by Godwin, Pam
The point snapped. I twisted my wrist and stabbed it through the gaping mouth. A spout of blood choked its shrieks.
I moved to the post in the next row, dragging the aphid behind me, and knocked my father’s viticulture tool from the hook. The muscles in my arms quivered as I raised the aphid by its head and pushed.
The hook’s rusted tip punched through the forehead. I jerked it free and repeated. The hook bobbed in and out of the head. Ribbons of black leaked from its pulped orbs. My arms gave out. The lifeless body slid to the ground.
Joel moaned from the other post. My heart pummeled as I knelt before him. His tiny pupils stared at me without seeing. My teeth sawed my lips. My numb fingers wrestled the chains.
His body fell in my lap. Vibrations pounded my chest. I held my hand over the chewed hole in his.
“Trust,” he gurgled.
I shook my head, voice caught. He twisted and bucked in my arms. My stomach did the same.
“Trust mind, body and soul.” His hand slapped my chest as if jerked by a string. A fever of compulsions magnetized me to his fingers.
Your guardians. He said it, but his mouth never moved. His pupils dilated. For a brief moment, he appeared human. Then his hand dropped.
End it. His command drifted through me, rode the wind, brushed through the tree canopy.
Tendons in his neck went taut. Lips pulled away from gums. Porcelain orbs bulged. He dug at the dirt, fingers spread in hardened kinks.
I gripped his jaw and screamed, “Joel.”
His hunger rippled through me. His head flopped around between my hands. Blood and spit flew. I strengthened my hold on his jaw. He told me once that after the mutation, the result wasn’t human, wasn’t the person it was before. Did he still believe that?
“Joel,” I shouted.
White eyes glazed over with single-minded focus. Feed.
The tip of my dagger touched his forehead. My palm cupped the hilt, but I couldn’t feel it. I couldn’t feel anything. I pushed hard and fast.
I woke, jack-knifing in the bed. A sweet, earthy flavor stroked the air, an ilk of sandalwood. It did little to soothe the splintering pain in my chest as my memories rushed in. I squeezed my fist. The dagger was so heavy when I pulled it from Joel’s skull. I left it there, in my father’s vineyard, where I set the fire. The withered grapevines sparked and popped as the flames engulfed Joel’s body. I had only minutes to retrieve clothes from the house before the blaze devoured it too.
My eyes stung. Warm flesh flexed against my face. Arms wrapped around me.
I blinked heavy lashes, tilting my head up. The shadows didn’t conceal the flawless skin and almond shaped eyes of the man who held me.
Oh, fuck no. I shoved the doctor off me and fell with a thud from the bed.
Back on my feet, I swiped my face. My hand came away wet. My failure glistened on his bare chest.
“Don’t ever touch me again,” I choked, backing away.
He stood with the bed between us, arms relaxed at his side. “I’m your doctor, whether you want that or not.” He pushed his hand through his hair. “I’m doing my best to ensure your physical well-being, but it’s moot if your mental health fails.”
I turned away. My feet moved to the corner, to its numbing depths.
“Your nightmares,” he said, “and weeks without talking or making eye contact. You value a tattered letter more than your music player, yet you cover your ears at night. And your changing physiology…”
I tuned out his diagnosis. He chatted on as if he hadn’t played a part in imprisoning me and filleting my heart.
He was suddenly behind me, his breath brushing my hair. “Come back from this madness.”
I had finally remembered Joel’s death. Faced what I’d done. But it wasn’t enough to mend the hole Roark left behind. Stages of denial, anger and bargaining had come and gone in the prior weeks. Yet, as I spun around, it sure felt like I was back to stage one. “I’ll come back when you bring back Roark.”
Creases appeared in his forehead and his eyes darted through the dark as if searching for a response. After a roam over the open rafters, his gaze settled on mine. “Then abandon all your senses but the sixth one.”
It is by going down into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life.
Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.
Joseph Campbell
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE: FILLET OF SOUL
“My sixth sense? Intuition tells me you’re a liar and a murderer.”
A muscle jogged in the doctor’s cheek. “So you say. Yet, you’ve seen me do neither. Can’t say the same for you.”
My thoughts skipped to my first night on Malta. Okay, so I had a lethal knack for throwing scissors. My fists clenched and unclenched at my sides, thrumming for a repeat. “Spoken by the man responsible for billions of murders, for Roark’s murder, that barb has no teeth.”
His hand shot through a column of moonlight and squeezed my throat. “He lives.”
I swallowed around his fist, didn’t pretend to misunderstand who. “I watched him get eaten.”
He stared down at me. “No, you didn’t. You commanded the aphids acoustically. Just like Aiman does.” His hand dropped, head cocked, vertical lines separating his brows. “They responded to you. But the effort made you sick.”
I shook my head and backed up. “They didn’t respond. He was covered—”
“When I put my hand on your face, I felt a…you stabilized. You stopped them before the first mouth broke skin. And when you lost consciousness, Aiman held them back.”
I cupped my mouth and slid down the wall. “I have no reason to believe you.”
He squatted next to me and angled his chin toward the night sky. “Like the moon, the truth doesn’t hide for long.”
“Get the fuck out of my face.”
He dropped his head and looked at me through lowered lids. “Give me a question only the priest can answer.”
My muscles contracted against the longing in my chest. I couldn’t give into hope. Why would the Drone let him live? And what was Dr. Nealy’s motivation? He’d taken care of me, kept me alive. Such was a scientist’s relationship with his rats. Until the tests began. I couldn’t trust him, but I could call his bluff.
“The priest received a sign. What was it?” The memory of that night latched onto my heart. I’d never forget Roark’s wonderment as he knelt over me, the depths of his eyes tracking the ladybugs on my body.
The doctor set an apple on the floor at my hip. “I do this at my own peril. Aiman and Siraj wouldn’t agree to my methods.”
At my shaky nod, he left.
Would the Drone and the Imago kill the doctor before I had the chance? The idea shoved in an ache deep inside me, which should’ve twinged my conscience. But losing my moral principles was nothing compared to what the past year had taken from me.
I crawled into the bed and sorted through my new memories of Joel. His final words ate at me. Why couldn’t he have just told me he loved me? Even amidst transformation, he counseled.
Trust mind, body and soul. Your guardians.
I eventually trusted my soul. It didn’t guard me. Instead, it weakened me and took my mind with it. My body would have followed, had the doctor not intervened. Was there another meaning? It wasn’t like Joel to speak in riddles. But in the throes of death, maybe he saw things or understood things I couldn’t.
Vulnerability settled around my heart. To chase it away, I practiced Roark’s boxing exercises, aiming each jab at the slivers of moonlight spearing the room. When the door groaned opened, I was stretched, energized and ready to pound the doctor’s lying mouth.
The Imago swaggered toward the gate. His gaze prowled over my body.
I squared my shoulders, fighting the compulsion to back into the corner. Fabric stretched over my chest, inviting his ogle while I catalogued his weapons.
The dart gun slung across his back. A gold Desert Eagle .50 cal seated in his thigh holster. His belt f
launted a Jambiya dagger in a J shaped sheath.
“Looking for Dr. Nealy?” The Imago never came alone.
He unsheathed the knife and dialed the combination on the lock. Then he locked himself—and his weapons—in with me. Stupid douche. Even the Drone wasn’t arrogant enough to put weapons in my reach.
“I passed him on the stairs and decided to pay you a visit.” His eyes continued their greedy perusal.
My pulse was an erratic thrum in my ears. “And so you have. Now you can go.”
He scratched his chin with the blade. “I’m a man of opportunity. It’s not often Michio leaves you alone. Undress. Or shall I do it for you?” He teased the blade down my sternum. His other hand palmed the butt of the pistol.
I suppressed the telltale bob of my throat. “What’s the Qur’an say about that? Big brother likes me covered.”
“Quickly.” He stomped his boot.
I clutched the hem of my top, prepared to brook any action that would get me closer to one of his weapons.
Heat burned in his eyes when I pulled it over my head, taking the headscarf with it. His lashes dropped with the garments’ descent to the floor. Then he was on me, mouth assaulting mine, stabbing with a tongue as stiff and foul as his cigar. I let him back me into the wall and waited for the moment he was caroused on lust.
It didn’t take long. He sheathed the dagger. His trembling hand groped my bared breast. His other fumbled with the buckle on his pants.
I tried to endure the next few moments, but my stomach rolled, preparing to blow chunks over the slimy invader in my mouth. I yanked my face back. “Do you like your tongue?”
He grinned, waggling the offensive organ bubbled in spit.
“Put it in my mouth again and you won’t get it back.”
“I’ll take my chances.” And he did.
I transferred my attention away from it to the belt under my exploring fingers. I ached to castrate him. He was moments from handing it to me. My thumb bumped the dagger’s hilt.
The final button yielded. His trousers sagged to the floor. I held onto the dagger and sank my teeth into the foul flesh between them. Hard.
His eyes bulged. “Ewwaaah.”
I spat. Blood sprayed from his mouth and mine.
The Imago threw back his head and screamed. His tongue hung by a strip.
I angled the blade over his softening dick.
A hand circled my wrist. I snapped my gaze up and met the doctor’s. Where the hell did he come from?
I tightened my fingers around the hilt. A depression of his thumb forced my hand open. The blade clanked to the floor.
“Ew do?” The Imago cried.
Hands tucked in elbows, the doctor leaned against the wall. “Saved your life.”
I looked into the Imago’s tear streaked eyes. “Saved his dick, actually. I’m afraid it’s too late to save his larger organ.”
He pawed at his mouth and ripped the flopping flesh all the way off. “Aaaah. Ew itch.”
The doctor remained unmoved. “Get out, Siraj, before you have to explain to your brother what you were doing in here.”
A shadow passed over his screwed up expression. He gathered his pants and weapons and shouldered past the doctor. When the chamber door slammed behind him, I found myself locked behind bars with another monster. Unfortunately, the doctor wasn’t stupid enough to bring in weapons.
I rinsed my mouth with a pitcher, dressed and sat on the bed. “Let’s get this over with.”
He held his post on the wall. “Proud of yourself?”
I shrugged. “I’ve had cleaner cuts with a blade. Didn’t get the timing right.”
He read my eyes, saw the truth there. “That right?” He pushed a hand through his hair. “I don’t hold you responsible for what happened.”
“Gee, thanks.”
“I talked to your priest.”
So his lies continued.
“His cooperation wasn’t forthcoming. He decided if you thought him dead, we would lose our leverage.”
My jab hand curled in my lap.
“But I made sure he understood that his death had broken you.”
I rubbed the vein at my elbow, one of the many bruised blood taps I’d offered without fight. His death did break me.
He pushed away from the wall and knelt before me. “In Malta, the children used to sing Nannakola, mur l-iskola, aqbad siggu u ibda oghla.” His expression softened. “Ladybird, go to school, get a chair and start jumping.”
I gasped and covered it with my hand. “What did you say?”
He pulled my hand from my mouth. “His sign. The ladybirds. The Nannakola.” He squeezed my hand. Lifted my chin with the other. “You are hallowed.”
I stopped breathing.
“That’s what he called you.”
Oh, my sentimental Irishman. “Infection?”
“He’s human. No bites.”
My chest expanded. Then it heaved with the thunder of my breaths. He lived. Oh God, he lived.
The lines around the doctor’s eyes faded. Tenderness touched his features. Too tender. Was that his game? To break me then rebuild me? I jerked my hand away and jumped from the bed. “Where is he?”
“Two floors down.”
“In a cell like this?”
“The same. But no visitors.” He tipped his head to the rafters. “And the view’s not as good.”
No visitors? “Are you starving him?” I couldn’t keep my voice from hitching.
“The human staff delivers his meals.”
“Why did you let me think he was dead all this time?”
He stood, eyes fastened on mine. “He’s alive because if his death didn’t break you, his torture would.”
My jaw clenched to the verge of pain. “Free him and my cooperation will be without bounds.”
“I cannot.”
My shoulders sagged. “Let me see him. Move him here. He can stay in my cell.”
“Aiman and Siraj cannot know their plan has been compromised.”
Or they’d move to Plan B. Roark’s torture. “So I pretend to be broken. Why is that important?”
His eyes narrowed. “You’ve exceeded your questions. My turn. What are the black spots on your back?”
No idea. “Never seen them before.”
Lines rutted his forehead. Then he nodded at my chest, where the blouse had fallen away from my scar. “How’d you get that?”
Of all the questions. I gathered the material at my collar, covering the atrocity. “A prig of a man deemed me the devil and attempted a mastectomy.”
His face smoothed into a blank canvas. “Does he live?”
Same question Roark asked. I shook my head.
“It was deep. Through the muscle. It hit bone?”
He knew the extent of the damage, had scrutinized it under the slide of soap. I lifted a shoulder.
“The stitching was a sorry attempt. Who did it?”
I shrugged again. “Who cares?” Then his drawn eyebrows compelled me to say, “I did.”
He cleared his throat. “I see.”
We stared at one another in a suspended moment. Whatever his plan was, he had returned my will to fight. I would escape that damn island with Roark in tow. The key was in my physiology, in the vials the Drone collected every day. What did the doctor know about my blood?
Time to pull my head out of my ass and find out. I crooked my lips.
His brow furrowed and he spun on his heel.
Maybe the doctor wasn’t as unaffected by me as I originally assumed. I didn’t know his intentions, but I could leverage his give-and-take to find out. I let my smile fill my face as I admired his retreating backside for the first time.
The wind roared with the passing of night, pitching the tide and stuffing the sky with clouds. I lay on my back, unable to escape the taunt of having Roark so close, yet unable to reach him.
Something skittered along the stone balk above, followed by the beat of wings.
“You awake?” I k
new he was. The doctor’s nights on the couch were as restless as mine.
“What is it?”
“Did you hear that noise on the rafters?” I rolled toward him and pillowed my head with my arm.
“Probably a bat.”
I strained to hear its return. Eventually gave up. “Why did you tell me about Roark?”
Silence weighted the air. Then his outline moved through the chamber and settled outside the gate.
A shallow dish tilted between the bars and sailed across the floor. Of course. Always a trade.
Rice clung to the sides. I scooped with my fingers and chewed.
“I told you,” he said. “It’s my job to keep you healthy. That includes your mental health.”
It didn’t make sense. They wanted me broken. Was there internal conflict on Team Evil? “Why did you do it? The virus?”
He shook his head, his face slack.
Fine. He could keep that secret. “Why does the Drone need my blood?”
He nodded to the bowl. I plucked another sticky clump and smeared it on my tongue.
“He wants your immunity.”
Whoa. What? I swallowed the muck. “So you dumb asses created a virus without a vaccine. One that could come back to bite you.” I pressed my tongue in my cheek. “And you think consuming my blood will be inoculative?”
“He hopes it will be a cure.”
“He wouldn’t need a cure if he kept better company.” I flicked at hand at the chamber door where his guards hummed on the other side. “Besides, you intentionally spread the virus. Why would he want a cure?”
His expression remained empty. I rubbed my neck where the Drone bit me. He didn’t have fangs and wings, though everything else I dreamt was real. And how could he communicate with the aphids? Something didn’t fit. “You still have those cigarettes?”
A cup and spoon appeared between the bars. I scooted closer and accepted the trade. Clams and garlic wafted from the chunky brown broth. I slurped down a fishy bite and made a face.
“Sole stew.” He rose as graceful as a curl of smoke and drifted through the room. A moment later, he returned with the cigarettes and…a fire extinguisher?
“You won’t need that.” Setting fire to my clothes would be one way out, but he’d given me a reason to live.