by M. Z. Kelly
I snuggled closer to him. It was freezing, with the weather report calling for snow flurries later in the day. “I’m looking forward to it.” My thoughts went back to my sister. “What do you think Caine’s plans are for Lindsay now?”
“If I could predict Nathan Caine, I’d become a mind reader.” He chuckled. “Maybe work with that soothsayer you told me about.” His smile disappeared. “I can’t really say what Caine has in mind for your sister. All I do know is that if he wanted her dead, that would have already happened.”
“There’s also the issue of my brother, Daniel. Mo said she saw him a few days ago, getting into a car with an older man. It’s possible Caine has him too.”
“I doubt that.”
“Why?”
“I think Caine would have said something about him, or your sister would have given you a clue that he was with Caine. My guess is that he’s still out there, lying low and trying to avoid the Swarm.”
“And my bio-dad? I still don’t know if he’s somehow involved with Caine in what’s happening.”
“I think the feds got it wrong on that score. Maybe when we get closer to finding Caine, we’ll also get closer to the truth about your dad. Caine, or someone in his inner circle, has to know what Harlee knew.”
I sighed. “I hope you’re right.” My phone chimed, and I took a moment to look at the text.
“Anything interesting?” Joe asked.
“My lieutenant. I just got word my duties here are officially over. Chief Bronson wants me back on duty at Hollywood Station in a couple days.”
“That guy wants you on a short leash.”
“He also apparently doesn’t believe in giving me much time off.” I stood. “Speaking of short leashes, I’m missing Bernie.” Joe also stood, coming closer to me. We exchanged kisses. “See you soon,” I said, touching his wounded arm. “Get well and feel better. You’re going need all your strength for what I’ve got in mind.”
FIFTY-ONE
I got home at noon the next day and was nearly knocked off my feet by Bernie as I came through the front door. I sat on the floor, giving my furry companion lots of love, as my friends gathered around.
“He’s been mopin’ ‘round like a sack of potatoes since you been gone,” Natalie said. “’Cept for him and Lady G.”
“Who?”
“Grover’s Sheepadoodle,” Mo explained. “Those two have been going at it like a couple teenagers in heat.”
“Makes me kinda jealous,” Natalie said.
Otto came over and also welcomed me home. I stood and said, “How are things with your new guy?”
Our butler blushed. “I think we’re, how do they say? Simpatico.” He patted his stomach. “Not to mention he’s the world’s greatest cook.”
“I’ll vouch for that,” Natalie said. She said to me, “Mo and me wanna hear ‘bout everything that happened in DC.”
Otto went off to fix us something to drink, and we took seats on the sofa. Mo primped her green wig and asked, “What’s the latest on Lindsay?”
“Still with Caine, as far as I know.” I took a few minutes to tell them what happened during the inauguration. Most of the events had already been covered by the press, so I didn’t see any harm in sharing the details.
“What you think the dirty lump of gas is gonna do next?” Natalie asked.
“No one knows. It’s a waiting game at this point.” Otto brought over some lemonade. I accepted a glass, then asked, “Have you guys heard anything more about Daniel?”
Mo looked at Natalie but didn’t answer.
“What is it?” I asked.
Natalie spoke up. “Mo and me think there’s some funny business going on.”
“What does that mean?”
Mo had taken her wig off and was combing it. She looked at me. “You ever think maybe Daniel’s got something else going on?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Baby sis and me went by the motel where he was seen getting into that car a few days ago. The manager there said there were lots of people coming ‘round the room he’d rented.”
“People? As in…? I’m not sure what you’re getting at.”
Mo sighed. “I’ll just lay it out for you. He thought Daniel might have been dealing.”
“Drugs? That’s impossible.”
“Stranger things have happened,” Natalie said. “And we know your brother’s been homeless and in need of some quid.”
I took a moment to consider what they’d said. I knew that desperate people often made poor decisions. If my brother was destitute, maybe he’d turned to drug dealing to get by.
I exhaled. “I suppose anything is possible. I just don’t want to believe it.”
Mo plopped her wig back on her head. “Baby sis and me still got our ears to the ground. We’ll let you know what we hear.”
“I appreciate that.”
Natalie changed the subject, telling me about their new client. “Myra’s put us on a missin’ person’s case. A girl named Laura Keene went missin’ from an actin’ class last week. Her parents are desperate to find her.”
“We think she mighta had some contact with Mogul Studios,” Mo added. “You ever solve that case you was working before you left town?”
“I’m not sure what’s going on with it. I haven’t talked to Olivia in a couple days.”
“Let us know what you hear. Maybe one of them studio people was harassing her, like that teacher who was killed.”
“What’s the latest with you and Joe?” Natalie asked. “I hope he wasn’t shot below the waist.”
I chuckled. “It was the arm. He’s still recovering, so we’re going to try to get together at his place in a couple weeks.”
“He still thinking ‘bout retiring?” Mo asked.
“Yes, but he wants to help find Lindsay first.”
“He’s a good man,” Natalie said. “I can see you two havin’ babies someday.”
I smiled. “Maybe.”
The truth was Joe already had a grown daughter, and I doubted that he wanted more children. That left me with a dilemma. If we did get together long term, it might mean I would never have children of my own. I wasn’t sure how I felt about that.
There was a knock on the door. Otto went over and let three of the oldest cheerleaders on the planet into our living room. Nana, Fred, and Mattie came over, each of them wearing a blue and white outfit, consisting of a mesh tank top, a sports bra (yes, even Fred), a short skirt, and droopy spandex briefs that looked suspiciously like adult diapers. The letter F was emblazoned on the front of their outfits.
I did my best to keep from laughing, holding my breath until a fit of laughter burst through.
“What the hell is so funny?” Nana demanded. “Haven’t you ever seen the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders?”
I managed to control my laughter, before releasing another blast. “Yes, but...” I broke down again. “...I didn’t know they had a senior league.”
“We’re hot,” Mattie said, hoisting up a couple pompoms.
Fred scowled at me, looked at Nana and Mattie. “Kate never did appreciate beauty or talent.”
“It’s no wonder,” Nana agreed. “She looks like a skinny school girl who never cheered for anyone. Or even played a sport.”
I ignored their comments. “What’s the F on your uniforms stand for?”
“Fabulous. What else?” Nana said, then farted.
That resulted in another burst of laughter before I said to Natalie and Mo, “What’s this all about?”
“Don’t tell me you forgot,” Mo said.
Natalie filled me in. “The Wallbangers finals are this afternoon. The Hollywood Girlz are takin’ on the Tarzana Outlaws, and you’re our cut woman.”
“That’s today? I just got home! I’m exhausted.”
Mo came over and pulled me up by the arm. “Come on. We gotta get our roller derby uniforms on, and you gotta get dressed.”
“I’m already dressed,” I pro
tested.
Natalie laughed, then levelled her hazel eyes on me. “If you’re gonna be our cut woman, you gotta dress the part.”
***
“I feel like a complete idiot,” I said a couple hours later, after we arrived at the roller derby rink.
I was wearing a nurse’s uniform, which consisted of a short white skirt, white stockings, a tight blouse, and a hat with a red cross. The outfit would be perfect for a stripper at a bachelor party. The only thing that partially saved my dignity was Otto. Our butler had been conscripted to come as our towel man and gave me a long towel that I held up in front of me.
“Just keep the bandages ready,” Natalie said. “I got a feeling this is gonna be a massacre.”
“It’s gonna be a match to the death,” Mo agreed.
Nana gave me her opinion of my costume. “You look like something out of a Halloween nightmare. You might even scare the other team into giving up.”
“Maybe that’s true,” I said, finally losing patience with her. “But you, Fred, and Mattie look like the cheerleaders from Zombie High.”
There was a brief yelling match as the cheerleaders defended themselves and the cut nurse used several adjectives Natalie had taught me. The insults finally stopped when the skating match began.
As the referee blew his whistle and announced the start of the contest, Natalie, who was wearing her Hollywood Girlz pink booty shorts and a tight blouse, explained about the match. “Mo, here, is what you call a blocker. Her job, along with the other girls, is to create a big clog of bodies so I can work me magic as the jammah.”
I realized she meant jammer, and asked about her duties.
“I lap the field, and, if I make it past the clog, I score. It’s loads of fun.”
“I can’t wait,” I lied.
To my surprise, as the match wore on, I got caught up in the night’s events. The contest was close, with the Tarzana Outlaws managing to pull even with our team in the final period. There were two minutes left when Mo called a time out, and our team huddled on the sidelines, to the cheers of the world’s oldest pep squad. Otto handed out towels, while I put bandages on a couple girls who had suffered cuts.
“Here’s the final play,” Mo said. “The Outlaws are out of gas, so I’m calling congress.”
“What’s that?” one of the girls said.
“Baby sis is gonna break loose and lap the field, while we call the other team every nasty thing you can think of, just like our government representatives do with each other. When the Outlaws are mad as hell, I’m gonna grab hold of a couple of ‘em and clog up the entire track. That’s when Natalie here goes leapin’ lizard on the Outlaws.”
It was only later, after the Hollywood Girlz “called congress” on the Outlaws, and Mo used her big body as a human blockade, that I realized her strategy might work. We all watched as Natalie lapped the entire field. She then went airborne, flying over the other players and landing on the finish line, winning the competition.
I was cheering wildly, along with Otto and the ancient pep squad, when I realized a very big—and very angry—clog of roller derby players was coming off the track and heading in my direction. The field was being led by none other than the woman known as the Assassin.
The scrum of pissed-off women rolled over me, knocking me off my feet, and sealing my fate. I was buried alive beneath a writhing mass of angry humanity.
FIFTY-TWO
“Everything hurts,” I moaned over breakfast the next morning with Natalie and Mo. It was Sunday, and I was thankful I had the day off. Bernie came over for a handout and was rewarded as I added, “It feels like I was in a train wreck, and, believe me, I know what that feels like. It’s a good thing I was the cut woman, because I used half the bandages on myself.”
“At least we got the goods on the Assassin,” Natalie said. “She met her boyfriend, our client’s hubby, in the parking lot after the match. We got the whole grab-and-grope session on video.”
“Baby sis and me saved the guy a world of hurt. I heard the Assassin likes it rough in the sack, and if the guy doesn’t come through, she puts him in a death grip.”
Natalie smiled, cutting her eyes to me. “Mo’s talkin’ ‘bout oral work.”
“Oh,” I said, trying to get a visual, then deciding I didn’t really want one.
Mo, who was working on the biggest plate of potatoes and eggs that I’d ever seen, asked me about my plans for the day. Before I could answer, she said, “Baby sis and me are gonna go shopping over at Sunset Plaza. We’re looking for outfits for that JPS run you promised to attend.”
I groaned. “I’m seeing Joe, so I don’t think I’m up for the run.”
“The proceeds go to charity,” Natalie said. “Besides, I’m also seein’ a guy; that Goose fella I mentioned before you left town. And you’re still considered community property till you get your pussy passport stamped.”
Mo agreed, adding, “I’m also on the prowl for a guy, so I need you to come along for moral support.”
I continued to argue with them before Mo mentioned something that had slipped my mind. “You’re gonna need some new threads for your dinner tonight.”
“What dinner?”
Mo looked at Natalie. “I think she’s got PJTS.”
“Huh?” I said.
“Post Joe Traumatic Syndrome. Me and baby sis ran into Grant at Whole Foods the other day, and he mentioned you two was going out tonight.”
I looked at my phone, seeing that it was on my calendar. “Damn. I forgot all about it.”
Natalie brought over my sweater. “Let’s go. We need to get our cut lady something hot.”
***
I thought about cancelling dinner with Grant, but felt guilty and decided against it. I’d already rescheduled our date twice, and, despite not feeling like there was any chemistry between us, I felt like I owed him, since he’d been helpful on a prior case. That’s why I spent my afternoon at a place called Bubbies that Natalie insisted had outfits that attracted the opposite sex like a magnet.
After she and Mo came out of the dressing room, wearing a few scraps of strategically placed material, I understood about the magnetic qualities of their clothing.
“What do you think?” Mo asked, doing a little pirouette and showing off an outfit that would have been perfect for a store called Sluts “R” Us.
“I think it’s...it’s revealing,” I said.
She smiled. “Perfect. That’s just the look I was going for.”
Natalie was behind her and stepped forward, showing off a short dress that looked like it was made of aluminum. “The label says the dress has been known to cause blindness in the opposite sex.”
“One look at that, and a guy would be struck blind, deaf, and dumb,” Mo agreed. She looked at me. “Did you find an outfit?”
I went over to a rack and showed them a paisley print dress. “The sales clerk said it’s retro, something that would have been popular back in the 1960s.”
My friends did simultaneous eye rolls, something they reserved for utter disapproval or contempt.
Natalie gave me her thoughts. “It’s popular ‘cause everyone was on drugs back in the sixties.”
Mo agreed. “You wear that, and the only way you’re gonna find a guy is to go back in time. I seen pictures of guys back then. They had so much hair, they looked like a bunch of Muppets.”
“I kind of like Muppets,” I said. “I’ll wear it tonight and let you know what Grant thinks.”
“If he looks at the street all night, you’ll know what he thinks,” Natalie said.
“What do you mean?”
“He’ll be lookin’ for a curb to kick you to.”
After suffering another round of their disapproval, interspersed with a healthy dose of humiliation, we paid for our outfits then stopped at a coffee shop for a snack. We’d brought separate cars, so, after leaving the restaurant, I told my friends I would see them later, since I had plans to go by Robin’s place. I was walking to my car when
I heard a voice behind me.
“Kate? Is that you?”
I turned, seeing a man on the sidewalk. The sun was low, and I didn’t recognize him at first. My heart beat faster as my thoughts immediately went to Nathan Caine. When I walked over to him, I realized my heart was beating faster for another reason. “Mack?”
“How have you been?” the handsome private investigator said, after taking my hand.
“I...I’m good,” I stammered. “It’s been a...a long time.”
He smiled. “Too long.”
Mack McKenzie was a private investigator, with an office in North Hollywood. We’d worked together on a case a couple years back and had been romantically involved until... Well, I wasn’t really sure why we’d drifted apart. The handsome former Navy SEAL was in his mid-thirties, tall, and well built.
“How have you been?” I asked, cursing the fact that I’d tossed on an old pair of jeans and a sweater this morning before going shopping.
He smiled. “Staying busy, chasing down bad guys, and bringing a few kids back home.”
I remembered that much of his work had to do with finding children who had been kidnapped for ransom in foreign countries. Mack spoke several languages, something that helped in his chosen work.
He went on. “I’ve heard you’ve been a little busy lately.”
“I guess you’ve seen the papers.”
“Any word on your bad guy?”
I sighed. “’Fraid not. We’re in a holding pattern, hoping something will break.”
He nodded. “I’m between cases right now, if you’d like to get together and talk. If you remember, I’ve had a little experience finding people that have gone missing.”
I knew he was talking about Lindsay, since the story of her being taken had been leaked to the press.
“I’d like that,” I said, feeling guilty about my circumstances with Joe.
“How about this weekend? We could go for drinks, just someplace casual, and catch up on old times.”
“That sounds lovely, Mack. Just text me, and we’ll work out the details.”