by Linda Wells
“She is fine, sir. Do you see how quiet she is now? I will be in the next room should she need anything.”
He stared and asked anxiously. “You will leave her alone?”
“She only needs sleep. Now sir, you really should go.” He did not move. Jane sighed. “I will step into the dressing room so that you may wish her good night.”
He heard the door close and bent to gently kiss her lips. “I love you.” He rested his head on her shoulder and felt her chest rise and fall. Far too soon Jane returned and he felt her hand again touch his shoulder. He rose slowly and disregarding Jane; kissed Elizabeth’s lips and whispered in her ear. He met Jane’s blushing face and reluctantly left the room.
Returning to his chambers he mechanically changed into his nightshirt and robe, and then took a seat in a chair near the door. He listened as the household settled, and finally heard the door across the hall open and close, followed by another door nearby doing the same. Jane had retired. He waited another quarter hour then stood and slowly opened his door to look out. Biting his lip he stepped into the empty hallway and walked quickly to Elizabeth’s door. He turned the handle and slipped inside. The light of the fire showed her alone and sleeping restlessly. He turned the key in the door, then went to the dressing room and did the same. Drawing a shaking breath, he removed his robe, lifted the counterpane, and slipped beneath. His heart pounding, he lay on his side and drew Elizabeth against his chest, tenderly kissing her cheek. “Sleep my love, your William is here.” He nestled his face into her shoulder. Elizabeth’s restless movements ceased and he felt her press her body so it rested perfectly spooned to his. Darcy heard a long sigh. “William.” His eyes grew moist as he cuddled her to him, and soon fell gratefully to sleep.
Jane woke just past midnight to go check on Elizabeth and was confused to find that the door was locked. She turned away then stopped and looked across the hall to the room she knew belonged to Darcy, then back to her sister’s door. She gasped and quickly returned to her bed, and hoped it was Elizabeth who had turned the key.
Hearing the clock chime four times, Elizabeth woke. She felt so safe and comfortable. A pleasant, heavy weight was resting against her back and she felt surrounded by warmth. The soft sound of deep, steady breathing brought her fully awake, and she realized that the heavy warmth was a body, and the hand resting on her breast and the arm lying across her waist belonged to a very large, very sleepy man. “William.” She whispered. She tried to turn but her movements made him pull her closer.
“Lizzzzzy,” he murmured and kissed her hair. He sighed and squeezed her. “I love you.” He whispered and nestling his face deeper into her neck he fell back to sleep.
Elizabeth smiled; she was Lizzy to him now. She lifted his hand and kissed it. His fingers entwined with hers. “I love you, Will.” He must have heard as she felt him cuddle closer to her. He should not be there, and he must leave soon … but she did not want him to go. It felt so wonderful. This is what it would be to sleep with the man she loved. Elizabeth laughed softly. She would never be cold on a winter’s night again. She relaxed and let her thoughts wander, amazing herself by not once feeling that she was breaking with propriety. It simply felt perfectly right that William should be in her bed. When the clock struck five times he moved, rolling onto his back. She took the opportunity to shift position and had just turned onto her other side when she felt his strong arm scoop her up and cuddle her to his chest. It seemed he would not relinquish her for a moment. Elizabeth nestled against him and listened to his heart. She heard a deep sigh and looking up she saw a pair of blue eyes gazing lovingly at her. “Good morning.” He whispered. “How do you feel?”
She smiled and rubbed the beard that had sprouted sometime during the night. Darcy took her hand and kissed it. “I am much better, the fever broke. I must admit though, I have never felt so comfortable. I must thank my bed warmer.”
He smiled. “It is very much my pleasure.” He ran his fingers through her hair. “I have imagined seeing you like this again ever since I first saw your hair down.”
Blushing, she touched the tangled curls. “I can imagine what a terrible sight it is now.” Her brow creased. “When … oh, the donkey!”
He smiled and nodded. “That was the moment that I fell in love with you.”
She sat up. “But you had never spoken to me, how could you possibly feel love?”
Darcy shrugged and drew her back down to him. “I know that I had never seen a woman who had so bewitched me, and when we left I watched you, thinking I would never see you again. My heart knew what my mind did not.” He smiled slightly, “And yet, here you are in my arms.” He kissed her cool forehead. “The last day has been … you will think me odd, but it has been so wonderful.”
She laughed, “Oh yes, lying in bed with a fever was a joy!”
He laughed softly, “No, that was not, but our talk in the library made me think of how we will work out problems when we are married, and our time in the barn made me think of the happiness that your friendship and companionship will bring, and I admit, I even enjoyed worrying about you being ill, and finally sleeping with you this night … I can not describe the peace. I hope so much that you are too ill to return to Longbourn, because I can not fathom sleeping without you ever again.”
“Oh my dear, sweet, love.” She laid her cheek on his and suddenly he lifted her up so she was lying on top of him. He wrapped his arms around her waist. “William!” She whispered furiously.
He laughed. “What happened to Will?” She held his bristly face in her hands and smiled down at him.
“That is for very special occasions.”
He lifted his brow,
“Such as?” She answered by kissing him with soft, caressing strokes to his lips. He opened his mouth and they kissed deeply, Elizabeth’s fingers entwined in his hair. Darcy’s hands ran up and down her back, then to her bottom. As their kiss continued to grow in passion, he drove his hips up and Elizabeth’s legs naturally parted, and felt his arousal pressing against her. Only the thin muslin separated them and Darcy’s hands were bunching up the fabric, pulling it higher and up over her hips. She felt his warm hands on her bare thighs and then one hand slipped beneath to stroke between. He touched the soft curls and moaned, feeling the wetness, and caressed her. Elizabeth’s breathing hitched with his touch, and then increased.
“Oh Will …” She moaned. He continued his steady caress with one hand, and tangled the other in her hair, holding her mouth captive against his.
Darcy felt her begin to writhe against him, and it took every bit of his willpower not to lift his nightshirt and plunge into her. Instead he opened his eyes and watched with pride as the flush spread over her face when she found her pleasure. He moved his hands back to her waist and held her to him, collapsed against his body. He kissed her forehead. “Are you well, Lizzy?” She nodded, breathing erratically. He smiled, “I think I helped to relieve your ache.”
“That felt so … indescribable.” She lay still, listening to his heart pounding, feeling his hardened flesh still pressing into her, and suddenly understood the feelings he had always evoked in her. “This is what it is to love each other.”
He kissed her. “Almost.” She looked into his eyes. “When we become one body …” He whispered.
“Yes.” Elizabeth realized that he was still aching and sensed that he would want to feel her touch. She slid off of his chest.
“No, where are you going?” He tried to pull her back, but a moment later he drew a sharp breath as he felt her small hand slide up his thigh. “Lizzy, you do not have to touch …” His eyes closed and his head lay back on the pillow. She nestled her head on his chest and closed her eyes while he wrapped one arm around her waist. Her hand touched the unfamiliar curls and tentatively encircled his arousal, then she instinctively fondled and stroked him, remembering how he wanted her to touch there when they rode. He laid his steady hand over her trembling fingers and demonstrated how to move.
“Oh, Lizzy.” He breathed. “Oh yes … please …” He had dreamed of her touch for so long it did not take much effort for him to find rapture. She gasped to see his body twist and shake so violently, and to feel the warm flood of his essence over her hand. His cry he muffled in her hair when he clutched her tightly. Panting, he slowly recovered, and opening his eyes, saw her watching him. “I love you.” He said, and was rewarded with a soft kiss.
“I love you.” Elizabeth looked away and bit her lip. “Did … did … this … feel good?”
She heard his soft chuckle and looked up to him. “Oh Lord, Lizzy, YES! More, please, yes!” He smiled and caressed her cheek, and she smiled with relief at his obvious elation. “Did it not feel good for you?”
She blushed and nodded. “Oh yes, William … I can not describe …” She looked up to see his delighted smile and relaxed. Elizabeth’s gaze travelled to the thick milky fluid, and he wiped it from her hand with his nightshirt. “This is what creates a child.”
He studied her and joining their hands asked softly, “How do you know these things?”
Elizabeth blushed again. “I do live on a farm, and … those books of my father’s … I spoke to my Aunt Gardiner about them. She has been willing to answer some of my questions. I have never spoken to anyone else about this.” She looked at him worriedly. “Are you upset that I am not completely naive? I know that girls are not to know anything of …”
Darcy interrupted. “No, my love, not at all. I am surprised, but grateful that you had someone who was willing to answer such questions. I know that most girls come to marriage knowing nothing, and come to it with great fear.” They held each other in silence for several minutes, slowly recovering from their first intimate experience, and knowing how far their relationship had suddenly advanced.
He rolled onto his side and held her to him. “I know that we have broken with propriety almost from the first moment we met, and I do not want you to feel that I am asking you to … I never thought that I would kiss or touch the woman I would marry the way we have before our wedding night … let alone come to sleep with her, and experience what he just have …” She watched as he struggled to express himself. “I never want to let you go again, Lizzy. I need you.” He kissed her gently. “I have sent for the settlement, and will bring it to your father to sign as soon as it arrives.”
“That is not necessary, William, I trust you.” She whispered.
“My love, besides the horror of Georgiana being married to Wickham, the terrible tragedy of her eloping would have been for her to marry without the protection of a settlement. I would never subject my own wife to such a thing, and your father would never allow you to marry without it. I have made sure that Pemberley will always be your home, no dower’s house for you when I die, and provided for an income for you and our children when I leave you.” His last words struck her painfully, knowing just how deeply she had come to love and need him.
“Stop, please stop!” She cried and buried her face in his chest. Darcy held her and kissed her head. “What is it? Lizzy?”
Her voice breaking she whispered. “Please do not speak of dying.”
His heart swelled with her affection and he held her to him. “I just wanted you to know that you will always be safe.” He felt her shoulders shake and the tears on his neck. “Shh, I will not speak of it again, dearest.” He closed his eyes and cuddled her, feeling her gradually quiet and relax again. He drew a deep breath. Darcy never thought that anyone would ever care if he lived or died, not anyone outside of Georgiana or the Fitzwilliams. Elizabeth’s love filled him up in ways he never thought he would experience.
The sound of the dressing room door handle rattling startled them both. They looked at each other; it was likely a maid coming to stoke the dying fire. “You should leave soon.” She said softly, and he whispered with regret, “I know.”
He rolled over and wrapped her in his arms, then began to slowly caress her lips, gently tracing his tongue over them until she parted her mouth and they kissed over and over, expressing their love. She already knew that she would have to be the one to withdraw, she knew him well enough now to realize that he needed her touch so much that he simply could not let her go. She turned her head and rested her face in his neck, and he closed his eyes, kissing her hair, and worked to regain control. He desperately wanted to love her again. His breathing gradually calmed and Elizabeth let go and moved away.
Caressing her face he murmured with regret, “I must go.” She nodded and sat up. Darcy stood to don his robe, and turned to find her standing by his side. He took her hands in his. “Do you think you will be too ill to return to Longbourn?”
She laughed. “I think I have proven already that I am quite well now, and Miss Bingley will doubtless point that out immediately.”
He shook his head. “No doubt, but I have a feeling that she will no longer bother us.” He lifted her chin and kissed her lovingly. “I will see you downstairs at breakfast, since you are so well.” She nodded, and stepped to the door to unlock it, then peeked out.
“It is safe, go.” He gave her hand a squeeze and slipped out and into his room, turning to look back at her as she closed the door. Elizabeth unlocked the dressing room door and climbed back in her bed, laying her head on his pillow and drinking in the faint scent that lingered. She thought over the words that he struggled to express. She knew that he was a man who felt deeply the bounds of propriety. He saw daily the effect that his sister’s behaviour had wreaked upon her life and his, and yet they had just shared an act that was even more scandalous, with the only difference being that they were engaged. She knew that what they had done was not simply an expression of ardour and love; it was an act to be experienced between a husband and wife. How close they had come to abandoning everything! And, she realized, how gladly she would welcome his touch again. A thrill ran through her just thinking of touching his … and wanting to give him that pleasure again.
The burst of energy she felt upon waking and loving William was rapidly disappearing, and the lingering effect of her illness slipped over her. She closed her eyes and as she drifted back to sleep, her last thoughts were of wishing that he would return to her. She no longer wished to sleep alone.
JANE APPEARED at seven, knocking tentatively and sighing with relief when she heard her sister’s call. “How do you feel, Lizzy?” She felt her forehead and stroked back her hair.
“Much better, I felt almost myself until I began walking around, but I confess, I did seem a little dizzy after a few steps.”
“You did suffer for many hours with the fever. I suspect it will be another day or two before you are restored.” She turned away and picked up a brush from the dressing table and returned to begin brushing out the tangled hair.
Elizabeth saw her worried expression and stilled her hand. “What is it Jane?”
She sighed. “Lizzy, I came to check on you during the night, and found that the door was locked. Did you rise and lock the door?” She searched her face.
Elizabeth blushed. “I did not wish for anyone to enter. It is a strange house, and I did not know you were here.”
Jane nodded and closed her eyes. “I was afraid that someone did enter, and spent the night with you.” She opened them to see the guilt in her sister’s face. “Oh Lizzy, did Mr. Darcy sleep here last night?”
Elizabeth nodded and looked down. “I woke in his arms.”
“Lizzy!”
She took Jane’s hands in her own. “I am not ashamed, Jane. We did nothing but sleep and hold each other and talk … and express our feelings, nothing more!”
“Mr. Darcy should know better! His sister’s reputation was ruined for a carriage ride!”
Elizabeth sighed, hearing her sister voice the same thoughts that she had already considered and accepted. “I know, I know, but we are engaged, and he has the settlement and it will not be long …”
Jane squeezed her hands and looked at her seriously. “Exactly, it will not be long. You must curb
this … feeling until you are married!”
Elizabeth’s eyes flashed. “What do you know of this feeling, Jane? Have you ever been in love?”
Jane flushed. Elizabeth stared at her and the realization hit her hard. “You are in love with Mr. Bingley! I have been so caught up with William and Georgiana that I did not see it. Not that you display your emotions very readily, but still, I should have known … I thought that you liked him, but I saw no tender regard on your part, and he is so kind to everyone, even me, and …” She nodded, working out the clues she had not paid any mind. “He has been visiting Longbourn just as frequently as William, and even John Lucas mentioned to me that you seemed to be attached. It is odd that he would notice what I did not. You do love him.”
Jane began brushing her hair. “I do not know what you are talking about.” She glanced at Elizabeth’s face and stopped. “I do not know what I feel. It is so confusing.”
“Do you wish to spend every waking moment with him?” Elizabeth asked, tilting her head and smiling.
She blushed. “I do not know if I want to spend every moment … but a great many of them, yes.” She caught her sister’s raised brow and bit her lip, looking down.
A bubbling laugh filled the room and Elizabeth grinned. “Perhaps I should remain ill for a few more days, so that you and Mr. Bingley can spend some time together, without Mama’s help.”
Jane’s eyes grew wide. “Lizzy! You can not pretend to be ill!”
“I was not lying, I felt fine until I started to walk about. I know that whatever this is will be lingering. If Mr. Bingley does not mind the extra houseguests, I would just as soon recover here than at home.” She leaned forward and looked up to her sister’s lowered face. “What do you think?”
“What of Mr. Darcy?”
Elizabeth looked at her seriously. “If he comes to hold me in the night, I will not shut him out. I do not believe that he would ever … demand more than I am ready to give.”
Jane warred with herself; she wanted to stay and be near Mr. Bingley but was frightened by Elizabeth’s seemingly heedless behaviour with Mr. Darcy. For once she put her own desires first. “Please be careful, and please do not tell me about it until we are home.” They embraced and Elizabeth thanked her.