by Linda Byler
Mam came over and sat down beside Lizzie. The two parts of the earthworm were wriggling furiously, and Mam could see Lizzie’s swollen eyes and tear-stained face. She watched Emma mowing yard with her nose a bit higher than necessary and guessed the whole usual scene of her two oldest girls. Mam sighed.
“What’s wrong with the worm, Lizzie?” she asked kindly.
“I cut him in half.”
“On purpose?” Mam asked.
“I don’t know.”
“Lizzie, why were you crying?” she asked, kind as always.
“Mam, I–I—” and Lizzie burst into a fresh wave of weeping. “It’s always the same. Emma is so good and I am so bad. She always makes me do things I don’t want to, because she likes to sweep and do things like that. And she makes me so mad I could … I could kick her. And you like her a lot better than you like me. Dat does, too.”
Mam watched the light green leaves on the apple tree fluttering in the breeze. She looked down at her second daughter’s angry little face, and at the worm she had cut in her frustration. Mam sighed and dug the toe of her shoe into the grass.
This is not going to be easy, she thought. I do believe Lizzie is a more complex little person than we think. How can we help her learn to give up?
“Lizzie.” Mom cleared her throat.
“What?” Lizzie looked up, swiping a hand across her cheeks that were smeared with dirt. She tucked a stray hair behind her ears, and pulled at a hairpin in her bob.
“You know that’s not true. Dat would never love one of his daughters more than the other. Do you think I would? Truthfully?” Mam asked kindly.
She turned to reach out to Lizzie, but her daughter pulled away. So Mam decided it was not the time or place to teach Lizzie about giving up and doing something she didn’t want to do.
“Let’s all work hard, Lizzie—okay? Then we’ll make a big cold pitcher of grape Kool-Aid and we’ll make popcorn with lots of butter. And Dat can help you ride your pony.”
“No.” Lizzie was still pouting.
“Alright, then. Emma and I will do it alone.” Mam jumped up and started trimming, pulling weeds as she went.
Lizzie watched Emma mowing. She looked so warm and tired, and she was skipping some grass. It wasn’t cut nice and straight, because there were thin rows of grass still standing. Without thinking, Lizzie hurried over to Emma. “You’re not getting all the grass.” She pointed to a skipped piece.
“What?” Emma was hot and tired, and Lizzie had just finished her desire to mow. “Okay, then—you do it.” And she stalked off.
So Lizzie began to mow. She was almost too little, but she loved to feel the power of making the sharp reels go around, cutting the grass in an even row. She marched back and forth, back and forth, and forgot all her troubles. This was really fun. She would love to help Mam all summer long, she thought.
After a while, the sun felt very warm. Sweat ran down her back, and felt like it was oozing out of her head. But she kept mowing, watching Mam and Emma working in the flower beds. She bet anything Mam thought she could really mow the yard well for as small as she was.
She hit a bump, and the handle of the mower hit her chest, hard. She stopped to wipe her forehead with the hem of her dress, glancing quickly over her shoulder to make sure Emma didn’t see her, because she’d tell Lizzie to put her dress down.
Mandy was playing in the sandbox, happily mixing gravel, sand, and water. Lizzie walked over to see what she was doing. Mam hurried past, on her way to check on Jason, who was taking a nap.
Lizzie sat on the edge of the sandbox, watching a row of ants parading along the edge of the gravel. Emma came over with a bucket of weeds to dump in the mulch pile.
“Lizzie, if you would help, we could soon ride our pony,” she offered kindly.
“What do you want me to do?” Lizzie asked.
“Well, I think Mam said we can go as soon as that one flower bed is cleaned.”
Lizzie wrinkled her nose.
“Maybe Jason will wake up and Mam won’t come out again,” she told Emma.
Dat opened the screen door and called to the girls, “If you go get Dolly out, I’ll help you put the saddle on her. I’m getting really tired, and since it’s so nice outside, I can hardly work in here today.”
“Oh, goody!” They raced to the barn, scattering gravel with every step. Lizzie yanked open the wooden door, and the sweet coolness of the barn’s interior felt so good. Dolly’s nicker sounded from the pen along the back. She put her head over the bars of the gate, nickering again.
“Emma! Emma!” Dat’s call turned their heads in the direction of the house. Lizzie ran to the door and shouted back as loud as she could. “What?”
“Lizzie, don’t get Dolly now. Mam made popcorn and a cold drink. Come, and we’ll sit on the grass a while,” Dat called.
Lizzie turned to Emma. “Emma, don’t get her out now. Mam made popcorn,” she said.
“Okay.” Emma raced Lizzie to the yard. They plopped down in the fresh green grass and lay on their stomachs, kicking their bare feet in the air, and pulling short pieces of grass out by the roots.
Mandy joined them, carrying a big plastic bowl of freshly popped corn. Dat was behind her, carrying a pitcher filled with ice-cold Kool-Aid. Mam hurried behind him, carrying Jason and a tall stack of glasses.
They all sat in the grass, enjoying their cold drinks. Jason waved his arms and gurgled his baby gurgles, while Mandy threw handfuls of popcorn in the air, until Dat made her stop.
Dat helped Mam put away the gardening tools and the lawn mower, while Emma and Lizzie got Dolly out of her pen. They brushed her mane and tail until they were completely untangled. Then they used a firm currycomb and rubbed her coat until she shone.
“She’s the prettiest pony in the whole world,” Lizzie said proudly. She stood back and admired Dolly, and the pony gave her tail a saucy little flick.
“Come on, Lizzie, you carry the saddle. Let’s go. Dat’s going to help us.” Emma was on her way out the door, leading Dolly. Lizzie stooped to get the saddle. It was really heavy, but she managed, although she had to be very careful not to trip over the stirrups.
Dat met them in the yard, and after talking to Dolly in his pony talk, he eased the saddle onto her back. Emma watched every move he made, taking note of how he pulled the straps tight and how he knotted them. Lizzie pitied Dolly. Dat yanked too hard on the girth, she thought, and the poor pony’s stomach was certainly not comfortable.
“Dat?” she said quietly.
“Hmmm?”
“Are you sure that band around Dolly’s stomach isn’t too tight? I mean, how would you like to run with a band around your stomach so tight?” she asked.
Dat’s laugh rang out. He put two fingers between Dolly’s stomach and the band that went around it. “Oh, Lizzie, if you can only find something to worry about! It’s really not as tight as it seems. Feel it.”
So Lizzie put her hand where Dat showed her, but she was still doubtful. It felt tight.
Emma was allowed to ride first. Dat helped her into the saddle, showing her how to place her feet correctly into the stirrups. He led Dolly for a while, until Emma felt brave enough to ride her on her own. She trotted Dolly down the gravel driveway, as Dat stood and watched. When Emma turned Dolly and trotted back to Dat, he was smiling.
“Very good, Emma. I think you can handle Dolly well enough to ride her on your own. I’m going to the shop for a minute; I see a customer just pulled in. Let Lizzie have a turn. I’ll be right back.” Dat hurried into the shop.
Lizzie held Dolly’s bridle, and looked up at Emma. “Get off now, Emma. It’s my turn,” she said.
“Not yet, Lizzie.”
“Yes. Dat said. Now get off.”
Dolly shook her head up and down. She was getting impatient—Lizzie just knew it.
“Just let me ride her around the yard once, Lizzie. Then I’ll let you, okay?” Emma asked.
“Oh, okay. You always get your own way
anyhow.” And Lizzie stepped aside, so Dolly could go.
Emma picked up the reins and clicked her tongue. Dolly lifted her head and started off at a lively pace. Around and around the yard Dolly trotted. Lizzie was getting more and more impatient.
And then things happened so fast, Lizzie couldn’t even remember later how it all was. First she remembered hearing a loud, rattling sound. Then it was all a blur. A team of two huge workhorses pulling a steel-wheeled wagon with a load of other farm implements rattled into sight. Dolly was trotting along and was suddenly startled by the wagon and horses. Up, up, she went, rearing up with her front legs off the ground.
Emma’s high-pitched scream of terror jolted Lizzie into action. She started running toward Dolly. Her first thought was to help Emma somehow.
Directly under a sturdy branch, Dolly veered to the left, and Emma pitched to the right. Emma’s hair caught on the knobby branch, and she was suspended from it, while Dolly ran out from underneath her.
Emma screamed and cried. Lizzie yelled and yelled for Dat. She was crying and screaming hoarsely while Emma swung from the branch by her hair.
Just as Dat appeared, running across the porch, Emma’s hair tore loose from her head and she fell to the grass below. She lay in a pitiful heap, her hand pressed to the place where her hair had been torn.
Lizzie reached Emma first, and dropped down on her knees beside her. Dat soon followed, and he took Emma’s hands away from her head. He was terrified, Lizzie could tell, and she started crying louder than ever. This was so awful, Lizzie couldn’t even think of anything except to cry as loud as she could.
“Emma!” Dat said very loudly in an awful voice. “What happened?”
Emma was crying hysterically. Lizzie just cried with her, because it looked so horrible, and she was so afraid Emma was going to die, with her hair pulled out so cruelly.
“I–I–I—” Emma wailed.
Lizzie swallowed. “Dat, Dat.” She tried to tell him what happened, but all she could do was cough and hiccup and cry some more.
Dat pulled Emma close, holding her and rocking back and forth. He pulled out his handkerchief and pressed it to the side of Emma’s head where blood and water oozed out of the bald spot where Emma’s beautiful, shiny, dark hair had been.
“Dat.” Lizzie took a deep breath to steady herself. She began bravely, drawing in another deep breath. “Dat, Emma wanted another turn around the yard and that … that rattly wagon went past and scared Dolly.”
Dat nodded his head.
“And … and then, she reared way up, Dat, and Emma … Emma—” and Lizzie burst into fresh sobs.
Dat held Emma close and reached for Lizzie. “Come here, Lizzie. My goodness.”
And Lizzie crumpled beside Dat on the soft green grass and his strong arm held her close against him. His hands were black and smelled of harnesses and grease. His soft beard touched the top of Lizzie’s head, and it was the most comforting touch she had ever felt. Dat was so safe and so strong, that everything was not quite so terrible anymore.
She peeped around to Emma. Poor Emma, Lizzie thought. She was in terrible pain. Her face was so white, and she was shaking all over. Dat just sat and held the girls while Emma calmed down.
“Lizzie,” Dat said quietly, “would you go ask Mam for some peroxide to put on Emma’s head? And ask her to come here for a minute.”
So Lizzie went to find Mam. She was folding clothes at the kitchen table, quite unaware of anything that had happened.
“Mam,” Lizzie called.
“Hmm?” Mam didn’t even look up; she was busy.
“Dat asked you to come and bring some peroxide,” said Lizzie.
Mam looked up. She looked at Lizzie more carefully. “Why? Lizzie, what happened? Were you crying?” she asked.
“Yes, I was, Mam. Emma got caught in the apple tree and was swinging by her hair, and … it … it tore out.”
“Lizzie! You stop that! You know that’s not true.” Mam was very upset with Lizzie.
“Mam! It is true. Come with me,” Lizzie said, all upset again because Mam would not believe her.
So Mam went to the bathroom and got the peroxide, scooped up Jason, and with Mandy following, they hurried down the stairs, and over to Dat and Emma.
“Melvin, what in the world is wrong?” With a cry of alarm, Mam fell to her knees beside Emma and held her close. Fresh tears squeezed out of Emma’s closed eyes, as she laid her head against Mam’s apron. Mam’s hands felt Emma’s head, and she gasped as she took away Dat’s handkerchief.
“Melvin! You mean … ?” She spread her hands in a gesture of helplessness.
“Yes, it happened just like Lizzie said.”
“Melvin, you have to stop leaving the girls alone with this pony. Just look what happened.” Mam’s voice rose to a high-pitched exclamation of dismay.
“I’m sorry. I just never thought it wouldn’t be safe. Dolly is so used to the girls, and listens so well to them, I just thought I could wait on this customer, and they’d be alright.” Dat felt very bad.
Mam carefully patted peroxide on Emma’s wound. Emma winced, but Mam was so gentle she didn’t say anything.
Lizzie looked around and sighed. How could a perfect summer afternoon become so scary? Even the butterflies and the birds in the apple tree looked scary. Anything could happen. She shivered. She pulled in her lower lip and bit down hard. Life just was that way. It was scary, because you never knew what could happen. But, in spite of it all, she was so glad that Emma did not die. Bossy or not, she would miss Emma very, very much and always wish she had helped her sweep the kitchen.
chapter 18
A Trip to Ohio
Because it was summer, Emma and Lizzie did not have to go to school. So now Dat and Mam decided that it would be a good time to visit Doddy Millers in Ohio. Except Mam would have to go by herself, with Emma, Lizzie, Mandy, and Baby Jason, because Dat had to stay at home and work in the harness shop. He had lots of harnesses to repair, because the horses were working in the fields, and also, he had plenty of new ones to make as well. So Dat said Emma should be a big helper to Mam, because they were going by themselves.
Lizzie wondered why Dat didn’t say anything to her. She could hold Mandy’s hand and act every bit as grownup as Emma. But Emma was older, she thought; that’s how it always was.
Mam was very busy the week before they were supposed to leave. Dat got their tickets, and made arrangements for a driver to take them all to the train station in the big city. Mam sewed some new short-sleeved dresses for the girls to wear, and she made new pants and shirts for Jason. She sang as she worked, and Lizzie could tell Mam was excited. Lizzie was, too, because she only remembered a little bit about her first train ride when she was small.
When the driver pulled up to the porch that fine summer morning, everybody was all dressed up and ready to go. Dat helped them all into the van, stowing the suitcases in the back. Mam made sure the doors were locked before she hurried out to sit beside Emma in the first seat. Dat sat on the front seat with the driver.
Lizzie and Emma chattered excitedly. Lizzie told Emma that the best part of this whole trip was the train ride. Emma thought the best part was being at Doddy Millers.
“I know,” Lizzie agreed, “but when you ride on a train, you can see much more. All the English people and their fancy shoes, the big tall buildings in the cities, and it’s much more exciting than just being at Doddy Millers.”
“Lizzie,” Emma said, quite seriously.
“What?”
“You shouldn’t be quite so wild in your mind. Why do you have to look at all the fancy shoes, anyway?” Emma asked her.
“Oh, they just look pretty. Especially the white ones with high heels. If I’d be English, that is exactly what I would wear. They make a nice clicking noise, too,” Lizzie said.
Emma said nothing, so Lizzie folded her hands in her lap and thought Emma agreed with her. She looked down at her own navy-colored sneakers that had a white sole on t
hem, and thought she had nice shoes for an Amish girl. She was happy with her new lavender-colored dress with a black apron. She liked being Amish—she just liked to watch fancy ladies with high heels. Emma just didn’t understand that.
Dat and the driver were talking, and Mam was smiling and humming under her breath. Lizzie thought Mam must surely be happy and excited, because her eyes were sparkling and she just smiled and smiled.
When they arrived at the train station, it was almost time for their train. Dat helped them with their luggage, and they sat on soft red chairs that you could hardly stay on. Lizzie had to push her feet hard against the leg, or she would have slid off. Lizzie wished they had chairs like that at home, because she and Emma would have lots of fun pushing each other off the seats.
A loud voice boomed from a corner of the ceiling. Lizzie and Emma jumped, because it was so loud.
“There we are,” Dat said, as a crowd of people turned to look at blinking letters above one exit. “Hold tight to my hand,” Dat told Lizzie. “Emma, you take Mandy’s.”
So Lizzie put her hand in Dat’s big, warm, safe one, and they all moved forward with the rest of the crowd. A long, low whistle sounded, and Lizzie’s arms felt prickly, like they did when she was cold. She heard a click-clacking noise, and tears welled in her eyes. It was all so loud and strange, it just made her feel like crying. When the huge engine came into sight, with all the lights blinking and the shiny metal glowing in the morning sun, Lizzie was so excited that she bit her lip so hard she tasted blood. She still felt like crying, and her nose was running, so she wiped her face hard on her sleeve and sniffed.
Dat looked around to make sure they were all there. He smiled at Lizzie, to reassure her that everything would be fine. Mam stood beside them, her blue dress blowing out from the rush of the train’s passing. Her cheeks were flushed, and her eyes sparkled, while she held Jason tightly with one arm, and the navy blue suitcase was clutched tightly in the other. Her purse was slung across one shoulder. Emma and Mandy held on to the same handle, so they would not get lost in the crowd.
When the train stopped, a dark-skinned man stepped down and shouted, “All aboard! All aboard for Winesburg!” He wore a brown and beige uniform, with a cap on his head that had letters on it, but Lizzie didn’t know what it said. She guessed maybe it said something about sandwiches, because when she was younger, on her first train ride, a black man came down the aisle with a big tray of sandwiches, and Mam bought one for her. Lizzie hoped it was the same man, and Mam would buy her another sandwich.