I had made a friend or two with the sort of people who worked as connecting agents or jacks. One of them, a fat Kannadiga whom everybody summoned as Gowda was willing to help me on the condition that I would part with 60 percent of my first signing amount. Why would not I agree? At least, he was not asking me to sleep with him. I had agreed. Yes, there were people asking such indelible favors too. Startled me at first! Men enjoying men? What has the world come to?
After digging deep through his list of contacts at different studios in Madras, Bangalore and Kochi, he finally got an offer for me.
One of my favorite directors Mani Ratnam was producing a movie. Auditions were going on at the Venkateswara Hall in downtown Madras. Tokens were handed to aspiring actors who had turned up that day for the audition, and my turn was 278. I waited for Gowda to arrive, for he had that magic wand by which he could simply erase the 7 or 8 from 278 and get me in sooner, much sooner.
Two hours later, 27 of the people had given their auditions that was when Gowda arrived, I noted him from a distance itself, all credits to his reddish hair. He boasted that they were naturally red, but no one would take that for truth. Nevertheless, that was his signature, his landmark. Those red plucky hairs on his shining head. He was bald from the backside of his head, and the skin was so damn polished that one could see his face on that hairless part of his head.
Short, basely overweight and a plump face gave life to Gowda. He did not walk, he waddled like a goose. I shouted out, ‘Gowdaji! I’m here’.
He saw me waving at him and waddled towards me, on the way he got into conversation with someone. It was a tall stout man who was carrying a walkie-talkie in his hand. Then he smiled at him, shook his hands, bidding a gesture of grateful goodbye and started towards me.
‘Dei! You want to stand here only?’ He asked in Tamilian English that carried a Kannadiga punch.
‘278’ I remarked.
‘You are next!’ he mastered.
‘No, its 27 now, next is …’
‘I am telling you, you are next, no more arguments.’
I smiled in reply. He must have chalked it out with that tall guy about me and got me in quickly through the backdoor. That magic wand of his literally erased a number from my 278, I was now 28.
The next candidate.
After five minutes, I was standing in a tiny room sealed from all sides; there was not even a window that could let sunlight pass in. Just a door, through which I entered that room.
There were six people in the room. Three seated while the other three stood near the seated people. Gowda went to one of them and murmured something into his ears, and then went on to greet each of those who were seated. That was when I noted one of the seated people. It was the man himself, Mani Ratnam, the man who had created the best movies that I had ever seen, NAYAGAN, touted to be India’s best film and is the only Indian film to be listed in Time magazine’s list of Top 100 movies of all time.
I wanted to bow in obeisance unto him, throw my hands in praise and worship one of the Demigods in the film industry. Would he make another Thalapathy with me? I doubted that.
The short heighted supervisor summoned me. He picked the Reynolds ball pen placed behind his ears and chirped it over the paper that clung to the clipboard before marking a check in front of my name on that list. He turned to the person who was talking to Gowda, ‘Let in the next female candidate, no. 29, Padmavathi Balachandran.’
He pressed a buzzer that was mounted on the teapoy near Mani Sir. I heard a bell ring outside the room but that is all I heard. There was complete silence inside the room, felt as if there was no crowd present waiting outside. I did not turn around to see who it was, as I was too excited and nervous at the same time. I was facing the panel of judges and had my back towards the girl. The sound of her anklet revealed the fact that she was drawing closer to me. My heart was beating faster than ever before.
Who is the girl?
What situation would be given to enact?
How will I fare out in the task assigned to me?
Will I falter en route?
The man sitting next to Mani Sir dictated the situation and the scene that we had to enact, ‘You are the son of a deceased public officer, now left on your own. You are in love with this girl, who is from an orthodox Christian family. Her parents would never let you people conjoin since you belong to a Hindu family. You are a year younger to the girl. Besides being jobless, your life is a mess, and dream of becoming a filmmaker,’ he said in a virile voice, he paused to cough and then continued directing us, ‘You are Karthik and you are trying to explain it to Jessie, that why she should forget you and move on in life, even though deep inside you can’t bear the pain of separation. Got it?’ He asked, ‘Both of you, ready?’ he asked us as he switched glances with me and the girl behind me.
‘Yes Sir!’ I affirmed.
‘Yes, Sir!’ came a timidly sweet voice from behind. The voice caught me by surprise and rather a pleasant one. This one wasn’t an unknown voice. A voice had been haunting me for the past two and half years and this was the same. I know I wasn’t dreaming, but it could be a foul game played by my senses for I was in such great tension. I prayed that it wasn’t my imagination. I closed my eyes and turned around.
Slowly I opened my eyes, her figure revealed in conglobation with her shadow. The magical contours around her hip wasn’t unfamiliar either, I had seen them before. The pink silk saree draped around her waist went on to garner her beautifully shaped bosoms. I breathed in a deep breath of oxygen; I needed it, as I finally let my eyes uncover the veil on her face. Chin like a swan drinking out of spring, two shapely lips that cut through my heart and nose that had the sharpness of a dagger. Then came the eyes, two black balls of sparkling moistness that were vested in the nectar of the Whitest of all Oceans. Her skin was glowing like a golden incandescent bulb, which was much powerful than the helium blasting sun glowing outside harshly.
Her thick long hair braided to her knees. This sreedeviness had captured my imagination and had been holding me up against my will for such a long time.
I thought my heart had pounced out of its socket in the chest. I walked in style towards her; the style was weaker than the mesmerizing lure that she generated. I noticed an expression of surprise on her face too, as my right hand slowly craned itself and ran silkily on her untouched face. The tips of each of my fingers caressed against her skin, while she closed her eyes in seductive resignation.
The man was instructing something, but I could not help myself to hear him.
‘Samantha!’ I aspired.
‘Karthik, finally I get to see you again….’ She replied.
I moved in, held her by the hip, my left hand embraced her curve. There whimpered butterflies all around me, in vivid shades of red, purple and blue. I did not remember a Mani Ratnam anymore.
I dug my eyes into hers.
‘I do not mind if you would break my heart into two or a million pieces, I will bring another heart for you to play with! My body will keep on making hearts for you! If it fails to do so, I will kill myself and be born again to do so.’
‘Shah….’ She covered my mouth with her soft palm, ‘do not speak like that.’
‘I wouldn’t let this moment pass even by an inch of a second, let us live in this moment forever!’ I pressed her navel with my thumb.
‘If our parents do not let us live together, perhaps we should end ourselves, this very moment.’ She proposed.
‘Dying is not a solution; I want to live with you. I have come a long way from home in search of my passion. Once I establish myself, I will come for you. Ask your hand from your father,’ I kneeled down, ‘Wait for me until then, wouldn’t you?’
She nodded in affirmation.
‘With whose permission has this love happened?’
‘I do not know.’ She jolted.
‘Loved needed no permission, Love is everywhere on this earth, if this earth and our love are true, then we shall need nobody’s permi
ssion to be together. But you must wait until I am something in my life.’ I pleaded as Karthik.
She ran her eyes from my left eye to the right eye, ‘Please take me away from here, and I am not strong enough to resist my father and my brothers.’
‘Our love will provide you with the required strength. Just believe in love, believe in me.’ I pressed harder and she almost broke loose. I held her tightly, and then pressed her small head into my chest and kissed the top of her head. The smell of coconut oil from her earthly hair filled me with eternal bliss. A tear dropped from my eye on her hair.
I heard something around me, was it the sound of rain falling on the roof? Where was I standing? I had forgotten. That is when I realized that I was standing inside a room and was giving my auditions for a role in an upcoming film. The sound was not of raindrops falling on the roof, but came from the hands of the men inside the room, who were clapping in appreciation of the performance that we had just given.
The man sitting next to Mani sir rose from his seat and applauded warmly, I checked his face again; I had read or seen that face before in some film weekly. He smiled through thick bushy beard, ‘Wonderful performance! There was so much authenticity in your performance!’
‘Thank you Sir!’ I said humbly, still not being able to believe what had just happened in the past one minute.
Performance? What? I thought I was living it.
‘Though, you two got out of character totally and the dialogues seemed senseless, and my screenwriter here was continuously trying to correct you, but you weren’t bothered to listen. What man? Is she really the girl you are looking for?’ he giggled with Gowda who was now standing with us.
‘He is a great actor, Sir. Give him a chance and he will prove his worth.’ Gowda buttered.
‘I am short listing you, young man. You have the potential to be the next big name in Tamil Cinema. We will call you if you are selected.’ He smiled and then got back to the judging panel.
Gowda chirruped heartily towards me, ‘Ahaha! Awesome da! You have swept them of their feet. Come let us go now; I think you will surely get a part in this film.’
He did not say anything to the girl but she was shown the door too. I followed Gowda out of the room and I knew she was right behind me. Gowda kept jolting words but my mind was keen on deciding what to say to Samantha, err… Padmavathi.
Finally, I knew her name. That was a huge promotion, from just a syllable to an entire name and the surname, which I was not able to recollect at that moment. Talking about promotion, I just hugged her, kissed her scented hair. Did I cross any limit?
I had my topic, I turned around and there she was timidly making her way out of the door and stepping into a mosaic of aspiring actors. She was there, right in front of me. She looked at me, passed a gentle smile.
‘Vanakkam Padma.’ I greeted.
‘Vanakkam Thalaiva.’ she blushed hazily.
‘I hope I did not cross any limit back in that room.’ I apologized while I rubbed the back of my head with my right hand. I passed a sly grin.
She looked at the floor below; slowly she put forth her left leg and with the toe started scathing the sandy floor. She ran her toe in shape of an arc, from end to the other and back to where she began.
‘Are you going to keep doing that?’ I asked sarcastically, I was sure that she got my point. I wondered when she would stop doing that.
‘You acted well.’
‘Was I acting?’ I retorted smartly, ‘I was just being myself, said what my heart told me.’
She did not reply. She stopped engraving the floor with her toe tip and started walking past me.
I quickly followed her.
I crossed over and stood in her way, she did not stop walking, so I had to walk backwards. I wanted to ask so many things, but over excitement caught the best in me. Yet I managed to stick to the minimum levels of decency, ‘Hey..Hey…hey! Padma, isn’t it simply fateful? I mean of all the times we have met, you disappear just like that,’ I snapped my finger, ‘and when I was totally unaware about the presence of a girl around me, you appear and I had to give my audition with you.’
‘And you hugged and kissed that girl?’ she demanded.
‘No, I did not do it because that was just any girl.’
‘Oh? So I am special, is that what you are trying to say?’
‘Didn’t I give you enough hints?’ I laughed at my smartness. Well, I presumed myself to be smart.
She stared quietly for a moment, which gave me some tension and what made me rethink about what I just said, but all of a sudden, she joined me. She solemnly revealed her shining white set of teeth heartily clanging over each other as she laughed like an angel. There was a Raga in the way she laughed. Sreeraaga.
‘Kaapi?’ I offered.
She nodded.
I was in love!
Twenty Four
Indian Coffee House, Madras
Few minutes later
After bidding off Gowda, I took Padma to my favorite hangout zone in Madras, The Indian Coffee House on Thyagaraj road. They made the best vegetable cutlet and coffee. We still called it kaapi over here for coffee, and it cost just 5 rupees. World’s best coffee for five rupees, that is like selling the priceless Kohinoor for the price of a second-hand Lamby scooter.
Two hot tumblers of kaapi placed soldierly on the table that lay before us. The blushing face had disappeared long ago as we entered the hush restaurant. Padmavathi looked like a typical South Indian girl though her mental outlook was far more modern than I had ever imagined. It would have taken ages to convince a girl to accompany a stranger like me on coffee, but here she was, with my kaapi and me. Well, of course, no girl would ever refuse a chance to go out with me, but this was not just any girl.
This was her.
My dream girl.
I managed to start a conversation, ‘So, You came all the way to Madras for the audition?’
She took a sip of coffee from her mug, placed the mug back on the table and looked at me, ‘I live here, dear.’
‘Oh, I thought you lived in Madurai, remember the two times we met before?’
‘Well, it’s more like three times.’ She conjured.
‘Three?’ I jounced, ‘no way. We met twice, once in 1993 and then two years later in 1995. Both were weddings.’
She plotted a wicked smile on her face, ‘You are right about those two, but we had met one more time too.’
‘No way, I am quite sure,’ I declared but I was confused, ‘Are you sure?’
She nodded, ‘Remember Subramaniam mama’s wedding?’
I tried to recollect.
She tried to pass hints, ‘1986, Madurai?’
‘The one where the groom was from America, an NRI? Was it? And the wedding was postponed because they couldn’t find a varamaala?’ I asked.
‘Well, that was my uncle, my Amma’s second brother. In other words- My Mama’s wedding.’
‘Damn! I was only eight or nine years old back then, but I do not remember having met you then. I swear.’
‘You remember some little girl trying to throw a varamaala around your neck. Insisting you to marry her?’
It all came back to me, ‘How could I forget that? Oh God. Wait, was that you? I was so scared. I had to hide inside the lady’s common room with my mother so that I wouldn’t encounter you.’
She broke into a chirpy laughter.
‘So much so, I almost….’ I had to stop there.
‘I almost, what?’ She asked curiously.
‘Never mind’ I tried to ignore.
‘Come on, tell me.’ She insisted.
I really could not tell her that I had wet my pants out of fear. I was a kid back then, a real innocent kid, and that girl who was sitting in front of me was a crazy little doll who kept running after me for 2 hours with a varamaala. I tried my best to change the subject, ‘You remember, that varamaala was for the bride, and the wedding was almost brought to a full stop because you refused to return the
garland.’
‘I was a six year old girl. My mother told me that it I could marry the most beautiful boy I will meet there and that dream had brought me there. Little did I know that that was a joke. I’m sorry dear; I really did not want you to wet yourself.’
‘What?’ I recoiled, how did she know that? Did she read my mind or had anyone leaked out my little secret from that day?
‘I was just saying it, like an idiom, you know? Why are you so shocked?’ Once again, she did that thing with her eyebrow. She raised one of her interrogating eyebrow.
‘No, of course not. I did not expect a magical encounter with the girl from whom I had once hidden in fear. It’s mesmerizing, the way you carry yourself, after all these years.’
‘Tell me about fear. You pulled it off so bravely there.’
‘Thanks’
‘At first I was nervous when I saw Mani Sir sitting among the judges. Totally nervous!’
I did not respond and in fact, I was sitting like a statue with my eyes popped out as if I had seen a ghost.
She jerked me, ‘what’s wrong? Are you okay?’
I stood up suddenly, shaking the table, ‘Oh! Shit’
‘What happened?’
I looked at her, ‘Mani Sir!’
She looked back.
I continued explaining, ‘I was so excited upon encountering you in there that I forgot about Mani Sir completely. He was sitting there and I did not even go to him and seek his blessings before coming out of there. Damn!’
‘So what? Sit down. it is ok. He liked your performance. Besides, do you think he really had time to talk to you? There were around 500 people out there.’ She tried to justify.
‘Do you think I should go back and….’
‘Sit down.’
‘Yes.’ I nodded.
I sat back on the chair.
‘So what brings you here?’ She asked.
‘Huh? Oh, Cinema. It is my dream to become the next big superstar.’
‘And your academics?’
‘What about it?’
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