“What about you?”
“I still had my seat belt on. Nothing but bruises across my chest, a couple cracked ribs, and a sprained ankle. I should have told her to stay put in her seat, keep her seat belt on, we’d be home soon enough to get our hands on each other.”
Cara shook her head back and forth through all those self-incriminating words. “No, Flash. That’s not your fault. If the accident had happened anyway and you lost her, you’d have been wishing for one more kiss.”
He hung his head and stared at his feet. “She died a horrible death.”
Cara tugged his hand to get him to look at her. “She did, yes, but I’d rather go out in the arms of the man I love than alone any day.”
Maybe. “She might have lived if she’d been buckled in her seat.” The officers on scene told him that probably wasn’t true. The way the other guy hit them had completely demolished the passenger side of his truck, which is why he’d only suffered minor injuries himself. The other side of the truck had buckled into the cab on impact. Erin would have been crushed.
Until now, he’d never really wanted to think about it.
He stayed locked in the nightmare of seeing her torn from his arms and flying through the air and the sheer fury he felt when he found out the guy who hit them had been high behind the wheel.
He came out of the hospital with a purpose. He’d thought to use his criminal justice degree and go to law school, but redirected his efforts, used his background and training as a sniper in the military, and joined the DEA. He’d worked hard to earn his spot. His sharpshooting skills earned him a reputation and the respect of other agents. Erin’s death hadn’t been for nothing. He’d honored her by taking drugs off the streets and out of the hands of men like that bastard who stupidly got behind the wheel when he should have stayed home.
“I’m sorry, Flash. I see now why you’re trying so hard to get your life back on track.”
Shit. He’d lost track of the conversation and that he’d intended to explain to her how he’d ended up fucking up his life and landed in jail. She thought it happened this past year when it had been nearly seven years now.
Man, his life had changed so much. He wasn’t that same guy, but he’d gone back to being that serious man who put work ahead of everything else.
He needed Cara to believe the story, which was real, had everything to do with him trashing his life, getting mixed up selling drugs, and going to jail.
“Stupid, right? The guy who hit us was high and I get busted for selling drugs. After Erin died, I lost it and my job.” Not true. He’d taken on a single-minded determination to join the DEA. But he hoped Cara believed he’d lost his mind and done something stupid that he regretted. He wasn’t here to join her father’s crew, but turn his life back around and redeem himself.
Fuck. I’m an asshole.
But he needed to use the truth to lie to Cara. He hated it, but had to do it or take himself off this case and admit that working undercover just wasn’t for him. That part was true enough, but he needed to see this through. Iceman should be behind bars for all he’d done, but especially for using Flash to take out Manny Castillo.
He got why Iceman did it. He even believed the guy deserved it for what he’d done to Cara, but Flash didn’t like being used as Iceman’s personal assassin.
That fucked-up night and the other sniper assignments he’d been on kept him up at night.
“It’s understandable. You weren’t thinking straight. Now you are. A few more months, your parole will be over and you’ll get your life back. I will put in a good word for you about the trucking job at the warehouse you checked out the other day. You’ll make Erin proud again.”
Erin would hate him using her as a means to manipulate Cara. He wasn’t proud of himself for doing it. He didn’t pat himself on the back for drawing Cara even closer to him, letting her in on his personal thoughts and feelings. But here she was, feeling sorry for him, feeling close to him, and holding his hand ready to help him out with a trucking job. Trusting in him a hell of a lot more than when he walked in the door.
She believed him and in him now. And he hated himself for it.
She openly stared at him, her heart in her eyes. She felt for him. Empathized with him. Understood that he’d lost the dream of forever with Erin just like she’d lost her dream with Manny. Would he have married Erin and made a life with her? He didn’t know for sure. It had still been early in the relationship. But the possibility had been there. He regretted the loss of the possibility just like Cara mourned the loss of the possibility of that home and life Manny pretended to want with her. Not the same circumstances, but at the heart, the same in many ways.
Maybe that’s why he felt the connection between him and Cara had happened so quickly and felt so deep.
He got her.
She got him.
They both wanted the same thing. Truth. Kindness. Love. Something meaningful.
He didn’t know if any of that was actually possible between two people without it being complicated by lies, pain, and good intentions gone bad.
All the things he brought to the table but Cara didn’t see because he’d hidden them behind a hazy veil of half-truths.
He stood, drawing her up with him because she didn’t let go of his hand. He pulled her close and pressed the back of her hand to his chest over his heart. He stared down into her upturned face. “It’s late. I should go.” True, but he didn’t really mean it. He wanted to do the right thing, but it was damn hard.
“It gets easier.”
Lost in the depths of sincerity in her blue eyes, he spoke without thinking. “Friends told me I’d meet someone who’d make me leave Erin in the past. I didn’t believe them. But when I look at you, she fades away.” He thought about how those words sounded. “It’s not that I want to forget her . . .”
“You’ll always remember her. She’s a part of who you are, but you’re ready to move on.”
He had moved on. Long ago. He dated other women. Slept with some. He didn’t think about Erin most of the time. But being with Cara brought Erin to the front of his mind.
Because of that same sense of possibility that he needed to shut down right now. He couldn’t afford to care for Cara like this and blow his case. He couldn’t be a coldhearted bastard and let her know how much she got to him, make her think they could have something, when he knew this whole thing could blow up in both their faces with one firm piece of evidence to take down her father.
He glanced at their joined hands pressed to his chest, gave her hand a soft squeeze, then did something he never thought would be this hard, and let her go and took a mental and physical step back.
“Get some sleep. I’ll see you at work.”
Her eyes went wide. Her mouth opened like she wanted to say something, but she didn’t because he turned his back on her and walked right out of her place. The cold hit him the second he stepped out her door, but he didn’t mind. He needed the wake-up call that the warm and cozy feelings he had sitting with Cara, talking to her, sharing a piece of his life that he’d kept to himself, would not last. He’d be gone and left out of her life and in the cold the second she found out the real reason he was here.
Almost to the barn house and halfway past his truck, he stopped short and turned to the piece of paper held under his windshield wiper fluttering in the breeze. He went to the side of the truck and plucked the paper free, holding it between his two hands to read it.
if you want to live stay away from Cara
The chicken-scratched words had no capitalization or punctuation but they held a threat that sent a chill up his spine that had nothing to do with the temperature outside.
He quickly scanned the yard. Nothing. No one. But someone had been spying on him and Cara tonight. Someone who didn’t want him anywhere near Cara.
Why?
Who?
Iceman? He’d already threatened Flash right to his face. Would he be out here this late at night sneaking around in th
e dark? Why not just come up to the door and confront Flash? That seemed more Iceman’s style.
Not a jealous lover. Let’s face it, Cara kept everyone away and hadn’t dated anyone since Manny.
A secret admirer? Men hit on her all the time at the coffee shop. She didn’t seem to notice, or outright ignored it.
Iceman was the logical suspect, but it didn’t make sense. Unless it was one of Iceman’s crew, spying on him for Iceman.
He took the threat seriously and worried that whoever had been watching him was still out there. They may have been following him other nights when he’d gone out looking for evidence against Iceman and his crew.
If they exposed him to Cara, or Iceman, he was in deep shit.
Swearing under his breath, he held back the urge to crush the paper in his fist. He’d handle it carefully, send it to Agent Bennett, and see if they could get any prints off it. If he could identify the guy, maybe they could get him out of the picture and keep Flash’s cover intact.
If not, Flash had a new threat to contend with and a possible threat to Cara he needed to eliminate before he or Cara got hurt. Or killed.
Chapter Eleven
He watched through the window as the pair gazed into each other’s eyes, their hands joined. Chris Hickman, a.k.a. Flash. What the hell was he really doing here? Was he looking for an in with Iceman?
Right now, he looked like a guy who wanted Cara.
But was it real?
The last thing he wanted was to see Cara hurt again. She deserved a good life. She deserved better than an ex-con drifter who used her for a job to satisfy his parole but would be out of here the second he cleared his debt. That or joined up with Iceman and drew Cara into a world he’d been trying to keep her out of her whole life.
He didn’t like the look in Cara’s eyes. Whatever the bastard said to draw her in and make her sympathize with him only meant more trouble for her. She needed to keep her guard up. But with her soft heart, he understood how she’d fall for the good-looking charmer. He couldn’t fault her for wanting someone in her life to take away the loneliness he saw in her and often felt himself. But she’d learned that putting your heart on the line only led to misery.
He didn’t want that for her again. This guy, with his shady past, wasn’t worthy of her.
Flash stood, said something to Cara, and walked out.
Cara stood staring at the door, her eyes filled with a mix of longing, regret, and hope, looking like she wanted to go after Flash.
Nothing worse for a woman than thinking she can change or help a man. That because of her, he’d be everything she ever wanted.
Didn’t work that way. Never worked out for the woman. They only ever got hurt.
Yes, his Cara deserved better.
If she didn’t protect herself like she’d been taught to do, he’d do it for her.
He smiled when Flash read the note he’d left on his car. Flash scanned the yard looking for him, but didn’t catch even a glimpse of him in the shadows. If he didn’t back off Cara, Flash would never see him coming.
Chapter Twelve
Flash pulled around to the back of the strip mall on the other side of town, parking next to the pet groomer’s back door. The sun barely cracked the dark night on the horizon. He would love to put this off, but he needed to take care of it right away. The urgency pushing him wouldn’t cease the incessant gnawing in his gut that the simple note left on his car meant far more than the threat implied.
After he left Cara and found the note on his truck, he’d called Agent Bennett, set up this meeting, and prowled the barn house and yard searching for any sign that someone was watching him. He didn’t find a damn thing, but the nerves tightening his gut told him whoever left that note meant business.
Iceman warned him in person not to tell Cara about Manny and to leave Cara alone. So why leave a note on his truck? If Iceman saw him with Cara last night, why not just get in his face outside when he had the perfect chance to catch him alone and unarmed? Iceman was the kind of guy to kick his ass or put a bullet in him.
The note didn’t come from him.
And if Iceman didn’t put it there, who did?
Flash tucked his hands into his coat pockets and stayed alert for any sign someone followed him. Headlights brightened the dark main street, but cut out before the turnoff to the side street that bordered the strip mall. A dark sedan turned the corner, then pulled into the lot and parked beside his truck.
Agent Bennett, wearing a black jacket and ski cap on his head, got out carrying two carry-out cups of coffee. He came to the passenger side of the truck, set one cup on the roof, opened the door, handed one cup to Flash, retrieved the other, and climbed inside. He closed the door on the cold breeze, sat back, and stared out the window.
“It’s damn early to call me out here. I hope you have something good.”
Flash handed over the note enclosed in the plastic bag. “Print it. See if you get a hit in the system.”
Agent Bennett read the note and rolled his eyes. “You brought me here for this. Iceman’s warning you away.”
Flash shook his head. “He warned me in person. Right after he made me keep my mouth shut about Manny Castillo’s death.”
“Why would he care if you said anything about that dirtbag?”
“Because Manny tried to manipulate Cara into marrying him. He thought the two of them could take over for their fathers one day and run the show. When Cara discovered his plan, she wanted out. He cut off her finger and made her think he was ransoming her back to her father. Instead, he was just a sick fuck trying to prove to her that her father didn’t care about her.”
“What the fuck!”
“Exactly. I always knew Iceman set up that raid and Manny’s takedown. I never knew why.”
Agent Bennett shook his head. “To get revenge for his daughter.”
“He pays her a couple thousand every month. She thinks Manny is paying her off for what he did to her. A means to keep the truce between the two cartels. Really, it’s Iceman’s way of looking out for her.”
“So they are close. He didn’t turn his back on her.”
“They aren’t close. Cara despises him. Iceman does everything he can to keep her out of his world even though he can’t help but check up on her.”
Agent Bennett held up the plastic bag. “Hence the note.”
“Not him. Not his style. If he wanted me to stay clear of her, I’d be gone. He wouldn’t stand by, spying on us in the middle of the night.”
Agent Bennett’s eyebrow shot up. “What were you two doing in the middle of the night?”
Flash held back a growl of frustration. “I was doing my job. Getting close to her. Getting her to open up and trust me.” But he’d been the one to open up to her.
All it did was show him how much he trusted her with his most private thoughts and feelings. Things he hadn’t told his closest friends. It wasn’t how he was supposed to do his job. He was supposed to get Cara to tell him her secrets. But it worked. He saw it in her eyes last night. The same need he felt gnawing at him reflected back to him in her eyes.
“And does she trust you?”
“Yes. But it’s as fragile as a flake of ash.”
“You knew going in she wouldn’t be easy to get close to.”
“If I didn’t believe she wasn’t involved with her father and his crew, I’d think her paranoia was tied to keeping their business under wraps and her out of jail. But it goes deeper than that. She’s never had anyone to count on. No one to keep her safe and protected and make her happy. She’s never come first for anyone. She’s been on her own practically her whole life.”
“Use that to get close to her. Prove to her that you will keep her safe, that you care about her.”
Easier said than done when the unspoken words between him and Agent Bennett were Don’t sleep with her. She was his asset and informant. Or at least he meant to make her one.
“So is she a waste of time and we should go after
Iceman directly?”
Flash had no easy answer. “She knows the only way she’ll ever be safe is if her father is dead. In jail might be her preference, but it still makes her a target. Especially because he can’t seem to stay away from her. I think I can nudge her to our side and get her to actively try to take him down. Right now, she stays out of his business and only acts on things when she inadvertently finds out about them.”
“Like her calling in the produce truck full of drugs.”
“Right. That will probably end now that Tim’s father got busted during the raid on that truck and is now behind bars. She’s lost her link to the operation through them. Iceman isn’t stupid enough to give her any means to cause him more problems.”
“Turn her against her father and do it quick. We’re getting intel he’s got something big planned.”
“I feel like we’re spinning our wheels.”
“Nature of the game, man. We take down one, another pops up. But getting Iceman will seriously impair drug distribution in the state in a major way.”
“I don’t know if Cara will do what we need her to do. For all her strength and determination, she’s got a soft heart. Deep down, she loves her father and understands that his staying away from her is for her benefit as much as she believes he’s a deadbeat dad who doesn’t give a shit about her.”
“Sounds like he’s both. The question is, does she believe the man who deals drugs for a living and wrecks lives, including hers, deserves to be taken down once and for all?”
Flash stared out the window wondering the same thing. The last thing he wanted to do was go through all this, end up hurting Cara in the end, and not have anything to show for it but a guilty conscience.
“I don’t know how Trigger played this game day in and day out.”
“At a cost. To him and others.”
“I feel so damn guilty for lying to her. She’s a good person. She’s not doing anything wrong. In fact, she’s such an upstanding citizen she calls in drug raids on her own father.”
True to You Page 12