Jenna suggested I visit a medium. She believes in the fates and kismet. Josie offered to go with me, but I’m afraid of what I’ll find out. What if he’s happy? Is that possible? I can’t take the chance that Mason is okay with not being here with us anymore. Josie says I’m overreacting. I’m scared that she’s right. What if the medium tells me things that I don’t want to know?
The sound of the mower near the back door brings me out of my reverie. My hand wipes at my cheek, only to find it dry. I’ve found that I’m crying less and less as the time gets farther away from the last time I kissed Mason. Now, we only kiss in dreams and memories, and those are starting to fade too.
Harrison comes into view. He’s in a tank top today, showing off even more tattoos than I’ve seen before. He looks briefly toward the sliding glass door as he passes. It’s hot out and he’s wearing that damn hat. Even last night he had something on his head. I step toward the door, my hand resting on the handle. Do I want to go out there and pretend I have something to clean? I look at my all but forgotten flowerbed and see that the flowers need to be pruned. I’m wearing shorts and a t-shirt, easily considered gardening clothes.
I slide the door open and step out. The hot sun is beating down. We are in desperate need of rain. I step off my patio and onto the freshly cut grass. I’m tempted to take my shoes off to feel the coolness of the ground. I watch Harrison as he mows in almost even strips. This is a side of Harrison that separates him from the rock star that I know. I haven’t told anyone this, but the bouquet he gave me at Christmas last year hangs in my closet. I can’t bring myself to throw them out.
Each time Harrison walks by, he’s closer. His pattern has changed. Maybe he’s done this every time he’s out here and I just haven’t noticed.
I’m looking now and I’m not sure I’m going to be able to stop. There’s something that pulls me to him, and as much as I don’t want to admit it, he makes me feel; and not the same way that Mason did, but different.
He shuts the mower off. He lifts his shirt and I can see his toned stomach and the dark patch of hair extending into his shorts. I try not to stare, but I can’t help it. He’s beautiful in his own unique way. I know why women flock to him. He’s easy on the eyes. He wipes the sweat from his forehead. His hand moving under that god-awful hat he’s wearing. I’m starting to think he wears it just to piss me off. If he is, it’s working.
He’s watching me, waiting to see if I’ll run away. Maybe I need to heed Dr. Brooks’ advice and find a companion. I’m just not sure Harrison is the one for me. There’s too much that I can’t wrap my head around where he’s concerned.
I take a step closer. He does the same thing. Both of us are taking steps until we’re in front of each other. He stands so much taller than me that I have to look up at him.
“I’m sorry about last night.”
I didn’t expect those words to come from him. His voice is soft. I can hear the remorse in the tone.
“Me too, I was out of line.”
“It happens.”
Harrison and I stand close enough to be able to touch, both of us looking at each other. No words are exchanged, but I do smile and am rewarded with one of the most brilliant smiles I have ever seen. One that if I’m not careful, I could get lost in for days.
“Mommy.”
Harrison’s head snaps up before I can turn around. Peyton stands on the patio, with her hands on her hips. From the position of the sun, I can’t see what her expression is, but I can only imagine that she’s not happy.
“Hi baby.”
“I’m not a baby.”
I sigh. Harrison rests his hand on my back and his thumb rubs small circles there. I’m surprised to find that it calms me. “I’m sorry, Peyton.”
“I’m hungry.”
“It is dinner time,” Harrison says quietly. I nod, acknowledging that our little interaction is over. “What do you say we all go out to eat? I just have this small bit to finish. Five minutes tops.”
“Are you sure?” I ask, turning slightly.
“Of course, let me finish and I can meet you someplace after I pick up Quinn.”
I look back at Peyton who stands defiantly. Maybe it’s not me that needs a man in my life, but her. Harrison’s very good with Elle maybe he can break down Peyton’s wall.
“Okay.” I take a last look at Harrison and walk toward Peyton. She doesn’t look at me when I get to her. I kneel down and move her hair out of her face. She turns away. Every time she does this it breaks my heart.
“We’re going to go out to dinner with Harrison and Quinn.”
“I don’t want to.”
I close my eyes. Tough love, that’s what she needs.
“Okay, well I think Jenna is home, so I’ll call and see if she can babysit.”
I get up and walk away, leaving her outside. I’m not going to cave to her attitude. If she wants to ruin her night, she can. I close my eyes and take a deep breath before seeking out Elle. I know she’ll be excited to go.
“What are you doing?” Elle asks, almost laughing.
“I’m trying to calm down.” I open my eyes to find my mini-me with her eyes closed. “What are you doing?”
“The same.”
“Why, what’s wrong?”
“I’m hungry.”
I can’t help but laugh. “Would you like to go out to dinner with Harrison and Quinn?”
Her eyes flash open with excitement and my heart breaks because I so want Peyton to look at me like this. “Yes!”
“Okay, go change.” I wait a few heartbeats before turning around and looking out the sliding door. Harrison and Peyton are talking, and for the first time since we’ve returned from Disney, she’s smiling. And even though I can’t tell him, he’s just chipped away a little more at my heart.
It may be a year since we lost the man we all love, but if I can give my girls’ one moment to smile today, does it matter that the man making them smile is causing ripples in my heart?
I flick on the lights in the room that houses 4225 West. Liam struck the jackpot with this house. The basement, which is now the studio, is completely decked out and soundproof. I’m not sure how much longer we’ll be able to call this home. I can’t imagine Josie wants to continue to have us here, especially late at night when she’s trying to sleep. Even though she can’t hear us jamming, I’m sure she wants her house to herself.
It’s been a month since we’ve worked on anything. We all needed a break after the tour mishaps. But work has to be done. We have songs that need to be written and recorded. We have a CD to release, with or without a tour. We can’t let our fans down. That already happened when we had to cancel the rest of the tour. No more. 4225 West refuses to let this shit bring us down. I’m excited to be in the studio; to hold the wood of my drumsticks between my fingers; to pound out my aggressions and create magic. JD and Tyler will be here at any moment to get things moving again, but I’m not so sure about Katelyn.
I stop in front of Katelyn’s office and look into the dark room. We didn’t discuss business the other night at dinner two weeks ago. Believe me, it was the last thing on my mind when she was sitting across from me. I was thinking more of how I could get my hands on her. I was imagining all the places that I wanted to kiss her. I wish I could say that I’ve seen her every night since, but I can’t. When I go over to mow her lawn, she’s not home. I’ve deduced that dinner was just a thank you, and not the fucking breakthrough I’ve been waiting for. It’s going to happen. That’s my mantra each morning in the shower. Say it one hundred times and it’s true, according to Quinn.
What does Quinn know?
More than me, I do know that.
Katelyn wants to quit. She’s coming in today to talk to us about her job. Liam, he’s upset with her, but is trying to keep the professional side separate from the personal side. I’m not sure how he’s going to do that, I can’t. I want her around all the time. She excites me, makes me feel like I’m about to skydive. I could live off t
he adrenaline I feel from her alone. But I don’t want to force this job on her if she’s not comfortable. I’m just having a hard time buying she could mess up this big. Maybe I should’ve spoken to her at dinner the other night when the kids ran off to play, instead of discussing a drop off schedule for school.
I sit on my stool and spin around one time. I pick up my sticks, running my finger along the wood to check for damage. They look okay for now, but I’ll need to have Katelyn order more if she’s going to stay on. If not, I’ll be doing some mundane bullshit by myself, which means it’ll never get done. God, I need Katelyn in more ways than one. I just need to find a way to tell her this before it’s too late.
I feel for the foot pedals with my feet. Closing my eyes, I press down. One thump. Then another, back and forth until my legs are warm. I flex my wrist before setting my sticks down on the drums. One hit, then two. Over and over again until I’m jamming out. I go over the rhythm for the song I wrote about Katelyn. Playing it over and over again. I don’t know when we’re going to record it, but I can’t wait to play it live.
“That’ll sound good.”
I stop playing when JD and Liam walk in.
“What was that?” JD asks.
“Dude, what the fuck is on your neck?”
JD smirks and covers his neck with his hand. “That was Tracy, or Tanya… I can’t remember. Something with a T, though, definitely.”
“That’s just wrong.” Liam laughs. I shake my head and throw one of my sticks at both of them. They duck. My mouth drops. Katelyn is standing at the door holding her head. I fucking hit her with my stick. I jump up from my stool, my leg crashing into my set when I stumble by.
“I’m sorry, Katie.”
“What’d you call me?”
I stop when I get in front of her. Liam is laughing harder. I look at her and see nothing but pure hatred in her eyes. Her shoulders are heaving and she’s breathing heavily and not from the work out I just gave her.
“What?”
“I don’t know, Harry, what did you say?”
“Oh ballbags,” JD sniggers under his breath with more laughter from Liam. I look back at him. He has tears in his eyes. I rub my hand over my ball cap, pushing it back and forth over my hair.
“My name’s Harrison, not Harry,” I say as quietly as possible. When I was in school the kids called me Harry and I hated it because they attached other not-so-nice names to it.
Katelyn puts her hands on her hips, but my eyes focus on the large red spot in the middle of her forehead. “My name is Katelyn. That’s K-A-T-E-L-Y-N and only one man is allowed to call me Katie and you’re not him… ever!” She pokes me in the chest, hard, and walks off. My hand rubs over the spot as I watch her hips sway back and forth.
I lean forward and bang my head on the door jam.
“What the fuck was that?” I ask as I step back into our recording room.
“That, my friend, was Katelyn Cohen Powell giving you the what for.”
“Yeah, but why?”
“Clearly she doesn’t want to be called Katie,” JD adds for good measure. I roll my eyes at him and push him in the shoulder when I pass by.
“You’re observant, JD.”
“That’s not it,” Liam says as he tunes his guitar.
I sit down and push my foot pedal to get his attention. He looks at me. I throw my other drumstick at him. “Fill me in, asshole.”
“Only one man is allowed to call her Katie.”
I roll my eyes and shake my head. I can’t freaking compete with a ghost. It’s getting to be too much. “Great, so I just made her cry because I brought up Mason? Score one for James.” I hit two rim shots and the cymbal – ba-dum-tsh. I guess the joke’s on me.
“Not even Mason was allowed to call her Katie, just his dad. I don’t know how it started, when we were little I think, but he’s always called her Katie and she refuses to let anyone else use that name.”
“Duly noted.”
“Have you met Mr. Powell yet?”
I look at Liam questioningly. Is he serious? “Um yeah, I don’t think we’re at that stage in our relationship. Ask me in five years when we’ve graduated to texting.”
JD starts laughing. Liam throws my stick back at me. I duck and cringe when it clanks against the wall.
“He’s your ticket, moron. She won’t date until he tells her it’s okay.”
“What the fuck, how do you know this?”
Liam shrugs. “I heard her talking to Josie before she left for work this morning.”
“Bastard,” I mumble as he winks at me.
“All right, let’s get this done. We need to figure shit out about Katelyn,” Liam says as he shuts the door.
“You know my vote. I think she just needs a little guidance. We threw her to the sharks.”
“Bet you can’t guess what I heard.” JD pipes up.
“No, I can’t JD… Well, shit head what did you hear?” Liam rolls his eyes. I can tell this is going to be a productive day in the studio.
“Sam’s been sniffing around. I saw her at the Roxy the other night. She was after a quick shag, but I don’t do leftovers.”
Liam’s face turns red at the mention of Sam. I know what he’s thinking. If she’s around and trying to get with JD that means she’s trying to cause trouble.
“What else?” Liam asks.
“DeVon was playing that night and they definitely know each other.”
“Fucking hell,” we both say at the same time.
“Page, are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
Liam nods. “So help me, if she set this shit up I’m going to fucking kill her.”
“I wouldn’t put it past her. She was trying to convince me to join a new band, but I told her to piss off and take her skanky arse somewhere else.” JD has such a way with words. I swear he could be a poet.
“I don’t want to talk about Sam. I need to think,” Liam says as he flicks the light to let Tyler know we’re ready to record. Although I’m not sure what we are working on. “That song you wrote, let’s work on it and we’ll perform it tonight at Ralph’s.”
“Ralph’s?”
“Yeah you know, the pub where Liam likes to take the missus.”
“I know what Ralph’s is, JD.” Sometimes I think he’s still the same nineteen year old that asked us if he could jam with us one day. He walked right up to us after a gig and asked. He hasn’t left yet.
“We have a gig tonight,” Liam says this as if it’s an everyday occurrence for us to set up at Ralph’s. Whimsicality, yes, but not Ralph’s.
“Well great, thanks for letting me know.” I grab my headphones and put them on. JD and Liam do the same. I want to hide when Liam starts singing my lyrics, but the song is good, and he makes it sound even better. If we are performing at Ralph’s tonight, we better be on our game. The last thing we need is for a local gig to turn out shitty.
FIVE minutes.
That’s all it took for me to get a hard-on from standing next to her and all I did was touch her fingers. Her fingers for Christ sakes! How does that even compute in my brain? It’s also a mistake following her up the stairs, but there is no way I was showing her what was going on in my shorts. She’d be mortified. I’d probably run out of the room like a sissy.
But watching her walk up the stairs is pure hell. The swoosh of her skirt, the fabric moving along her ass with each step she takes, makes my issue stronger. There’s no way I can have dinner with anyone right now. The worst part, the guys will know, especially Liam. He purposely left me to deal with her. I’m the one who had to break the news that we were having a band meeting in his kitchen and her presence is required. He left me to deal with the sad face she made because he knows I’ll do everything I can to make her smile. So what did I do? I touched her. And while that might not have made her smile, it did me because she didn’t pull away. She allowed me to hold her hand before she stood up and straightened that tight ass skirt of hers and walked out of her office.
/> Of course, the guys have set up in the kitchen and not the dining room where there’s a nice long table for us to gather around. No, we are in the nook, crammed around some small table, making my current problem even more evident.
Something needs to change, but I’m not sure what. Either my cold showers need to be longer, or I’m really going to have to make a play for her, because I’m not sure I can stand the pressure anymore. It’s like a fucking tease show. I’ll let you kiss me when I’m drunk. You can hold my hand when you’re sober. We can make-out during a scary ride, but everything else is a ‘no’ when we are in our everyday lives. I hate not being able to touch her. I really want to touch her.
Instant dread washes over me when I look at the empty seat. JD is in the corner trying not to laugh and Liam is shoveling food into his mouth so he doesn’t have to talk. I try to adjust myself discreetly and lower my plate so she can’t see the obvious. I hate my band-members.
I have to squeeze by her, brushing her shoulder as I pass. There’s a jolt of desire in my groin when I touch her. I bite my lip, trying to hold back a moan. Who the hell moans in this situation? I need some serious help.
“The guys and I have been doing a lot of thinking.” Liam starts. We have? I want to ask. I remember this morning we started talking, but he needed to think. I wasn’t aware a conclusion had been discussed. This ought to be interesting.
“Are you going to fire me? I think you should.” I look at Katelyn questioningly. She shrugs and takes a bite of her salad. When we went out to dinner she ate pizza like nobody’s business. I’ve never seen a woman eat like that before.
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