I don’t want to get hurt, Balen.
Autumn stared at her phone, cursing herself for impulsively sending the message. This had to be a violation of the ground rules. Although getting emotional hadn’t specifically been stated, it was kinda implied with the whole don’t-fall-in-love-with-me pact.
No response. Or perhaps this was his response. In which case, message received loud and clear.
Autumn tossed her phone on the bed and checked the clock on the nightstand. The catamaran didn’t set sail for an hour and a half. If she got in the shower now, she’d have just enough time to get ready and walk the quarter mile down the beach where they were scheduled to depart. She wasn’t going to miss out on this sunset dinner cruise just because Balen suddenly had to leave. She’d go alone. After two years, she was used to it.
“Welcome aboard Cyprus Sunset Cruises.”
Autumn slipped on her sandals before stepping up the boarding plank. The captain took her hand, assisting her onto the boat, and a caterer handed her a glass of wine from the platter.
“Thank you.” She graciously accepted the glass and took a sip before continuing to the upper deck. It was less crowded there, probably because the bar was on the main level. Hopefully, it’d stay that way. She was looking forward to a quiet, relaxing cruise. She would probably pass on the dinner—she didn’t have much of an appetite anymore—but they could certainly keep the wine coming. Spotting an empty bench-seat toward the back of the boat, Autumn settled in as the Captain’s announcement came over the intercom that they would be departing in five minutes.
It was the perfect night for a cruise. The air was warm, the humidity low. A briny freshness salted the air with the exotic flora of hibiscus and plumeria. Billowy clouds painted the horizon, showcasing a pallet of pinks, purples, and oranges, promising it would be a spectacular sunset. The only thing missing was Balen. For what must have been the hundredth time, she pushed thoughts of him from her mind as she stared out at the water. Perhaps that wasn’t the best place to be looking, because everything about the sea reminded her of him. This wasn’t good, not at all. She couldn’t allow herself to develop feelings for him. But if the gnawing ache in her chest was any indication, she feared she was already too late.
The engines revved and the boat slowly pulled away from the dock. She exhaled a sigh and took another sip of wine. What was she going to do about this? About him? If she was smart, she’d end it before things got any more complicated. Maybe she was worrying about it for nothing and in Balen’s mind it was already over. She’d told him she didn’t want to get hurt and he hadn’t responded. Perhaps this was his way of gracefully bowing out of their “friendship.”
“Is this seat taken?”
Autumn startled from her muse and glanced up, surprised to see she was no longer alone. She hadn’t heard anyone approach. How long had he been standing there watching her?
“Balen? What are you doing here?”
His gaze swept over her, his expression giving away none of his thoughts. “What do you mean? I have a date with a beautiful redhead. I think she might be pissed at me, though.”
Oh, he was smooth—and gorgeous—and too charming for his own good. But she wasn’t going to let him off the hook that easily. Taking a sip of her wine, she casually asked, “Why do you think she’s mad at you?”
“Ugh…” he sighed dramatically, sitting down beside her. “Where do I start?” He held out his hand for her wine.
When she gave him the glass, he took a sip and then handed it back. “I hurt her feelings. I didn’t mean to. But, I’m pretty sure she thinks I don’t feel like she’s important.”
Autumn arched her brow in question and sipped her wine. With a bored tone she asked, “Where would she have possibly gotten that idea?”
At least he had the decency to look culpable. “I got her into my bed and then I ran out on her without any explanation. And I might have said that where I was wasn’t important.”
“Yeah, that would do it. Tough nubs and good luck getting back into her pants again.” Autumn drained her glass and stood up to leave, sliding between him and the table. She needed a refill—badly. And a change of scenery, because being this close to such a gorgeous view was messing with her willpower. Balen caught her arm, stopping her before she could walk away, and tugged her back down on his lap.
His forearm slipped around her waist, locking her against him, and there was no denying the very prominent bulge pressing against her backside. “The thing is,” he continued, as if she hadn’t tried to bail on him. “She that is important.”
Autumn turned her head and locked eyes with her captor. He shifted her sideways and reached up, tucking a chunk of hair behind her ear. Leaning in, he whispered, “I am sorry, Autumn.” His breath skated over her neck, sending a shiver down her spine and into the sensitive place nestled firmly against his erection. “Let me make it up to you.” His lips brushed over her neck, soft coaxing kisses no woman in her right mind would have had the willpower to resist.
“Balen… I don’t think this is a good idea—”
Autumn’s protest was cut off when he laid his hand on her thigh and slipped it underneath her sundress. His fingertips grazed the lacy barrier of her thong and a low growl chortled deep in his throat.
“I wholeheartedly disagree.”
“Balen, stop it. People will see us.”
He paused his oral assault on her neck to lift his head and scout out the situation, as if just now realizing they weren’t alone. People milled around the upper deck, a few were seated at tables like they were, but most of them were at the railing, looking out into the sea and admiring the blooming sunset. No one was paying attention to them tucked away at the back of the boat.
“They can’t see under the table.” Then, bringing his mouth close to the shell of her ear, he whispered, “Just don’t scream.” Without any further warning, he plunged two fingers deep inside her. Autumn’s breath hitched in her throat, a startled gasp that morphed into a soft moan that made Balen’s cock buck beneath her bottom. “Sweetheart… You’re already so wet for me.”
He wasn’t playing fair and he knew it. Ten minutes ago, she was prepared to tell him this needed to end, that she couldn’t see him anymore. And now pleasure overruled the threat of her broken heart. Though that may very well have been an inevitable outcome, it seemed worth the risk when compared to what Balen was offering her.
He knew right where to find her sweet spot, and quickly worked her into a hot mess. To anyone watching, it would appear that he was whispering a secret, but the things he was saying were no secrets. His thumb found the bundle of nerves at the top of her sex as his fingers withdrew and slowly pushed back in, over and over, setting an erotic rhythm that threatened to push her over the edge.
His mouth was at her ear, that deep husky voice telling her how beautiful she was and how much he loved watching her come, coaxing her to let go. No one had ever spoken to her so wickedly before. She had never done anything like this in public, and although scandalously shameful, there was a part of her—a part Balen seemed to bring out of her—that reveled in the thrilling new experience of exhibitionism. Did she want to give all this up just to protect a heart that was probably already lost to him, anyway?
A tremor rippled through her, she was so close to coming. All the while, Balen whispered filthy things in her ear. Autumn had no idea she liked that sort of thing, but the sound of his voice, the dirty words coming out of his mouth, just about sent her careening into bliss.
“Come for me, baby. I wish my cock was buried inside you right now. So wet...and hot. I have never wanted anyone as much I want you, Autumn. Since the moment I first saw you. Never dreamed you would taste so good.”
Her heart raced. The pressure building in her core was unbearable, but still she struggled to hold on, not willing to cede her release to him. The nagging awareness of how very public they were, anchored her to the reality of what they were doing. As if he knew she was holding back, he renew
ed his verbal assault and turned his wrist just enough to—Oh my!
As Autumn’s orgasm ripped through her, Balen snagged a fistful of her hair, pulling her mouth to his, swallowing her cry and devouring the sound of her release. His kiss deepened as her channel gripped his fingers. He groaned into her mouth, or maybe it was more of a growl, but she felt the effort of his restraint, the echo of his own need becoming an unquenchable ache deep in her core. And that was the moment Autumn knew she was in serious trouble, because she would never get enough of Balen Kroft.
Chapter Twenty-Three
He should have known it was too easy. Monica had never taken no for an answer when they’d been together, so what made him think this time would be any different? Had Autumn not been in his lap, coming down from the high of her orgasm, his fingers still buried deep in her hot, silky sheath, she wouldn’t have felt his cell vibrating against her ass, and he could have ignored it. She tensed in his arms, but he refused to stop kissing her. She tasted so incredible, felt so perfect in his arms…
When she turned her head, breaking contact with his mouth, he didn’t miss a beat, moving down to the slender curve of her neck. Had she been about to say something, and he suspected she had, her protest was lost when he began sucking that sensitive spot below her ear. But after about the fourth consecutive call, his diversion tactics failed. Autumn pulled back and reached between her legs, taking hold of his wrist and removing his hand.
“Balen, what’s going on? If you have someplace else you need to be, just tell me.”
“Believe me, there’s no other place I’d rather be. Except maybe inside you.” He moved in to kiss her again, but she stopped him by planting her palm against his chest.
“Maybe it’s none of my business, but I want you to know you can talk to me. Is there anything I can do to help? Obviously, something is going on.”
Balen exhaled a sigh, and for a moment she thought he might actually confide in her, but that hope was dashed when he said, “Autumn, I really like you. But if I start subjecting you to the drama in my life, this”—he gestured between them— “changes. You’re on vacation. We’re having fun. Do you see any point in complicating things?”
He held his breath, waiting for her response, hoping she would disagree while a part of him hoped she wouldn’t. Because if he was being honest, at some point, this had started to become more than just fun for him. And the truth about who he was and the mistakes he’d made lay between them like a widening chasm. The more he got to know Autumn, the more certain he was that when she discovered he’d deceived her, she’d likely leave him. And, being the selfish asshole that he was, Balen wasn’t ready for it to end. Yet, how could he move forward with this lie between them? What had begun as harmless didn’t feel that way anymore.
And if, by some miracle, Autumn did feel something more for him, Balen didn’t trust it was strong enough to bear the truth. He was damned if he did and damned if he didn’t. But he needed to know if she felt this too so he could stop tormenting himself with what ifs. This was already getting complicated, and if either one of them believed it wasn’t then they were lying to themselves.
“No, I guess not,” she replied softly.
Was that disappointment he heard in her voice? It was sure as hell knotting inside his chest. He wanted to call her a coward for hiding behind her past, for letting it control her future, but then he’d be a hypocrite because wasn’t he doing the same damn thing? At least now he had his answer. Issue solved, right? If Autumn only wanted a fun time, then that was exactly what he’d give her.
“Let’s try to enjoy the rest of the evening, huh? I don’t know about you, but I could sure use another glass of wine.” Balen slid her off his lap and stood. Autumn’s delicately arched brows were drawn tight. She looked like she wanted to say something more, but it was just as well she didn’t. What could either of them say at that point? They both knew this thing between them was ending soon.
He returned a few minutes later with a glass in each hand. She gratefully accepted it, seeming to willingly ignore the tension of the last few minutes.
“This sunset is spectacular,” she commented, taking a sip and focusing her attention on the horizon. “I don’t think I could ever get tired of watching the sun disappear into the water.”
“It is a beautiful sight,” he agreed, but Balen wasn’t watching the skyline. A hundred sunsets could come and go and none of them would come close to Autumn’s beauty.
“I’ve never been on a catamaran.”
“I don’t suppose they have a lot of them in Montana, huh?”
She laughed. “No, they don’t.”
He scooted closer to her and slipped his arm around her shoulders. She relaxed against his side and he couldn’t resist pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “You like living there?”
“I do. The mountains are beautiful. My family is there. My friends. Summer…”
“Your ex?”
“Yeah, him too. Two out of three ain’t bad, right?”
He chuckled. “S’pose not. You have any brothers or sisters?” he asked, realizing how little he knew about her when it came to the common stuff, and wishing he knew more.
“It’s just me. Summer has always been like a sister to me, though. What about you? Is Connor your only sibling?”
“Yeah.”
“What about your parents?”
Grief washed over him like a crashing wave. Even after all those years, the pain was never far from the surface. “They passed away five years ago—car accident.”
“I’m sorry.” She turned to look at him, compassion glittering in her eyes.
“Thanks. It hasn’t been easy, but what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, right?”
“That’s what they say. But I’ve gotta confess, after what I’ve been through, I don’t feel any stronger for it. In fact, I’ve never felt less in control of my life. I think that’s why Summer did this, planning a vacation with all these activities she knew I’d never do on my own. I think this time away was supposed to be more of an Autumn Harris makeover.”
“You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for. You certainly have no trouble busting my balls.”
She laughed and nudged him in the ribs with her elbow.
“But, seriously, I think you’re selling yourself short. Maybe all of us could use a makeover now and again. You’re not the only one who needs a fresh start.”
She turned to look at him. The question was in her eyes but it never made it to her lips, and that was just as well because he wasn’t about to elaborate.
“Well, it’s working. I’m definitely not the same person who stepped off that plane five days ago.”
No. No she wasn’t. If she could only see herself through his eyes. The rigid, snarky redhead truly was a sweet, passionate woman who just needed to learn how to trust again. Unfortunately, that trust had been misplaced, and it was eating at his conscience. Had he known of her fragility at the time, Balen might have thought twice about deceiving her. Then again, maybe he wouldn’t have. How could he have known this would turn into something it was never meant to be?
“I certainly never thought I’d be learning to swim, that’s for sure. I don’t know how I can ever thank you for that.”
“You don’t have to thank me, Autumn. It’s been my pleasure. Seriously.” He gave her a wicked grin.
Autumn laughed, the beautiful sound a little louder and bit more carefree than usual. The wine was starting to get to her. “You’re insatiable, you know that?”
“Sweetheart, I’m afraid when it comes to you, that may be true.”
They both stumbled through the front door, erupting in laughter when they got stuck trying to fit through at the same time. Autumn broke free first, her momentum sending her flailing forward. Balen snagged her wrist, catching her before she fell, and sling-shotting her back against him. She slammed into his chest, letting out a little oomph upon impact.
It was a good thing Balen had walked
to the catamaran, because after a two-hour dinner cruise with an open bar, neither one of them was fit for driving anywhere. She hadn’t meant to drink so much, but that was the thing with her and wine—sometimes it snuck up and bit her in the ass.
“You okay?”
He slipped his arms around her waist, seeming in no hurry to let her go. Not that she was complaining. Autumn loved the feeling of being in his arms, crushed up against his rock-hard body. His strength and virility was intoxicating—even without five glasses of wine. Autumn’s arms twined around his neck, and she stretched to her tiptoes, not quite reaching his lips that were curled in that sexy grin she loved.
“I’m good.” But I could be a lot better…
Instead of accepting her offering and kissing her mouth she’d tipped up to him, Balen’s lips grazed the tip of her nose. “I think you’re pretty incredible. I also think we’re both fairly shit-faced, and we should probably say goodnight right here before we do something we’ll regret.”
Autumn was pretty sure she was past the point of regret where this guy was concerned. But she’d also learned from her mistakes, and after the first time she and Balen were together, she no longer wanted to be drunk when it happened. “I had fun tonight. Thank you for coming back.”
“I wish I didn’t have to go in the first place. I’m sorry I made you feel like you weren’t important.”
“It’s okay. You made it up to me,” she teased. While she still had the willpower, she extracted herself from his arms and headed toward the bedroom. Stopping at the door, she turned back and blew him a kiss. “Goodnight, Balen.”
His tortured groan carried across the living room and made her smile. At least she wasn’t the only one regretting their overindulgence of wine.
“Goodnight, Autumn.”
She forced one foot in front of the other and entered her bedroom. When she closed the door, she heard him call after her, “Lock the door.”
One and Done (Island of Love Book 1) Page 18