by Simone Elise
He was already pleased with how I did my community service work without asking him to bail me out, and well, me dating Scott now was the icing on the cake.
“Thanks dad,” I smiled a flawless smile st him. “Who knows, you might actually let the boys go back to their busy lives instead of baby-sitting me. I’ll see you after school,” I said as I waved goodbye in a carefree manner, not letting anyone see my evil smirk. I really was good at acting.
***
Lighting up a cigarette, I leaned against the back school gate. School was in full swing, and like the good student I was, I was skipping. I had just sent Scott a text making sure he understood the agreement. Well, more like reminding him of the agreement.
Which basically was to do what I said temporarily, or I’d kill him. Had I actually said I would kill him? No, I let his imagination do that for him. All I did was point out how easy it was to sneak into his house without anyone knowing, that and I was holding a gun which I made sure he was aware I knew how to use one.
“Real model student you are,” Jax barked from behind me.
“What do you want?” I snapped, looking sideways at him, as he leaned against the fence next to me.
“Just having a smoke.”
I didn’t reply. Instead, I dropped mine on the ground, put it out, and turned to leave.
“It’s not going to work you know,” Jax said smoothly, after taking a long drag on his smoke. “Making me jealous with this Scott guy.”
“Please! Scott is just a chess piece I am using.”
“So you admit you don’t care for him?” Jax turned around to look at me. Why did he have to look so damn good all the time!
“I don’t care for him.” It was the truth; I wasn’t using Scott to make Jax jealous.
“Then why are you going out of your way to be with him?” Jax looked at me slightly worried. I gulped slightly, seeing the worried look for my safety in his eyes.
“Like I said, he’s just a piece I need to win the game.” I brushed off the concern in his eyes. I couldn’t let him pull me back in.
“And what game are you trying to win Amber?” he asked as he tossed his cigarette to the ground, stomped on it, and then crossed his arms, watching me carefully. “What has you pretending to date a suit?”
“You.” I was completely honest; if he really wanted to know, I would tell him because my acting wasn’t meant to fool him; my acting was for my dad. “You don’t want me.”
“That’s not true,” Jax interrupted me, but I raised a hand for him to shut up.
“You want me on your conditions, and I can’t have a relationship with someone who is….”
“A criminal?”
“Who won’t stand up for me.” I overlooked his criminal comment. I didn’t care about that. I wanted him, but I wouldn’t have a semi-relationship with him. “It was all or nothing Jax, and you chose nothing.”
“You didn’t say that before.” He took a step closer to me. “You didn’t tell me it was all or nothing.”
“I shouldn’t have had to!” I was trying to put a wall up to hide my emotions from him. It wasn’t working. I knew he could see the sorrow in my eyes.
“So what then?” Jax pursed his lips “We’re over? You want nothing to do with me? That’s why you’re dating the suit?”
“I was pretending to date Scott, so my dad thinks that I have changed, and then he can kick my brothers and your sorry arse out, and I can go back to doing what I always did.”
“What? Petty crime?” Jax scoffed “Going to go back to Blake’s little gang and run it for him?” The bitterness in his tone was poisonous.
“Something like that.” I knew crawling back to Blake’s gang was a long shot and cowardly, but what else was I meant to do? I had no other connections.
“Have fun with that,” Jax fumed, and turned his back to me. “I was sick of you anyway.”
I knew he was saying that because I must have hurt his feelings, but still, his words hurt me.
“I love you Jax. If only you could have been a man and said it back,” I muttered to myself as I turned to leave, trying to swallow the sickening feeling in my stomach.
Chapter 38
I bit my bottom lip, trying to ignore the nagging feeling inside of me. I glanced at my bedroom door, listening to the sounds outside it. That high pitch drunken giggle was grating my nerves. Finally, pushing my laptop away from me, I jumped out of bed.
I was sick of listening to that stupid bitch laughing and carrying on with someone I cared about. Yanking the door open, I stormed across the hall and banged on Jax’s door. I’d put up with this for hours!
I went to bring my fist back up to bang on the door again, but it opened. The barely dressed giggling machine was grinning at me.
“What do you want?” She giggled at me, half hiding behind the door. Did she do anything but giggle?
I crossed my arms. Why did Jax always go for the model-like ones? “For you to shut the hell up.” I barked, looking at her bitterly. “Think you can manage that?”
The smile disappeared from her face, and her expression changed to a challenging look. “Maybe you should get some earplugs,” she quipped. arching an eyebrow with a belittling look. “Think you can manage that?” she smirked, and slammed the door in my face.
That stupid, good for nothing, daughter of a mutt. If she thought she could disrespect me in my own house, she was sadly mistaken. I slammed my fist on the door again.
Cockily, she opened it back up, wider this time. “What do you want now?”
“I’ll make it quick,” I said, stepping one foot into the doorframe. I pulled back a tight fist and, with a smug expression on my face, I slammed her nose in.
Cursing and crying, she cupped her bloody nose. “Next time, don’t disrespect me,” I shot at her, and looked over at Jax, who was laying on the bed shaking his head at me. Pointing a finger at him, I barked. “Keep your whores out of my house.”
I slammed his bedroom door behind me, and being the jealous girl I was, I stubbornly stormed back across to my bedroom. I knew it had been stupid of me to act that way, and yeah, I had no right to go into his bedroom.
Huffing, I threw myself backwards onto my bed and glared up at the ceiling.
Why couldn’t I just fall for the easy ones? And why the hell couldn’t I just get over him already!
***
“No.” I crossed my arms and looked at dad across the desk. “And I won’t think about it,” I added.
Was he mad? Did he really think I would agree?
“Amber,” he put down the file he was holding. “It will be good for you.” His lips curved slightly. “I only want what is best for you,” he added.
I shook my head quickly. “I said no and I meant it. Thanks anyway, but no.” I was not changing my mind, and if he thought he would get me to go willingly, he had another thing coming.
“Amber, I don’t think you were listening, I wasn’t asking you, I was informing you.” Dad gave me a stern look “Like I said, it’s best for you.”
Narrowing my eyes at him, I felt boiling anger in my stomach, “I’m not moving to England to live with your stupid sister. Anyway, there is no reason for me to move. Everything is going fine here. You said so yourself!”
He didn’t really have the power to send me away. Well, I hoped not. Where was this coming from anyway? I thought dad had been buying my act. Heck, please don’t tell me that I had been spending unnecessary amounts of time with Scott when I didn’t have to!
“Jackson spoke to me,” Dad said as he pulled his chair closer to his desk.
“Jackson spoke to you?” I repeated, boiling with anger. Through gritted teeth, I asked, “And what did Jackson say?”
“Just filled in some blanks for me.”
Dad pushed a stack of photos across the table to me. “And Scott filled in the rest.”
I looked at the pictures of me, in Scott’s office, holding a gun. That prick had cameras in there! Scott was a dead man.
“Before you get any bright ideas, Scott has relocated,” Dad said. He pointed a finger at me, adding, “You embarrassed me.”
“So what then?” My sweet act now aside, and my normal bitter self showing up. “You are going to ship me off?”
“Why would you want to stay here?” Dad looked at me in a way he hadn’t before. “Your brothers don’t want you here. Your ex-boyfriend is in jail and I am barely here. Tell me Amber, why would you want to stay here?”
I opened my mouth and with nothing to say, I closed it again. I had no answer. I got up from the chair, hurt. “If you didn’t want me here dad, that was all you had to say.”
“I thought I could help you Amber. Clearly, I can’t,” he said to my back before I slid out his door and closed it softly behind me.
I had always thought dad’s love was unconditional, but it looked like I had crossed a line. Dad was sick of my lies and trouble, and, in all honesty, why wouldn’t he be?
I really was a disappointment.
***
I cracked open another can of Jack Daniels and crumpled the empty one, throwing it in the direction of the others on the kitchen floor. Drowning my sorrows; how pathetic was I?
I knew I had had a tad too much to drink when I had to grab the third six pack from the fridge. I chugged and swallowed quick, reaching for the lit cigarette sitting on the ashtray.
How the hell had I got to this point? How the hell did I end up being that girl? You know the one that had no-one, and nothing.
A few months ago, I thought I would turn my life around, and now I had no life to turn around. I either moved to England and lived with my batty Aunt to keep my trust fund, or move to the streets and well…I didn’t even know what that was like, and I didn’t want to know.
Great! What options!
The kitchen lights flickered on, and I immediately yelled, squinting, “TURN IT OFF!” I was so lost in my thoughts, I hadn’t even heard them come home - let alone walk into the kitchen.
“Fuck, Amber!” Tyler waved the air in front of him, coughing, “Trying to set the house on fire?”
Ok, so smoking in a closed room for hours wasn’t healthy, but neither was drowning myself in alcohol.
“Just piss off,” I said, and downed the rest of my can. “And turn the lights back off on your way out.”
“What happened to you?” Cole asked, and he actually looked concerned as he pulled a stool up and sat on the other side of the bench; much to my unhappiness.
“You and Scott break up or something?” Tyler opened the fridge door. “Did you drink all my cans?!” he added.
“Piss off!” I yelled.
“Fuck, is Amber cooking?” Jax’s voice was laced with amusement as he strode through the door cockily. He crossed his arms smugly and examined me; I saw through the crap and picked up on the concern in his eyes, and it only drove the betrayal deeper.
How could he have gone to dad?
“Fine, I’ll leave,” I announced, and pulled myself up from the stool, holding the bench for support. I only took one step, stumbling, before Tyler wrapped his arms around me, taking the weight my legs couldn’t.
“Why don’t you just sit back down,” Tyler propped me back on the stool. “And don’t fall backwards,” he instructed. I felt him leave his hand on my chair, just in case.
“Just leave all of you, I’m fine!”
“If you said that without stuttering, I would have believed you,” Jax said, and naturally, he pulled a stool up next to me, and being the know-it-all that he is, he took the remaining cans away from me.
“What has you drinking so hard?” Jax asked in a lowered voice; he spoke softly to me, “Are you ok?”
What’s this? Jax actually pretending he cared about me? Hah.
.Turning slowly to look him up and down, I asked, “Why would you care?”
“Ok, what happened?” Cole snapped before Jax could reply. “You never do this.”
“Do what?” I bit back. Couldn’t they all just leave me alone? Why did they care anyway? It’s not like I was nice to them.
“This!” Cole gestured at the cans. “Drinking and looking depressed.”
“You’re right,” I spoke bitterly at Cole, and shook Tyler’s hand off my back. “I have no right to be depressed!” I got up abruptly from the stool, thankful my legs didn’t cave under me. “It’s not like my own dad just told me he wanted nothing more to do with me and is shipping me off to the other side of the world, and that I don’t even have one person that would care!” I couldn’t hold the tears back any longer, and they began to run slowly down my cheeks. I turned my head slowly to look at Jax. “And the one guy, that for some reason I really cared about, told me flat out he would never love me.”
My emotions were exploding everywhere, and I couldn’t keep them to myself anymore. I shook my head, consumed with this feeling of worthlessness. “I have nothing to be depressed about,” I said slowly. I managed to put one foot in front of the other, swiping a can from the bench as I left.
The boys looked shocked because, for the first time, my emotions were on display. They were raw and ugly. What man wouldn’t be stunned after witnessing that? I drunkenly made my way to the foyer. I had a choice to go upstairs and sleep it off, or get behind the wheel.
Choosing neither, I pulled a jumper from the coat rack and stumbled out into the fresh night air. I just wanted to walk it off, and each drunk step I took was one further from my problems.
Well, that was how my drunk mind was reasoning with me.
“AMBER!” The front door slammed, and Jax ran up the driveway after me. The gravel crunched under his heavy boots and he yelled after me, “Amber, wait!”
I had barely made it halfway up the driveway, so Jax caught up with me quickly. Grasping my upper arm softly, he stopped me.
Pure panic covered his face. “I’m sorry,” he gulped, looking at me regretfully. “I don’t like people knowing who I care about because it puts them in danger. You being with me Amber, could lead… if you were to get hurt because of me…” he shook his head, brimming with tears. “I can’t lose you,” he added.
I closed my eyes briefly, letting the pent up tears flow down, and then I looked him back in the eye. “But you don’t have me to lose. You either risk it or let it go, and you chose to let me go.”
“I would rather have you alive than dead,” Jax said gently, and cupped my cheek with his other hand, lowering his head to look me in the eye “I’m not going to change Amber. I’m always going to be an outlaw, and I’m only going to get deeper into it.”
I stomped my foot shaking my head, coughing back the tears. “I can deal with that; I will always stand by you,” I said, as I gripped his shirt. “Please just don’t give up on us.” I was begging him to not turn away from me.
“I can’t expect you to live this life,” Jax said as he shook his head and brought me in closer to his chest, trying to comfort me. “I can’t let you waste your life waiting for me.” He let go of my upper arm and wrapped his arm around my back.
“Jax, we are perfect for each other!” I knew the alcohol was helping me speak my mind as I wasn’t holding anything back. My walls had crumbled; I wasn’t playing a game. I simply was telling him the truth; how I really felt. “Please don’t give up on us before we even had a chance.”
Jax looked at me deeply. I could see him fighting his own reason. I just wanted him to forget about what was right and just risk it with me. If I was willing to, why couldn’t he?
“Amber…” he sighed, running his thumb down my jaw. “I..”
The roaring of an engine and squealing of tires grabbed our attention. Just like that, everything faded and suddenly time slowed. In slow motion, I registered the gun shots and the black sedan at our gates, firing bullets at us non-stop.
My body hit the gravel as Jax pushed me to the ground, covering my body. I felt Jax reach to his back, pulling his gun out and firing in the direction of the car. The noise stained the air. The car spun ar
ound and took off in the direction it came from. Turning my head to the side, I saw my brothers on the porch, guns raised, and swearing.
“Go after them!” Jax roared up at them, but he didn’t need to. Cole and Tyler were already straddling their bikes, and they shot up the driveway.
“Amber?” Jax put his gun on the gravel, and got off me. “Come on, you have to get up, you need to get in the house.” Jax’s eyes drifted to the road following the sound of the motorbikes. I knew he wanted to be chasing them too.
“Jax, I can’t get up,” I looked at him calmly, and frowning, he looked back at me. For the first time in ages, he scanned my body, and when his eyes widened, I knew.
He ripped off his leathered vest, quickly pulled the hoodie off he had under it, and pressed it to my upper thigh.
I cringed in pain, feeling the pressure.
“It will be ok,” Jax attempted to calm me, but his attention was on the bullet wound. The distant sound of an engine flowed up the highway, and Jax scooped me up quickly and jogged to the house.
Wrapping my arms around his neck, I clung to him. Pain was shooting up my leg as he carried me. The front door was already open, and Jax slammed it shut with his foot, behind him.
“We should leave,” I gritted my teeth. “Head into town, you need to…”
“I’m not moving you; not while you’re bleeding.” Jax said and moved to the staircase quickly, his jaw tightening every time I cringed in pain.
“Where’s your case?” Jax asked, swinging my bedroom door open.
“Under my bed. Please tell me you have removed a bullet before?”
He placed me on the bed, but didn’t answer me. Blood was already staining my white blanket. “I suppose it’s a good thing I am wasted,” I mumbled, pulling myself up the bed so I could sit up. Jax pulled the large case out from under my bed and flipped it open.
“You’re bleeding more because of it,” Jax said, and grabbed a pair of tweezers and a small bottle of sterilized water.
“You know what’s funny?” I watched Jax rip my jeans up the middle, relieving the wound. I laid my head back and prepared myself for the coming pain.