by Diane Bixler
Allie
“You’re smiling.” Jack looked at me with that hint of a smile he seemed to always have on his face when he was up to something.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” He pulled me a little closer and kissed me gently. We continued to sway to the music. It seemed like heaven, the stars above us and nothing but the ocean surrounding us. I couldn’t have imagined anything so beautiful and serene. Although we were one of many couples dancing on the upper deck that night, looking into his face, I felt as though we were the only people on the planet.
“I have my beautiful wife in my arms dancing to my favorite music, a sky full of twinkling stars and the depths of the ocean beneath us.”
“You make it sound almost as wonderful as it really is.” His smile grew and we moved a little faster to the music.
“Do you remember the first time we met?”
My first thought was, ‘how could I forget?’ and that’s just what came out of my mouth. The many drinks we had enjoyed that night were definitely catching up to me. “Why do you ask?”
“It’s one of my favorite memories.”
We continued to dance the night away, enjoying more alcohol and food as we did. It was our first cruise and our first full vacation in years. Although we typically enjoyed holidays with each other and family, we rarely traveled, something we each wished to do more of, but neither of us created the time to do so.
As the last song came to an end, we lingered atop the deck until we finally had to make our way to our cabin. Tomorrow would be our final day at sea; when we awoke the following morning, we would be back in Florida, ready to make the hike home to California. I was sad to see this ending, but looking forward to getting home and settled back into a routine.
That night as I drifted off to sleep in Jack’s arms, thoughts of the memories that wove our lives together filled my mind. I remembered the first time we met. I was working at my aunt’s florist shop and had a little bet with another female co-worker about who could score the next available man. It was a silly game we often joked about since most men who frequented our shop were purchasing for their females. Most popular were the anniversary bouquets, seconded with a tie for birthday, and then the general category we called ‘oops, sorry’. Almost all men who shopped there were taken and we knew we would likely never date a male customer. Then along came Jack. He was purchasing a funeral arrangement and I don’t know why I was so bold, but I flirted, more than usual and much more than was appropriate given the reason behind his purchase. But he flirted back and before I knew it, I was head over heels in love. And I was quite certain he was as well.
Thinking of our start, I smiled. Jack was sleeping soundly and I should have been as well, but my mind continued to peruse memories I hadn’t thought of in a long time. I thought of our first date and the night he proposed, only months after we met. He was so restless back then and I liked the idea of dating an actor – who wouldn’t? We travelled when I could get away from my responsibilities. Regardless of our fun endeavors, he maintained a serious side to his acting career, which, thanks to Frank’s help, was doing well. We decided to relocate and settle down in California, selecting Woodside as the location that would best suit both our careers. I wanted to start my own florist shop and ended up taking over one that was going out of business. We built a house a little off the beaten path and settled into an easy lifestyle and routine.
It sometimes surprised me how well we got along and how easy a start we seemed to have had. Jack mellowed out and lost some of his wild flare, but I knew it was still there, even if domesticated life had pushed it into submission. He was always a passionate man with strong beliefs, especially his sense of right and wrong. On a few occasions, I had seen the anger in him flare, but he really tried to keep that side of him out of my view. I always got the loving Jack, the passionate one, the one with which I would happily spend the rest of my life. Thoughts of us swirled in my mind and I finally felt my consciousness leaving my mind. I smiled as I drifted to sleep.
Dr. Ellen Foster
“July seventeenth, twenty fourteen. Patient Jonathon Daniel Arden, male, thirty-three years of age. He goes by the nickname of Jack and is known as such to friends and family.” Dr. Foster had finally finished a very long day treating patients and was completing her summaries orally. She was way too behind to type them yet – that would have to wait for another day. She continued with the details of his address and phone number, mentioning his successful acting career and his marital status. Pausing the cassette a moment, she gazed out the window. She was tired, but wanted to get the information saved while the day was still fresh in her mind. She looked over her notes and clicked the recorder to continue.
“Patient sought professional assistance per recommendation of his family to assist him dealing with the death of his wife. His selection of myself as a therapist seems somewhat researched, but none the less random. Patient completed basic informational forms and submitted them online and arrived promptly for his appointment.
Upon entering the office, patient seemed at ease and spoke comfortably with me. Appearance was neat and well groomed and he was orientated, times three. Patient revealed his purpose in seeking therapy was due to the death of his wife. Patient expressed he wasn’t sure what his new normal would be without her.”
She continued drafting formal notes from her scratches of writing she kept while they spoke. She had finished their session pleased with how much he revealed and his honesty. He was not in crisis and seemed to be doing about as well as most would in his place. She provided him with two books, asking him to at least read the one and they scheduled a return visit the following week. He was going to do just fine, he simply needed some guidance on how to proceed with such a significant change to his life.
“July twenty-fourth, twenty fourteen. Second session for Jack Arden. Patient arrived on time and appeared in much better spirits than our first session. Patient began our conversation by letting me know the man responsible for his wife’s death was arrested. Patient seemed very pleased with this and was relieved the justice system was moving forward. I cautioned him against relying on a guilty verdict to provide the closure he is seeking.”
Dr. Foster continued with her notes. She was more concerned for Jack’s mental well being than she was during their first visit. He was open to ideas their first session. Now, with the trial looming in the distance, he was using it as a focus point, a time period to get to for his life to change, but she knew it wouldn’t. She had strongly spoken to him against using whatever happened in court as his resolution. Upon conclusion of their session, he had scheduled another appointment the following week. She hoped they would make better progress then, when the news wasn’t so fresh.
“July thirty first, twenty fourteen. Third, and likely final session with Jack Arden.” Disappointment and concern carried through her voice, despite her attempts to remain objective. “Jack began this session by informing me it would likely be his last. He expressed he feels better and is settling into a new routine, one he’s comfortable in and wouldn’t be returning. I called him out, asking what his plan was. He’s back to work, having dinner with Allie’s family this weekend. Long term, he has no solid plans. When asked about the possibility of his wife’s killer walking away free, he expressed he is okay with this. He is moving on with his life.”
She paused the recorder and glanced at the page of notes on her table. She had stopped writing at this point. His next statement dug a little deep for her and she wasn’t sure she was putting his reference into her notes. It was one thing to keep such detailed accounts of her patients, but Jack had brought her personal life into his therapy session and that wasn’t something she felt like speaking about or typing up later. She skipped ahead and instead drafted her suggestions for Jack, which she knew damn good and well he wouldn’t follow. He left promising to call if he needed her. She knew he would, it was simply a matter of when.
It was a brisk morning as Dr. Foste
r made her way into the office. She hated being away from her family during the holidays, but she also knew that this was a tough time for many of her patients. That meant a slight increase in phone calls and appointments. She attempted to quickly assess them, to determine their threat to themselves or others and prioritized based on her observations and intuition.
Walking into the office, she shuddered as the chill from outside finally got to her. She began her daily routine, which meant listening to voicemails while checking emails. She was just about to pick up the phone when a call came through. The number read ‘private’ but she decided to answer it anyway, as she needed to get them off the line so she could get to her messages. She was quite surprised when Jack’s voice was on the other end. He was struggling a bit, not only missing Allie but with the family’s behaviors in regards to her absence. They made an appointment and she smiled to herself. Her prediction was correct and maybe now, Jack would be ready to complete the grieving process and move on. She was happy he called and scheduled him in for that Friday.
“November twenty-eighth, twenty fourteen. Patient Jack Arden contacted me to return to counseling, as predicted.” She shouldn’t have said that last part and likely wouldn’t type it when she completed her note taking from verbal to paper. She smiled as she continued.
“Jack seemed comfortable in coming to the session today, taking the initiative to schedule it. He started with details from having Thanksgiving dinner with Allie’s family. I asked whether he had brought a date. This question caught him off guard. From his physical reaction, he hasn’t contemplated dating yet, despite the significant time since his wife’s death.
Jack expressed concern that her family is moving on with their lives as though Allie didn’t exist. We discussed where he left off the last time he was in counseling with me. He was in the grieving process, but chose to stop sessions. Jack said he was in a good place then. I probed my intuition and asked about the trial. Jack changed physically – he flushed and tensed. This was a sore topic for him and he struggled expressing himself. His wife’s killer was found innocent.
Jack finally asked the right question – how does he move on when he doesn’t want to? I explained he must make that choice. We discussed some options and I provided another book for him to read. I also gave him a schedule for a group of male widows who meet regularly. He didn’t seem open to that idea, but agreed to read the book.”
Dr. Foster thought about the day’s session with Jack. “He seems open now to moving on with his life. I believe he was relying on a guilty verdict for closure. Now that he realizes he has not moved forward this past year, I think he’s ready. I’m confident in his progression and feel he will do well over the next few months, providing he continues with therapy.”
She meant what she spoke. Jack finally seemed to get it. She could only hope he followed through with his treatment.
“December third, twenty fourteen. The appointment for December fifth for Jack Arden was cancelled by the patient. He expressed he found a support group meeting on Tuesdays and he wishes to attend this group for a few sessions before returning to counseling.”
Dr. Foster clicked off the recorder. What she stated was fact – Jack had called and cancelled their next appointment, citing a group meeting on Tuesday as the reason. Only the group she recommended didn’t meet on Tuesdays. She tried to convince herself he likely found another group, maybe one closer to his home town in Woodside. Her gut telling her otherwise, she crossed off his name from her calendar. Jack was up to something. She had nothing substantial to pursue anything legally. Her stomach wrenched as she slid his file in the drawer with closed cases.
Meet Jack is a preview for the novel Melancholy Jack, on schedule for publication September 1st, 2014.
Keep track of the latest news from author Diane Bixler at her site – https://www.DianeBixler.com.
On Twitter? Diane is not, but Jack is. Follow Jack directly at Jack_D_Arden.