by Cara Malone
She was just beginning to wonder what today would have felt like without anti-depressants when a tuft of red hair tickled her nose. The med student in front of her had swayed backward and Alex stepped away, rubbing her nose as the girl straightened up. Then suddenly she was coming at Alex again, falling this time. Alex had just enough warning to put out her arms and turn her face away so the back of the girl’s head wouldn’t smash into Alex’s nose on the way down.
Five
Megan opened her eyes to see the tall, pretty paramedic from earlier looking down at her. For just a moment, she noticed the stunning, steel gray of her eyes.
Then Megan looked past the girl and saw that everyone in the room was looking at her—looking down at her. She was on the floor, in the paramedic’s lap to be exact. Suddenly her headache was a complete non-entity, and the flush that had been rising into her cheeks for the past few minutes was gone as well. She was in a cold sweat, anxious and embarrassed at having fainted.
She scrambled away from the girl, standing up and catching the eye of Dr. Markovich in the process. His scalpel was paused mid-air and he had a look of mild annoyance on his face because she hadn’t shown him the courtesy of fainting outside as he’d requested.
Chloe caught her arm as she stood up and Megan tried to shake her off. She felt embarrassed enough without her over-protective roommate propping her up like an invalid.
“Are you okay? Do you need to go outside?” Chloe asked. “Do you need water?”
“Jeez, Chlo,” Megan muttered, overwhelmed and irritated. “Enough questions. I’m fine.”
The room was just too hot, and there were too many people crowding around her at the table. The surgical lights above it were beating down on her and she had begun to feel light-headed from taking that Excedrin on an empty stomach. It was nothing more than an ill-advised diet and a hot room that had made her pass out, but everyone was still looking at her and she felt the urge to explain it to them. She did not want to be that idiot who couldn’t handle a little blood and guts—especially not that medical student idiot. If anyone was going to pass out, it should have been one of the EMTs.
“I had a migraine earlier,” she murmured, but it sounded like a lie or an excuse even to her own ears. They all thought she was a wimp—she could see it in their eyes.
“Amateur,” Ivy said under her breath. The look she was giving Megan matched the one Dr. Markovich had shot her as she was getting up from the floor, and Megan knew she was never going to live this one down. Ivy was a formidable opponent as it was, and now she’d have all the ammunition she needed to heckle Megan from now until graduation.
“Are you sure you don’t want to get some fresh air?” Chloe asked, attempting to brush Megan’s hair off her damp temples. “You look peaked.”
Most of the eyes in the room were still fixed on her, including the poor girl she’d fallen on, who had made it back to her feet and was looking at her with more concern than Megan would have preferred. Everyone looked like they’d be more comfortable if she just left the room.
“Yeah, okay,” Megan said, and when Chloe tried to follow her, she added, “I’ll be fine. You stay.”
“But–”
“Seriously,” Megan said, a slight irritation edging into her voice. Chloe always meant well, but her nurturing instinct tended toward smothering and Megan just wanted to get away from everyone who was looking at her as if she’d just done the most unfortunate thing in the world. Chloe looked genuinely disappointed that she couldn’t be of use, and Megan turned away before she could try again to follow her.
“As I said earlier, there’s always one,” she heard Dr. Markovich say to the group with a self-satisfied smirk. “Are we ready to continue?”
There was a door beside the ambulance bay and Megan slipped as quietly as possible through it. Outside, she found the bench Dr. Markovich had mentioned, with a full ash can sitting beside it. She guessed that its existence wasn’t solely to provide relief for medical students who couldn’t handle their migraine medications—the employees must use it for smoke breaks.
She sat down and took a deep breath, letting the cool autumn air fill her lungs and appreciating the breeze on her warm cheeks. She put her head back against the brick wall of the building and exhaled at length, letting the tension out of her body and allowing her mind to go to a place where she hadn’t just made an ass of herself in front of her entire class and her mortal enemy.
It really did make her feel better to be in the fresh air, and when she opened her eyes, she saw a basketball hoop affixed to the wall above the loading bay. She let out a small laugh at the unexpected sight, then took another long, deep breath. The door opened again, and Megan was surprised to see the poor EMT she’d fallen on coming outside.
“Are you okay?” they asked each other in unison, and Megan smiled.
“Yeah,” she said. “I woke up with a migraine and I didn’t eat anything for breakfast. Caffeine and Excedrin on an empty stomach, plus hot lights and a crowded room, apparently equals fainting spell. Rookie mistake.”
“I’m glad you’re feeling better now,” the girl said as she reached into her backpack and pulled out a bottle of water, moving closer to Megan and extending it to her. “Here. It’s sealed.”
“Oh, thanks,” Megan said, taking it with a small laugh. “I was definitely worried you had the ulterior motive of coming out here to give me a water bottle full of backwash, but since it’s sealed I’ll take it.”
The girl yanked the bottle away just as Megan reached for it. “If you’re going to be an asshole then I don’t want to help you after all.”
“Is that how you’re going to decide how you’ll treat your future patients?” Megan asked, amused and intrigued by this girl who could dish it out as well as she could take Megan’s sarcasm. “Because I have to tell you, people who are in pain tend to be assholes.”
“Don’t I know it,” the girl said, sitting down on the bench. As she handed the bottle to Megan, she said, “I’m Alex, by the way.”
“Megan,” she answered, unscrewing the cap and taking a quick drink. “So I’m pretty sure everyone in my class thinks I’m a wimp now.”
“I don’t know about that,” Alex said, smiling at her. There were those steely eyes again, stunning. She added, “But Dr. Markovich definitely thinks so.”
“Shut up,” Megan said with a wry smile, taking another sip.
Her head was beginning to clear for the first time since she woke up, and the flush that had risen into her cheeks was being chased away by the cool breeze. She knew she should go back inside—the longer she stayed out here, the worse it would look to her professor and the more relentless Ivy’s teasing would be. But another part of her thought that the damage was already done and she selfishly wanted to stay here and talk to Alex a little more. She’d been working so hard, didn’t she deserve a little break spent with a pretty girl?
“So how’s your head?” Megan asked. “I didn’t hit you on the way down, did I?”
“No,” Alex said. “I have cat-like reflexes and I jumped out of the way just in time. You actually hit the ground like a bowling ball. I just scooped you up in my arms after the fact so you’d think I was the type of person who lets strangers collapse on them.”
“And what type of person is that?” Megan asked. “Unlucky?”
“I wouldn’t say that,” Alex said.
Then an ambulance pulled into the driveway, letting out a single wop of the siren to notify the people inside the autopsy suite of its arrival. It startled Megan out of the moment and she looked away from Alex, drinking a little more water and wondering what had gotten into her. This morning she thought she was going to vomit from the pain in her head, then she was dying to get home and sleep off her headache, and now she was lingering out here and staring into the eyes of a complete stranger. It had been a hell of a day and it wasn’t even lunchtime yet.
They watched as the ambulance bay’s overhead door was opened from inside and a couple of
paramedics jumped out of the ambulance to greet the Medical Examiner’s assistant on the other side. They passed him a chart to sign, then they pulled a stretcher out of the back of the ambulance, a body bag laying on top of it.
Alex turned her face toward Megan, looking away from the ambulance, and then she tried to cover the motion by digging into her backpack.
“You okay?” Megan asked.
“Yeah,” Alex said, but she was not at all convincing.
She pulled a pencil out of her bag and showed it to Megan as if it were proof that she found what she was looking for. Megan glanced behind her as the paramedics wheeled the stretcher into the autopsy suite and Alex twirled the pencil through her fingers a few times and then threaded it behind her ear. The paramedics returned, this time with an empty stretcher, and pushed it back into the ambulance.
“It’s safe now,” Megan said quietly.
“Safe for what?” Alex asked, but she seemed visibly relieved to watch the door to the ambulance bay being lowered.
The ambulance drove past them and paused at the street, waiting for its turn to merge into traffic, and Megan asked, “Are you sure you want to be a paramedic?”
“Yeah,” Alex said.
“And you know that might be you someday, right?” Megan asked, nodding at the ambulance.
“Mm hmm,” Alex said, pressing her lips tightly together. She looked like she was really struggling to keep the stony expression that she put on when the ambulance arrived. Megan didn’t get a chance to question her further, though. The door opened again and the whole group of students poured out.
Shit, she thought, realizing that she must have missed the remainder of the autopsy. She shouldn’t have been so slow to recover and go back inside.
The EMTs came outside first and Alex stood up when the blonde she’d been talking to earlier approached and asked if she was ready to leave. Alex gave Megan a quick wave, then rejoined her group.
Then Ivy came out, and of course her eyes zeroed in on Megan right away. She curled her lip and said as she passed her, “Not everyone who’s book smart has what it takes to be a doctor. Think about that before you sink another hundred grand into a career you can’t handle.”
Six
“I’m sorry you’re not feeling well,” Chloe crooned to Megan on their way back to the apartment. She hadn’t stopped chattering since she burst out of the Medical Examiner’s Office, full of energy as always and excited about the learning experience the autopsy had provided.
“I’m fine,” Megan said, and she could hear herself getting a little short with Chloe, but it was at least the third time she’d told her this. The truth was that if she did still have a migraine, Chloe’s incessant talk would be making it worse. She was a sweet girl and she meant well, but Megan missed Alex’s calming presence already.
“Well,” Chloe continued, “if it makes you feel any better, your fainting spell wasn’t the most memorable part of the autopsy.”
“I very much doubt that,” Megan said. Ivy’s parting words were still ringing in her ears, and even though Megan knew Ivy was just trying to get into her head, she still wished that she hadn’t given her a reason to think she didn’t have what it took to be a good doctor.
“Things got eventful after you left,” Chloe said. “Dr. Markovich examined the brain and it turns out the patient had meningitis.”
“Seriously?” Megan asked, perking up.
“Yes,” Chloe said enthusiastically, making Megan a little anxious about her ability to drive and talk about medicine at the same time. “It was so cool. Dr. Markovich retracted the dura membrane and everybody immediately gasped. It was so overrun with bacteria it was like looking at a zombie brain.”
“What did it look like?” Megan asked. It really had been stupid to waste her time outside, entertaining the thought of flirting with some girl she’d probably never see again, when she could have been gaining a valuable medical experience. That was what she was paying fifty thousand dollars a year for, as Ivy had so compassionately pointed out.
“It had hemorrhaged and the actual brain tissue had this greenish tinge to it because of the bacteria. Dr. Markovich said it was a once-in-a-lifetime find because usually they make the diagnosis in the hospital and they would have done the autopsy there to avoid contamination,” Chloe said, and Megan groaned.
She’d definitely missed something important and she was starting to get angry with herself. Her whole life had been about exceling in medical school for the past year, or at the very least staying ahead of Ivy, and here she was getting senselessly distracted by a pretty face. She wondered if she could blame that lapse of judgment on the migraine, too.
Chloe reached across the center console to pat Megan’s hand and added, “It was actually pretty gruesome. Maybe it’s a good thing that you went outside.”
“For the hundredth time, I wasn’t sick,” Megan said. “I had a migraine.”
“Well in any case,” Chloe went on, graciously ignoring Megan’s irritability, “they don’t normally allow audiences in the autopsy suite when the patient had a communicable disease. We really shouldn’t have been there, but since they didn’t know about the meningitis until they opened him up, we all have to get tested and take antibiotics just to be safe.”
“Wow,” Megan said. “Is it really that big of a deal?”
Chloe shrugged and said, “Well, that guy died pretty quick, so I guess it’s better to be overly precautious.”
“Paul Goulding,” Megan said, remembering the name that Dr. Markovich had provided during his overview of the case—the name Alex had wanted to know.
“What?”
“Nothing,” Megan said. “Was there anything else important that I missed?”
“Not really,” Chloe said. “Ivy asked about a million meningitis questions, and Dr. Markovich seemed pretty upset about the whole situation—both the unexpected meningitis and Ivy’s relentless questions. Most of the EMTs seemed pretty freaked out, and Dr. Morrow said we’ll have a lecture on meningitis sometime this week to talk more about the disease.”
“She told me I didn’t have what it takes to be a doctor,” Megan huffed.
“Dr. Morrow?” Chloe asked, aghast.
“No,” Megan answered. “She Who Must Not Be Named.”
“Oh,” Chloe said with a nervous laugh. She hated to talk negatively about anyone, even when the person in question was clearly the devil in a white coat. “Well, she didn’t know you’re not feeling well. Do you want to go over to the hospital now and get it out of the way?”
They were already most of the way home, but Lakeside wasn’t far away, either.
“Does it have to be today?” Megan asked. She was exhausted in the wake of her migraine and she still desperately wanted to climb into bed and sleep for a couple of hours before their afternoon lecture.
“They said that sooner was better, but it can wait until tomorrow if necessary,” Chloe said. “I want to get it out of the way so I’m going today. We could go together.”
She looked over at Megan with those big blue eyes and optimism in her voice. It was that kind of look that always kept Megan guessing—she could never quite tell if Chloe had a crush on her, or if she just looked at everyone that way. Megan hated to disappoint her, but there was no way she was going to spend the rest of the afternoon in a hospital lab.
“There’s probably going to be a huge line,” Megan said. “I bet everyone else from our class and the EMT class will be there.”
Including Alex. The possibility of seeing her again intrigued Megan, but if she was being honest, that was another good reason to put off the task until tomorrow. She’d already missed one important milestone in her medical education because she couldn’t pull herself away from that girl—she wasn’t going to let herself get further entangled with her. It would be best if she just never saw Alex again.
So Megan decided to play into Chloe’s delusion that she was deathly ill and asked, “Can you please just drop me off at the apartmen
t on your way so I can get some rest? I’ll go in the morning.”
“Oh,” Chloe said, looking disappointed. “Well, if you want, I can stay with you. I could make you some soup, or get you a cold compress–”
“It’s a headache, not the plague,” Megan said. “I’ll be fine.”
“Okay,” Chloe answered, and Megan felt guilty for not letting her be helpful.
She and Chloe had been living together for a little over a year, after Megan posted an ad on the university’s housing website the summer before med school began, and in that time she learned that being helpful and nurturing were two of Chloe’s favorite things. She was always going out of her way to do Megan little favors and help her out, and it felt cruel to be so unreceptive. On the other hand, Megan had also discovered that Chloe could be a real pest sometimes with all that heavy-handed nurturing, and she really just wanted a few hours to herself.
“Thank you, though,” she said to soften the blow of her refusal. “I appreciate it.”
When Chloe pulled up in front of the apartment building, Megan opened her door to get out and Chloe stopped her by asking, “That EMT student, the one that caught you–”
“Alex. What about her?”
Chloe narrowed her eyes at Megan for a moment, studying her, then asked in her usual chipper tone, “What did she follow you outside for?”
“She didn’t follow me,” Megan found herself lying, not entirely sure why she was doing it. “She just needed some air, same as me.”
Seven
Alex headed straight home after the autopsy was over, driving with the radio off—something she almost never did. Ever since she first started driving, taking lessons from her endlessly patient father instead of her anxious mother, she always had music playing in the background to keep her company. Today she wanted the silence, though. She wanted to commit every aspect of the past few hours—and her unexpected encounter with Megan—to memory. She wanted to sit with those feelings, something she hadn’t wanted for a long time.