by Amy Ruttan
The orderly helped him into the car and Andrew dozed during the short drive home. When Lana parked at her house Jack was waiting and he helped Andrew inside to the bedroom upstairs, where he was tucked into bed.
“Thanks, Jack,” Andrew said.
“No problem, Coach. Get some rest.”
“Thanks, Jack.” Lana kissed her brother on the cheek.
“Are you going to be okay, Lana, or do you want me to stay?” Jack asked.
“I think I can take care of Andrew. Go home. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Okay, ’night.”
Lana turned back to Andrew and pulled out a thermometer.
“What are you doing with that?” he asked suspiciously.
“I was just going to ask you to roll over and drop your drawers.” There was a twinkle of humor in her eyes as she stuck the thermometer in his ear. “I’m taking your temperature to watch for a post-operative fever, you dolt.”
“God, you’re a pain.” He winced as it chimed in his ear. “Well?”
“No fever. Which is good.” She set the thermometer down. “Anything you need?”
“No.” Lana got up to leave but he reached out with his good arm and held her back. “Don’t go.” It surprised him, but he didn’t want to be alone. He was tired of being alone.
She sat back down. “Are you okay?”
“I just want you to sit here for a while. Last time I had a surgery I was alone when I recovered. There was no one caring for me and... It was scary. So just sit with me until I drift off.”
“Okay,” she whispered softly.
“You can lie next to me.”
“Okay.” She rounded the bed and cuddled up next to him. “So why were you alone last time? Didn’t your family help you?”
“No,” he said. “I haven’t spoken to my parents since I was in the accident.”
“Why?”
And maybe it was the painkillers, or because he was tired of holding it all in and needed to talk to someone about it. “Because my father is a drunk and my mother was just a pawn for him. They blamed me for my sister’s death, you see.”
“They blamed you?” she asked, confused.
“She was in the car with me when we hit the moose. I know it wasn’t really my fault, but they blamed me. Or Dad did and Mom just went along with him. They disowned me and I haven’t been home in a very long time. I took the blame, because I am to blame. Maybe my reactions weren’t fast enough. Maybe I could have steered a different way. Maybe I should have been concentrating more.”
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry you had to go through that last surgery alone. I’m sorry you lost your sister, but I don’t think you’re to blame, Andrew. It was a tragic accident. You don’t have to be alone this time either. I’m here for you.”
“I appreciate it.”
“Speaking of parents, I had an unexpected visitor today.”
“Oh, yes?” he asked, intrigued. “Who?”
“My mother.”
Now he was surprised. “What did she want?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t really talk to her. It was a shock to see her.”
He was going to ask more questions, but he was getting tired again. The painkillers were taking effect. “Does Jack know?”
“No, but I will tell him. He has the right to know and make up his own mind. He was very young when she left; he doesn’t remember her.”
“That’s good,” he mumbled and then he slouched over and laid his head on Lana’s shoulder. The scent of her shampoo and the warmth from her body lulled him off to sleep. And, for the first time in a long time, he felt as if he was safe.
As if he was home.
* * *
“Would you stop fussing over me? I’m fine.”
Lana crossed her arms. Andrew had been off for the ten days since his successful arthroscopic procedure. While she’d been at work she’d made sure that Jack came and looked after him. About day three was when Andrew started resisting help and wanted to get back to doing everyday things.
And not once did he complain about his shoulder.
There was tenderness as it healed, but the pained expressions from the constant ache he’d felt wasn’t there. At least as far as she could tell, observing him.
“Today is your last day off; you get assessed and then tomorrow you can go back to work and start your rehabilitation. Until then, you should take it easy.”
Andrew shot her a look of derision. “My incisions have healed well. They weren’t even stitched up. The incisions were minor.”
She rolled her eyes. One thing she’d never believed was that old saying that stated that doctors made the worst patients, but in Andrew’s case it was true.
“Sit down and eat your breakfast.” She set down a plate of fruit and scrambled eggs in front of him.
He cocked an eyebrow and looked at it in disbelief. “You cooked this?”
“Yeah, sure. I know how to scramble an egg.”
“Since when? When you made me breakfast a couple of days ago the toast was black and I swear I ate eggshell.”
Lana rolled her eyes. “Fine, I ordered in.”
“Whew, then I can eat it,” he teased.
She picked up a tea towel and tossed it at his head. “I’m so done looking after you!”
“Sit down and eat,” he said. “You need to eat more than I do.”
Lana took a seat at the table and took a bite of fruit. She was glad the Diclectin was helping her keep her food down and her morning sickness was now subsiding as she approached week seven of her pregnancy.
“How is your arm feeling today?” she asked.
“It’s good,” he said in slight disbelief as he flexed his fist. “Stiff, but good. I’d take the stiffness and the healing pain over the electric shock of an impinged nerve any day.”
“I bet.” She pushed the scrambled eggs around on her plate. “Have you called your parents?”
His eyes widened. “Uh, didn’t I tell you about my parents? They disowned me.”
“I thought you would tell them about the babies.”
“And did you tell your mother about the babies?” he countered.
“Good point.” She took a sip of the orange juice, though what she really wanted was coffee. “I did, however, talk to Jack about it. He hadn’t been checking his messages. Apparently she called him before she went to the hospital to try and find us.”
“How did that go?”
“Surprisingly well. He wants to meet with her and I told him that he could contact her.”
“Do you know what she wants?”
“No, and I don’t need to know.” She glanced at the clock on the wall. “You need to finish up. We have an appointment to get you cleared for surgery.”
“Right.” He didn’t seem to be enthused about it.
“It’ll be great. You’ll get cleared, I’m sure.”
“You seem so sure.” He smiled at her. “I like your enthusiasm. It’s a refreshing change from the Dr. Iolana Haole, Ice Queen.”
She frowned. “Ha-ha. I’m still an ice queen.”
“Is that a fact?”
“My residents still fear me.” She picked up her plate and put it in the dishwasher. “Are you done? Come on, let’s go.”
“Fine.” He got up and scraped his plate into the garbage disposal and then put it into the dishwasher. He was standing so close to her and for one minute she reveled in the feeling of domestic bliss. Which scared her. She didn’t want that. She didn’t want to trap him if he was offered an ISC position, the way she’d been trapped when her mother left.
She moved away and grabbed her purse. “Come on, you don’t want to be late for my father. If you think that I’m an ice queen then you haven’t
had to deal with the tyrant too much.”
“That’s because he likes me.”
Lana rolled her eyes and opened the door. Andrew was still chuckling to himself as he climbed into her car and they took the short drive to the hospital.
When they entered the hospital, the staff who knew that Andrew had undergone the surgery welcomed him back. He seemed uncomfortable with the well wishes and she knew that he was nervous about what the assessment would say.
Without thinking, she took his hand but he didn’t try to pull it away. Instead he squeezed her hand.
“If the assessment goes well and they clear me for work I think I’ll spend the rest of the day in the skills lab,” he said.
“That sounds like a good plan,” she said.
“I’m not returning to surgery until I’m fully confident that my hand doesn’t shake.”
“I get that, but really there’s only so much a skills lab can prepare you for. You won’t really know your abilities until you get back into the OR and work on a patient.”
“I’m not risking a patient’s life,” he snapped.
“I didn’t say that, Andrew.”
He scrubbed his hand over his face. “Of course. I’m sorry, I’m just nervous about this.”
“I get it.” She opened the door to her father’s office. “It’ll be okay. You got this.”
A strange expression crossed his face when she said that. Words that he’d said to her time and time again. He let go of her hand then and headed into her father’s office.
Lana sighed and followed.
She wished she could do more to help him. She wished she could help heal the emotional rift between his parents and him.
You’re one to talk.
The thought caught her off guard and she shook it out of her head.
* * *
The door opened and Andrew looked up from where he’d been working on his skills for a few hours, ever since he was given the all-clear to go back into surgical rotation.
He’d been working and his arm was behaving. There was pain, but it was good pain. Now he understood the difference.
Still he was not satisfied.
I can’t go back into an operating room.
“You’ve been in here a while,” Lana said and in her hand she was holding a bag of takeout food, which smelled delicious. “Hungry?”
“Yes. Starving.”
She shut the door and brought the food over to a table that wasn’t cluttered. “How is it going?”
“It’s going.” He reached into the bag and pulled out a box of Chinese food.
“Don’t push yourself too hard. You’re still healing.”
“Yes, Doctor,” he teased. “I promise I’ve been good.”
“Good.”
He dug into the food. “Thank you for bringing me dinner.”
“Well, I wanted to go home, but I didn’t want to abandon you at the hospital so I brought you food as a bribe to get you to leave.”
“I can take a cab. It’s fine. You need your rest.”
She shrugged her shoulders. “I’ve gotten used to you being around and sleeping beside you.”
Fire flooded through his veins. In his worry over his arm and whether he’d be able to operate again he’d forgotten that they’d been sharing a bed. It had been nice, but it had to end. He didn’t want to lead her on. To hurt her.
But you have kids together. That can’t be erased.
And the memory of how they’d conceived their twins came flooding back to him. Every night she’d been by his side, yet he had blocked out the fact that for the last ten days Lana had been sleeping next to him.
Usually curled up right beside him.
That first night when he’d come home after surgery he hadn’t wanted her to leave him. He’d wanted her to stay until he fell asleep and she had, but he’d woken up beside her. Every night they went to bed together, her arm over his chest as he slept on his back.
It had been the best ten days of sleep he’d ever had, but he hadn’t put much thought into it until now, because it had always felt right. It was scary.
“Well, it’s been nice, but I think we should probably go back to the way things were.”
“You’re right,” she said quietly and he knew then that he’d hurt her. It hurt him too.
She finished her dinner. “Will you be at the obstetrician appointment tomorrow?”
“I’ll try to be. What time is it?”
“Seven. Dr. Green is staying late to accommodate the both of us.”
“I’ll try to be there, but I do have rounds. I may not go into the OR yet, but I do have my regular patients to look after.” Then he swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. “Thank you for taking care of my patients, by the way. I... You’ve done so much for me.”
“Well,” she said softly, not looking at him. “That’s what friends are for.”
Hearing her refer to them as friends stung. Why did he think that they were something more?
They didn’t say anything else to each other as they finished their dinner, cleaned up the skills lab and then drove home together. Once they got home Lana said a quick goodnight and headed back down to her bedroom downstairs and Andrew headed upstairs.
The house was silent, emptier somehow.
This is for the best.
He got out of his clothes and had a quick, cold shower, trying to chase away thoughts of her and cool down the fire which burned him. Of course, since this was a different kind of fire, the cold shower was doing absolutely nothing to help him.
He turned off the faucet and opened the windows. The wind was coming off the ocean and the palm trees were moving quickly. There was a storm blowing in. He could hear the distant rumblings and, as he stood there, he could see the flash of lightning.
Footfall behind him caused him to turn around. Lana was standing in the doorway in her nightgown, her hair loose and spilling over her shoulders. She was mesmerizing and all he wanted to do was take her in his arms again.
Just once more.
“Lana?”
“I couldn’t sleep. I know that it’s better this way, sleeping separately, but can I sleep beside you tonight?”
Andrew didn’t answer her. Instead he closed the gap between the two of them, cupping her face in his hands and kissing her the way he’d wanted to since their wedding night. If his shoulder wasn’t newly repaired he would’ve picked her up in his arms and carried her to bed, but the bed wasn’t far and she seemed to have the same idea as him because she led him over to it. He pressed her against the mattress, this time not worrying about the need for protection.
All he had to think about was how good she felt in his arms.
Mine.
He braced his weight on his good shoulder, his other arm moving between her legs, causing a groan to bubble up in her throat. One that drove him wild with need. His blood thundering through his body, like the thunder rolling outside.
Andrew couldn’t get enough of her. He burned for her. She was his drug and he needed her and it terrified him how much he wanted her. How much he craved her and how he’d missed her presence.
“Andrew,” she whispered in the darkness. “Please.”
He kissed her as he entered her tight heat.
Oh, God.
She moved with him and he knew that he was a lost man. Lana controlled his heart and mind—he needed her. He tried to formulate the words that he needed to say to her, the words that he wanted to say to her, but he couldn’t say the words.
Instead he kissed her as their bodies joined together, moving together as one, and when she finally came around him, her fingers digging into his back, all he did was hold her closer to him as he came and kept the words to himself.
I lo
ve you.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
WHEN LANA WOKE up it was because the sun was streaming hot on her face and the sheets were tangled around her legs. She rubbed her eyes as they adjusted to the sunlight and she reached out for Andrew, but his side of the bed was empty.
She sat up. “Andrew?”
There was no answer.
She got up and put on the nightgown that had been eventually discarded during their night of lovemaking. When she went out into the living room there was a note on the coffee table which was addressed to her.
Gone to the hospital. Making rounds. Didn’t want to wake you up.
Lana smiled as she folded the letter back up and got ready for the day. She had a shower and mulled over everything that had happened last night between them. When he’d first suggested they return to normal she’d agreed with him, though it stung.
Then she’d tossed and turned in her bed, missing his company.
She hated that she needed him to sleep. It was something she’d never needed before. She’d sworn when she moved out of her father’s house and started to build a life for herself that she wouldn’t rely on anyone else.
And then David had accused Andrew of using her, just like he’d used her.
As she was toweling herself off after her shower she could see perfect waves over the ocean. And as she stepped outside on the balcony the wind was blowing offshore and there were so many people out on boards, enjoying the pipelines.
Instead of putting on her clothes, she pulled on her board suit and braided her damp hair. She picked up her board and headed down to the beach. Her pulse was racing with anticipation. Lana rarely surfed, but when she did it always helped her see things clearly.
Her father hated that she loved it just as much as Jack did, but she did love it.
As she stood there Jack scrambled out of the water, shaking his head from the surf. He saw her standing there and jogged over.
“How is it?” she asked.
“Choice,” Jack said, panting.
“You ready for the championships in two weeks?”
He nodded. “Oh, yeah—you’ll be there, right?”
“I’ll be there.”
“Good. I don’t expect Dad will be there, huh?” Jack asked hopefully, but their dad never came to the surfing events, which were important to Jack.