by Lily Cahill
Drew fell onto his side and curved his body around Nina. His hand was heavy against her soft stomach. They sank together onto the bed, and Drew was certain he could wake up in this spot every day for the rest of his life and be perfectly happy.
He was tired and sated and wonderfully at ease for the first time in what felt like years. His hardened heart began to crack wide open, and he felt the warmth of love start to pour into the empty spaces, to fill him up. Nothing had ever felt so real … so right.
Drew woke with the dawn. They’d crawled under the covers sometime in the night, and Nina’s warm body was curled against him.
Quietly, Drew crawled out of bed, careful not to wake Nina. There was a towel thrown over a hook on her bedroom door, and he wrapped it around his hips. On soft feet, he slipped out the bedroom door and down the hallway. Everything about Nina’s apartment was bright and open. The floors under his feet were cool, polished concrete, and the walls white. The single hallway opened into the large, open living space, with giant windows letting morning sunlight pour into the space.
Drew was curious about the things that Nina had collected, all these little insights into who she was. There were velvety soft Persian rugs atop the concrete floors in the living room and under the slick white dining table. The furniture was all clean-lined and modern, but with a bright eclecticism that made Drew smile wide. She apparently had a fondness for vibrant pop art that he’d never have expected from her all-black wardrobe and spiky jewelry.
In the airy kitchen, Drew found mugs lined up on some open shelving and a sleek coffeemaker tucked into one corner. He set to brewing coffee and rifled through her fridge for something to eat. He found frozen waffles and a toaster and then peeled some clementines. His stomach growled in hunger as the tangy citrus mingled with the warm, yeasty smell of toasting bread wafting through the air.
Drew leaned back against the slick white countertops and waited for the coffee to brew. He had to get back to the penthouse before too long. He and his brothers had a phone interview in the afternoon with a DJ to publicize their sophomore album dropping next week. But he longed to spend a lazy morning with Nina.
He had to know if she was feeling what he was. For him, what he felt for Nina was so certain. Her happiness was his now, her future was his future. He wanted nothing more than to build a life with her, wake every morning with her at his side. But he had a lifetime of shifter lore behind him. He knew—knew—Nina was his fated mate. But how did she feel?
Drew had always been an introspective man. He’d never talked openly with his brothers about women like they did. But he felt out of his depth a bit. He wanted to hear Jax’s and Chase’s advice on how to tell Nina the truth about himself.
Just as the coffeemaker finished brewing, Nina padded around the corner. She had a silk dressing gown wrapped around her, and her eyes went wide when she saw Drew.
“Oh,” she said, her voice still raspy with sleep. “I thought you’d left.”
Drew poured coffee into the two mugs and held one out to Nina. She took it, though her wary expression made Drew’s stomach turn over with sudden nerves. They’d made love with abandon last night, without any embarrassment or second-guessing. But what if she hadn’t liked what they’d done? What if, in the light of day, she saw Drew as a mistake?
Drew suddenly felt very exposed, only with a thin towel wrapped around his naked body.
“Are you okay?”
Nina had been staring at something beyond Drew, something he knew he couldn’t see, even if he turned to look. She wrapped her hands tighter around the mug and frowned.
“Yeah, I’m ….”
The toaster dinged, and two waffles popped up. They lapsed into the sort of silence that made Drew nearly queasy with unease. His shoulders tensed, and the easy conversation they’d found last night withered on Drew’s tongue.
“Drew, listen,” Nina started.
In any other situation, Drew would close down. He’d pull down the mask of calm that normally stilled his features. But he couldn’t do this now. He couldn’t. Not with Nina Marten.
“Let’s go back to bed,” he said, almost pleading.
Nina set the mug down. She sighed, and her eyes roamed her apartment before landing back on Drew. “I’ve got to be honest with you,” she finally said.
Drew fought to keep himself from shutting down. He couldn’t quite form words, and after a terrible pause, Nina continued.
“Look. I know what you are.”
His breath disappeared. She couldn’t mean …? How would she know …?
Nina walked closer and laid a hand on Drew’s arm. She looked up at him with sadness weighing down her eyes. “It wasn’t anything you did. I know a shifter when I see one.”
Nina stepped back, her eyes down and her fingers going to that ever-present necklace. “Though I haven’t seen one in a long time … thankfully.”
Confusion dulled Drew’s mind. None of this made sense. How could someone recognize the bear in him without seeing him shift? He’d never heard of such a thing. Was she a shifter too?
“I think you should go,” Nina said. She walked into the alcove office and scooped up his pants and boots then held them out to Drew.
Drew blinked at the clothes thrust into his arms, then mutely followed after Nina as she strode down the hall for his shirt still laying on the bedroom floor.
“Wait,” Drew sputtered. God, what was happening? It’d been so perfect, and now ….
He had to tell her, be truthful. He dropped his clothes and reached out for Nina. His large hand wrapped around her shoulder, and Nina stilled. She didn’t turn to him, but she didn’t pull away either.
“Are you a shifter? How do you know I am?”
Finally, Nina turned. “I’m not a shifter.” Her eyes were bright and horribly sad, and she blinked quickly before looking down. She pressed Drew’s shirt into his hands then stepped back away from him, out of reach.
Frustrated, Drew tugged on his clothing and boots. He had to know. They had to actually talk. He had to bare himself to her, to prove himself.
“Nina, what I am … what you are to me….”
Nina’s chin jerked up, and the sheen in her dark eyes had gone hard. Drew nearly stumbled backward. “Oh, don’t think I don’t recognize that look in your eyes. You think I’m your mate.” Nina scowled at the word, seemingly disgusted by it. It made sourness rise up Drew’s tight throat.
“What you think we are is bullshit,” Nina snapped. She closed her eyes and sighed, then she skirted him and left him behind.
Drew followed after her, seeing his future slip between his fingers and turn to dust. No. He wouldn’t let it.
“Wait, Nina.” They stopped at the stairs leading down to the door. Nina looked anywhere but at him, but finally met his gaze.
“You can’t deny what we experienced last night. I know you felt it too, Nina. This …,” and he grabbed her hand and pressed it to his chest so she could feel his heartbeat. “Nina, this could be perfect, if we let it.”
Nina pressed her lips together, and Drew thought he sensed her softening.
“Please, Nina,” he said softly.
Nina sucked in a breath, stared up into Drew’s eyes. She parted her lips, sucked in a breath … but then she tugged her hand away from his chest and let her arm fall to her side.
“This was fun, Drew. But that’s all it was. I’m not looking for a relationship. Especially with a damned shifter.”
Drew shook his head against this insanity. “What changed from last night? If you knew I was a shifter then, what changed?”
A frown pulled her eyebrows together for a moment, but then it smoothed away. “I was drunk and an idiot. It happens. You’re in town for another few days, and I can’t deny that I wouldn’t love fucking you again. But it doesn’t go beyond that.”
Drew couldn’t accept that. Nina was his future, if only he could make her believe that. Whatever had made her apparently loathe shifters, he had to make her realize th
at wasn’t him.
“Nina, if you know about shifters and mates, then you know what you are to me now. All I want in this life is you, to make you happy. Why not give that a chance? I’ve seen what the love of a fated mate has done for my brothers. I want that, Nina. I want it with you.”
Nina cocked her head, her expression calculating and shrewd. “Drew, I know your past. I know about Kirsten. If you could be happy enough to ask another woman to marry you, I know you can find happiness with someone else. It’s just not going to be me.”
Twenty minutes later, Drew sat in the front seat of his truck, gripping the wheel. He still hadn’t moved. His phone buzzed again—and again it was one of his brothers wondering where he was. He couldn’t go back to them, not yet.
Drew was gobsmacked, embarrassed … and rejected. He’d put himself out there for his perfect woman, and she’d rejected him. The sting of it was hot against his cheeks. Was he really that damaged that not even his fated mate could love him?
With a growl, Drew turned the ignition, and the truck roared to life. It was hours before he finally made it back to the penthouse and his brothers.
Chapter Five
Nina
NINA LET HER HAND DROOP over the side of the couch at Van and Amy’s Echo Park bungalow. She was pretty sure she hadn’t moved in at least an hour. Her eyes barely focused on the shitty reality television marathon playing—her secret obsession from her years being roommates with Van.
Van padded into the sunny living room and picked up Nina’s legs, making room for herself on the couch.
“Oh, she hasn’t dumped the dick yet?”
Nina grunted.
She felt Van’s eyes on her. “So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong, or do I have to give you the truth serum Amy is whipping up right now.”
“It’s lemonade!” Amy shouted from the kitchen.
“Add some booze to mine,” Nina shouted back.
Van shook her head. “You’re going to be the worst influence on this baby,” she said, but she was smiling.
Nina groaned and struggled to sit up. She picked at a hole in her threadbare T-shirt. “I slept with that guy last night, Drew Hart,” she said to her lap.
Van’s hands stilled on Nina’s ankles.
Amy appeared at the living room entrance, a tray of lemonades basically resting on her giant belly. “And?”
Nina shrugged. “He spent the night, then I kicked him out this morning.”
“You didn’t even get a coffee?” Amy’s eyebrows were raised, and Nina didn’t miss the look she and Van shared.
“I mean, he made me coffee … and waffles, actually.”
“Whoa,” Van said. “Someone made you a delicious breakfast, and you kicked him out? That is cold, Ms. Marten.”
Nina did kind of feel bad about it, but everything had seemed so different this morning … so sudden. And knowing she was fated to the guy just made it all the more strange.
Nina stared at her lap, at a loss for a defense. She felt the couch move as Van made room for her pregnant wife. Nina never felt like a third wheel around Van and Amy, but she kind of did right now.
“Nina, I love you,” Van started.
“But …?” Nina knew there was a but coming.
“But it makes zero sense that you won’t even try committing to someone. You’re going to wake up in ten years all shriveled up and dusty, and then your only choice will be to go on one of these awful reality dating shows.”
“Shut up,” Nina said, though it made her smile.
“I’m serious,” Van said, softer this time. Nina looked up and met her best friend’s eyes. “You and I were both running from terrible shit when we met on that bus, Nina. But that was nearly fifteen years ago. Whatever happened to make you run … you can’t let it rule your life.”
Amy rubbed a hand over her belly and grasped hold of Van’s hand. “You deserve the sort of happiness Van and I have, honey,” she said.
“I’m not letting it …,” Nina started, but then stopped. She’d never talked about what happened all those years ago, not even with Van. She had a basic idea of what had caused Van to leave—coming out at age 16 in a tiny West Virginia town couldn’t have been easy—but Nina had kept her own story under lock and key.
Nina took a breath and started over. She couldn’t tell them the entire story, but they deserved to know part of it. “I was assaulted,” she said. Van gasped and Amy rubbed Nina’s shoulders. Normally, she shied away from this sort of comfort—she wasn’t a touchy-feely sort of woman—but right now Amy’s hand on her back kept her together. “It was … it was a boyfriend, and he got violent when I said no. And that … that was terrible, to be a scared-as-shit seventeen-year-old girl dealing with that trauma. But I pulled myself together and went to my grandfather. He was, um, I guess you could say he was something of an authority figure in my little town. Anyway, I wanted to go to the authorities, but he didn’t want outsiders knowing our business. The guy who hurt me got off scot free.”
“Oh, Nina,” Van said, and Nina heard tears in her voice. But Nina didn’t have any tears, not anymore. Her pain had hardened over the years into anger at what shifters had done to her.
She could still remember that awful summer night—sticky hot, with mosquitos swarming the air. There’d been a big bonfire down by the lake, and Nina and her boyfriend were driving down the gravel road toward Nina’s grandfather’s house. Her boyfriend, Brandon, was a shifter, her grandfather too. In fact, nearly everyone in Nina’s tiny Pennsylvania town was a bear shifter … except her. She’d been born to shifter parents, from long lines of shifters, but Nina was not one. She was something more rare, and exceedingly more special.
Nina was not a shifter, but a seer, one whose blood could grant powerful visions. From the time she was small, a ceremonial blade had been used to slice open her skin and take a few drops of Nina’s precious blood. Back then, she’d thought she was doing her part, being a good little girl to help her clan. Her blood was the reason shifters in the Eastern Clans got such clear visions of their future mates, and a gift of her blood had helped to settle unrest in the Southern Clans when she wasn’t even yet a teen. Now, though, the thought of what was done to her made Nina’s mouth go dry and her stomach sour.
That horrible night, Brandon was drunk and had tried to force himself on Nina. He’d told Nina they were mates, that he’d seen her face in his vision, and Nina had believed him. Now, she just felt a deep sadness for the naïve girl she’d been. She’d told Brandon to stop, she’d tried to fight back. And then he had shifted. Alone in a field, with her grandfather’s house less than a mile away, her boyfriend had terrorized her, beaten her. He’d shifted back to his human form to take from her exactly what he wanted. He hadn’t used his claws—he was smart enough to not leave a permanent mark, unlike the clan elders who had used her blood for years—but the bruises didn’t fully heal until days after she’d run away.
But the worst violation of all, the reason Nina had thrown her most precious possessions in a backpack and gotten on the first bus heading west, was because of what happened after. Her grandfather—part of the Eastern Clans conclave—had refused to go to the authorities. He’d said shifters dealt with their own. And that was how Nina learned the horrible truth of her place in the shifter world—part of it and yet always apart. Brandon had not been punished in any way.
“Nina?” A gentle voice brought Nina back to the present.
Nina looked up into Van’s face, the emotion she saw in her best friend’s eyes reflected her own. Nina fingered the necklace she always wore. “I promised myself I’d never be hurt like that again. And then I found you, and you made me this necklace at a time when I had nothing else to hold on to. So I held on fiercely to it and you, and I survived.”
Van burst into tears and dragged Nina into a hug. Nina swallowed back tears of her own and sank into Van’s hug for a moment.
“Um,” she finally said into Van’s bushy blond hair. “Are you going to hug me a
ll day or what?”
Van pulled back and rolled her eyes. “Sorry, slayer. Let me have my cry for the awful shit my best friend went through.”
Nina managed a grin and fell back into the soft couch. Now she just had to figure out what the hell to do about Drew.
Nina strode into the Beverly Wilshire, dark sunglasses over her eyes and hands shoved into the pockets of her black moto. She’d put it off, but Emily St. Clair—the publicist for Wild Harts and Chase’s new wife—had called three times in the past two days. It was time to finish this god-damned interview and put this whole mess behind her.
Because that’s how she saw it: a mess. After she’d left Van and Amy’s house yesterday, Nina had gone home and unearthed an envelope of photos from her old life. She’d let herself cry as she looked at pictures of herself with her grandfather, her friends … with Brandon. Yes, she’d cried.
And then she’d gotten angry. Shifters had forced her to grow up fast at seventeen. They’d forced her to make decisions no teen should have to make. They were literal bloodsuckers, taking and taking and taking from Nina and then casting her aside when they could take no more.
Nina had escaped that life, and she sure as hell wasn’t going to invite a bear shifter and all the politics of that world back in. So it’d been fun to screw Drew. Nina had to pause and a moment to tamp down the heat unspooling like molten lava in her core at the memories of it. Okay, more than just fun. But it was over.
First, though, she had to get through this interview and then the release party the next night.
The guys looked up as she approached, and Nina hated how much her attention was drawn to Drew. He nearly vaulted to his feet when he saw her. Expectation and excitement flared in his piercing green eyes for a moment before he tempered the emotions into a mask of calm. But Nina could still perceive the anticipation in the lines of his jaw and the way he shifted back and forth on his feet. Guilt gnawed at Nina for a second—she was only going to disappoint this man.