Austin nodded quickly.
“I understand, dear,” she soothed. “I’m sorry I asked. I just want you to be happy again. I want you to get back to that place.” She pulled her in for another quick squeeze, enveloping her daughter into her arms.
Olivia nodded, squeezing back. She understood the questioning came with good intentions. Her family were harmless, but they didn’t know the extent of the scars she held deep inside. The intense pain she had to go through when she finally got back to the flat she’d shared with Rhys, the steaks in the fridge they’d planned to cook the night of the incident. The half bottle of wine they’d been intent on finishing. Damnit, no one really understood that side. How could she fully move on when sometimes it still hit her like a ton of bricks and took the breath right from within her chest?
She pulled away from her mother and stretched.
“I’ll get back to that place,” she resigned. “I will. But it takes time, and I’m not in a rush. I come across men at work...” The image of Dr Elliot James came into view, sitting in his cosy office with his humorous eyes. She wasn’t going to dwell on him though. He was most probably married to a beautiful American woman without baggage. She blinked his face away. “And some of them are lovely or handsome, but I’m just going to focus on getting myself back to being me again.”
Mrs Austin nodded.
“Oh, of course, of course!” She agreed. “I’m just pleased to hear that you haven’t closed that part of yourself off completely. You know, Kim? My hairdresser? Well, she’s got a son, Nathan, and guess what? He’s an ophthalmologist! Quite handsome, too, and I thought...”
Olivia settled for a groan as a response to that comment, and her mother put her hands up to stop herself.
“Sorry! Sorry!” she quickly backtracked. “Ignore me. I’m just—”
The buzz of a phone interrupted their exchange. Relieved, Olivia silently thanked the universe for the call.
“Mum, I have to take this one,” she said, walking over to the dresser where her work mobile was. “Sorry.”
Her mother nodded, immediately turning to try and busy herself with tidying Olivia’s already tidy bedroom.
“DI Austin,” she answered, cradling the phone between her ear and shoulder as she carried her bag through to the lounge.
“Hey there, Liv. All very formal that was.” Olivia recognised his voice the second he spoke and felt an odd rush of relief at hearing it. “It’s Lawrence. Are you all packed up?”
She put the bag down on the sofa.
“Yep,” she breathed, looking around to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything. “All done.”
Earnest curled himself around her leg and nudged her affectionately.
“Great!” he answered. “I’ve sent a uniform to come get you; he should be there any second.”
“Shit,” Olivia swore before mouthing to her mother I’ve got to go, which received an enthusiastic nod.
Lawrence groaned.
“Ah, sorry it’s such short notice,” he apologised. “I should have called you before I arranged it. I can have him wait outside until you’re fully ready.” There was an impatience to his speech that Olivia picked up on. Something was up.
“No, it’s fine,” she reassured him. “I can leave now. Everything okay, though? You sound a little...”
There was a brief pause, and she heard the tap of his fingers on his computer keyboard.
“The Uber driver’s records have come in.” he answered quickly. “His GPS shows that he wasn’t even on the same side of town as the train station or the lane for hours around Ella’s disappearance. So, we can effectively rule him out.
“Oh, that’s great news,” Olivia breathed, snatching up her keys. She peered out the front window and saw the police car pull up and then waltzed over to Earnest, who was now loitering under the radiator, to give him a quick scratch before heading out the door. “Feel free to eat anything in the kitchen, Mum,” she hissed, tucking her mobile against her chest quickly so Lawrence didn’t hear the interaction. “That’s one suspect off the list,” she commented back into the phone.
She heard Lawrence smile on the other end as he spoke.
“Indeed,” he agreed. “One more thing—and this one’s big. I’ve got a phone interview with Samuel Mercer, the ex-boyfriend, set up in thirty minutes.” Olivia’s watch read 2.31 p.m. So much of the day had already been lost. It jolted her senses and lit a fire that propelled her faster on her way out the door. “He sounded keen to talk with us.”
“I’m headed out the door as we speak.” Olivia caught a glimpse of her mother as she followed her daughter along the hall. “Love you, Mum! I really appreciate it!” she called over her shoulder, again covering the phone. Mrs Austin ushered her out the door with a muted smile before she locked it.