His eyes darkened, and he pushed up out of his chair. He walked to the porch railing and turned to face her. “Laurel, there is no relationship with my father anymore. I thought you understood that.”
She jumped up and moved closer to him. “But that’s not right, Andrew. Everybody needs family, and he’s all you’ve got. You have to find a way to heal this rift between the two of you.”
His lips straightened into a thin line, and he shook his head. “I am through living with his domineering attitude and his determination to run my life. He’s not going to push me around anymore.”
“But, Andrew, he’s your father. You don’t have to cut him out of your life. I almost lost my father, and I’m so blessed that he lived. I don’t want you to live your life without your father.”
“My father is very different from yours. Besides, this doesn’t concern you. It’s my problem.”
She gasped and took a step back. “Not my problem? I thought whatever affected one of us did the other also.”
He shook his head and glared at her. “Not this. My relationship with my father is my business, not yours. Don’t ever mention him to me again.”
She clenched her fists at her side and gritted her teeth. “Are you giving me an order?”
“If that’s what it’ll take to get you to leave me alone about this, then yes, I am.”
Her body trembled with anger. “What makes you think you have the right to talk to me like that? Maybe the words we said to each other the day Granny died made you believe I’d obey your every command like a well-trained dog, but I assure you that’s not the case.”
He raked his hand through his hair. “Laurel, I didn’t mean it like that. I spoke in anger.”
“That’s no excuse, especially if you profess to love someone. Maybe I was right to keep my distance from you when we first met. We come from two different worlds, Andrew, and we don’t see things in the same way.”
His cheeks turned red and his eyes narrowed. “Oh, now the truth comes out. This is not about my father after all.”
She frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“It’s all about me not understanding the way of life here and how all of you pray about every little detail of your life. But most importantly it’s about the fact that I grew up in a more affluent environment, and the folks in the Cove don’t trust outsiders. Somehow that makes everybody here suspicious of me and my motives.”
“What do you mean?”
“I came here and tried to be friendly with everybody. And what did it get me? I was ordered off people’s property, I had a shotgun pointed at my head, and I had the girl I love tell me we were too different to ever have a relationship. I’m sorry I didn’t grow up here and have a history with you like Jimmy does, but I was too busy in Virginia grieving over my brother and mother and wondering why my father didn’t love me anymore.”
She held up her hands and shook her head. “You’re wrong about how you were treated. If I remember correctly you were invited to Sunday dinner at my grandparents’ home the Sunday you came to church and told me you were joining the CCC camp.”
“I didn’t tell you I was joining. I said I was staying out there, which happened to be the truth.” His dark eyes bored into her. “It sounds to me like you’ve been thinking about my shortcomings a lot. Maybe that’s why you’ve made a point not to be alone with me lately.”
She shook her head. “That’s not true, Andrew. I’ve been busy helping my mother with my father.”
“Well, all I know is that ever since your father got sick, you’ve hardly had time for me. I think this is the first time we’ve been together without one of your family members around. What happened, Laurel? Did they convince you that Jimmy was the better choice after all?”
She frowned and shook her head. “No, they haven’t said…”
He gritted his teeth and took a step closer. “Don’t deny it. They think of me as some monster from Washington who is forcing them to give up the land they’ve lived on for years. I don’t think they have any more intention of accepting me than my father has for you.”
“That’s not true. They’ve been nice to you since the day you came to the Cove.”
“Yes, they’ve treated me like they would any guest who came to visit but would soon go home. They know I’m in love with you, but they don’t accept me like they do Jimmy. They never let me forget that he’s practically family. They’d rather you marry Jimmy than me. Have they convinced you to give them what they want?”
Tears filled her eyes. “Andrew, please don’t.”
He threw up his hands in resignation. “If that’s what you want, don’t let me stand in your way. Why don’t you do something about it? He’s back at home now, and he asked you to come visit his family. Why don’t you go?”
Laurel stared at Andrew and tried to see a glimpse of the man she loved in the angry man who faced her, but she saw nothing that reminded her of the Andrew she’d come to know. After a moment she took a deep breath and spoke in a soft voice. “Maybe I will. Now I think it’s time for you to leave. I’ll make your apologies to Mama about supper.”
He blinked, but the anger on his face didn’t disappear. He swallowed hard and took a step toward her, but she flinched and backed away. She wrapped her arms around her waist to still the pain that gripped her at the hurt look that flickered in his eyes. He exhaled and shook his head in resignation. “I think you’re right. Evidently I’ve worn out my welcome around here. I think we need to take a new look at our relationship.”
She pressed her lips together and inhaled. “I agree. If this is any indication of what our life may be like in the future, I don’t want to go any further with you. There are too many unresolved issues in your life, Andrew. Maybe deep down you do want a life in politics and the kind of home Lucy can make for you. And perhaps you do want your father to guide your career up the political ladder. If that’s what you want, then you should accept it.”
“I don’t want that, Laurel. You know that.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know that. In fact I think you’re sorry you ever told me you love me because you’re scared of what that means and what you have to give up in your life. But I’m afraid too. Afraid that if you choose to be with me that one day you’ll come to hate me because of the life you gave up for me. I couldn’t stand that.”
“I would never feel that way.”
“You say that now, but who knows what the future holds? You need to be sure. Decide what you want and how you can bring peace into your life. Until that time, I don’t want you to come back here. Goodbye, Andrew.”
She whirled and ran into the house. He reached the door just as she slammed it behind her. “Laurel,” he cried. “Come back out here. I can’t leave with things this way between us.” His fists pounded on the door, and tears ran down her face as he continued to call her name, but she didn’t give in. After several minutes his voice grew softer. “I do love you. I’ve never felt about anyone like I do about you, but it scares me that we may not be right for each other. I guess we both need to figure some things out. I’m going now, but I will be back. As soon as I return from Gatlinburg, we’re going to settle this.”
Laurel listened to his footsteps as he went down the porch steps. In a few minutes she heard his car come around the side of the house and drive off down the road. She leaned her head against the door and let the tears flow.
Never in her life had she felt like she did now. It was as if her soul had been sucked from her body and left an emptiness that filled her from head to toe. All she wanted was to curl up in her bed and cry until she fell into an exhausted sleep, but she couldn’t do that. She had to put on a pleasant expression and decide what to do.
After a moment the solution came to her, and Andrew had given her the idea. She would tell her family she had decided things weren’t going to work out with Andrew, and he wouldn’t be returning. She was upset, of course, but knew it was for the best. Since her father was getting be
tter and most of the livestock had been sold, it seemed a good time to get away for a few days. The Fergusons’ hotel in Tremont would be the perfect place to think. The mountain scenery there was beautiful, and Jimmy could help take her mind off her problems. That should please her mother.
She wiped the tears from her eyes, took a deep breath, and headed to the kitchen where her mother was preparing supper. Her excitement at the idea of the trip grew as she approached the kitchen. She hadn’t been to Tremont in quite a while, and she really would like to spend some time with Jimmy’s family. The only part she hadn’t figured out was who she could get to take her to Townsend to catch the train that went to Tremont.
For the last week Andrew had struggled with how he and Laurel had parted before he left for Gatlinburg. During the day he’d been able to keep busy and concentrate on his job, but the nights had been a different story. Thank goodness he’d be back in his own bed at the CCC camp tonight. He didn’t think he could stand another lonely night in the Mountain View Hotel. Of course he hadn’t made any friends at the camp, but at least he’d be back in the Cove close to Laurel.
As he drove along the road that led into the Cove he pondered the question that had been on his mind all week. Would Laurel want to see him again? He’d said some awful things, and his heart still pricked every time he thought of their argument. How could he have accused her of all those things? Her parents and grandparents had never been anything but good to him, and he’d accused them of only pretending to like him while working against his relationship with Laurel because they wanted her to marry Jimmy.
The truth was that deep down he was jealous. Jealous of Jimmy because they treated him like family, of Laurel because she had such wonderful parents, and of the closeness the Martins and Jacksons shared. As a boy, he’d longed for his father to put his arms around him and tell him he loved him. And it remained the same even after he was grown. He wished that just once his father would look at him the way Matthew looked at Willie.
When Matthew and Willie had left to walk to the creek the day he and Laurel argued, he’d wanted to go along. He’d wanted to see what fathers and sons were supposed to do together. Instead he’d been so jealous of Willie, his bitterness at his father had spilled over and hurt Laurel. If only he could go back and change things.
His thoughts drifted to the good times he’d had with Willie when they’d done the chores after Matthew’s illness. Then there had been the family suppers that he’d enjoyed. It would be night soon, and the Jacksons would be getting ready to gather around the kitchen table for their evening meal. He wished he were there. If he was lucky, the cooks at the camp might have something left over for him to eat tonight, but he’d be alone.
Deep down in his heart he knew what made mealtime at the Martin and Jackson homes so different. They began by offering thanks to God for their blessings. But it wasn’t that they thanked God only before they ate. It was a way of life with them. That’s what made their family so different from what he’d always known. They had a deep faith in God, and every decision they made was based on what Jesus taught.
That was another thing that had troubled him all week. He still couldn’t figure out where they got all their faith and how they managed to hold on to it even when things were bad. He’d spent hours every night for the last week reading the Bible Matthew had given him, but he still had trouble understanding it. How could you put your faith in something you couldn’t see? Laurel’s family did, and he’d never known anybody as happy as they were.
He had so many questions about what he’d read in the Bible, and he needed to talk to someone. Simon seemed the logical person to help him understand the words he’d read, and his house was just ahead.
When Andrew pulled the car to a stop in front of the cabin, Simon stepped onto the front porch and waved to him. “Andrew, good to see you. Get out and come in. You’re just in time for supper.”
Shaking his head, Andrew got out of the car and climbed the steps to where Simon stood. “I didn’t come by to eat. I wanted to talk with you.”
Simon put his arm around Andrew’s shoulders and laughed as he guided him into the house. “Anna always fixes enough in case somebody drops by. Granny taught her that. I think she did it because back in my single days I used to show up at her house to eat nearly every day.”
The smell of baking bread mingled with the spicy aroma of cinnamon enveloped Andrew as he entered the house, and his stomach growled. He flashed a sheepish grin at Simon. “I guess I am a little hungry.”
Simon laughed again and slapped him on the back. “Glad to hear it. We’ll talk after we eat. I can always think better with a full stomach.”
An hour later Andrew and Simon were relaxing in the rockers that faced the stone fireplace in the front room of the cabin. Andrew’s belt had tightened considerably during the meal, and he considered loosening it. “That sure was a good meal. The chicken and dumplings were the best I’ve ever eaten.”
Simon nodded and patted his stomach. “I thought so too. Anna has always fed me well.”
Anna stuck her head around the door at that moment and smiled. “Do you two need anything else?”
Andrew groaned. “I’m completely stuffed, Anna. Thank you so much for asking me to supper.”
“You’re welcome anytime, Andrew.” She glanced at Simon. “I have some catching up to do in my journal, so I’ll be in the bedroom if you change your minds.”
Simon rose from his chair, walked over to her, and kissed her on the cheek. “I’ll be in when Andrew and I are through talking.”
She smiled up at him, and the look that passed between the two of them made Andrew’s pulse race. He and Laurel had looked at each other that way until a week ago, but he didn’t know if they ever would again. He swallowed hard and looked down at his hands clasped between his knees.
He heard Simon return and sit down, but he didn’t look up until Simon spoke. “Andrew, what’s troubling you?”
The soft-spoken words held so much kindness and compassion that Andrew’s throat closed and moisture pooled in his eyes. He shook his head and took a deep breath before he returned Simon’s gaze. “My life is falling apart, and I don’t know what to do about it.”
“What’s happened to cause you so much pain?”
Briefly, he told Simon about his life with his father and their confrontation in Gatlinburg. Then he related the argument that had brought about his estrangement from Laurel. “I want things to be different in my life, but I don’t know what to do to change it. I’ve read the Bible Matthew gave me, but it’s hard to believe the things I read.”
Simon settled back in his chair and crossed his legs. “Like what?”
Andrew spread his upturned palms in front of him and shrugged. “Well, faith for instance. All of you talk about faith and how it guides your lives. I don’t understand how you can believe in something you can’t see. In fact I had a conversation with Granny about it the day she died. It was about some verses I’d read that said if you had faith you could move mountains.”
Simon smiled. “I’m sure she explained it didn’t mean you could literally make a mountain move to a different spot. It means you can overcome what seems impossible if you put your faith in God.”
“She did, but I don’t know how to put my faith in something I can’t see.”
Simon exhaled a long breath, uncrossed his legs, and leaned forward. “Andrew, you’re not the first person to have that problem. Have you read the accounts of Jesus’s birth in the Bible?”
“I have. I’ve read all about Him, how He preached and healed the sick and how He died.”
“Then you know as Christians we believe that God sent His Son to earth to die on the cross for the sins of mankind. That means every person throughout time—you, me, everybody. If we believe in Him, then one day we’ll see Him when we’re called away from this earthly home. Until that time we have to live by faith here on earth.”
“But what makes you have that faith?”
Simon reached for his Bible on a table beside his chair and opened it. “Let me read what the Bible says in the eleventh chapter of Hebrews. ‘Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.’ When I read that verse, I think about how many adults find it hard to have faith, but to a child it comes naturally. Children want to experience good things that they dream of, and they believe that anything is possible. Jesus often used a child as an example of how we should have faith. God wants to teach us to have that same faith, and He’s given us His Word to show us how. As we read it, we hear what He wants to tell us, and He says that faith comes by hearing.”
“But hearing can be interpreted differently by whoever’s reading it. Seeing it is something that can’t be disputed.”
Simon smiled. “You can’t see the wind, but you feel it. You can’t see the current underneath the water in a river, but you know if you step into it, you’re going to feel its power. Faith is the same way. You can’t see it, but once you embrace it, you feel it. We can’t come to God unless we believe and have faith that He can control our lives.” He looked back down at his Bible. “Here’s another verse from Hebrews. ‘But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.’ Do you believe that God is real, Andrew?”
Andrew stared into Simon’s eyes as he debated the question. He thought of the peace that the Martins and Jacksons had in their lives. He’d come to Cades Cove expecting them to be hostile and angry because they were being forced from their homes. They’d been sad and hurt, but never disrespectful to him. They’d talked about how God would take care of them no matter where they went, and they had shown him a way of dealing with life like he’d never known.
In that moment, he knew he wanted what they had. He wanted the peace that came with turning his life over to a higher power and believing that God would give him strength and peace to face whatever he must. He swallowed and nodded. “I do believe.”
Beyond These Hills Page 23