by Bella Jewel
Nate: I’m coming over.
Shit. I get off my chair and rush inside, hurrying to the front door and locking it. Then I head down to my room and close the door behind me. I’m not ready to face Nate, not ready to watch his face fall to pieces as I end this with him. I don’t know if I can do it when he looks at me the way he does. I flop down onto my bed and curl onto my side, just waiting.
I hear him knock about half an hour later, but I don’t move. He pounds the door over and over, bellowing out my name. I cover my ears, letting tears leak out of my eyes and run down my cheeks. It goes silent a moment later, and I make a loud sobbing sound, knowing he’s probably gone. Then I hear a loud smash. I jerk upright and get to my feet, mouth agape.
He didn’t . . . he didn’t.
I run out the door and charge down the stairs to see him climbing through my front window. “What is wrong with you?” I screech the minute I hit the bottom step.
He straightens, dusting glass shards off his pants. He looks dark and dangerous today, wearing black jeans, a black leather jacket and heavy black boots. His hair is messy and he’s got a pair of sunglasses propped up on top of his head. He crosses his arms and has the nerve to glare at me.
“I’ve been calling, and I’ve been texting. Why aren’t you answering?”
“Seriously?” I snap, crossing my arms.
“Yeah, fuckin’ seriously,” he barks.
“I’m doing the right thing,” I yell, throwing my hands up. “I can’t keep being this . . . this . . . second choice. It’s not fair.”
His face drops and his eyes grow so pained that my heart aches. Those are the eyes I didn’t want to see.
“You think this is easy for me?” he rasps. “You think it’s fuckin’ easy falling in love with you and knowing I can’t have you whenever I want?”
“What?” I gasp, looking up. His words shock me. “Oh Nate, no.”
Now he looks offended. “What?”
“You can’t love me,” I cry. “You can’t . . . you can’t . . . you can’t . . .”
I put my hands on either side of my face, shaking my head from side to side.
“Why can’t I?” he barks. “Why can’t I, Avery? Tell me? Did you honestly think this was just a quick fuck? That I was here simply to get my rocks off? Shit, what kind of man do you think I am?”
“I can’t say no to you,” I scream, charging towards him and shoving his chest, “because I can’t breathe without you. This isn’t meant to be how my first love goes; it isn’t meant to be how it feels. I can’t love you, Nate, because I can never have you.”
He steps forward, cupping my cheeks. “You can’t change how this feels, Dancer.”
“It hurts,” I cry, trembling. “It fucking hurts.”
He pulls me into his chest and presses my cheek to his shirt. I soak that shirt with tears, desperate tears filled with desperate pain. I don’t want to feel like this.
“I know it’s not how it’s meant to feel, but I’m doin’ my best. I’ll try, Dancer. I’ll try to be everything you need.”
“You can’t leave her. You can’t and I know you can’t.”
“Not right now I can’t, because she’ll end up drunk, killing herself the minute I do. I have to get her help, then I have every intention of stepping away.”
“You’re just saying that,” I sob. “I know how this works.”
“You don’t know how it fucking works,” he says, reaching down and lifting my chin. “You don’t know how this feels.”
“I do, Nate,” I croak. “I know, because I feel it too.”
He strokes my bottom lip. “I don’t want this to have to be this way. I want to wake up with you and go to sleep with you. I want to show you off, and I don’t want this to be a secret. I should have never started something until I dealt with my wife, but life doesn’t always go how it’s meant to. I’m selfish, I know that—but I don’t want to stay away from you, Avery. I’m falling for you, in a way I’ve never fallen before. Don’t walk away from me. You’re the only sunshine I have left.”
Oh, God.
I sob loudly and reach up, taking his face between my palms. “I am falling for you too.”
He leans down and kisses me, furious and desperate. Our tongues dance and our hands feverishly rip at each other’s clothes. I have his jacket off him and my hands up his tight, black shirt in seconds. He’s got my dress up and my panties aside before I get to his jeans. His fingers find my clit and he begins to stroke with a gentle pressure that sends me over the edge.
I wrap my fingers around his biceps, holding myself up as he slides two fingers inside me, thrusting desperately, taking me to an orgasm filled with so much emotion.
Then we’re on the floor, our limbs tangled, our mouths crushing together and his cock driving deep inside me. He fucks me hard and fast, sliding our bodies across the floor with each pounding jerk of his hips.
I come first, screaming out his name and sliding my nails down his back. This spurs him on and he comes seconds later, filling me, pumping his hot seed into my pussy. Then we slump down, panting against each other, completely exhausted. He presses his lips to mine and kisses me softly, running a hand through my hair.
“Shit,” he whispers. “That was wild.”
“That was fucking.”
He smooths my hair off my forehead and stares down at me. “Come away with me. Let me make love to you.”
My heart picks up pace and my eyes widen. “Come away?”
“I’m taking Macy to my parents’ tonight; it’s eight hours away. Come with me.”
“I can’t come to your parents’,” I whisper.
“I’m only staying the night, then I’m booking a hotel because I have a competition there. I’m taking Macy to visit my mom. Lena is okay with that because it means she gets a break to drink more.”
“Is that what was wrong?” I ask.
“She went out with a heap of friends, leaving Macy at one of their houses. She got drunk and they drove them home. Her friends are as selfish as her. They didn’t call me or even let me know Macy was left alone with a drunken woman. When I got home, she was passed out on the couch. I called an ambulance and they took her to the hospital and pumped her stomach. When she woke I had it out with her. I told her Macy needs to go visit my mom until she gets her shit together. She agreed.”
“So you’re leaving her to just get drunk alone?”
He shakes his head. “Lena is making her own choices, Avery. She’s not an alcoholic; she only drinks certain days, but she’s slowly becoming one. I can’t change that for her. I made one comment about leaving and she broke down. I’m not in love with my wife anymore, Avery, but I can’t leave when shit is like this. I have to make sure Macy is safe and that she can’t be taken away from me, and then I have to make sure Lena won’t kill herself. I might not love her, but I still care.”
“I know you do,” I whisper.
“Then please try to understand it’s not forever. I won’t give up on you, Avery. I know that’s what so many men in this situation say but I won’t give up.”
My heart aches. A huge part of me wants to say no, but the bigger part, the part consumed by Nate, isn’t going to let me walk away. I love him. It might not be strong love, or powerful love, but it’s the beginning of something that will change my world. I can’t let that go; I have to hang onto that tiny hope that he’ll leave, that he will do what he says he’s going to do and leave his wife.
Oh God, now I’ve become one of them.
The ones who hang on forever, believing something that logically will never happen.
“Avery,” he says, lifting my chin and looking into my eyes. “Trust me.”
“I do trust you, Nate,” I whisper. “I’ll come with you.”
He smiles, genuine and so beautiful.
“I’ll go and get Macy, and I’ll be back in an hour to get you.”
He leans in and kisses my lips softly before lifting his jacket and turning, leaving my house wit
hout another word.
I’d be lying to say my body isn’t feeling a little thrill at the idea of spending time with Nate alone, without any fear of being caught. It scares me, too, because I know that I’m clinging to those tiny amounts of hope and time together, the tiny amounts he’s throwing at me.
God, I hope I’m doing the right thing.
CHAPTER 25
AVERY
“Avie,” Macy sings from the backseat of the car. “Grandma has four dogs.”
“Four?” I say, turning and smiling at the gorgeous little girl. “That’s a lot.”
“Their names are Happy, Triton, Candy and Blue.”
I laugh. “That’s some cool names.”
“Do you have a dog, Avie?”
I nod. “I do.”
“What’s your dogs name?”
“Caffy.”
“Macy, ” Nate says. “It’s past your sleep time now. We’ll be at Grandma’s in an hour so you have a rest before we get there, okay?”
“But Daddy, I want to talk to Avie.”
I turn. “How about if you have a sleep now, then I’ll show you some more dancing when we get to your Grandma’s?”
Her eyes light up. “Okay.”
I turn back to Nate, who is grinning. “You’re good with her.”
I smile. “I had an amazing mother.”
“Did you ever want kids of your own?”
My smile wobbles and quickly slips. “I . . . did but . . .”
“But what?”
“What if something happened to me and I had to leave them the way she left me?”
He reaches across and takes my hand. “Life is a risk, Dancer. You can’t always predict how it’s going to go. You can only know that you’re doing your best every day that you’re in it.”
“I know,” I say, my voice timid. “But to answer your question: yes, I always wanted kids.”
“How many?” he asks.
“At least three.”
He chuckles. “I could see that.”
“You could?” I ask, my eyes widening.
“You’ve got that natural mother vibe. You have a warmth about you, a love that so many don’t have.”
I flush and smile, leaning my head against the window. “What about you, Nate? How many?”
He chuckles softly. “If you asked me four years ago I’d have told you none, but from the minute Macy was born I changed my mind.”
“I can see why. She’s perfect.”
His smile widens and his entire expression warms. “She certainly doesn’t take after me then.”
I laugh softly. “Nope, that’s true.”
I rest my cheek against the window and my eyes flutter closed.
Inside my head I’m praying, just praying this ends well.
~*~*~*~
“Don’t be nervous. Just act normal and she won’t suspect anything,” Nate breathes into my ear as we approach his mom and dad’s house.
It’s a gorgeous home—massive and wooden, with white picket fences and perfectly landscaped gardens. It’s on a small acreage but I can’t see much because it’s already nighttime. The house is fully lit and as we near the porch steps I can see that it’s got a full wraparound deck. Stunning.
“Mom,” Nate yells, shifting Macy on his shoulder. She’s sleeping, completely out of it.
I swallow. I feel sick. I shouldn’t be doing this—no. I shouldn’t. The door creaks and a woman comes rushing out. Wow, now I understand where the boys get their impressive looks. She’s tall and lean with long, blond hair and light eyes. I can’t tell if they’re blue or green, but they’re gorgeous. For her age, she’s in top condition—she’s stunning.
“Nathaniel,” she breathes, rushing forward and throwing her arms around her son and grandchild. “It’s been too long. Let me look at you.”
She steps back and looks at him, her eyes sparkling with love. Then she looks down at Macy and strokes her blond locks. “Oh, still as precious as ever. Come; put her inside. She’s exhausted.”
Nate steps out of the way, revealing me. His mother’s eyes go to me and her smile widens. I take a nervous step up and force my lips to stop trembling.
“Mom, this is Avery—the friend I was telling you about. Avery, this is my momma, Korey.”
I stretch a hand out as I step closer, moving around Nate. “It’s so nice to meet you. Thank you for having me tonight.”
She takes my hand, her smile warm and genuine. “It’s no problem at all, Avery. I hear you’re a beautiful dancer?”
I flush. “I’m not that . . .”
“She’s amazing,” Nate says, cutting me off. “Where is Macy sleepin’ Momma?”
“Kea’s old room.”
He nods and disappears inside. Thanks, Nate.
“I used to dance,” Korey says, waving her hand to the door. “Come inside.”
“What did you dance?” I ask, following her in.
The house is stunning: wooden floors, high ceilings, old, rustic furniture and the biggest, most stunning country kitchen I’ve ever seen. It has wooden cupboards with white countertops, also wooden. It’s gorgeous.
“Your home is beautiful,” I breathe.
“Thank you. Lez has spent a lot of time on it.”
“Is Lez your husband?” I ask, peering around.
“He is; he’s out back. To answer your question from earlier, I was also a ballet dancer.”
“You were?” I ask, putting my suitcase onto the floor.
“I was, nothing professional, though. I did it until I was sixteen and I got pregnant with Keanu.”
“You had Keanu at sixteen?” I breathe.
She laughs softly. “I know. Shocking, right?”
“I take my hat off to you,” I say, my eyes still wide. “That would have been hard.”
“Lez stood by me and he’s stayed with me. I was lucky.”
“You were.” I smile.
“What about you? Have you got a nice man?”
My entire body stiffens and it takes me more than a few seconds to answer her. How do I answer that question? I close my eyes for a moment and then open them again. Just answer her with the truth—minus Nate.
“I was engaged, but it didn’t end well.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” she says, walking into the kitchen. “Would you like a cup of tea?”
“Please.” I smile.
I watch her as she begins boiling the kettle. I see where Keanu gets his looks. He’s got the same colored hair and eyes—even their skin tone is the same.
“How do you have it?” she asks.
“Black, no sugar, please.”
A door squeaks and I turn around to see the most dazzling older man I’ve ever seen. I mean, this guy is breathtaking. I know right away this must be Lez, because he’s identical to Nate. He’s got the same eyes, the same dark hair and the same olive skin. He’s tall, he’s built, and even though he’s got a little gray scattered about in his locks, he’s still absolutely stunning.
“Well, hello there.” He grins, wiping his hands on his faded jeans.
“Hi,” I say, my voice coming out squeaky and pathetic.
“This is Avery, Nathaniel’s friend.”
Lez steps forward and extends his hand. “Lez.”
“Nice to meet you,” I say, feeling my cheeks heat. Shit, he’s an old man—get a grip. It’s not that I have any kind of sexual attraction to this man; it’s just that for his age, he’s absolutely out of this world. It’s not often I come across a guy that holds his age so exceptionally well. I can only imagine how handsome he was when he was Nate’s age. Probably as handsome as Nate.
“Hey, old man,” Nate says, appearing from the hallway.
“Nate,” his dad says, grinning and walking over. They give each other that awkward man-hug before turning back to us.
“See you’ve met Avery,” Nate says, smiling at me.
“I certainly did. Prettiest darn girl, besides your momma of course, that these old eyes have see
n for a long time.”
I laugh nervously, and stare at my feet.
“Stop it,” Korey laughs. “You’re makin’ the girl blush.”
Lez chuckles. “Where’s my granddaughter?”
“She’s sleepin’—big day.”
Lez nods and gives me a strange look before turning back to Nate. “You have problems gettin’ her here?”
“Don’t stress, Dad. I told Avery about Lena on the way here.”
Lez nods. “Right.”
“And to answer your question, no, surprisingly I didn’t have a problem getting her here. Lena is in a bad place.”
“Poor girl.” Korey sighs. “She’s not my favorite person, but she’s had a hard life. This was bound to happen.”
My heart clenches a little at her words and I try hard to keep my face expressionless.
“Lena is making her own choices, Mom,” Nate grinds out. “She’s leaving her daughter unattended and in danger—that’s never okay.”
“I agree with the boy,” Lez says. “Ain’t never okay to put your child in that kind of danger.”
“I understand that,” Korey says, “But she’s in a bad place. She’s had a very hard life and it’s catching up on her. Nate is always away, and . . .”
“Don’t, Mom,” Nate growls and I find myself slinking back into the corner. “She is choosing how she lives now. Yes, she had a hard life, but that doesn’t excuse her drinking herself half to death and leaving Macy without supervision.”
“I’m not saying it’s an excuse, I’m just saying that it must be hard when you’re travelling all the time. When she’s alone she has no one to turn to.”
I feel sick; I feel horribly sick. Realization of the situation I’m putting myself in is drowning me.
“If it wasn’t for my going away, she wouldn’t have the life she has. If I stopped my career she’d crack the shits because we had no money. Don’t start judging something you don’t know, Momma. Lena is creating her own path.”