"How is anyone supposed to know what to believe? You have to know your reputation."
"What is my reputation?"
I had asked her the question before, that first night that we had spent together, but it felt different now. I really wanted to know what it was that she thought of me, what she had thought of me before we even met eyes for the first time.
"You have a woman in every town that you visit. You play as hard off the ice as you do on it, and you are just as willing to leave people hurt behind you as long as you get what you want out of it."
"Do I lie to them?"
"What?" she asked, blinking rapidly as if thrown off by the question.
"Do I lie to them?" I repeated. "You said that I am willing to leave people hurt behind me as long as I get what I want out of it, so I asked you if that means that I lie to them."
She paused for a moment and then shook her head.
"I've never heard that."
"And do I use my son to get their attention?"
"No one knows that you have a son."
"Not no one."
"Jake," Hannah said, hanging her head, "I don't want to do this."
"Do what, Hannah? Are you going to run away again? You keep saying that what matters to you is your career. Well, this is it. Right here. We are doing an interview, just like you wanted. So do it. Interview me. Ask me whatever you want to know."
Her eyes slid up to mine and I could see her lips trembling.
"Do you have a woman at every rink?" she asked.
"Not all of them. A lot of them, but not all."
"Do they think that they have a relationship with you?"
"I don't know. I have never told any of them that we have a relationship. Most of them I only see once."
"Does it bother you that you hurt them?"
"No." I saw her draw in a breath, but I had to press forward. It was more important now than ever that I be honest with her. "I have never promised any of them anything. If they think that there is more to what they have with me than they actually do, I can't help that. But now I know that it can hurt even when you are the only one who is invested."
I wanted her to react, but she didn't. Instead, she met my eyes even more intensely, reached out to the recorder, and turned it off.
"Who is Gavin's mother?"
"I told you, it was a girl that I met at the rink," I answered without hesitation.
"What happened to her?"
"When she told me she was pregnant, she expected us to be a couple. She thought that she would be able to manipulate me into marrying her and then she would be set for life."
"I thought that you were just getting started with your career."
"I was, but she knew who I was. She figured that I couldn't help but become rich and famous, and if she got in on the ground floor, it would be even better for her down the line."
"She got pregnant on purpose," Hannah said softly.
I nodded. It was the first time that I had admitted it to anyone and it stung worse than I anticipated it would.
"When I told her that I wasn't going to marry her, she threatened to get rid of the baby. Fortunately, the doctor told her she was too far along. She told me that he was going to put him up for adoption, that she didn't want him anyway. I couldn't let her do that to my son."
"So you took him."
I nodded.
"At birth. She never even held him."
"I'm sorry."
"I'm not telling you that to make you feel bad for me."
"Then why are you telling me?"
"Because I want you to know me. These are words that mean more than what I've done with any woman before I met you. They are words that I have never said to anyone else. I'm trusting you with them. I want you to have them."
"Why?" she asked, her voice sounding soft and slightly tremulous.
"I don't want to hide anything from you. I have never lied to you, Hannah, and I don't want to."
"What do you want?"
"To spend some time with you," I said. "Maybe have a picnic with Gavin."
Hannah laughed and finally I saw a tear glide down her cheek.
"I'd like that,” she said.
"Are you sure? What about your career?" I asked.
Hannah shook her head.
"My career will always been important to me, but I've worked this hard to prove myself, not to let them have control over my life. What's the point in having the success if I don't really have a life that lets me enjoy it?"
I reached across the desk and cupped Hannah's face with one hand, stroking her cheek with my thumb. Finally, I leaned toward her and covered her mouth with mine, combing my fingers back through her hair to hold her close. I could feel her giving herself over to the kiss and my body relaxed, as if breathing her in was fulfilling me and giving me something that I had always needed and never had.
I didn't know what was to come. With Hannah's hand in mine, though, I knew that whatever it was, we would face it together. Finally, we were going to have the life that we wanted but had been afraid to live. I took my mouth from hers and gazed into her eyes. She looked back at me, her expression clear and strong, telling me that she was ready for what lay ahead of us, no matter what it was. I kissed her again, smiling to myself as I thought that I couldn't wait to bring her home for our next sleepover.
A letter from the Author
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Victoria
Breaking the Ice: A Sports Romance Novel (Ice Breaker Series Book 1) Page 8