Unsold TV Pilots: The Greatest Shows You Never Saw

by Lee Goldberg

  Based on the 1980 movie that starred Kurt Russell and Jack Warden. Deborah Harmon inherits a struggling Las Vegas used car lot, run by Fred McCarren, who will resort to just about any outlandish scheme to outsell her unscrupulous Uncle Roy (Pat Corley), owner of every other car lot in town. Clayton Landey is McCarren's assistant and Frank McRae is a mechanic learning to be a fast-talking salesman.

  Cast: Deborah Harmon (as Barbara Fuchs), Fred McCarron (Rudy Russo), Clayton Landey (Jeff Kirkwood), Frank McRae (Jim), Pat Corley (Uncle Roy Fuchs), Michael Talbott (Mickey), Robert Costanzo (Irving), David Wyley (Claude Wiggins), J.P. Bumstead (Sam), Don Maxwell (Sergeant).

  235. What's Up, Doc? ABC 5/27/78. 30 minutes. Warner Bros. Tele' vision. Director: E.W. Swackhamer. Executive Producer: Hal Kanter. Producers: Charles B. Fitzsimons and Michael Norell. Writer: Michael Norell. Music: Ian Fairbain-Smith.

  Based on the 1972 movie, which starred Ryan O'Neal as a stiff geology professor who, although engaged to an uptight woman (Madeline Kahn), falls in love with a wild, carefree, fun-loving incarnation of Bugs Bunny (Barbra Streisand) while on a trip to San Francisco. In the pilot version, Barry Van Dyke is the professor, Caroline McWilliams is his former fiancée, and Harriet Hall is his free-spirited new love.

  Cast: Barry Van Dyke (as Howard Bannister), Harriet Hall (Judy Maxwell), Caroline McWilliams (Claudia), Don Porter (Urban Wyatt), Neva Patterson (Amanda Wyatt), Jeffrey Kramer (Fabian Leek).

  236. Where's Poppa? ABC 7/17/79. 30 minutes. Marvin Worth Productions. Director: Richard Benjamin. Producers: Marvin Worth and Robert Klane. Writer/Creator: Robert Klane. Music: Ken Lauber.

  Based on director Carl Reiner's cult 1970 feature, which screenwriter Klane adapted from his book about a New York lawyer (Steven Keats) constantly nagged by his selfish, over-productive mother (Elsa Lanchester), who demands—and gets— more of his time than his clients do. When all else fails, she pretends to be senile and helpless just to get him to do her bidding. And as much as he begs his older, married brother (Allan Miller) for help, he never gets any. George Segal, Ruth Gordon, and Ron Leibman played the roles in the motion picture.

  Cast: Elsa Lanchester (as Momma Hockheiser), Steven Keats (Gordon Hockheiser), Judith-Marie Bergan (Louise Hamelin), Allan Miller (Sid Hockheiser).

  Star Vehicles

  SHOWS CREATED FOR A "NAME"

  Sometimes, a star makes the show.

  Mary Tyler Moore was already beloved for her five years on The Dick Van Dyke Show when a new series was fashioned for her. The Mary Tyler Moore Show ran for seven years, was showered with honors, and begat three other series.

  Sometimes, a show makes the star.

  Tom Selleck was nobody. He did seven pilots before one sold, and that one he was written out of. But with Magnum, P.I., the producers found a concept that revealed his hidden talents, and made him a star.

  The right match can create magic. Unknown Robin Williams was Mork. Star James Garner was Rockford. They call it packaging—the art of matching the personality with a concept, the star with the vehicle that both the actor and the network can ride to success.

  In many ways, the star is more important than the series concept. Networks often give stars on-air commitments without an idea, a title, or anything . . . except the actor's pretty face and bankable name. A concept that is less than scintillating suddenly becomes a hot property if the right star is attached.

  Would ABC have bought the concept of Life With Lucy, and given it a thirteen episode guarantee, if Lucille Ball wasn't attached? Would B.L. Stryker have been passed over as just another private eye show if Burt Reynolds wasn't the star?

  Networks are always on the lookout for movie stars on the way down, nobodies on the way up, and proven television personalities ready to transfer their success into a new show. Of course, it doesn't always work.

  The art of packaging is a tricky thing. Why will people watch James Arness as a frontier marshal and not as a tough, L.A. cop? Why does Ted Danson fail as a spy but succeed as a bartender? Or, for that matter, why is Patty Duke better suited to play identical twins than Ginger Rogers? Why would the networks gamble on Robert Urich as a Las Vegas private eye and not Peter Graves?

  Chemistry. Timing. Instinct.

  Television, at its heart, is a business of personalities, getting viewers to make the indelible connection between an actor and character, and between the character and themselves. And when that happens, they stop being television shows, they become institutions, cultural- icons, and, ultimately, members of the family.

  And when it doesn't, they become unsold pilots.

  237. Acres and Pains. CBS 5/12/62. 30 minutes. ZIV /United Artists. Producer/Director: Perry Lafferty. Writers: Harvey Yorkin and Dave Schwartz, based on material by S.J. Perelman.

  Aired as an episode of G.E. Theatre. A writer (Walter Matthau) and his wife (Anne Jackson) leave the big city to live in Bucks County, Pennsylvania. The house they rent turns out to be a wreck so they move into a motel/bowling alley full of strange tenants. It was originally planned as a pilot for Tom Poston.

  Cast: Walter Matthau (Tom Dutton), Anne Jackson (Jenny Dutton), Edward Andrews (Paul Goodlove), Alice Pearce (Mrs. Ledbetter), Philip Coolidge (Mr. Ledbetter), Jerry Stiller (Harold), David Doyle (Burton Fairbanks).

  238. Alexander the Great. ABC 1/26/68. 60 minutes. Selmur Productions. Director: Phil Karlson. Producer: Albert McCleary. Writers: William Robert Yates and Robert Pirosh.

  Aired as an episode of Off to See the Wizard. William Shatner starred in the title role in this dramatization of the Battle of Issus between the Greeks and the Persians in 333 B.C. Costar Adam West recalls: "We did it in the desert outside St. George, Utah. I played Alexander's associate, General Cleander, the wine, women, and song General, who rode his Arabian stallion across the desert dressed in a loin cloth. Man it was cold. It just didn't work. The audience and Madison Avenue just weren't ready for orgies with Shatner and West lying there on their backs eating grapes with belly dancers beside them." No loss. Shatner says "the nine months I spent working on Alexander the Great came in handy for Star Trek. Capt. Kirk is, in many ways, the quintessential hero and the Greek heroes in literature have many of the same qualities 1 wanted to explore."

  Cast: William Shatner (as Alexander), John Cassavetes (General Karonos), Joseph Cotten (General Antigonus), Simon Oakland (Attalos), Cliff Osmond (General Memnon), Ziva Rodann (Ada), Adam West (Cleander).

  239. The Bette Davis Show (aka The Decorator). ABC 1965. 30 minutes. Four Star. Producer: Aaron Spelling.

  Bette Davis is an interior decorator who lives with her clients in order to fit her designs to their personalities—which she usually adjusts by helping them with their problems.

  240. Collector’s Item. CBS 1958. 30 minutes. TCF Television Productions and CBS Productions. Director: Buzz Kulik. Producer/Writer: Herb Meadow.

  A detective pilot, subtitled The Left Hand of David, featuring Vincent Price as Henry Prentiss, an art gallery owner, and Peter Lorre as Mr. Munsey, a forger with underworld ties who works for him. Guest stars included Whitney Blake, Thomas Gomez, Eduard Franz, Dick Ryan, Dick Winslow, Harvey Parry.

  241. Dark Mansions. ABC 7/23/86. 2 hours. Aaron Spelling Productions. Director: Jerry London. Executive Producers: Aaron Spelling and Douglas Cramer. Supervising Producer: E. Duke Vincent. Producers: Jerry London and Robert H. Justman. Writer: Robert McCullough. Music: Ken Harrison.

  Loretta Young was to have been the star of this proposed serial, set in San Francisco. She was later replaced by Joan Fontaine as Margaret Drake, matriarch of a family made rich by shipbuilding, a business now fought over by her two sons, Paul Shenar and Michael York, flow that her husband (Dan 0' Herlihy) is struck dead by lightning. But there are other problems—her secretary Linda Purl bears a haunting resemblance to her grandson Grant Aleksander's dead wife; her blind granddaughter Melissa Sue Anderson struggles to make it in the world; and her grandson Yves Martin lusts for his cousin Nicollette Sheridan. All in the family live on the
same block in side-by-side mansions. hence the title.

  Cast: Joan Fontaine (as Margaret Drake), Paul Shenar (Charles Drake), Michael York (Bryan Drake), Melissa Sue Anderson (Noelle), Linda Purl (SheIlanc), Yves Martin (Cody Drake), Grant Aleksander (Nicholas), Nicollette Sheridan (Banda), Lois Chiles (Jessica), Raymond St. Jacques (Meadows), Dan O'Herlihy (Alexander Drake), Brian Morrow (David Forbes), Steve Inwood (Mills), Vincent Pandoliano (Chef), Lee Corrigan (Capt. Hemmings).

  242. The Claudette Colbert Show (aka Welcome to Washington; aka Franey Goes to Washington). NBC 9/30/58 (NBC) and 8/23/60 (CBS). 30 minutes. Producer/Director: Norman Tokar. Writers: Inez Asher and Whitfield Cook.

  Initially aired as an episode of Colgate Theatre on NBC and then offered on CBS as part of a showcase of flops entitled Comedy Spot. Claudette Colbert is elected to Congress, moves to Washington, D.C., with her family, and tries to cope.

  Cast: Claudette Colbert (Elizabeth Harper), Leif Erickson (Paul Harper), Shelley Fabares (Susie Harper), Eric Anderson (Billy Harper), also Maudie Pritchard, Herb Butterfield, Herb Ellis, Malcolm Cassell, Elvia Allman, Tony Henning.

  243. The Elizabeth McQueeny Story. NBC 10/28/59. 60 minutes. Universal Television. Director: Allen H. Miner. Producer: Howard Christie. Writer: Allen H. Miner.

  Aired as an episode of Wagon Train. Bette Davis stars as the leader of an all-female dance troupe that travels through the Old West. The cast included Robert Strauss, Terry Wilson, Frank McGrath, Maggie Piece, John Wilder, Meg Wyllie, Marjorie Bennett, Daniele Aubry, Joseph MeII.

  244. Fear No Evil (aka Bedeviled). NBC 3/3/69. 2 hours. Universal Television. Director: Paul Wendkos. Producers: Richard Alan Simmons and David Levinson. Writer: Richard Alan Simmons, from the story by Guy Endore. Music: Billy Goldenberg.

  The first of two critically acclaimed, truly chilling pilots featuring Louis Jourdan as psychiatrist and occult expert Dr. David Sorrell and Wilfrid Hyde-White as Harry Snowden. One of Sorrell's patients says she's brought her husband back from the dead through an antique mirror. And she has. Universal continued to dabble with this concept until finally selling The Sixth Sense—about a parapsychologist -- NBC in 1972. The series only lasted a few months and utilized some of the score from Ritual of Evil, the sequel to this pilot.

  Cast: Louis Jourdan (as Dr. David Sorrell), Carroll O'Connor (Myles Donovan), Bradford Dillman (Paul Varney), Lynda Day (Barbara Varney), Marsha Hunt (Mrs. Varney), Wilfrid Hyde-White (Harry Snowden), Kate Woodville (Ingrid Dome), Harry Davis (Wyant).

  245. For the Defense. Independent 1956. 30, Director: James Nielsen. Producer: Samuel Bischoff. Writer: Donn McCaully.

  Edward G. Robinson in his only stab at a TV series plays a hardened cop-turned-defense attorney named Matthew Considine. In the pilot, Robinson takes on "The Case of Kenny Jason"—the episode's title—with Glen Vernon as Jason and Ann Doran as his mother. John Hoyt would have the recurring role of police captain Thomas Hardy.

  Cast: Edward G. Robinson (Matthew Considine), Glen Vernon (Kenny Jason), Ann Doran (Mrs. Jason), John Hoyt (Captain Thomas Hardy), Robert Osterloh (Duke), Vic Perrin (Barney), Herbert Hayes (Judge), Morris Ankrum (District Attorney), Tom Dugan (Desk Sergeant).

  246. The Frontier World of Doc Holliday. ABC 1959. 60 minutes. Warner Bros. Television. Director: Leslie H. Martinson. Producer: Roy Huggins.

  Scheduled to air as an episode of Cheyenne entitled "Birth of a Legend." Adam West, described by Warners as a "traditional western star, tall and good looking, suggesting great strength and good breeding," played the title role. Warners planned to play down Holliday's tuberculosis but it would, nonetheless, provide the impetus for the series concept—a doctor tells Holliday he has six months to live. In the pilot episode, Holliday kills for the first time but doesn't care because he is doomed anyway. Adam West says "I played him as an alcoholic with a consumptive cough. That isn't too attractive when you kiss your horse, and the horse dies. I don't think ABC, Warners, or Madison Avenue appreciated it at the time. And probably rightly so."

  247. Everything Is Coming Up Roses (aka You're Gonna Love It Here). 6/1/77. 30 minutes. S/K Productions and Warner Bros. Television. Director/Writer: Bruce Paltrow. Executive Producer: Frank Konigsberg. Producer: Mel Farber. Music: Peter Matz.

  Ethel Merman plays an out-of-work broadway star with a talent agent son (Austin Pendleton) and a wisecracking, II-year-old grandson (Chris Barnes).

  Cast: Ethel Merman (as Lolly Rogers), Chris Barnes (Peter Rogers), Austin Pendleton (Harry Rogers), Dianne Kirksey (Neighbor).

  248. The Ginger Rogers Show (aka A Love Affair Just for Three). CBS 7/22/63. 30 minutes. Director: Norman Z. McLeod. Executive Producer: William Self. Producers: Sidney Sheldon and Roy Higgins. Writer: Valentine Davies.

  Ginger Rogers plays identical twin sisters—one a fashion designer and one a magazine writer—and Charles Ruggles costars as her befuddled uncle. Rogers designed her own wardrobe for this pilot, which had been in the works since the 1961-1962 season. In the pilot, Rogers is one sister posing as the other to discover why an Italian playboy jilted her (them).

  Cast: Ginger Rogers (Elizabeth/Margaret Harcourt), Charles Ruggles (Eli Harcourt), Cesare Danova (Mario Cellini), Gardner McKay (Himself), Maureen Leeds (Girl), Warren Parker (Boy).

  249. The Gypsy Warriors. CBS 5/12/78. 60 minutes. Universal Television. Director: Lou Antonio. Executive Producer: Stephen J. Cannel!. Producer: Alex Beaton. Writers/Creators: Stephen J. Cannel' and Phil DeGuere. Music: Mike Post and Pete Carpenter.

  The first of two unsold pilots Cannell developed to showcase the talents of James Whitmore, Jr. and Tom Selleck. This time, they play two espionage agents, posing as gypsies roaming France and Germany, who take on unusual missions during World War II. The relationship between Cannell, Whitmore and Selleck predated this pilot, and lasted long, afterward. Whitmore and Selleck had both previously appeared frequently on The Rockford Files, and Whitmore would later have roles in Cannell's Black Sheep Squadron and Hunter, as well as Selleck's Magnum, P.I., on which even Cannell showed up as a guest star. The Gypsy Warriors was released in home video in 1987.

  Cast: James Whitmore, Jr. (as Capt. Shelley Alhern), Toni Selleck (Capt. Ted Brinkerhoff), James Bushkin (Ganault), Link Raymond (Lola), Michael Lane (Androck), Albert Paulsen (Bruno Schlagel), Kenneth Tigar (Shulman), William Westley (Ramon Pierre Cammus), Hubert Noel (Henry), Kathryn Leigh Scott (Lady Britt Austin Forbes).

  250. Harry's Battles. ABC 6/8/81. 30 minutes. Marble Arch Productions. Director: Alan Rafkin. Executive Producer: Martin Starger. Producer/Writer: Charlie Hauck.

  Based on the BBC series A Sharp Intake of Breath. Dick Van Dyke is a Pittsburgh supermarket manager who always seems to be embroiled in bureaucracy and red tape, to the consternation of wife Connie Stevens. Danny Wells and Marley Sims are their neighbors.

  Cast: Dick Van Dyke (as Harry Fitzsimmons), Connie Stevens (Mary Carol Fitzsimmons), Danny Wells (Herb), Marley Sims (Diane), Brooke Alderson (Nurse Hewitt), Joe Regalbuto (Dr. Harwood), David Ruprecht (Sands), Florence Halop (Patient).

  251. Higher and Higher, Attorneys at Law. CBS 9/9/68. 60 minutes. Clovis Productions. Director: Paul Bogart. Producers: Tony Ford and Jacqueline Babbin. Writer: Irving Gaynor Nieman.

  This "whodunit" comedy. modeled after The Thin Man. would have been shot in New York and would have chronicled the adventures of a husband and wife attorney team (Sally Kellerman and John McMartin) who solve murders. Dustin Hoffman, just before hitting it big on the big screen, plays one of their clients.

  Cast: Sally Kellerman (as Liz Higher), John McMartin (John Higher), Dustin Hoffman (Arthur Greene), Robert Forster (Doug Payson), Alan Alda (Frank St. John), Barry Morse (Colin St. John), Ruth White (Ellen St. John), Marie Masters (Paula), George Wallace (Charlie), Billy Dec Williams (David Arnold), Gunilla Hutton (Astrid), Eugene Roche (McElheny).

  252. Higher Ground. CBS 9/4/88. 2 hours. Green/Epstein Productions and Columbia Pictures Television. Director: Robert Day. Executive Producers: Jim Green, Allen Epstein,
and John Denver. Producers: Steve Barnett and Jim Green. Writer: Michael Eric Stein. Music: Lee Hold-ridge. Title Song by John Denver.

  John Denver stars as Jim Clayton, a former FBI agent who moves to Alaska to operate an air charter with his old partner (Martin Kove). When the latter is murdered, Clayton hunts down the killers, and continues operating the charter with his partner's widow (Meg Wittner) and her son (Brandon Marsh).

  Cast: John Denver (as Jim Clayton), Martin Kove (Rick Loden), John Rhys-Davies (Lt. Smight), Meg Wittner (Ginny Loden), Brandon Marsh (Tommy Loden), David Renan (Line Holmes), Richard Masur (Bill McClain).

  253. Jarrett. NBC 8/11/73. 90 minutes. David Gerber Productions and Screen Gems. Director: Barry Shear. Executive Producer: David Gerber. Producer/Writer/Creator: Richard Maibaum. Music: Jeff McDuff.

  Glenn Ford is an ex-prize fighter-turned-private eye specializing in cases associated with the arts. His constant nemesis is Bassett Cosgrove, an eccentric, villainous art collector. Richard Maibaum. writer of most of the 007 scripts, says he created the character for a younger, more physical actor and that casting Ford was the pilot's death knell.