"So why didn't you stay with him longer? Why did you escape and make me come rescue you by the side of the road? Don't you think that that was a little extreme?"
"Did you not listen to anything that I just said to you?" I asked. "What happened last night was stupid. I didn't think it through and it just sort of…happened. I definitely didn't intend to still be there this morning. I was not about to continue to string of bad decisions by spending the day with him. Besides, I have work I have to do. I have press conferences and interviews to get ready for, and there are some ideas I wanted to run by the boss. I don’t have the time to waste with him."
"Would it really have been a waste?" Gloria asked.
I thought about the question for only a few seconds before shaking my head adamantly.
"I can't, Gloria. That's it. Like I said, I only think of him as an interview opportunity. That hasn't changed. Not a boyfriend. Not a date. Not even breakfast. As far as anyone is concerned, last night didn't even happen. Just like I told you I was going to, last night I went to the party for fifteen minutes. I roamed around the room, made my appearances, and then I left. I went home. I got ready for the press conferences and interviews, and I got a good night's sleep. That's all."
"And if anyone asks why your car stayed at the hotel all night rather than going home with you?"
I thought about that for a moment. I hadn't even thought that someone might have noticed that my car didn't budge throughout the night. The fact that Gloria recognized it was just a fluke. Now that I really thought about it, though, I realized just how ridiculous that was and that anyone who had ever seen me driving would immediately recognize my personalized plates. I gave a deep sigh and then looked over at Gloria.
"You had a bit too much fun at the party and I had to drive you home in your car. Poof. Now you didn't have the hockey player go home with you, either, and we're both off the hook."
Gloria laughed and nodded. We pulled into the hotel parking lot and she slipped into the space beside my poor, abandoned vehicle. It sat there sulking, looking like it, too, was judging me. I climbed out of the car and peered in through the window at Gloria.
"Thank you for coming to my rescue."
"What are assistants for?" she asked.
"I'll see you at the office Monday."
"Don't get yourself wrapped up in anymore interviews," she teased.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah. You were supposed to forget that any of this ever happened."
"That starts as soon as you get into your car."
"OK."
I unlocked the door and got behind the wheel, shutting the door emphatically behind me. I cranked the engine and rolled down my window.
"Why, Hannah," Gloria said, "what are you doing here at the hotel? I thought that you left the party last night and went right home to make sure that you got your work done."
"I definitely did. I was just so productive." I put my seatbelt on and smiled at Gloria. "Thanks again for coming to get me."
"What do you mean? I didn't come get you," she said.
"Exactly."
I pulled out of the parking lot and headed home, my mind still whirling with images of Jake from the night before. I could still taste him on my lips and feel his hands tenderly exploring my body. It was the most incredible sex I’d had in as long as I could remember, possibly ever. That didn't matter, though. Everything that I had said to Gloria was true. I couldn't let myself obsess over how he seemed to know every inch of my body and exactly what to do to drive me out of my mind. I couldn't keep thinking about how well I had fit tucked against his body, or how deeply I had slept cradled in his arms. My night with Jake had to be just that; nothing more than one night.
As my car pulled into the parking lot of my apartment building several minutes later, I saw a father walking toward the small playground in the center of the complex holding the hand of a small boy. I couldn’t help but smile as my thoughts returned to Gavin. I realized that I hadn't mentioned him to Gloria, choosing instead to protect him in the same way that Jake did. I let them walk past, imagining Jake bringing Gavin to the park that day and wondering how he was able to bring him without being recognized. My heart ached for a moment, wishing that they didn't have to worry so much just so that they could spend an afternoon enjoying time together.
I walked into my apartment and dropped my bag to the floor. Looking around, I took in everything that represented everything that I had done, all the sacrifices I had made, for my career. This had been my only goal growing up. Everyone else had wanted to be lawyers, doctors, performers, or athletes. I wanted to be the most prolific and visible sports reporter in media. I wanted my own columns, segments, and shows. I had been working on that goal since middle school and I was finally getting to the point where I was seeing the benefit of everything that I had done.
I turned and locked the door behind me, taking a moment to rest my forehead against the painted metal surface. I couldn't let it go now. I couldn't lose everything that I had pushed myself so hard to accomplish and achieve.
Jake
I still felt like I was in a fog as I walked into practice the next day. Everything had seemed to go so well with Hannah, but in an instant, she went from being happily settled into her morning with me and Gavin, and in the next, she was gone. The thought of Gavin brought my mind back to the day before and the time that I finally got to spend with my son. It was wonderful to have an afternoon just with him, but there seemed to be something missing. It wasn't just me who noticed it.
"Daddy, where did Hannah go?" Gavin had asked as I settled across from him to eat breakfast.
I hadn't known quite what to say to him. The truth was I didn't know where she went. She didn't have a car, but by the time that I had managed to get dressed and get outside, she was already gone.
"Hannah had to go home."
His big eyes had lifted to me, wide with sudden sadness.
"Doesn't she like me, Daddy?"
The question made my heart hurt, but I tried not to let it show.
"Of course she likes you, honey."
"Then why doesn't she want to play with me? We were going to the park and have a picnic."
"We're still going to do those things. You and me. Hannah just had to go home because she has work she has to do."
"Does Hannah skate on the big ice like you, Daddy?"
"No. Hannah doesn't skate on the big ice. She is a reporter. She talks to people who play different sports and tells other people about them."
"Is she going to come over for another sleepover soon?"
"I don't know."
"I hope so."
"I hope so, too."
The door to the locker room slammed behind me, the sound seeming deafening in the quiet room. The emotion that I saw in Gavin's eyes just showed me that I was right in trying to protect him. I had never wanted him to feel that way. I didn't want him to know what it felt like to care about someone, only to have that person walk away from him without so much as a glance back. That was why he never knew about his mother, and now why I was starting to regret bringing Hannah home with me. It had been absolutely incredible with her. I was more comfortable with her than I had been with anyone and felt completely at ease whether we were sitting in the middle of the living room floor eating pizza or having the most mind-blowing sex of my life in my bedroom. Now, though, I realized that the most intimate thing that we did in our hours together was cuddling with my son for those few brief moments after waking up.
Spending time with Gavin and Hannah was something that I would never have thought that I was going to do. I had guarded him for so long, going so far as to not even tell some of my closest friends that he exists, yet she made her way into that close bubble that I had crafted and preserved for us. She had fit in so comfortably, so naturally it was as if she had always been there. I had let myself fall into the feeling that we had made an important step together. I had allowed myself to believe that I had gotten through to her and convinced her to see wha
t I had seen in our potential from the moment that I first laid eyes on her.
In an instant, though, she had been able to shatter that and I was left with the painful realization that she didn't feel the same thing about me that I did for her. I had allowed her close to me and to my son, and it didn't matter to her.
"Look who is gracing us with his presence today," Anthony said as he walked into the locker room.
I barely glanced up at him as he came around the side of the bench and dropped his bag to its polished wooden surface. He looked at me strangely and dug into his bag to pull out his practice uniform.
"Something bothering you?" he asked.
"I'm fine," I said.
"You called out of practice," he said almost accusingly. "You never do that."
I stood up sharply and stepped up to him, pressing my chest against his as I looked directly into his eyes.
"I said that I'm fine," I growled.
I felt hands grab me by the back of my shirt and yank me backwards away from Anthony.
"What the hell is wrong with you, Jake?"
I whipped around and saw Evan standing behind me. I looked at him for several seconds, then pushed both men out of the way and stomped out toward the ice. I could hear Anthony shouting about me in the locker room, but I didn't care. I didn't want anyone near me at that moment.
I skated out onto the ice and started doing laps as fast as I could. The more energy I pushed into the strokes of my blades into the cold, smooth surface, the more the anger burned in my belly. I wanted to push through it, to force the fury and hurt out of my body with my sweat and effort, but it wouldn't dissipate. The rest of the team joined me on the ice and Coach Blaise called us together to talk about the practice ahead. He kept his eyes away from me as I came up behind the others, breathing heavily from the effort of my skating.
The practice went by in a blur. I went through the motions of the drills, putting more into each check and block than I needed to, but relishing the feeling of each hard hit. For those brief moments, I could stop thinking about Hannah.
When the practice finally ended I lingered in the locker room, not wanting to leave with the rest of the team and walk out into the swarm of groupies that was likely flanking the doors to the rink. I was shoving my skates into the locker when Evan came up beside me.
"What's going on with you today?" he asked.
I didn't feel the same aggression coming through toward Evan that I had toward Anthony. I closed the locker and looked at him, shaking my head.
"Is this still about that girl?" he asked.
I wanted to deny it, to just get showered and leave without talking about it, but the expression on Evan's face told me that that was just not going to be an option.
"I met up with her at the party the other night," I admitted.
"Really?" he asked. "That's a good thing, right? You've been chasing her for like a week. You finally got her."
"Yeah, I got her," I said. "She went home with me."
"Yeah," he said, his voice holding the frat-boy chiding that I knew I probably sounded like when one of the guys talked about bringing a girl home.
It never would have bothered me before, but now that it was applied to Hannah it made my skin crawl.
"I introduced her to Gavin."
I saw the laughter in his eyes fade away and his mouth opened slightly. He stared at me for a beat.
"Wow," he said softly. "I didn't think that you introduced anybody to him."
"I don't," I said.
"Is that what's wrong? Did he not like her?"
"He liked her a lot. In fact, he wanted to know why she wasn't going to spend the day with us when she disappeared after we woke up."
"Oh. Did she not like him?"
"No. She said that she did. Everything was going really well. It seemed perfect. Then she just all of a sudden freaked out and left."
"What did she say?"
"She said that us sleeping together didn't change anything and that she was still completely dedicated to her career. She's positive that getting involved with me would ruin everything that she's accomplished."
"And you don't think that it would?"
I sighed.
"I don't know. That's not really what I think about when I'm with her."
"Aren't you thinking about it now?"
"It doesn't make sense to me, I guess. If we like each other, why does it matter what our careers are? Can't we just spend time together without involving our jobs?"
"Did you tell her that?"
"I didn't have the chance to. She was gone before I even got dressed."
"Did you call her?"
I looked up at him and shook my head.
"She made it pretty clear that it wasn't going to work out between us, and that she didn't even want to try. Her career is obviously more important to her than anything, and she doesn't even want to take a chance."
"Then how is she supposed to know how you actually feel?"
"What do you mean?"
"Jake, you know you're my buddy. I think of you as a brother, and as a brother, I am not afraid to tell you that your reputation is not exactly what women look for when they are hoping for a relationship."
I let out a frustrated groan and nodded.
"Yeah, she said something pretty similar to that."
"What do you mean?"
"She said that she knows my reputation and the way that I treat women."
"So can you really blame her for not being completely sure about trying even one day of a relationship with you? All she's ever heard is how you go through women like other guys go through water bottles, and even if you've told her that she's different, she probably thinks that you say that to every girl that comes your way. You might not think that her wanting to protect her career over spending time with you makes sense, but the way she sees it, she has worked hard and achieved something that most people never will. Why should she give that up for something that countless women have had and that she probably doesn’t believe would be any different for her?"
"But I introduced her to my son. I asked her to spend the day with us."
"And how is she supposed to really know that you don't do that with every woman who you pick up at the rink? She's a reporter, Jake. She knows athletes, and if there's one thing that most women immediately think of when they think of us is that we'll all tell them anything that they want to hear in order to get them into bed."
His words hit me hard and for a second I didn't know if I was hurt or angry. Unfortunately, I knew that either way, what he was saying was true. No matter how close I felt to Hannah, she didn't really know me. All she had to evaluate a possible relationship with me was the trail of women I'd left behind me and the shadows that I kept over the rest of my personal life. When I thought of it that way, I couldn't really blame her for wanting to leave and not look back.
No matter how much sense it made, though, I couldn't stop thinking about her. I had made mistakes in my life and after the debacle with Gavin's mother, I lost sight of ever thinking that I might find a woman who I actually cared about. Now, though, I didn't want to imagine a single day of my life without her. I couldn't just let her go.
Hannah
"Do I have any messages?" I asked Gloria as I came back from lunch.
She shook her head, the look in her eyes softly regretful as if she didn't want to admit how bad she felt telling me that no one had called. Of course, it is was obvious that I wasn't asking about just any calls. I wouldn't admit it to anyone, not even myself, but I was checking to see if Jake had called me. It had been a week since our night together and I hadn't heard anything from him. As much as I had meant it when I told him that I didn't want anything beyond our professional relationship, there was a part of me that still felt strangely pushed away by him.
"Why don't you call him, Hannah?" Gloria asked.
"Call who?" I asked, trying to sound as casual as possible.
"Hannah…"
"I have to
go," I said. "I have to be ready for the game tonight and there's some things I have to take care of before I get there."
I had just gotten back from lunch, but I turned back around and left the office. I wasn't sure what I should be thinking or even how I should be feeling. I was torn and I hated the way that that felt. I wanted my mind to go back to the way it was before the first time that I spoke to Jake. I had no questions, no hesitations. Now I didn't really know which direction I was going. I couldn't stop thinking about Jake and Gavin; how comfortable and contented I had felt in those few moments when we had all been together. It was that feeling that had driven me away as quickly as I had gone, but that was now making me feel like I couldn't keep my mind straight.
Two hours later I arrived at the rink to get ready for my interviews and commentary. I knew that I was earlier than I needed to be, but I was too distracted to accomplish anything else. Arriving at the rink early might give me the opportunity to get a few comments before the game started, saving me from having to linger for too long afterward. I walked up to the side of the ice and looked out over the smooth surface. It was the perfect embodiment of potential. The new layer of water was frozen to glistening perfection, ready for the skates that would soon glide across it. I could see some of the players in the box across the ice, getting ready for a few warmup laps.
I was digging in my bag trying to find a pen and my notepad when I felt a hand wrap around my elbow. I gasped as the tight grip turned me around and pulled me forward. Suddenly I was face-to-face with Jake. He didn't say a word to me. Instead, he guided me through the rink toward an office at the far end of the ice. My mind told me to resist and I tried to at first, but finally I couldn't any longer and I let myself give into him.
Jake opened the door to the office and pulled me inside, closing the door and pressing me back against it in one movement. His eyes burned into mine for a few moments before his mouth crashed over, his tongue pushing past my lips. Our tongues tangled as I pressed into the kiss, hungrily looping my arms around his neck and lifting my back up off of the door so that I could touch my body to his. He pushed me back down with his chest, crushing me against the door so that I felt like he was enveloping me, possessing me with his intense, powerful presence.
Breaking the Ice: A Sports Romance Novel (Ice Breaker Series Book 1) Page 6