V looks down at my cleavage. “Oh, that is a little big hey. Easy fixed. Madame D is a whiz. She’ll have it fitted in no time.”
That’s it? That’s what she decides to comment on, after my whole ‘what the fuck’ speech?
I am about to let a string of profanities fly, but she silences me. “Listen to me Ava. I knew you wouldn’t come if I told you Jasper was going to be your partner. And we didn’t tell Jasper because we knew he would be the same. So Lucas and I decided not to tell either of you because this is not about you two, it’s about us. Me and Lucas. And being our best friends you need to suck it, get over your differences and play nice. All I am asking for is one day. You know I would do it for you.”
Her words kick in the gut because she is right. If I was to tell her right now that I am engaged to Harper, a man she despises, she would get over her differences and do it for me. As her friend, I have no choice but to do the same.
But that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Throwing my hands up in defeat, I sigh, “Fine. It’s only for one day.”
She looks at me mischievously, and before I can question what she’s up to, I hear Dominique whistle. “Tres bon.”
I turn around apprehensively, as I know who she is singing her praises to.
An annoyed Jasper strolls out wearing his tuxedo, and my mouth drops open in shock at his godliness. He stands in front of an impressed Dominique, and I notice her eyes widen in approval. But what rational female isn’t impressed by Jasper’s good looks? He could be wearing a full ninja get up, and still look like an Adonis.
The tuxedo is simple black, with black silk pinstripes that catch in the light as he yanks at the stiff bowtie, which sits loosely around his neck. The white crisp shirt finishes off his simple, yet classic look, and with that hair which is sticking up rebelliously, the whole ensemble screams, ‘sexy, dangerously hot!’
V jumps up and down excitedly, clapping her hands.
“You look perfect Jasper. Don’t you think Lucas?”
Lucas smiles at V. He really loves her. Her excitement, her enthusiasm, and all the things that make her Veronica, he simply adores. A hint of sadness overwhelms me as I wonder if Harper looks at me with such devotion. I know a certain someone standing a few feet away from me used to, but this isn’t about him, I remind myself.
“Bien. Stand together so I can see how you match,” Dominique demands impatiently to Jasper and I.
I laugh to myself, how we match? I know how we match. We’re a perfect fucking match.
V nudges me with her elbow towards Jasper, and I look over my shoulder, annoyed that she is so pushy. But her words play back in my head and I oblige, being the good Maid of Honor that I am.
He visibly stiffens up as I step within three feet of him, and my heart sinks, as this isn’t a good start. Maybe we could perform our roles on the day from different rooms, as that may work better than this train wreck.
Getting over my angst, I stand next to him, leaving a small gap between us, and as soon as I am standing this close, his smell engulfs my senses. That smell, it smells like home. But smelling my ex is so not appropriate when I am newly engaged, so I tell myself to focus.
Dominique starts fussing, pulling pins out of her pin cushion bracelet, while Jasper is staring straight ahead, totally ignoring me. Unable to stand this animosity between us a second longer, I snap.
“Hi,” I smile lamely, trying to break the ice, but he ignores me like I haven’t spoken.
O-Kay, so that wasn’t at all awkward.
Suddenly I become very angry, as I am trying here, trying to be civil for our friends.
Uh-oh, here comes agro Ava.
“Are you serious? You can’t even say hello to me?”
Jasper turns his intense blue gaze my way, and I wish I hadn’t spoken because if looks could kill, I would be dead and buried.
“Hi,” he replies sarcastically.
“You are such a child,” I say, giving him an evil look.
“Me?” he laughs wildly. “I think you should take a long hard look in the mirror babe,” he says, looking away.
My mood matches the color of my dress and I explode because this is a long time coming.
“You’re the one that walked out on me! If anyone is to blame, it’s you for being a spineless asshole!”
Dominique is fixing my hemline, pins in her mouth, while watching our heated exchange, but not saying a word. I vaguely hear Lucas tell V to let us fight it out.
If it’s a fight Jasper wants, it’s game on.
“Spineless? Ha, that’s funny coming from you,” he spits.
He turns to face me again, and I am on fire when his eyes drop to my revealing bust, widening at what he sees.
Why hasn’t Dominique fixed that yet! I can’t fight with him when I am practically naked.
“You gave me no choice Ava,” he adds, thankfully his eyes flick back up to meet mine.
Frowning, I remember the events that led us to here.
I didn’t trust Jasper enough when he came to visit me in Singapore, when his band, “Passengers of Ego” were touring, and Indie, his ex and the queen bitch of all bitches was on tour with him. I didn’t trust him enough when he told me over and over there was nothing going on between them. And I didn’t trust him enough to tell him that I too, had dealings with my ex. I was a hypocrite for being angry at Jasper, because I was keeping my friendship with Harper a secret from him.
But I’m not the one who ended things the way that they did- that was all Jasper.
Dominique thankfully starts on my neckline, as I was beginning to feel vulnerable and exposed.
“Fine,” I reply stubbornly, turning away from him.
“Fine,” he retorts, crossing his arms over his broad chest.
His crass comment pisses me off, and I can’t let it slide.
“No, not fine,” I retort turning to face him, and bringing Dominique with me, as she is still pinning my dress together.
I am not done as I shout, “We’re both to blame. Don’t you dare put this all on me!”
“How am I to blame?” he asks, pulling his hair into disarray.
V and Lucas walk outside, leaving us to our screaming match, and I can imagine what I must look like at the moment- not a pretty sight.
“Because you failed to mention that Indie was on tour with you and that you two kissed!”
Jasper takes a steady breath, and I know he is as frustrated with me now, as he was the last time we had this argument.
“Believe what you want Ava. I never lied to you. Nor did I ever cheat on you. You on the other hand…” And he doesn’t finish his sentence, because although I never cheated on Jasper, I did lie to him. I never told him that I had forgiven Harper, and we saw one another occasionally. And I never told him that Harper had no idea he even existed.
He accused me of cheating on him with Harper, and yes, I was guilty of cheating emotionally on him, for not being honest with him about my friendship with Harper. But he was also being dishonest by not telling me about Indie. I may have lied, but I never cheated, because Jasper owned me heart, body and soul.
I don’t want to continue on with this conversation because I feel a steady bout of nausea approaching.
Living in Singapore, I could almost pretend it didn’t hurt as much as it did, but there never was a day I didn’t think about Jasper. And now seeing him, I have nowhere to run to.
Dominique claps her hands. “Tres Bon. We are finished.”
I look over at Jasper and nod, decoding her words to relate to mine and Jasper’s relationship.
“Yeah, we most definitely are.”
I storm off to collect my clothes, and also my heart.
Chapter 5
Singapore
I am on edge.
I cannot sit still.
I am seeing Jasper in approximately ten hours, fifty four minutes and twelve seconds, not that I’m counting or anything. I haven’t seen him for weeks, and those weeks have
been the longest, most depressing weeks of my life. I can say that with conviction, as I thought my life was unbearable when I broke up with Harper, ha! That was a walk in the park compared to these feelings of longing for Jasper.
I am so proud of him. His band ‘Passengers of Ego’ have been signed to a major record label, but I never expected anything less. With Jasper on lead vocals, they were bound for stardom, as he has talent AND looks, so it’s a win-win for any record label. Jasper really doesn’t think it is a big deal, but that’s Jasper; he’s so humble and grateful with life. And that’s why I love him so much.
P.O.E are supporting ‘Flames’ in Singapore tonight, and I am on the edge of my seat. And I mean I am literally on the edge of my seat, listening to the ramblings of my ex over coffee, in a café on campus. When did my life become so backward?
“Why won’t you reconsider?”
I look at Harper Holden, my ex and my first love. Yes he is attractive, in his smart business suit and freshly shaven face, but he’s not Jasper. He doesn’t take my breath away, just by walking into a room. He doesn’t set me on fire with a single touch. And he doesn’t own me, mind, body and soul like Jasper does.
Leaving Jasper to pursue my culinary career in Singapore was the hardest decision of my life, and the thought of leaving Jasper was unbearable. But the thought of not pursuing my dream in life, was worse. I didn’t want to be that sad lost girl I was when I was with Harper. I wanted to be a better person, be happy with the reflection staring back at me every day. And I wanted that, because I yearned to be a better woman for Jasper. He deserved that because he gave me his everything, and I wanted to return the sentiment. If I didn’t make the choice to leave and pursue my dreams of becoming the best I could be, then I would have regretted it for the rest of my life. And I didn’t want to associate that regret with Jasper. He understood and he let me go, promising he would wait for me, regardless of the time it took for me to come home to him.
How did I get so lucky?
So, the question my ex wants me to reconsider is, will I marry him. And I tell him what I told him the last time he asked, No. Not now. Not ever. No. And he gives me the same response as last time. Why won’t I reconsider? This is the second time he’s asked, and I am seriously rethinking my decision of forgiving Harper.
I am proud of myself for actually being able to say no to him. If Harper Holden asked me to marry him the last time I was in Singapore, the answer would have definitely been a lot different. I would now be a married woman, and I would have never met Jasper. I shudder at the thought, because a life without Jasper in it is a freakin’ sad one.
"Ava, have you heard a word I've said?" snaps Harper, annoyed at my lack of interest.
Looking into those blue eyes, I realize how different I am, how I have achieved my goals by coming here. I have become a braver, stronger person, and I did that for myself, but I also did it for Jasper.
"Well, if you won’t marry me, the least you can do is have dinner with me tonight." Harper is a persistent man, hence him being promoted into a role where persistence is a must.
Thinking about tonight, it most certainly will not be spent with Harper, because in ten hours, fifty two minutes and thirty four seconds, I'll be with Jasper.
However I start to feel guilty, as I have not told either that I am in contact with the other. Harper has no idea Jasper exists, and Jasper, he is more than aware of Harper’s existence, he just doesn't know he exists in the same room as me.
I know he would explode if I told him I was in contact with Harper, and that I had forgiven him for being such an ass. Jasper would never understand why I forgave him, because sometimes, I question my decision. But I would rather let bygones be bygones and move on, as it is easier seeing Harper, than it is ignoring him, as like I said, he is a persistent man.
When Jasper questions if I've seen Harper, and my answer is no, it's because technically I haven't seen him that day. I know, I know, totally not cool, but it’s not an issue in my eyes because I see Harper maybe once a week, if that, and when I do see him, it’s for an hour, tops. And any time spent with him, all I do is think about Jasper.
The times when Harper and I catch up, it is typically me listening to him talk about work, or me studying while he is on his cell, so it’s really only a one way conversation, which suits me, just fine. I would rather just see him, than have to deal with him blowing up my phone, or turning up at my school unannounced. We always meet at a café as I don’t want him in my home, as I think that’s crossing a line, a personal line. And that’s the reason why I haven’t told Harper about Jasper. I don’t want him to know, I don’t want him crossing that personal line, and tainting something he will never understand.
Harper has claimed its part of his therapy to make amends with me so he can move on, and if moving on means, moving on and out of my life, then I can sacrifice an hour of my time every so often.
See, I have matured from the whiney little crybaby I once was.
School is turning out to be so much more than I expected. I am lucky to be learning amongst Asia's best chefs working at Bob-Muk-Ja, the renowned restaurant where I work. The restaurant is situated on Orchard Road, the place to be when in Singapore.
Orchard Road has lush historic Angsana trees enhancing the beauty of the street, and in the midst of all that beauty is Bob-Muk-Ja, the restaurant where I work. I was selected by my teachers to undertake my placement here, and if I am fortunate enough, they might consider hiring me after my placement ends.
Harper clears his throat as I have totally spaced again, and as I look into his hard blue eyes, I see he is looking at me expectantly, waiting for my answer to his dinner request.
“No, I'm working tonight.” Which is partially true.
"Then I'll come to your work, and we can go out after you're finished.” Why is he being so stubborn?
“No," I reply a little too animatedly.
Nervously fiddling with my coffee cup, I quickly try to come up with a plausible excuse.
"No, you can’t. Chef Chang doesn’t like me having friends come visit while I’m working.” That was really not the plausible excuse I was aiming for, but it’ll have to do.
“Really? That's news to me. Last time I was there, he shouted me his famous dish," Harper says, looking unbelieving of my excuse.
I have never been a very good liar, but why do I owe him an explanation? That’s right, I don’t.
Annoyed I stand up, making a point of looking at my watch. “I’m late for class, sorry I gotta run.” I try to make a quick exit and fail.
Drat!
“Ava, why are you avoiding my question?”
“Which one?” I snap quickly.
Harper asking me to marry him again has freaked me out, and I am genuinely uncertain to which he is referring to.
“Both,” he barks.
I blow my bangs off my face in frustration, as I am so sick of having this conversation with Harper. You think he’d get the point already, I said no, and just because he has apologized in every way possible, and in every language possible, for smashing my heart to smithereens, does not change my answer.
Nor will it ever.
“I’ll talk to you later Harper.” I turn to leave, but he grabs my wrist.
Staring down at his hand, with both eyebrows raised, he gets the hint and quickly removes his fingers.
“I’m just trying to make things right between us Ava,” he promptly says when he witnesses my displeasure of having his hands on me.
“Just a heads up, when a girl says no and you don’t respect her decision, that is not making things right with her.” I sarcastically grin, and he finally seems to understand that this conversation is over.
“Fine, I’ll see you later then.” He stares in the opposite direction; arms crossed, sulking like a child.
I quickly depart before he starts with another interrogation, as I have better things to do, like getting ready to see the one and only Jasper White.
Chapter
6
Close Enough is Never Enough
Singapore
I am pacing the room, biting my nails anxiously.
When I told Harper I was working tonight, I wasn’t lying. I just wasn’t working my full shift. I couldn’t get out of work to see Jasper perform, because unless you were on your deathbed, a student doesn’t call in sick or take time off.
But I made a deal with my boss. If he let me work half my shift, I would make up the other half, by doing all the shitty jobs everyone else hated doing when Jasper left, two days from now. It was a deal well made, because it meant I could spend two whole days with Jasper while he was here in Singapore. I would happily scrub the boy’s toilets, if it meant I could have Jasper to myself.
Hopefully it won’t come to that.
After my shift, I speed back to my apartment nervous as hell, as I haven’t seen him for so long, and I am so anticipating our reunion.
After trying on ten different outfits, I finally decide on my short denim skirt and tight white ‘Little Sisters’ t-shirt. I figure wearing the t-shirt of the bar we first met at as appropriate, and I am sure Jasper will see the significance in it. My hair is straightened, but due to this clammy summer, I am sure it’s not as straight as I would like it to be. I have a shorter fringe which I recently cut, which shapes my face nicely. The soft grey shimmer I’ve applied to my upper lids gives my brown eyes a smoky appearance, and a sheer lip gloss plumps up my already full lips. Applying a light bronzer to my cheeks, I nervously peer into the full length mirror and cringe, scolding myself for my outfit choice.
Quickly yanking off my t-shirt, I hunt through my discarded clothing which I’ve thrown to the floor in mania, and am only in my black lacy bra, attempting to find something more appropriate.
When You Were Young by The Killers is blaring over my speakers as music calms me, and at the moment, I need an oasis of tranquility. I have this song on repeat as it reminds me of Jasper and me. Of course whenever I think about Jasper, the first thing I think about are his eyes, and I combust at the memory, as I haven’t looked into those eyes for so long. A longing hits me in the stomach, and suddenly, I get really, really excited.
Surrender to Me (I Surrender Trilogy Book 2) Page 4