What he would never be able to live with was the look of betrayal in his best friend's eyes. He clamped his mouth shut.
"I know I act as if it's otherwise," Colleen continued, turning away from him and fiddling with half a dozen organic apples that were on the kitchen counter. As she spoke, she arranged them into a pattern. Big, then little, then big. "But I haven't had too much experience. You know. With men, I mean. In fact, all I've had are a couple of really crummy short-term relationships. I've never been with someone who really wants me—I mean other than for the fact that I'm female and convenient." With the apples neatly arranged in two perfect rows, she turned to face him, to look him in the eye. "I know you say you don't—want me, that is. But I see something really different when I look into your eyes. And...Bobby, I just want to know what that's like—to be made love to the way you kissed me last night. It felt so right and..."
She took a deep breath. Smiled shakily. "So. You've been warned. Now you know. You also know that I'm not going to be talked out of going to Tulgeria. So if your admiral guy doesn't come through for you, you can tell my brother you did everything you could to keep me off that plane. And you can go back to California with a clear conscience. And I think you probably should go—if you really did mean what you said about just wanting to be friends. If you stay, though, you better put on your fireproof suit. Because starting tomorrow I'm turning up the heat."
"You really said that?" Ashley laughed. "What did he do?"
After her little speech, Bobby hadn't grabbed her and kissed her. But then again, Colleen hadn't really thought he would.
“What did he say?" Ash persisted.
"Nothing," Colleen told her friend. "He looked a little pale—kind of like he was going to faint. So I told him we'd talk more tomorrow and I pushed him out the door."
Truth was, she hadn't wanted to hear what he might have to say in response to her painfully honest confession.
She'd pretty much been flashing hot and cold by then herself—alternately clapping herself on the back for her bravery and deriding herself for pure stupidity.
What if she were completely wrong? What if she were completely misinterpreting everything she'd seen in his eyes? What if he hadn't really been looking at her with barely concealed longing and desire? What if it had just been a bad case of indigestion?
"I had to try," Colleen told Ashley—and herself as well.
Ash was sitting cross-legged on her bed, hugging her beat-up, raggedy stuffed bear—the one she'd been given when she was three and had chicken pox. The one she still slept with despite the fact that she'd just turned twenty-four.
It was ironic. Colleen's friend had everything. Money. A beautiful face. A slim, perfect body. Weight that didn't fluctuate wildly given her moods. A . grade point average. Impeccable taste.
Of course, Colleen had something Ashley didn't have. And Colleen wouldn't have traded that one thing for Ashley's looks and body, even if her friend had thrown in all the gold in Ft. Knox, too.
Not a chance.
Because Colleen had parents who supported her, percent. She knew, without a doubt, that no matter what she did, her mom and dad were behind her.
Unlike Mr. DeWitt, who criticized Ashley nonstop.
Colleen couldn't imagine what it had been like growing up in that house. She could picture Ash as a little girl, desperately trying to please her father and never quite succeeding.
"Ashley, what's this? A Father's Day gift? A ceramic bowl? You made it yourself on the wheel in pottery class? Oh, well, next time you'll do much better, won't you?"
It was true, Colleen's own parents weren't perfect. No one's parents were. But hers loved her unconditionally. She'd never doubted that.
"You ready to talk about what happened?" she asked Ashley now.
Her friend sighed. "I'm so stupid."
Colleen just waited.
"There was a new associate in my father's firm," Ash finally said. "Brad Hennesey." Tears filled her eyes, and she tried to laugh. "God, I'm such an idiot. I can't even say his name without..." She gestured to her face.
Colleen handed her a box of tissues and waited while Ashley blew her nose.
"He was so nice," Ash told her. "I mean, I didn't expect him not to be nice to me, because I'm the boss's daughter, but he seemed so genuine, and..."
"Oh, no," Colleen said. She was pretty sure she knew where this was going, and she prayed she was wrong.
"I did something really dumb," Ash admitted. "We started dating, and he was so..." She laughed but it was loaded with pain. "Yeah, he was completely perfect-smart and gorgeous with all those white teeth and that Land's End model body, and we loved the same books and movies, and... And I fell in love with him. God! How could I be so stupid?"
Colleen waited, praying that she was wrong.
"But then I found out that my father had hired him purposely. Brad was part of his plan to guarantee that I'd come home after law school and join the firm. He was going to be made partner instantly upon our engagement. I hear myself telling you this, and it sounds so ludicrous. Can you believe any of this?"
She could. She'd met Ashley's father. "Ah, Ash," Colleen said. "How did you find out?"
"Brad told me," Ashley said. "He confessed everything. He called me in the middle of the night and told me he had to see me. Right then. So he came over to the house and we went into the garden and... He was really upset and he told me he was in love with me. He said he'd fallen for me, and he told me that he had to come clean before it went any further, that he couldn't live with himself any longer."
"But that's good," Colleen countered. "Isn't it? He was honest when it mattered the most."
"Colleen, he accepted a position where the job description included tricking the boss's daughter into marrying him." Ashley was still aghast at the idea. "What kind of person would do that?"
"One who maybe saw your picture?" Colleen suggested.
Ashley stared at her as if she were in league with Satan.
"I'm not saying it's a good thing," she added quickly. "But how bad could the guy be if he really did fall in love with you?"
"Did he?" Ashley asked darkly. "Or is he just saying that he did? Is this confession just another lie?"
Oh, ick. Colleen hadn't thought of it that way. But Ash was right. If she were trying to con someone into marrying her, she'd pretend to be in love with them, confess everything and beg for forgiveness. That would save her butt in the event that the truth ever did surface after the wedding.
"He slept with me, Colleen," Ashley said miserably. "And my father was paying him."
"Yeah," Colleen said, "I don't think your father was paying him to do that, though."
"It feels that way." Ashley was one of those women who still looked beautiful when she cried. "You know the really stupid thing?"
Colleen shook her head. "No."
"I didn't have the nerve to confront my father." Ashley's lip trembled. "I just ran away. I hid."
"But you're writing him a letter," Colleen pointed out. "That's a start."
"Clark keeps telling me I should take one of those as-sertiveness training courses. You know, the kind where you go out into the mountains with only a canteen of water and a hunting knife and come back after having killed a bear?"
Colleen laughed at the absurdity of that. "You'd take advice from a man with blue hair?"
Ash laughed, too. It was shaky, but it was laughter.
"You know what I think you should do?" Colleen said. “I think you should go back and have this raging, passionate affair with Brad. Flaunt it in your father's face. Make it really public. And then, next May, when you graduate from law school, you dump the creep and flip your father the bird. You pass the California bar exam, and take a job as a public defender in East L.A. and you do pro bono work for the community on the side just to really tick him off. That's what I would do."
"You could do that?" Ashley asked. "Really? Have that kind of a relationship with a man with
out falling even further in love? Without getting in too deep?"
Colleen thought about Bobby Taylor, about what would happen if she did succeed in talking her way into his bed. She thought about waking up beside him, smiling into his beautiful eyes as he bent to kiss her. She thought about driving him to the airport and watching his broad back and his long, easygoing stride as he headed into the terminal, as he walked away. From her. Without looking back.
She thought about the way that would make her heart die inside of her. Just a little bit.
Just enough to change her forever.
"No," she said quietly. "I guess I couldn't, either."
8
'' Wait," Bobby said. "Zoe, no, if he's taking a day off, don't..." Bother him. But Zoe Robinson had already put him on hold.
"Hey, Chief!" Admiral Jake Robinson sounded cheerful and relaxed. "What's up? Zo tells me you're calling from Boston?"
"Uh, yes, sir," Bobby said. "But, sir, this can wait until tomorrow, because—"
"How's the shoulder?" the admiral interrupted. Admirals were allowed to interrupt whenever they wanted.
"Much better, sir," Bobby lied. It was exactly like Admiral Robinson to have made certain he'd be informed about the injuries of anyone on the SEAL teams—and to remember what he'd been told.
"These things take time." It was also like Robinson to see through Bobby's lie. "Slow and steady, Taylor. Don't push it too hard."
"Aye, sir. Admiral, I had no idea that your secretary would patch me through here, to your home."
"Well, you called to talk to me, didn't you?"
"Yes, sir, but you're an admiral, sir, and—"
"Ah." Robinson laughed. "You wanted it to be harder to reach me, huh? Well, if you need me to, I'll call Dottie in my office and tell her to put you on hold for a half an hour."
Bobby had to laugh, too. "No, thank you. I'm just... surprised."
"I don't take everyone's call," Jake Robinson's voice was serious now. "In fact, Dottie's probably kissed off half a dozen captains, commanders and lieutenant commanders already this morning. But when I set up the Gray Group, Chief, I made a point to make myself available / to the men I call to go out on my missions. You work for me— you need me? You got me. You probably don't know it, but you were on a Gray Group mission when you were injured. That cycled your name to the top of the list."
"I wasn't told, but...I knew."
"So talk to me, Chief. What's going on?"
Bobby told him. "Sir, I've become aware of a situation in which a dozen U.S. citizens—mostly students from here in Boston—are about to walk into Tulgeria with a single, locally hired armed guard."
Robinson swore, loudly and pungently.
Bobby told the admiral about the earthquake relief organization. About the bus and the children in the orphanage. About the fact that these American Good Samaritans were not going to be talked out of making this trip.
"What's your connection to this group, Chief?" Robinson asked. "Girlfriend?"
"Negative, sir," Bobby said hastily. "No, it's Wes Skelly's sister. She's one of the volunteers who's going."
"What, did Skelly send you to Boston to talk her out of it?" Robinson laughed. "God, you're a good friend to him, Bobby."
"He's out of the country, Admiral, and I had the time. Besides, he'd do the same for me."
"Yeah, and I suspect your sister is a little easier to handle than this sister of Skelly's—what's her name?"
"Colleen, sir."
"Is Colleen Skelly as much like her brother as I'm imagining her to be, God help us all?"
Bobby laughed again. "Yes and no, sir. She's..." Wonderful. Beautiful. Amazingly sexy. Intelligent. Perfect. "She's special, sir. Actually, she reminds me of Zoe in a lot of ways. She's tough, but not really—it's just a screen she hides behind, if you know what I mean."
"Oh, yes. I do." The admiral laughed softly. "Oh, boy. So, I know it's none of my business, but does Wes know that you've got a thing for his sister?"
Bobby closed his eyes. Damn, he'd given himself away. There was no point in denying it. Not to Jake. The man may have been an admiral, but he was also Bobby's friend. "No, he doesn't."
"Hmm. Does she know?"
Good question. "Not really."
"Damn."
"I mean, she's incredible, Jake, and I think—no, I know she's looking for a fling. She's made that more than clear but I can't do it, and I'm..."
"Dying," Jake supplied the word. "Been there, done that. If she really is anything like Zoe, you don't stand a chance." He laughed. "Colleen Skelly, huh? With a name like that, I'm picturing a tiny redhead, kind of built like her brother—compact. Skinny. With a smart mouth and a temper."
"She's a redhead," Bobby said. "And you're right about the mouth and the temper, but she's tall. She might even be taller than Wes. And she's not skinny. She's..." Stacked. Built like a brick house. Lush. Voluptuous. All those descriptions felt either disrespectful or as if he were exchanging locker-room confidences. "Statuesque," he finally came up with.
"Taller than Wes, huh? That must tick him off."
"She takes after their father, and he's built more like their mother's side of the family. It ticks Colleen off, too. She's gorgeous, but she doesn't think so."
"Genetics. It's proof that Mother Nature exists," Jake said with a laugh. "She's got a strong sense of irony, doesn't she?"
"I need you to help me, sir." Bobby brought their conversation back to the point. "Colleen's determined to go to Tulgeria. This whole trip is an international incident waiting to happen. If this isn't something you want to get Alpha Squad or the Gray Group involved in, then I'm hoping you can give me—"
"It is," the admiral said. "Protection of U.S. citizens. In a case like this I like to think of it as preventative coun-terterrorism. The Tulgerian government will bitch and moan about it, but we'll get you in. We'll tell the local officials that we need two teams," he decided. "One'll accompany Colleen Skelly and her friends, the other'll go in covert. The timing is really good on this, Taylor. You're actually the one doing me the favor here."
Admiral Robinson didn't say it. He couldn't say it, but Bobby knew he was going to use this seemingly standard protection op as a chance to send in an additional highly covert and top-secret team on an entirely different mission. It was probably related to the ongoing investigation of those rumors that the Tulgerian government was mass slaughtering its own citizens.
God, what a world.
"Alpha Squad will be back from their current training op in three days, tops," Robinson continued. "I'll have them rerouted here to the East Coast—to Little Creek.
We'll both meet them there, Chief, you'll fill them in and work out a plan, then bring them back up to Boston to hash out the details with Colleen Skelly and her idealistic friends."
The admiral wanted Bobby to be part of the op. "I'm sorry, sir," he said. "I may have misled you about the status of my shoulder. I still have limited movement and—"
"I'm thinking you're valuable because you've already established rapport with the civilians," Jake cut him off. "But I'll let it be your choice, Bobby. If you don't want to go—"
"Oh, no sir, I want to go." It was a no-brainer. He wanted to be there, himself, to make sure Colleen stayed safe.
Yes, it would have been easier to toss the entire problem into Admiral Robinson's capable hands and retreat, swiftly and immediately, to California. But Wes would be back in three days. Bobby could handle keeping his distance from Colleen for three days.
Couldn't he?
"Good," Jake said. "I'll get the ball rolling."
"Thank you, sir."
"Before you go, Chief, want some unsolicited advice?"
Bobby hesitated. "I'm not sure, sir."
The admiral laughed—a rich burst of genuine amusement. "Wrong answer, Taylor. This is one of those times that you're supposed to 'Aye, aye, sir' me, simply because I'm an admiral and you're not."
"Aye, aye, sir."
"Trust your heart, Chief. You've got a good one, and when the time comes, well, I'm confident you'll know what to do."
"Thank you, sir."
"See you in a few days. Thanks again for the call."
Bobby hung up the phone and lay back on his hotel room bed, staring up the ceiling.
When the time comes, you'll know what to do.
He already knew what he had to do.
He had to stay away from Colleen Skelly, who thought— God help them both—that she wanted him.
What did she know? She was ridiculously young. She had no clue how hard it was to sustain a relationship over long distances. She had no idea how difficult it was for anyone to be involved with a SEAL, let alone someone ridiculously young. She was mistaking her desire for a physical relationship with a man she had a crush on, with her very real need for something more powerful and more permanent.
She said she wanted passion—well, he could give her that. He had no doubt. And maybe, if he were really lucky, she'd be so completely dazzled that she'd fall in love with him.
Yeah, right, then where would she be? In love with a man who spent most of his time out of the country with her brother—provided her brother would ever forgive him enough to speak to him again. But the key words there were out of the country. Colleen would get tired of that fast enough.
Eventually she'd be so tired of being second place in his life that she'd walk away.
And he wouldn't stop her.
But she'd want him to. And even though she was the one who left him, she'd end up hurt.
The last thing he wanted in the world was to leave her hurt.
Follow your heart. He would. Even though it meant killing this relationship before it even started. Even though it was the hardest thing he'd ever done.
* * *
Colleen slid the back door of the truck closed with a resounding bang.
"Okay," she said, as she attached a combination lock that was more to keep the door from bouncing open as they drove into Boston than to deter thieves. "Did someone lock my apartment?"
Kenneth looked blankly at Clark, and Clark looked blankly at Kenneth.
Colleen gave up on them and looked at Bobby, who nodded. "I took care of it," he said.
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