by Adele Huxley
“Yessir, but there’s more. He’s paid utilities in his name from a bank account that’s been open for over ten years,” he shook his head. “Listen, I believe he’s not who he says he is. I can smell it on him, but there’s nothing I can do. I’ve heard of this happening and these sorts of identities don’t come cheap.”
“Shit,” I grumbled. “Please, just keep an eye on Liz. I don’t know what he’s going to do, but if he hurts her—”
“Until he steps out of line, there’s not much I can do. But I’ll do my best.”
“Yeah, yeah. What the hell can you do?” I’d snapped. He had the patience of a saint, letting yet another of my outbursts slide. With a tight expression, he gave me a nod and left me in my drunken stupor.
Thinking about it all made it worse, but I couldn’t stop. Slamming my fist down on the sofa, I let out a groan of frustration. I had to find some way to pick up the pieces. I’d come to Tellure Hollow to recover and somehow ended up feeling worse than ever before. Letting go of Liz didn’t just mean losing out on a great girl. It meant starting over from scratch, having to forget how wonderful I’d felt when I was with her, to go the rest of my life knowing she was out there and wondering how she was doing. Ever stubborn, I still hadn’t found a way to let go that easily.
I’d finished my first beer, even though I didn’t even remember drinking it all. My thirst still not quenched, I cracked open the second can and drank half in one gulp. It sloshed into my empty stomach, the fuzziness just starting to break through my depression. I’ll take a shower and then head to the bar. I should probably at least eat something today. I turned up the volume on the scanner, just wanting to feel a little connection with someone.
The following weeks flew by with surprising speed. I’d managed to smooth things over with Rick, at least temporarily. I was still as pure as the freshly driven snow, as Kayla loved to point out, but my birthday was fast approaching. We’d had a long talk that night, almost until the sun came up. I played the weak, scared girl who was afraid of going to jail. Whatever Rick is, it isn’t stupid. It took some pretty heavy convincing to get him to buy the story I was selling. I got through that night untouched, in every way. Ever the peacemaker, Kayla helped in the following days and soon life in the cabin evened out. I was safe, at least until my birthday.
Rick, under the pseudonym Steve, became a regular fixture at home. He came and went, leaving town to meet with his connections, returning with drugs they dumped into the sleepy mountain town. Noah and Kayla acted like nothing was ever going to go wrong, like the money was flowing from the taps. Morgan, by her very nature, was easygoing about the business which left Spencer and me on the outside. I couldn’t believe how brazen they were. I lost count of how many times I’d walked in on the three of them pushing pills and powders into bags like some kind of assembly line, right in the living room!
It shouldn’t have surprised me, really. Rick wasn’t afraid of anything. He’d been given a five year sentence and managed to get out after only a couple months, although I still had no idea how. Noah was a cocky, spoiled bastard who had never encountered a situation he couldn’t buy his way out of. He was a part of that upper echelon who never had to concern themselves with frivolous things like laws.
But Kayla. Kayla should’ve known better. Getting caught up in running and dealing had chased her out of Ashville in the first place. I didn’t understand her desire to push the envelope, take that risk again. To me, it seemed like she was working multiple angles. Sleeping with Noah, working at the mountain, possibly hooking up with his father, and dealing drugs? Why all of it? Contingency plans?
Despite my misgivings, I didn’t protest loudly or ask too many questions. I kept my head down and lurked around the house like a shadow, trying to keep the peace yet remain transparent. I took photos and I skied, that was what my life became. It was a nice existence, really. Peaceful and contemplative, maybe in the way prisoners feel when they’re allowed to walk around the yard. I’d managed to wiggle my way into a balanced place, but was always aware one shift could tip the scales out of my favor.
My only other friend I had in the first weeks of the new year was the weather. A good pattern in the jet stream had set up, meaning a few inches of fresh powder was dumped nearly every other day. I threw myself into it, taking the weather as a sign that if nothing else came from this season, I would emerge a good skier. Unfortunately, like the scales of my life, the weather pattern shifted. A warming trend began unseasonably early and it was all anyone could talk about at the lodge.
“The base is just melting away!”
“Damn climate change is making these seasons shorter every year.”
I woke up one morning and checked the conditions report on my phone while I lay in bed. Everything looked great across the board. All trails were open and the temps would be cool until mid-afternoon. The mountain had gotten a couple inches of snow that they’d left ungroomed on a few of my favorite trails, something I was growing to love as much as any of the locals.
I dressed in layers, prepared for the cold of the early hours and relative warmth of the afternoon. As I quickly made my way to the kitchen, I caught Kayla sneaking out of Noah’s room.
“Hey,” she said quietly as we met in the kitchen.
“Want to share a ride in today?” I stretched my hands over my head, my shoulder joints popping loudly. “I wanna get a couple runs in. I’ll bring the Jeep back when I’m done.”
Kayla rolled her eyes and pulled a can of Diet Coke from the fridge. “I wanted to be ski bunnies, not some type of downhill racers.”
“No one’s stopping you. You should come with me today. I’ll take you down a couple new trails you haven’t been on. I’m sure Mr. Richards wouldn’t mind you taking the camera out on a run or two.” It was a little bit of a dig. I’d surpassed Kayla’s ability pretty quickly. While she was concentrating on partying and drug smuggling, I’d been flinging myself down those diamond runs that had terrified me so much when I first arrived.
“I think Mr. Richards would be happier if I didn’t shatter all the equipment.”
I chuckled at the thought. “It’d make a pretty good video. I’m sure that would go viral.” Again, another dig. I guess I was feeling a little bitchy. Kayla would normally rise to the bait but that morning, she let each jab slip past without comment. “You should get one of those cameras that mounts on top of the helmet so you don’t even have to think about it.”
She tipped the can towards me in salute. “That’s not a bad idea, you know. Would you be willing to wear it? I could just use your footage and pretend it’s me,” she said as a smile spread across her face. “The wonders of editing software.”
“Yeah, whatever you want,” I said, glancing at the time on the microwave. It was still before dawn but the lifts opened early and I’d fallen in love with being one of the first people on the mountain. It’d replaced my yoga for morning meditation. “I’ll do whatever you want, as long as we can go in the next five minutes.”
“Deal.”
____________
The gondola swayed gently side to side as it ascended the mountain. The early morning wind barely blowing the snow from the pine branches below and around me. I sat facing the lodge, watching the world fall away, grow more distant. I enjoyed the feeling of my ears popping, the white noise of the cable and wheels. Alone in the small space, I felt cradled, rocked and comforted with nature all around.
The gondola began to level out a little bit and I zipped up my jacket. I stood and did a few stretches, working out any kinks. As the doors swung open, I snatched up my skis and nodded to the liftie. The sun was just starting to crest over the mountaintops.
I smiled to myself as I dropped the skis on the ground. Emily and I had become fast friends, settling into our own rhythm. She set my gear aside for me every day, the very first thing she did in the morning. I handed her a coffee, she handed me my rental equipment, and I managed to get out on the slopes first. Bless that girl, I thought.<
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Holding myself steady with the poles, I hooked my toe in the binding, slamming the heel down with a satisfying click. I repeated the movement with the other side and pushed myself forward. Most of the trails that started from the top of the mountain were at least intermediate but there was one beginner slope I adored. I skated towards the beginning of the Arapaho, savoring the cold air. The ungroomed trails could wait until my muscles were warm.
The skis flowed over the freshly groomed snow; the grooves in the white powder looked like a giant had just run a comb down the mountain. The slope began fairly flat, allowing me to warm up and gain speed at a steady pace. I made long, meandering turns, covering the entire width of the trail only because I could. I imagined the serpentine line cutting through the sharp, Zen garden-like design.
As the descent increased, so did my speed. I tightened my turns and leaned forward, pressing my shins against the front of my boots. I kept the skis as close together as possible, moving as though my legs were connected at the knee. I knew my form wasn’t the greatest, but it didn’t matter. I had all the time in the world to work on form, but this first run was where I let my natural ability run away with itself.
My favorite part about the Arapaho was the series of looping turns in the middle of the trail. While still wide enough to accommodate a gaggle of beginners, the inside corners were tight and steep. A giddy joy bubbled in my chest as I hugged the first one, zooming around the ridge so close I could’ve reached out and touched the rock face. I crouched into a squat, tucking my poles under my arms, and dove straight for the second turn. Like a hot knife through butter, my edges carved through the snow without even a hint of a wobble.
The cold wind battered my face and I knew I’d end up with that quintessential goggle burn, but I didn’t care. The speed, the outdoors, the utter freedom -- it was amazing. It was like finding something I’d been missing my entire life.
I tucked into the third corner and let out a loud whoop as I entered the final straight away. I glanced to my right and up the hill at an intersecting trail, checking for cross traffic. My ski hit a chunk of ice and I was knocked off center. I flung my arms out for balance and quickly recovered, my heart pumping pure adrenaline through my system at a moment’s notice. With a quick mental chastisement for thinking I was better than I was, I turned down another slope and headed towards another set of lifts.
First run of the day over, the mob not too far behind me, I decided it was time to start tackling the moguls.
____________
It wasn’t the first time I’d seen him at the lodge, nor was it the first time he’d tried to talk to me, but it was the first time he’d been close enough I could smell his cologne. I was chatting with Emily after turning in my equipment when he came up from behind. I swear, I probably smelled him before I heard him speak, some part of my brain alerting me to his presence.
“I’ll tighten up your bindings for tomorrow,” Emily said pushing her wispy hair out of her eyes. “That’s probably why you’re having such a hard time going down the Roaring Fork.”
“So it’s not because I suck? Whew,” I said dramatically, falling on the counter, “glad we got that figured out.”
Emily laughed as she turned to put my poles away. “If you hit the bumps too hard and fast, your boots will just pop right out. I think this makes you officially a level three.”
“Are you serious?” I clapped. “That’s amazing, right? Like, some kind of record.”
“They don’t hand out medals for it or anything,” she said with a smirk, “but you’re doing really well.”
“Congratulations,” a deep voice said from behind me. He was nearly close enough that I half expected to feel his breath on my neck. I closed my eyes for a moment as his scent hit me. It’s so difficult to describe. Musky cologne mixed with a little of his sweat, the conditioner he used in his hair. It enveloped my senses, flooding my body with so many conflicting emotions. I ignored them...and him.
“So, are we on for Saturday still?” I asked sweetly. Emily looked at me and then over my shoulder to Bryan, obviously very confused. “It’s gonna be an epic party.” God. I sound like Kayla.
“Uh, yeah, it sounds good.” I tried to communicate to her with my eyes. Don’t go. Don’t leave me with him. If you leave me with him, I’m not sure what I’ll do. “I’m gonna go...over here.” Damnit, Emily! I bring you the nectar of the gods every morning!
I turned slowly, my eyes trailing up from his feet, so resistant to meet his gaze. It was dangerous territory but when I finally did, I was shocked. Dark circles ringed his hazel eyes, making him look like he hadn’t slept properly in weeks. His beard was shaggy, back to the length it’d been when I first met him. Limp brown hair hung from the edge of his hat and he looked as though he’d lost some weight.
“I guess you’re a natural after all, like your mom,” he smiled. He had a fantastic way of picking the exact wrong thing to say.
“Nice try, not gonna happen,” I said stepping past him.
“Liz, please don’t keep doing this.” It sounded almost like a whimper. I stopped but didn’t look back. “It’s been weeks...”
“I know,” I whispered, still not turning.
He moved closer. The rental area buzzed with excitement, a flow of people moving around us like water against rocks. My skin tingled. I wanted to just fall back into his arms, into his life. I’d thought about the night we’d spent together with varying degrees of affection and loathing. Confusing wasn’t a strong enough word.
Bryan gently touched my elbow as he spoke. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m doing alright,” I squinted at the floor, sensing more to his question. “Why?”
“It’s just...I know your birthday is coming up and—”
I spun around to face him, nearly gnashing my teeth in anger. “And what? You wanted to see if you could get first dibs?”
He anticipated my vitriol. “No,” he said plainly. “I’m worried about you. I know that...he’s still around and I figured—”
“What I do with my vagina is my fucking choice, you got that?” I hissed in his face. “Why don’t you just forget everything I told you and we can just carry on being strangers?”
“If only I could,” he replied. His eyes cast down, he turned and walked abruptly away without another word. I was left feeling like a complete bitch.
I got back from the mountain and immediately jumped into the shower, still unsteady from the interaction with Bryan in the lodge. The water poured down, warming my chilled skin and easing my tired muscles. I didn’t even wait for the steam to build up on the windows, no longer afraid that some pervert would be standing outside in the forest just waiting for my noon shower. If someone was willing to stand out in the snow just to catch a peek, they deserved a show.
I still couldn’t believe how terrible he’d looked. Knowing everything I did now, thanks to the Internet, I was afraid he might be slipping back into his destructive tendencies. The interviews his ex-girlfriend had given hinted at an abusive personality prone to scary outbursts. As I rinsed the shampoo from my hair, I remembered the fight he’d gotten into with Noah that first night in the bar. The heat in his eyes had been so intense, it was easy to believe her stories.
Switching the shower off, I stood in the warm room letting the water bead down my skin. I hung my head and watched the water drip from my hair. How could I have been so wrong about him? I’ve never let someone in so far without a hint of what their inner character was like. Well, not since Rick...
“Yeah, and see where that got you?” I mumbled to myself.
Wiping the mirror clean of steam, I looked at my reflection. Physically, I’d never felt better. Skiing had quickly replaced my yoga routine. My muscles were hardening with the near-daily workouts, my cardio improving in the high altitudes. I was eating healthy and keeping my drinking in check for the first time in years. As I poked at the dark circles under my own eyes, I had to accept Bryan wasn’t the only one looking a lit
tle ragged. My mental health was dragging me down.
Pushing myself to the point of physical exhaustion every day, I’d collapse in bed and stare out the windows for hours. No matter what I did, I couldn’t get my brain to relax, like it was on some type of loop. I thought about Rick, then Bryan, then our time up in the cabin, and then how betrayed I’d felt. Bryan’s eyes, the feeling of his body against mine...then I’d snap to worries over what Rick’s plans were for me. I’d worry about my dad, afraid he’d somehow discover everything. Over and over I cycled through this pain until my body finally demanded rest.
With a grunt, I wrapped my hair up tightly in a towel and cinched the terrycloth robe around my waist. “Maybe I should just hear him out and then I’ll be able to sleep,” I said to myself as I walked out of the bathroom.
“Hear who out?” Kayla asked. I screamed in surprise when I opened the door to find her sitting on my bed.
“Shit Kay, what the hell? I thought you were at work,” I said breathlessly.
“I’m playing hooky. Hear who out?” she repeated. She smiled meekly, making the question seem innocent. Her legs were crossed and she was leaning back on her hands, practically swimming in a bulky Angel Vista sweatshirt.
“Oh, uh...nobody.” I turned to my dresser to avoid her eye. As far as she was concerned, I was over my infatuation.
“So, you’re not talking about The Blizzard, then?” she said with a sneer. “Makes sense after the conversation you two just had.”
I spun around so quickly the towel on my head unraveled. “Are you following me now?”
“I don’t have to,” she said, her face remaining calm. Her enigmatic smile would’ve made Da Vinci envious. We looked at each other for a few beats before she broke into a wide grin. “I talked to Emily before I left, she told me what happened. She said she didn’t hear exactly what he said, just that you yelled something about your vagina and he walked off.”
“Ah,” I sighed bending to pick up the towel. “Yeah, well. It was a short conversation.”