Only this time, Eli went with him and our moment was irreparably broken.
13
Elias
I spent the evening after Matt had taken us sledding sitting at the coffee table with a pen and a notepad in hand while Jake watched his favorite cartoons on the television. I was raking my brain for ideas about the charity event at the shelter, but it wasn’t all that easy to think about cats and dogs when my mind was still stuck on how close I’d come to kissing Matt the day before.
Which would have been a stupid thing to do considering that he’d hurt me before. And considering that I still didn’t know what he really wanted to do about our son. Who was my first priority in everything.
The commercials came on and Jake peered over my shoulder. “What are you doing?”
“Trying to plan a charity event,” I informed him.
He shot me a questioning look.
“We’re trying to get people to come to the shelter and give money to us so we can buy dog and cat food.”
“Oh.” He pulled his lower lip between his teeth as if thinking very hard. “Can you just ask them nicely?”
“Well, we are going to do that. That’s good. But we also have to make them want to come to the shelter, you see? So they can see our animals and want to give.”
“So the animals need to do something funny,” Jake concluded.
“Well, not necessarily--“
“I'm sure everyone would come!”
His enthusiasm made me smile, even if it didn't convince me.
“When we went to the zoo, a lot of the animals weren't really doing anything,” he said, crawling in my lap.
“What do you think they should be doing?” My curiosity was piqued. Jake had the darnedest ideas sometimes.
“I don't know.” He looked up at me, poking his tongue out between his lips. “Something funny.”
“You mentioned that.” I ruffled his hair.
That seemed to give him an idea. His face lit up with it. “What if they all wear hats?”
“Hats?”
“Like the one you made for Fiona!”
Involuntarily, I grimaced. I'd only made the hat for Fiona because a younger Jake had insisted that if he had to wear a hat, so did the dog. Like every other omega, I'd had to learn knitting and sewing and crocheting. Valuable skills, I'd been told, and maybe they were, but I hated them. Learning all that had only taken time away from the things I'd really wanted to study.
“I don't know,” I told Jake. “Fiona might become jealous if I knit things for other dogs.”
He mulled this over for a second. “Fiona's a good dog,” he decided. “She won't mind.” He smiled. “Maybe you could make other clothes too! Like sweaters! It would be funny!”
I could tell my son was in love with this idea, even if I wasn't.
“C'mon, Daddy, write it down.”
I gave in with a small sigh and wrote it down, hoping maybe someone at work had a better idea.
Jake grinned. “I'll tell all my classmates. They'll all come!”
“Great. Tell them to bring their parents.”
But the commercial was over and Jake's attention was diverted.
Absentmindedly, I stroked his hair while he watched the continuation of his cartoon and I thought back to the day before. Jake had fallen asleep in the car on our way back, and Matt and I had talked a little bit. Not about anything serious, for the most part, but it had become clear that he wanted to see us again soon.
“Hey, Jake?” I tried when the cartoon was over.
He looked at me. “Is it bedtime yet?”
I glanced at the clock on the wall above the television. “In a few minutes, but I'd like to talk to you about something first.”
He tilted his head, a curious expression on his face. “About the dogs?”
“No, not about the dog.” I grabbed the remote control and shut the television off. “What do you think about Matt? Do you think he's nice?”
Jake gave me a half-shrug. “He's not very good at snowball fights.”
“No, that's true. But he's okay, isn't he? He took us all the way to the big hill.”
“Yeah.” Jake looked back at the TV, even though it was off, and I could tell he wasn't super interested in this conversation. Why would he be? He didn't know that Matt was his father, and I wasn't at all sure how he was going to take those news when I finally told him.
“He suggested we go to the movies together next week. How would you like that?”
“I like the movies.”
“Okay, then we’ll go. And now it’s bed time. Go brush your teeth.”
“Do I have to?”
“You have to be good if you want to go to the movies.”
“You’re mean!” Jake complained, but climbed off my lap and headed toward the bathroom anyway.
Jake enjoyed himself at the movies the next week. To my surprise, it seemed that Matt did too. No lies, I have to admit that I was a little worried about how much he would really like to see a children's movie, but he handled himself well and laughed at all the right moments. I couldn't tell whether he did that because he was genuinely amused or whether he was doing it for Jake, but I was grateful for it all the same.
It was kind of nice, being out like this. Almost as if we were a real family.
We weren't, of course. But maybe we could be. Someday.
It was a lofty dream, but one that I couldn't quite let go of now that Matt had reentered my life and he was getting along with Jake so well. He was making such an effort. That had to count for something, right?
I got the feeling that Jake was really starting to like him, too.
Still, there was doubt nagging at my heart.
Could I really let myself fall for Matt again?
The stakes were even higher now than they had been when we were younger. This time, if things went south again, that would hurt Jake too, if we weren't careful. And Jake had enough on his plate already.
Sitting in the back of the car with him on the way home from the movies, I kissed his hair. He'd fallen asleep again. Car rides always put him out when he was tired. It had been that way from the time he was a baby.
Slowly, I undid his seat belt as Matt parked the car in front of our house. Matt opened the door on his side and lifted the sleeping boy out.
“Be careful,” I told him, even as the sight of him holding my son--his son--tugged on my heartstrings.
“Of course.”
I nodded and got out of the car myself, so I could open the front door of the house for Matt. That done, I led him inside and up the stairs. Then I showed him to Jake's room, turned the light on low and watched him lay our boy down on his bed and pull a blanket over him.
It was surprisingly quiet in the house, and I wondered whether Griff and Fiona were out on a walk or something, but wherever they were, I was selfishly glad for their absence. If only because it allowed me to see Matt watch our son sleep. And the expression of tenderness on his face told me all I needed to know about how serious all of this was to him.
Finally, he tore his gaze off Jake and studied the room instead, eyes trailing over the colorful drawings on the wall with interest.
“Why are there so many animals wearing clothes?” he wondered, and I could just keep myself from laughing. Afraid that the sound might wake our son, I took Matt's arm and led him out of the room. I closed the door to Jake's room before facing him again.
“Jake's got it into his head that I should do an animal fashion show at the shelter. Because I made that hat for Fiona, you know.”
“Ah yes, that. It's a nice hat. But why should the shelter put on a fashion show?”
I shrugged. “We're low on funds. We need donations.”
“A charity event?” Matt cocked an eyebrow. “You should talk to my mother. She knows all about that sort of thing.”
I gave a dry laugh. “Right. Me and your mother. Wouldn't that be fun?”
“It would be absolutely horrible. And probably boring
. I don't think my mother's ever done anything as entertaining as an animal fashion show.”
I shook my head. “It's just a crazy idea Jake had.”
“Well, maybe you should do it.”
I shot him a disbelieving look. “You really think so?”
“Why not?”
“I don't even really like knitting. I only learned it because I had to. It's an omega thing.” I made a dismissive gesture with my hand--only to have Matt grab my hand in mid-air.
“Don't do that,” he said.
“Do what?” I asked, trying hard to keep a clear head while I felt Matt's hand on mine and something about that single point of contact suddenly made me realize how close we were standing.
“Don't dismiss your talents because they're omega traits. There's nothing wrong with being an omega. And even if there was, you know that's not all you are. You've always been so much more than that.”
I didn't know what to say to that. Matt sounded so sincere. “I'm not the man you knew anymore. I couldn't do any of those things I'd planned. I couldn't even finish college.”
“So what?” Matt took a step closer, and I had to take a step back because my heart was already going several miles a minute--but when I did, I found myself with my back to the wall.
Of course.
Matt gave me a small smile and I could tell by the way he looked at me that he didn't plan on granting me mercy from my hormones any time soon. “I don't care if you never finished college.” He caressed my cheek with his thumb, and I shivered. “You raised a kid. And you did a damn fine job of it. That's no less impressive.”
“You really think so?”
“Of course I do.”
Matt leaned in, and almost, almost, kissed me—God I wanted him to kiss me—but at the last minute, he stopped. “I said I’d wait for you to ask,” he murmured.
What? For a second, I didn’t know what he was talking about. Until I remembered the kiss in the park, and the promise he’d made me after. He wanted me to ask him for a kiss. And I wanted to ask him, but I couldn’t just do that. If I’d learned anything in my life it was that actions, especially actions like this, had consequences.
“There’s something we need to talk about before we do this,” I informed Matt.
He leaned back, a curious expression on his face. “So you’re saying we are going to do this? Because I’ve got to tell you, my mother keeps trying to introduce me to all these women, and all I can think about is you. This.” He closed his eyes for just a moment and exhaled. And then when he opened his eyes again he looked right into mine. “I’ve never wanted anyone the way I want you.”
His words, and the intensity with which he delivered them almost undid me, because I wanted him too, wanted to feel the weight of his body on top of mine, wanted to feel his naked skin touching mine—I’d dreamed of a moment like this for the past eight years—but there was something I needed to know before I could let this go any farther.
I licked my lips, looking at him. “I want to kiss you. I really do, believe me, but… Are you… Is this…” I took a deep breath and started again. “Are you going to stick around? For Jake?”
For me?
The way his lips tugged up, just for a second, let me know he heard the part I didn’t say. “I’m not going to leave Jake,” he reassured me. And then, before I could respond to that, he leaned in again. And I pulled him closer.
14
Elias
Somehow, we fumbled our way along the walls to my bedroom. It was a miracle neither of us tripped and fell or broke something, but we made it.
By the time Matt threw me down on the bed, all rational thought had fled my brain. I was a creature entirely controlled by raging hormones and driven by an insatiable desire for the alpha who’d stolen my heart so many years ago. The alpha whose mere scent still managed to drive me wild in ways I couldn’t even describe.
For the most part, I was a calm and somewhat collected person. I really was.
Only Matt somehow managed to undo all of that within seconds. The moment I felt him on top of me, I was his. And there was something about this feeling of belonging, of being owned, that gave me a rush so strong it made me feel light-headed. Sometimes I wondered if it was some sort of hard-wired omega instinct that made me behave that way, but in the heat of the moment, I really didn't care. The feeling was way too good, too intense, for me to question it.
I'd had sex after Matt left, even with other alphas once or twice, but none of them had managed to get me into this state. Something had always felt off. Wrong, in a way.
But now as Matt claimed my lips and rocked our hips together, the only thing that bothered me was all the fabric between us.
I'd been wanting to have another night with Matt forever--no matter how foolish that was--and if we were going to do this, I wanted the full experience, not a dry-hump.
I ran my hand into Matt's hair and tugged just slightly. “You're wearing too many clothes.”
“Yeah?” He gave me a slow, sexy smile. “Funny. So are you.”
“Take them off me, then.”
Matt's smile turned into a feral grin. “If that's what you want.”
If only you knew how much I want that.
I raised my arms and lifted my legs helpfully as Matt tore my clothes off me like he couldn't get to the skin underneath fast enough. Like he wanted me as badly as I wanted him.
I hoped that was true, even if I still wasn't sure what that meant for us. I just wanted. Him. Us. This.
Once Matt had removed all the fabric from my body, he leaned down to kiss me again and I slung my arms around his neck while his hand roamed lower, trailing his fingers over my chest until they found one of my nipples. And Matt must have remembered how sensitive I was there because he started rolling the hardening nub between his fingers in a way that made my breath catch in my throat. He chuckled. The sound was a low rumble as he dipped his head to kiss my neck while his fingers continued to abuse my nipple in just the right way, his free hand finding the other one.
Oh God. It had been way too long since I'd let someone touch me like this. That fact alone would have made this experience intense, but on top of that, it wasn't just anyone touching me now--it was Matt! And I didn't know how to process that without letting a way too needy sound escape my lips.
“You like that?” Matt murmured. “You're going to love this then.” And with that he enveloped my nipple with his mouth and teased it with his tongue.
I arched my back and moaned.
Matt laid a finger on my lips. “Don't wanna wake the kid, do you?”
“God no.” I took a deep breath. “But you're not making this easy.”
His lips curved up. “Guess I'll have to keep your mouth occupied.”
“Guess you're--“
He shut me up by pressing his lips to mine. I closed my eyes and inhaled, drawing his scent into my nose. He smelled of alpha, and male sweat, and a little bit of the popcorn we'd had at the movies. The taste was on his tongue too, when it met mine, but only faintly. More than of popcorn, he tasted of Matt. He still tasted exactly the way he had when we'd first kissed in the woods all those years ago.
It was a taste I could never get enough of.
A taste I hadn't thought I'd have on my tongue again, and one that I'd missed so badly I never wanted him to stop kissing me again.
Dear lord, what was I getting into letting this alpha back into my heart?
Only he'd never really left, and I lost my thread of thought when Matt ground our hips together.
I was already embarrassingly hard. And he was still wearing clothes!
I tugged his shirt out of his pants and ran my hands under it, feeling the warmth of his skin, and the way his muscles moved beneath it. He was still strong. I liked that. Turned on some primitive part of my brain like nothing else. I could run my fingers over the lines of his abs and pecs all day and not get bored. Hell, I could lick them.
Matt groaned when I lightly scraped my finge
rs over his nipples and finally took off his shirt. He was stunning to look at, just as he had been when we were younger. Alphas had an unfairly easy time keeping up a good physique, but I couldn't really be mad about that when that meant I got to feel all those muscles on top of me.
“Your pants too,” I rasped.
He shot me a serious look. “Are you really sure about this?”
“Are you having second thoughts?” I asked, eyes darting back and forth between his face and his groin, where I could see the outline of his cock stretching the fabric.
He shook his head. “I want you so badly it's all I can do not to jump on you.”
“Is that why you still have your pants on?” I raised an eyebrow at him.
“It's the last thing standing between me and my desire to fuck you like we're animals.”
“Oh yeah?” I licked my lips. “There's lube and condoms in the drawer to your right.” And then, catching his eyes, I reached for his fly and undid it.
If that wasn't enough to tell him what I wanted...
Fortunately, though, it was.
He yanked his pants and his underwear off.
Well, hello there. I remembered that cock. Remembered exactly what it felt like inside me too. The memory was so intense now that I had it in front of my eyes that I felt oddly empty in my unfucked state. I ached to have that cock in me again. It was like the worst kind of itch, and definitely one I couldn't scratch myself.
When Matt found the lube and poured it in his hand, I spread my legs in invitation. I was a typical omega in that I didn't need a lot of preparation before sex, but if Matt was still the man I'd known, I knew he'd make sure I was ready anyway. And he did, sliding first one, then two fingers in and out of me while I did my best not to moan. I really didn't want to be heard by anyone else in the house.
“Harder,” I said on a sigh, because his fingers couldn't satisfy me. Not when I knew what his cock was like. All his fingers did was tease, until the intensity of my need was almost unbearable.
And I'm sure the bastard enjoyed it too, watching me bite my lips to contain all the sounds I wanted to make.
The Omega's Secret Baby (Oceanport Omegas Book 1) Page 7