The doors squeal open, and his sister walks in.
I drop his hand and lean back in the chair. She stares at me for several seconds. She has Kai’s stare. Her eyes are a different color, a lighter blue, but the intensity is the same.
“He shouldn’t have asked you to do this,” she says.
I just stare back at her. I want to tell her how sorry I am, but it seems like such a small word. Nothing I can say will ever make this right.
She clears her throat and kicks at the floor. “But I think you should.”
That takes me by surprise. I nod and look up at him. His face is drawn and lifeless. The strong form I remember feeling against me is actually a tiny sack of human skin.
This isn’t him.
This isn’t my Kai.
But my Kai is stuck inside of him.
I take in a shuddering breath. “Your brother loves you.” I smile. “So much.”
She slides a chair over to me. “So you’re telling the truth then.”
I nod again.
“He told you that?”
“He told me it broke him apart when you took your father’s pills.”
Her cheeks flush bright pink. She looks down, something like shame written on her face. “He saw that?”
“Yeah.”
The door opens again, and Kai’s parents shuffle in. Lana takes after her father while Kai is all his mother. Mrs. Wilson’s head is down, and her husband’s arm is wrapped around her shoulder, holding her up.
“Kinsley.” His father walks up to me, and I stand up. He reaches out a hand. “Welcome to the family.”
Tears well in my eyes. “Thank you.”
“Mommy, you have to accept that this is happening,” Lana says.
Mrs. Wilson remains silent. The door opens again. It’s the doctors. My heart almost stops at the sight of them.
“Mrs. Lane. Are you ready?” the doctor asks.
I look down at Kai one last time. Taking three of the chords from around my neck, I place them at my side.
I nod, tears streaming down my face.
The doctors start to unhook him. Tubes come out of his nose. Out of his throat. Out of his arms. Machines snap off. A long beep fills the air. Within minutes, he is gone.
No, not gone.
He is free.
The rose clasped in my hand shoots a burst of energy through me the minute it happens. I close my eyes.
“I’ll miss you, Kai.”
Then I start to feel like that plastic bag is over my face again. I have to get out. I have to run. Have to run faster than this pain.
Lana is saying something to me, but I don’t hear it. I dart between them and dash into the hall. I take the stairs. I run across the parking lot and throw myself in my car.
Ten minutes later, I’m at Creeper’s.
I CRAWL IN through his window without knocking or even calling ahead. With a quick scan of the room, I notice he’s in bed still asleep. Without bothering to wake him, I start rifling through his drawers.
I need pills.
Anything.
Anything to kill this pain.
“Kinsley?” Creeper’s groggy voice barely registers in my ears. “What the hell are you doing?”
I shake all his belongings on the floor. Nothing. I storm into his private bathroom and tear through the medicine cabinets. Nothing. Not even fucking cough medicine.
When I reenter his bedroom, he’s sitting up, rubbing his eyes.
“Um, good morning,” he says.
“Where is it?” I hiss, grabbing him by the collar.
He backs away. “Whoa! Where is what?”
“The drugs, Creeper. I need them. Anything.”
Understanding fills his face. He removes my hand from his collar.
With a shrug, he says, “I flushed it all.”
My eyes widen. “What?”
“You heard me.”
“Fucking liar.” I pace the room. “Just give it to me!” I scream, on the verge of ditching what’s left of my sanity.
“Calm down, okay?” He pulls his body into his wheelchair and sighs. “I’m serious, Ley. I flushed it.”
With a sob, I drop to the floor. “Why? Why would you do that?”
He buzzes over to me then waits for me to stop crying. When I’ve got nothing left, he sighs and reaches out and touches my shoulder.
“So a dude came by…after you guys left. Told me if I gave you any more drugs, he’d fuck me sideways next Halloween.”
A strange thing happens. I actually laugh. Maybe the fatigue and sense of loss mixed in my brain and shot out crazy, but I laugh until my body shakes and becomes exhausted. I slump against Creeper and sigh.
“That’s my Kai,” I say. “Yeah, scary dude. Had a point though. Said I was hurting you. Guess I never thought of it that way.” Creeper shakes his head, and I can tell he’s sad even though he still wears the expression of someone that could gut you then go out to dinner. “I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry, and I’m not doing it anymore.”
I bite my lip then rest my head on his knee. “I don’t know how to live without it.”
“We’ll get you some help. Get to some meetings. Me and Trixie, we got your back.”
I nod. For a moment, I want to tell him about everything that happened. I want to share the best and worst night of my night with him.
But I don’t.
It’s for me and Kai. No one else can have it.
The pain presses down on me like a giant hand, and it becomes hard to breathe.
“You just have to take it one day at a time,” Creeper says.
I nod again.
One day at a time. I close my eyes and remember the touch. That gets me through the next ten seconds. Then pain wraps around me again.
I open my palm and stare down at my rose.
Engraved in the steam are Kinsley and Kai and the date of our night.
I clutch it to my chest.
“What is that?” Creeper asks.
I smile up at him. “Proof that I’m going to be okay.”
I lean my head back on his knee and remember.
As long as I can remember the touch, I can remember to live.
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About the Author
Natasha Larry is a mother and DC comics fan girl. She writes multicultural paranormal fantasy for teens and adults. She is a New York Times and USA Today bestselling author. Her published works include Silenced and Darwin's Children. One day, she hopes to own a couple of goats.
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