by Bella Jewel
I turn and begin rushing off again.
“Shit,” I hear him mutter. “Avery wait.”
I don’t stop. I jump over the railings beside the road and rush across it, heading to my apartment. I hear Nate behind me but I don’t stop to give him a chance to speak. He hurt me. I thought we were friends and then, without explanation, he decided we weren’t. I get to my apartment and shove the door open, slamming it. My dog, Caffy, comes running over to me, her tail wagging. She’s a small Chow cross something, I don’t know what, and has an attitude worse than a fifteen-year-old girl.
“Avery!” Nate yells, pounding on my door. “Come on, I’m sorry.”
I storm over, swing the door open, and bark, “Eleven years ago my mother went missing. I don’t need or want your shit today, Nate. If you’ve decided we’re not friends then so be it, but I don’t want you here so please leave.”
I go to slam the door in his face but he shoves a hand out and stops me. His eyes are intense as he stares me down.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Are you fucking serious?” I scream. “You’ve not spoken to me, and when you have it’s been two letters or less. I didn’t even know ‘K’ was considered a response until you threw it at me three days ago.”
He runs his hand through his hair and looks at me with those devastating green eyes.
“Can I come in?”
“No.”
“Shit, Avery. Just let me in.”
“I said,” I growl leaning up close to him, “no.”
He shoves the door wider and steps in. “It wasn’t an option.”
“You can’t just come into my house, Nathaniel.”
Caffy sees Nate and starts leaping up and down, barking furiously at him. He stares at her, raises his brows and then looks back to me.
“I’ve had things going on and I needed to deal with them. I wasn’t trying to avoid you, Avery.”
“You’re such a liar,” I say, slamming the door behind him.
“It’s the truth. Things between Lena and I haven’t been . . . great. I’m trying to fix them and it’s not been easy. My head is in the clouds half the time and mixed with racing I just can’t seem to pull it out. I’m sorry, okay?”
Hearing him say he’s struggling has all my defenses dropping to the ground. Dammit, I’m too soft.
“I’m sorry about you and Lena,” I whisper, slumping.
“I’m sorry about your mom.”
I give him a weak smile. “I’m sorry I yelled at you, Nate. It’s always a touchy day for me.”
He shakes his head. “No worries, I understand.”
I force a smile.
“Well,” I manage when we’ve been standing in silence for a long moment, “this is awkward.”
He stares at me, and then suddenly bursts out laughing. I can’t help it; I do too. He steps forward and wraps his arms around me, pulling me into his hard chest. I press my cheek to it, smelling the combined scent of him and sweat—which, believe me, isn’t a bad scent. He runs his hand down my hair and I realize, after a second, that this feels far too comfortable.
“Uh,” I say, pulling back, “do you want a drink?”
He’s got the eyes again. The lusty, soulful eyes that make my heart stop beating.
“No,” he murmurs, staring at my lips.
Holy shit. I feel his stare right down to my toes. I turn, forcing myself to look away, forcing myself to shove my feelings inside a deep, black hole where they can never come out again. He’s married. He’s married. He’s married. He’s married.
“Avery!”
I hear Jacob’s voice and I turn just as he swings my front door open and steps inside with my father behind him. I’m shocked. I haven’t seen much of my father in my home; it’s a very rare when occasion he visits. My father’s eyes turn to Nate and harden. So do Jacob’s.
“What’s he doing here?” Jacob asks.
“Nate was just jogging past. He stopped in to say hello.”
Nate stares at me, and then turns and stares at my father and Jacob.
“Dad,” I say, trying to keep my voice steady, “this is Nathaniel Alexander.”
“I know who he is,” my father says gruffly.
Nate and my father have a staring match—Nate wins. When they’re done, Nate turns to me and walks over. In front of both my father and Jacob, he wraps his arms around me, then, much to my horror, he presses a kiss to my cheek, far too close to my lips, before turning and muttering, “Good day, gentleman.”
Then he’s gone and I’m left standing with my mouth wide open.
Damned Nate.
“Why was that boy here?” my father asks, his eyes hard.
“He’s my friend.”
“Don’t look like a friend.”
“Jesus, Daddy,” I say, walking to the counter. “It’s hardly your business when you’re never around.”
He looks shocked, probably because it’s a rare occasion I talk to him like that.
“I’m paying your rent, I’m paying your dancing, I pay for your car and I am securing your future. It is my business.”
Was that a threat? My stomach rolls and I glare at him.
“You don’t choose my friends, and that’s all he is. A friend.”
“I’d hope so,” he mutters. “Because you’re standing to lose a lot if he’s anything more.”
“I’ve been with Jacob for over five years,” I snap. “Jesus.”
Jacob is standing by my father, arms crossed and glaring at me. “And I would like to hope you’re loyal.”
Seriously?
“If you two are here to insult me, then leave. I don’t need it today.”
My father’s eyes change quickly, and he drops his arms to his sides.
“I wanted to invite you over for dinner. Maybe we can look at some old photos of your mother.”
I raise my brows. “What?”
“Unless you don’t want to,” he says. “I don’t care, either way.”
Nice.
“I can’t tonight, I have to work. But maybe,” I swallow, “maybe we can do it another day.”
He nods sharply and turns to Jacob. “I have to get back to work.”
“I’ll speak to you later, sir.”
My father nods to me, and then leaves.
That’s it? That’s all he has to say?
My heart breaks a little more.
~*~*~*~
Grunt, grunt, grunt.
I close my eyes, hating that I hate this—but I do. I hate it.
Jacob is inside me, thrusting hard and fast, with no care whatsoever. This is what our sex life is like. He fucks me; he doesn’t make love. And even then it’s not the kind of fucking you dream about. It’s emotionless and cold, and it feels awful. I’ve no doubt Jacob could be a good lover if he actually thought of anyone but himself. It’s not how it works, though. He only cares about getting off and going to sleep.
“Avery,” he grunts. “Are you close?”
Not at all.
“Yes,” I lie.
“I’m going to . . .”
He lets off a ragged, long groan and release himself inside me. I close my eyes, trying to tell myself it’s okay. This is how it’s meant to be. No one ever has sex like the romance books. They don’t. No man ever cares that much.
Jacob rolls off me and slips out of the bed to dispose of the condom. When he’s done, he returns with pajama bottoms on and slips back in. He lies beside me, not holding me, not stroking my hair or telling me how much he loves me. He hasn’t once, not once, asked how I’m dealing with today.
That’s because he doesn’t love me.
I’m just a part of his big plan.
CHAPTER 12
AVERY
I lift a pre-packaged dinner, stare at it, then throw it back before staring around the store. Jacob is out of town, again, with work and I’m alone. I’ve decided to make myself dinner and maybe watch some movies, but I can’t think of anything to have. Sighing, I find
some chocolate and throw that into my trolley.
“I thought dancer didn’t eat chocolate,” A voice says from behind me, and I smile.
I turn and see Nate and Macy. Nate is smiling at me, god damn that smile.
“I eat chocolate when no one is watching,” I say, grinning.
“Daddy and me are getting chocolate, too, Avie,” Macy says, smiling up at me.
“That’s good, honey,” I say, ruffling her hair.
“So, how’d you go with your dad the other day?” Nate asks, leaning against his cart and watching me.
I shrug. “He lectured me and then went home.”
Nate frowns. “Charmer.”
“You could say that,” I snort.
“So you’re buying chocolate...because...”
I shrug again. “Jacob is out of town and I’m bored.”
“You could come and watch Frozen with us, Lena is out of town too and we’re having a movie night.”
“Oh, I don’t think I should go to your house,” I say.
He stares at me, his eyes scanning my face. “We’ll come to yours then.”
I jerk my head up. “To watch movies?”
“Yeah.”
“With me?”
“No, with the dog.”
I laugh nervously. “Okay, sure, I mean...yeah.”
He chuckles softly and turns to Macy. “How would you like that, shorty? You want to go to Avie’s?”
“Oh yeah!” she squeals jumping up and down.
“Let’s go pick some real chocolate then,” he laughs, looking down at the contents in my cart.
“What’s wrong with my chocolate?” I pout, abandoning my cart to follow him.
“It’s awful and cheap.”
“It is not cheap,” I gasp. “Watch your mouth.”
He laughs loudly and we continue walking. We get some chocolate and candy, then turn to head out.
“Oh look,” Nate says as we go past the women’s clothing section. “Granny panties.”
I turn to him, rolling my eyes as he plucks a pair off the shelf. “Are these your size?”
I notice out of the corner of my eye that two older women are staring at him in shock. With a grin, I turn to face him fully and my mouth drops open. I force my bottom lip to quiver. “I’ve been trying,” I wail. “You told me I’d lost enough weight, that you loved me as I was.”
His face pales and his mouth drops open. “What?”
“How could you?” I cry, turning away from him.
The older women pass us and they shoot him some serious glares. I hear the word “Pig” muttered as they disappear. Nate turns to me, a murderous but playful expression on his face. “Oh you’ll pay for that.”
I laugh loudly and take Macy’s hand, rushing off. “Come on honey, let’s go.”
I hear his laughter behind me and I can’t wipe the smile off my face.
~*~*~*~
“Oh god, this movie,” I groan, covering my ears.
Nate leans in closer. “Let it go, let it go!”
“I’ll beat you, Nate,” I snap, glaring at him.
He grins and turns to Macy, who is asleep on the couch. She never made it through.
“Can I put her in your bed for a while?”
“Sure,” I say, standing.
He stands beside me and leans down, scooping her into his arms and carrying her down the hall after me. We lay her in the bed and I get an extra blanket to place over her. She shifts and groans slightly, but drops right off to sleep. We both sneak out.
“Do you want a drink?” I ask, walking into the kitchen.
“Sure,” he says, leaning against the counter.
I pull out a beer and raise my brows, he nods and I hand it to him.
“So dancer,” he says, taking a sip and placing it down beside him. “Tell me something I don’t know about you.”
I slide up onto the counter and he quickly joins me.
“There’s not much to tell.”
“There’s always something to tell. What’s your favorite food?”
“Lame question, Nate,” I grin.
“Answer it anyway,” he smirks.
“Fine, I have a major weakness for Taco’s.”
“Hard or soft?”
I stare at him, eyes wide. “Huh?”
“Oh, Avery, you’ve let me down. You say you’re a fan, but you don’t know which one you like. Only a real Taco fan would be able to answer that question.”
“There’s only one way to have them, Nathaniel, and that’s with the crunchy one.”
He rolls his eyes. “Have you tried the soft?”
“No, Taco’s aren’t meant to be soft.”
“But how do you know you won’t like them, if you don’t try them.”
He’s grinning at me, the big asshole.
“Point made, now it’s your turn. What’s your favorite food?”
“Beer.”
I roll my eyes and laugh. “That’s such a man thing to say.”
“There’s a steak in every beer, it’s like the complete diet. Didn’t you know?”
“That’s such a stupid line,” I groan dramatically. “I mean come on, there’s a steak in every beer?”
“It’s true, they’re like a meal in a bottle. A man meal.”
He grunts and thumps his chest. “You’re such a knob.”
He gasps. “You’re so cruel to me.”
I laugh loudly.
Then we both sit in silence for a minute or two, before I get the courage to ask, “How did you meet Lena?”
He doesn’t look at me, but I notice his body stiffen. “I met her when I was still a young lad. I thought a lot with my dick back then.”
“Meaning...”
“Meaning I didn’t always make the right choices.”
I narrow my eyes. “Do you regret your wife?”
He sighs. “No, but as the years went on and we grew up, we realized we weren’t really made for each other.”
I nod. “I know how that feels.”
“Ahhh, Jacob,” he murmurs.
“I never really had a thing for Jacob.”
“Is he really how you want your life to go?”
I shake my head. “Not at all.”
He sighs. “We ought to learn to stick up for ourselves, eh?”
I laugh. “Let’s try.”
I turn to him and I can’t help but feel the sizzling tension between us. I quickly cover it with a joke, because it scares me.
“I’m not marrying you, Nate,” I say, my voice hard.
He pouts and turns away. “But I thought I was your type.”
I chuckle. “Okay we’re really not good at pretending to stick up for ourselves. You try, pretend I’m your wife.”
“I will not be your slave anymore, you can’t make me,” he cries dramatically.
I burst out laughing. “We can’t be serious about anything.”
He grins and puts an arm around me. “That’s why we’re best friends, me and you, because we have this awesome bond.”
I stop breathing; his arm is tight around my shoulder. I want to snuggle into him, I want to lean up and kiss him. At that thought, I turn and stare at him. He’s looking down at me, his eyes now on my lips. I gasp as he leans down a little closer, the air crackling between us. Realizing how close we are and how much my feelings have changed has me pulling away and jumping off the counter quickly, then running my hands through my hair.
“I,” he says, his eyes burning into mine. “I should go.”
“Okay,” I whisper. “Ah, thanks.”
He jumps off the counter and steps forward, wrapping his arms around me and pulling me forward. I struggle to catch my breath. I close my eyes as he holds me close, and I try to think of anything else but how amazing and right it feels to be enclosed in his arms.
“Thanks,” he murmurs, stepping back. “Night, Dancer.”
I nod, biting my lower lip.
He turns and walks down the hall, collecting Macy. At th
e door he looks at me once again.
“I’m glad we’re friends,” he whispers.
Then he disappears into the night, and my heart refuses to stop pounding.
CHAPTER 13
NATE
“I want another baby,” Lena says, staring at me with hopeful eyes.
“What?” I gasp, dropping the bottle of beer I’d just finished into the bin.
“I think it will be good for us.”
She’s got to be joking, right? Good for us? Good for us? She hardly spends any time with Macy, and when she does she ends up passing out. She’s got no control over her life, she’s an alcoholic and she cares only about herself. How the hell she thinks a baby would be good is beyond me.
“Lena,” I carefully say. “That’s not a good idea.”
“Why not?” she cries, crossing her arms. “Because you don’t think I’m a good mom.”
“Shit, Lena. You’re barely hanging in there with Macy.”
“Yes, but maybe if I have another one we can be a better family and . . .”
“We should be a good family now,” I bark.
She straightens. “Just admit it, Nathaniel, instead of dancing around the truth. You don’t want to give me a baby because you think I’m a bad mother. Admit it. Or are you too scared to be honest with your wife?”
I thought I just did admit it, but fine, if she wants it straight that’s how I’ll give it to her.
“You want honesty?” I say, my voice steely. “Then no, I don’t think you should have another child. I spend most of my days putting Macy into the care of our friends because you’d rather drink. I come home and some nights she isn’t fed, she’s wet in her bed, or fuck, she’s holding a knife at the sink because you’re passed out.”
“Let it go,” she screams. “That was once!”
“Once is once too many,” I snap. “She could have hurt herself very badly.”
“Why are you even here, Nate?” she growls, clenching her fists. “It’s clear you don’t want to be. Why don’t you just leave?”
“Because I made a commitment, and because I love my daughter.”
“Only her,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper. “You only love her.”
“I loved you too, Lena. Once I thought you were the fuckin’ sunshine until you started drinking.”
“And I’m trying to change!” she yells, shoving at my chest.