She could hear voices outside the room, one feminine and one male, along with Athol's distinctive voice. Her heart leapt before she realized the other male voice wasn't Cade's. Well, why should it be?
As the door opened, Anna turned toward it with a false, but she hoped bright smile on her face. The smile became genuine when she saw who it was. Who accompanied Athol.
"Daisy, wow, look at you." Daisy had a small but well-formed pregnancy bump.
She squealed and cuddled Anna. "Hi, godmother-to-be, stop worrying me like this, okay?"
"Okay, I'll try." Anna returned the hug and looked at the man who stood silently next to her friend. "Oh, wow, godmother. Really?" Anna nodded. "Oh, thank you." She decided not to ask who the godfather was. "And this must be Marco?"
Marco bowed and gave her an unselfconscious hug. "It's so good to meet the woman who has Caden in knots."
Daisy prodded him. He grinned. "Well, she has."
"We weren't going to say that," Daisy said. "Not yet."
"I was." Marco sounded unrepentant. "And remember who you're prodding, my love."
Anna looked at Marco in alarm even as Daisy sniggered. Surely he wasn't going to come all over dominant here and now?
"And remember where we are," Daisy said. Marco rolled his eyes.
"Of course, but also remember I have a memory like an elephant, and can happily wait the nine months or so until I can remind you."
Daisy laughed. "Promises, promises. Now, behave. We're upsetting Anna. We've decided no playing properly or scening until Bun is born … Bun for bunny, not in the oven," Daisy added as Anna was sure her face was red. Was she so easy to read?
"Oh, we, good, bugger," she mumbled and then giggled. "Oh innuendo away, I need to toughen up. It's nice to see you, but why are you here? Hold on, is Cade okay?" Surely if he wasn't someone would have made certain she knew. Anna did her best to slow her thumping heart to a sensible pace.
"As okay as he can be and missing you," Daisy reassured her. “Look, can we sit down? I'm weary. What with Bun kicking me all night, and Marco snoring in my ear … yes, you do." She put her finger over Marco's mouth. Anna did her best not to watch and go weak at the knees as Marco's tongue snaked out and swirled around the digit.
Damn, even that's making me wet, and I'm so not into PDAs. She wriggled and tried to rub her legs together without making her movement obvious.
"Er, sure. Let's sit in the garden?" The sun was out and warm enough to make the sheltered spot a pleasant place to sit. "Are you still drinking coffee?"
"Well, duh, though I've cut down to one a day. I think that one should be now."
”You two ladies go down," Athol said. "Marco and I'll bring everything we need." Anna stared at him. What was there to need except the coffee? It wasn't long before she found out.
****
"So," Daisy got straight down to the point as soon as she was sitting comfortably in a padded garden chair, her feet on a wooden stool topped with a cushion. "What are you going to do about you and Cade?"
Anna stared at the china clay being unloaded from a boat tied up at the wharf across the river. She sighed and glanced at Daisy. The compassion in Daisy's eye made her shiver and feel the sting of tears ready to fall.
"Tell him."
"Tell him what, hon?"
Athol and Marco had reached them. She took the mug of coffee Marco handed her with a nod of thanks.
"That I can't share. Him or me. That I'm sorry, but the thought is so awful, it's killing me. If he isn't satisfied with only me, in private, no club, no scening with me, no demonstrating, or anything with anyone else, then it's over. I can't do it, and really do I have the right to ask him to give up his life for me?"
"Oh, lovey. I think you need to listen to this." Daisy turned to Marco, who took out a tiny recorder rom his pocket. Daisy leaned forward and held Anna's hand.
Anna felt the warmth and love, which doubled as Athol put his arm around her shoulder. "Ready?" he asked.
It would have been handy to know what she had to be ready for, but Anna nodded anyway. Whatever it was, she'd best get it over and done with. She watched with a morbid fascination as Marco pressed a tiny switch. Daisy's voice floated out of the speakers clear and Daisy-like. There was no mistaking who spoke.
"Cade, love, I need your help on Tuesday." There was even less chance of Anna mistaking the person who answered her.
"Hi, Daisy, what's cooking apart from the bun?" Anna's heart sank. He sounded happy and content, not a bit worried or lovelorn. Not that she wanted him to worry, but dammit he came across as just too happy.
Her dismay must have shown on her face because Daisy leaned forward and whispered to her. "Listen."
"Can you demonstrate for us?" Daisy asked him. The silence went on for so long, Anna wondered if he intended to answer. Then she heard the words she never thought she'd ever hear.
"No, sorry, Daisy. That part of my life is over and done. If I can't be with Anna, I'm not with anyone in any shape, manner, or form. I couldn't give the care needed anymore. Losing Anna again has made me realize what I'm missing. We're all different and change throughout our lives. I'm at the place where if I can't be with my wife, just us and no one else, then I don't want to be with anyone. She's my love, and honestly she's my reason for being. I can only hope I get the chance to tell her how much I love her and need her. That I'm hers."
Marco switched the recorder off. "Well?"
Anna swiped at the tears streaming down her face. "I need to see him."
Daisy nodded and handed her a key. "Room 10. He thinks we've gone for a walk. He's waiting for us to get back to take the ferry across the river. I reckon he'd rather go over with you instead. Tell him we'll all meet up for dinner. Do you think you can find something to do until then?"
Anna fished in her pocket for a tissue, wiped her face, and blew her nose.
"Oh, I think so."
Chapter Eighteen
This was it. Anna stood outside the white painted door with the elegant bronze number 10 screwed to the middle. She swung the key with its tasseled fob between her fingers. There was nothing so modern as a swipe card in this old gracious hotel with its uneven floors and beamed roof.
She giggled nervously. She wouldn't have been surprised to meet a cravat wearing pink of the ton, his riding cape swirling around his hessian clad calves, or a rosy cheeked serving wench, her breast tight and round under a high-waisted gown.
For goodness’ sake, woman, this is you now, not you reliving a regency romance or something. Mind you, some of those guys' ideas were rather inventive. Shit, shut up and stop procrastinating, just do it.
Once Anna had finished giving herself the almost stern talking to she took a deep breath—as deep as the deep purple bustier Daisy had laced her into—let her. The stockings and suspenders she'd put on to compliment it weren't half as much trouble, nor was the floaty sundress over it. Anna had drawn the line at the short skirt and barely there top Daisy had offered her. “They're so not me," she'd said. "If I feel stupid, it'll show. I want to be me." And although she didn't say so, the bustier was almost the duplicate of one in her wardrobe in Scotland. One she'd not been able to bring herself to add to the ragbag.
Daisy had given her a key, Anna guessed to ensure surprise was the best form of attack. She slid the key into the lock.
As she opened the door, she tensed. Somehow she wouldn't have been surprised to see Cade standing there with a long-tail or a crop ready to repel uninvited visitors. She closed the door behind her and locked it before she slipped the lock across. She didn't put it past any of their friends to pop by to see how things were going. No scening in public meant just that. Shit, I don't even know if there will be any scening in private. One pair of Velcro handcuffs and a flogger doesn't necessarily make for a scene. Although she'd bet if Cade were so inclined they would.
The room was empty. The sense of relief she felt was scary. She needed to speak to him, to find out if they had a future. Now she'd psyche
d herself up, the drop in her mood was more than she thought possible. Ha, now, I've experienced sub drop, is this whew drop?
There were signs that he was about. A pair of shoes next to a long comfortable looking settee, and a half drunk cup of coffee on the table beside it. Behind a closed door on the far side of the room, Anna could hear someone speaking and presumed—hoped—it was Cade. A thought struck her, what if he had someone in the other room? She assumed it was the bedroom. How embarrassing.
Ha, not for me, but for any silly little sub he's picked up. I'll show her or him whose Dom Cade is. The violence of her thoughts amazed her, as did the way she strode across to the door. For not the first time she was happy that Cade had always liked the way she painted her toenails to match whichever pair of flip-flops she wore, and not struggled in heels.
As she was about to grab the door handle and get ready to pronounce her denouement—oh shit, back to regency assertions again—Cade's voice came to her clearly.
"Daisy, for fuck’s sake, which bit of no isn't clear?" There was a brief silence. "I don't care if you're going to send me the sub of the century, the answer is still no. Well, unless it's Anna, and we all know that's not likely to happen. Yes, yeah, I know you love me and want what's best for me, but believe me, honey: the best for me is Anna, no one else. Yeah, I'll wait here for you. No, nothing like that, my cock isn't interested in my hand. I'll paint my toenails or trim my nasal hair." His laugh rumbled through the door, but to Anna's ears it sounded forced. “Yeah, I'll remember, and no worries. If I didn't think you did have my best interests at heart, then I'd worry."
So now she knew. Anna felt about three inches small. How often had she heard him say those words in some way or another and ignored them?
The door opened, and Cade came through the entrance, pulling a T-shirt over his head. He plowed into her, and his head appeared through the neckline.
"Anna?"
She nodded and ignored the ants scurrying over her skin and the spiders in her tummy.
"Hello, Cade. Yes, Sir, it's me."
His reaction wasn't what she expected. He waked past her and picked up his coffee.
"Why are you here, Anna?" He leaned back against the windowsill, forcing her to squint at him. His silhouette loomed, dark and menacing. Anna's pussy contracted, and she was damned sure her thong would soon be able to be wrung out. He was so damned hot, and her inner self responded with a ferocity that astonished her. It had been a long while since she'd responded to anything in such an immediate manner.
Cade folded his arms and let his coffee mug dangle from one finger. Anna hoped to hell it was empty; the carpet was old and obviously priceless. She'd hate to think of the cleaning bill if a mug of Kenya's finest found its way into the threads.
"Well? I'm waiting." His tone was flat, almost uninterested. If she hadn't seen the tiny tic at the side of his eyes, she'd have thought he had no interest in anything she was going to say. That little involuntary movement gave her hope.
She fished in her handbag and brought out a tiny recorder. She'd found out that Daisy wasn't the only devious secret recording fiend among her friends. Athol was worse. Now she was going to let Cade hear her revelations—if he wanted to.
With a jittery pulse and a heartbeat that would probably put her in the coronary unit if a physician had been around to take it, Anna knelt on the floor in front of Cade and held the recorder out to him.
"Evidently, Athol thought you'd need this." He took the instrument without a word. Anna went to get up, but he stopped her by the simple expedient of one hand on her head.
"Surely there's a word missing?"
Ha, in his dreams. No, Sir, unless he is my Sir.
"With respect, Cade." She emphasized his name on purpose. "If once you've heard this you're happy and I'm happy, then maybe the salutation is yours. Not before though. The last one was a slip of the tongue." Or wishful thinking maybe?
He nodded. "What does it say?"
"That I want you." She paused. "But with conditions." The pressure on her head increased for a brief second, and then it was almost gone, as if Cade had forced himself to relax. The tiny warmth from his hand that still rested there gave Anna the strength to continue. "I love you, Cade, and the strength and depth of that love hasn't changed. But I have. I can't share you, and you know? I won't share you—or me. I gave myself to you and you alone, and that's the be all and end all. Only you. No scening in public for either of us, together or separately. It was killing me. The thought of you wanting anyone else to see me fall apart makes me sick. The thought of you making someone else fall apart makes me want to commit murder, to you and the faceless whoever. If you don't believe me, then listen to that." She touched the machine in his hands. "And before you say anything else, yes, I do know what you said to Daisy over the phone. She's our biggest supporter. But this, this was earlier."
The silence was overpowering. Somewhere outside she heard a car start up, and there was the distance noise of someone cutting the grass. However, inside the room was silence. Anna couldn't even hear Cade breathing, although she was astounded they couldn't hear her own heartbeat doing its 1812 Overture impression. She swallowed, sat back on her haunches, and looked down at the floor.
"Pretty little sub, do you realize the last time you tried to sit like that for me you threw up?" His hand stroked her hair. "Tell me, what are you saying?"
Anna struggled to put her thoughts in order. She knew that the next few minutes would define the rest of her life. "That I want you and everything you want and need as long as it's just us and no one else. That I want to be your sub and to call you Sir. But that I have conditions."
"You have your safe word. That's a condition, isn't it? Is that not good enough for you?" Still Cade spoke in the flat disinterested monotone. Anna itched to slap him, and not in a nice way.
Damn, man, he wants to see me bleed.
"Actually, yes, if you take it from me now. Shall I tell you what's red for me? Or you could just listen to that bloody recording."
"Oh no, I want to hear it from you."
"Red is anything that involves anyone else, in any way at all. For either of us. Apart from then, red isn't a word I'll use lightly. I'm willing, no." She corrected herself. "I'm wanting to be your sub again. To be with you. To call you Sir. But only if you agree to my conditions." She giggled. The musical sound was loud in the quiet room. "After all I've even almost assumed the position."
Why am I pushing this? I know he's happy with that. But Anna had to hear him say so to her.
"So you have. Now let me get this straight. If I agree all scening is only for us, it's in private and personal, you want to be my sub?"
She nodded.
"What if I said I had to scene with other people, it's part of my life?"
Anna closed her eyes. Even though she knew he'd said he wasn't interested in that anymore, a little niggle still remained.
"Then, I'm sorry, but I'll get up and walk away. From you, from us, and from what might have been."
Chapter Nineteen
Would it be wrong to high five over your wife's head? Cade guessed so. Instead he gave up a silent prayer of thanks.
Anna lifted her rear off her legs and looked up at him. Her eyes were misty, and he could see the soft sheen of tears where they clung to her lashes. How he didn't just cuddle her he had no idea.
"Then assume the position, love."
The look she gave him almost had him opening up, telling her he had already decided he wanted only her, but some dark emotion deep inside him wanted her total submission, albeit on those terms.
She fell back onto her legs and bent her head. Her long hair spilled forward and teased him by highlighting her breasts.
"Yes, Sir." Her voice was uneven, and he could see how erratically she breathed.
He waited for as long as he felt both of them could cope and then bent to hunker down in front of her.
"Color, love?” He wondered how she'd answer that. It had always been ye
llow or red before.
"Oh, green, Sir."
Green? Shit.
"Well done, love. Now we're going to have to improvise here. I thought I'd come away for a few days break with Daisy and Marco, not to rediscover my lovely wife and sub's body."
"Please, Sir," she said with a giggle, "Oh, sorry, but that is so like Oliver Twist. Um, Sir, I've had to improvise as well, but I do have a couple of things that you might like."
"Oh? Show me."
Anna scrambled to her feet and walked straight-backed and, for once he saw, at ease with herself toward the shoulder bag she'd put down on the floor. She hesitated and took out a hessian bag and brought it back to him. He took it from her and opened it.
"Well, well. Who did you say you've been playing with?"
"Athol, sort of, only I couldn't. It's got to be you. That's why I brought the recorder thing. The bugger taped me saying so, so if you didn't believe I said it fi … oh fuck." The dismay on her face was comical. There was no way he intended to tell her he'd found out that Daisy had recorded their phone conversation. Or that Athol had told him days earlier that if and when Anna came to him, Cade didn't believe her, that Athol would use him for fucking practice—without lube. Cade had reassured Athol he knew Anna wouldn't lie and told him what he'd told Daisy. The show and share part of his life was over, whether Anna returned to him or not.
"I guessed," he said. "And I need to tell you that I've no need of…"
"I know. I heard the phone call. But I'd said my bit before that."
"Anna. Love, stop talking, get those clothes off, and let's play. I believe you, you believe me, and we trust each other. Yes?"
"Oh yes."
She pulled her plain top over her head, and Cade salivated. The purple bustier barely skimmed her nipples.
"Er, what else are you wearing?" He asked hoarsely. Her smile was all secure, all loving, and all siren. Now he knew how a tethered lamb felt as the wolf approached.
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