Tommy and Grizel

by J. M. Barrie

  CHAPTER VII

  THE BEGINNING OF THE DUEL

  It was among old Dr. McQueen's sayings that when he met a man who wascertified to be in no way remarkable he wanted to give three cheers.There are few of them, even in a little place like Thrums; but DavidGemmell was one.

  So McQueen had always said, but Grizel was not so sure. "He is verygood-looking, and he does not know it," she would point out. "Oh, whata remarkable man!"

  She had known him intimately for nearly six years now, ever since hebecame the old doctor's assistant on the day when, in the tail of someothers, he came to Thrums, aged twenty-one, to apply for the post.Grizel had even helped to choose him; she had a quaint recollection ofhis being submitted to her by McQueen, who told her to look him overand say whether he would do--an odd position in which to place afourteen-year-old girl, but Grizel had taken it most seriously, and,indeed, of the two men only Gemmell dared to laugh.

  "You should not laugh when it is so important," she said gravely; andhe stood abashed, although I believe he chuckled again when he retiredto his room for the night. She was in that room next morning as soonas he had left it, to smell the curtains (he smoked), and see whetherhe folded his things up neatly and used both the brush and the comb,but did not use pomade, and slept with his window open, and reallytook a bath instead of merely pouring the water into it and laying thesponge on top (oh, she knew them!)--and her decision, after some days,was that, though far from perfect, he would do, if he loved her deardarling doctor sufficiently. By this time David was openly afraid ofher, which Grizel noticed, and took to be, in the circumstances, asatisfactory sign.

  She watched him narrowly for the next year, and after that she ceasedto watch him at all. She was like a congregation become so sure of itsminister's soundness that it can risk going to sleep. To begin with,he was quite incapable of pretending to be anything he was not. Oh,how unlike a boy she had once known! His manner, like his voice, wasquiet. Being himself the son of a doctor, he did not dodder throughlife amazed at the splendid eminence he had climbed to, which is theweakness of Scottish students when they graduate, and often for fiftyyears afterwards. How sweet he was to Dr. McQueen, never forgettingthe respect due to gray hairs, never hinting that the new school ofmedicine knew many things that were hidden from the old, and alwayshaving the sense to support McQueen when she was scolding him for hisnumerous naughty ways. When the old doctor came home now on coldnights it was not with his cravat in his pocket, and Grizel knew verywell who had put it round his neck. McQueen never had the humiliation,so distressing to an old doctor, of being asked by patients to sendhis assistant instead of coming himself. He thought they preferredhim, and twitted David about it; but Grizel knew that David hadsometimes to order them to prefer the old man. She knew that when hesaid good-night and was supposed to have gone to his lodgings, he wasprobably off to some poor house where, if not he, a tired woman mustsit the long night through by a sufferer's bedside, and she realizedwith joy that his chief reason for not speaking of such things wasthat he took them as part of his natural work and never even knew thathe was kind. He was not specially skilful, he had taken no honourseither at school or college, and he considered himself to be a veryordinary young man. If you had said that on this point you disagreedwith him, his manner probably would have implied that he thought youa bit of an ass.

  When a new man arrives in Thrums, the women come to their doors to seewhether he is good-looking. They said No of Tommy when he came back,but it had been an emphatic Yes for Dr. Gemmell. He was tall and veryslight, and at twenty-seven, as at twenty-one, despite the growth of aheavy moustache, there was a boyishness about his appearance, whichis, I think, what women love in a man more than anything else. Theyare drawn to him by it, and they love him out of pity when it goes. Isuppose it brings back to them some early, beautiful stage in theworld's history when men and women played together without fear.Perhaps it lay in his smile, which was so winning that wrinkled olddames spoke of it, who had never met the word before, smiles beinglittle known in Thrums, where in a workaday world we find itsufficient either to laugh or to look thrawn. His dark curly hair waswhat Grizel was most suspicious of; he must be vain of that, shethought, until she discovered that he was quite sensitive to its beingmentioned, having ever detested his curls as an eyesore, and in hisboyhood clipped them savagely to the roots. He had such a firm chin,if there had been another such chin going a-begging, I should haveliked to clap it on to Tommy Sandys.

  Tommy Sandys! All this time we have been neglecting that bravesufferer, and while we talk his ankle is swelling and swelling. Well,Grizel was not so inconsiderate, for she walked very fast and with anexceedingly determined mouth to Dr. Gemmell's lodgings. He was stillin lodgings, having refused to turn Grizel out of her house, thoughshe had offered to let it to him. She left word, the doctor not beingin, that he was wanted at once by Mr. Sandys, who had sprained hisankle.

  Now, then, Tommy!

  For an hour, perhaps until she went to bed, she remained merciless.She saw the quiet doctor with the penetrating eyes examining thatankle, asking a few questions, and looking curiously at his patient;then she saw him lift his hat and walk out of the house.

  It gave her pleasure; no, it did not. While she thought of this Tommyshe despised, there came in front of him a boy who had played with herlong ago when no other child would play with her, and now he said,"You have grown cold to me, Grizel," and she nodded assent, and littlewells of water rose to her eyes and lay there because she had noddedassent.

  She had never liked Dr. Gemmell so little as when she saw himapproaching her house next morning. The surgery was still attached toit, and very often he came from there, his visiting-book in his hand,to tell her of his patients, even to consult her; indeed, to talk toGrizel about his work without consulting her would have beendifficult, for it was natural to her to decide what was best foreverybody. These consultations were very unprofessional, but from herfirst coming to the old doctor's house she had taken it as a matter ofcourse that in his practice, as in affairs relating to his boots andbuttons, she should tell him what to do and he should do it. McQueenhad introduced his assistant to this partnership half-shamefacedly andwith a cautious wink over the little girl's head; and Gemmell fellinto line at once, showing her his new stethoscope as gravely as if hemust abandon it at once should not she approve, which fine behaviour,however, was quite thrown away on Grizel, who, had he conductedhimself otherwise, would merely have wondered what was the matter withthe man; and as she was eighteen or more before she saw that she hadexceeded her duties, it was then, of course, too late to cease doingit.

  She knew now how good, how forbearing, he had been to the little girl,and that it was partly because he was acquainted with her touchinghistory. The grave courtesy with which he had always treated her--andwhich had sometimes given her as a girl a secret thrill of delight, itwas so sweet to Grizel to be respected--she knew now to be less hisnatural manner to women than something that came to him in herpresence because he who knew her so well thought her worthy ofdeference; and it helped her more, far more, than if she had seen itturn to love. Yet as she received him in her parlor now--her toospotless parlor, for not even the ashes in the grate were visible,which is a mistake--she was not very friendly. He had discovered whatTommy was, and as she had been the medium she could not blame him forthat, but how could he look as calm as ever when such a deplorablething had happened?

  "What you say is true; I knew it before I asked you to go to him, andI knew you would find it out; but please to remember that he is a manof genius, whom it is not for such as you to judge."

  That was the sort of haughty remark she held ready for him while theytalked of other cases; but it was never uttered, for by and by hesaid:

  "And then, there is Mr. Sandys's ankle. A nasty accident, I amafraid."

  Was he jesting? She looked at him sharply. "Have you not been to seehim yet?" she asked.

  He thought she had misunderstood him. He had been to see Mr. Sandystwice, bo
th last night and this morning.

  And he was sure it was a sprain?

  Unfortunately it was something worse--dislocation; further mischiefmight show itself presently.

  "Haemorrhage into the neighbouring joint on inflammation?" she askedscientifically and with scorn.

  "Yes."

  Grizel turned away from him. "I think not," she said.

  Well, possibly not, if Mr. Sandys was careful and kept his foot fromthe ground for the next week. The doctor did not know that she wasdespising him, and he proceeded to pay Tommy a compliment. "I had toreduce the dislocation, of course," he told her, "and he bore thewrench splendidly, though there is almost no pain more acute."

  "Did he ask you to tell me that?" Grizel was thirsting to inquire, butshe forbore. Unwittingly, however, the doctor answered the question."I could see," he said, "that Mr. Sandys made light of his sufferingsto save his sister pain. I cannot recall ever having seen a brotherand sister so attached."

  That was quite true, Grizel admitted to herself. In all herrecollections of Tommy she could not remember one critical moment inwhich Elspeth had not been foremost in his thoughts. It passed throughher head, "Even now he must make sure that Elspeth is in peace of mindbefore he can care to triumph over me," and she would perhaps havefelt less bitter had he put his triumph first.

  His triumph! Oh, she would show him whether it was a triumph. He haddestroyed for ever her faith in David Gemmell. The quiet, observantdoctor, who had such an eye for the false, had been deceived as easilyas all the others, and it made her feel very lonely. But never mind;Tommy should find out, and that within the hour, that there was onewhom he could not cheat. Her first impulse, always her first impulse,was to go straight to his side and tell him what she thought of him.Her second, which was neater, was to send by messenger her complimentsto Mr. and Miss Sandys, and would they, if not otherwise engaged, comeand have tea with her that afternoon? Not a word in the note about theankle, but a careful sentence to the effect that she had seen Dr.Gemmell to-day, and proposed asking him to meet them.

  Maggy Ann, who had conveyed the message, came back with the reply.Elspeth regretted that they could not accept Grizel's invitation,owing to the accident to her brother being _very much more_ seriousthan Grizel seemed to think. "I can't understand," Elspeth added, "whyDr. Gemmell did not tell you this when he saw you."

  "Is it a polite letter?" asked inquisitive Maggy Ann, and Grizelassured her that it was most polite. "I hardly expected it," said theplain-spoken dame, "for I'm thinking by their manner it's more thancan be said of yours."

  "I merely invited them to come to tea."

  "And him wi' his leg broke! Did you no ken he was lying on chairs?"

  "I did not know it was so bad as that, Maggy Ann. So my letter seemedto annoy him, did it?" said Grizel, eagerly, and, I fear, wellpleased.

  "It angered her most terrible," said Maggy Ann, "but no him. He gave asort of a laugh when he read it."

  "A laugh!"

  "Ay, and syne she says, 'It is most heartless of Grizel; she does noteven ask how you are to-day; one would think she did not know of theaccident'; and she says, 'I have a good mind to write her a very stiffletter.' And says he in a noble, melancholic voice, 'We must not hurtGrizel's feelings,' he says. And she says, 'Grizel thinks it wasnothing because you bore it so cheerfully; oh, how little she knowsyou!' she says; and 'You are too forgiving,' she says. And says he,'If I have anything to forgive Grizel for, I forgive her willingly.'And syne she quieted down and wrote the letter."

  Forgive her! Oh, how it enraged Grizel! How like the Tommy of old toput it in that way. There never had been a boy so good at forgivingpeople for his own crimes, and he always looked so modest when he didit. He was reclining on his chairs at this moment, she was sure hewas, forgiving her in every sentence. She could have endured it moreeasily had she felt sure that he was seeing himself as he was; but sheremembered him too well to have any hope of that.

  She put on her bonnet, and took it off again; a terrible thing,remember, for Grizel to be in a state of indecision. For the remainderof that day she was not wholly inactive. Meeting Dr. Gemmell in thestreet, she impressed upon him the advisability of not allowing Mr.Sandys to move for at least a week.

  "He might take a drive in a day or two," the doctor thought, "with hissister."

  "He would be sure to use his foot," Grizel maintained, "if you oncelet him rise from his chair; you know they all do." And Gemmell agreedthat she was right. So she managed to give Tommy as irksome a time aspossible.

  But next day she called. To go through another day without letting himsee how despicable she thought him was beyond her endurance. Elspethwas a little stiff at first, but Tommy received her heartily and withnothing in his manner to show that she had hurt his finer feelings.His leg (the wrong leg, as Grizel remembered at once) was extended ona chair in front of him; but instead of nursing it ostentatiously asso many would have done, he made humourous remarks at its expense."The fact is," he said cheerily, "that so long as I don't move I neverfelt better in my life. And I daresay I could walk almost as well aseither of you, only my tyrant of a doctor won't let me try." "Hetold me you had behaved splendidly," said Grizel, "while he wasreducing the dislocation. How brave you are! You could not haveendured more stoically though there had been nothing the matter withit."

  "It was soon over," Tommy replied lightly. "I think Elspeth sufferedmore than I."

  Elspeth told the story of his heroism. "I could not stay in the room,"she said; "it was too terrible." And Grizel despised tootender-hearted Elspeth for that; she was so courageous at facing painherself. But Tommy had guessed that Elspeth was trembling behind thedoor, and he had called out, "Don't cry, Elspeth; I am all right; itis nothing at all."

  "How noble!" was Grizel's comment, when she heard of this; and thenElspeth was her friend again, insisted on her staying to tea, and wentinto the kitchen to prepare it. Aaron was out.

  The two were alone now, and in the circumstances some men would havegiven the lady the opportunity to apologize, if such was her desire.But Tommy's was a more generous nature; his manner was that of oneless sorry to be misjudged than anxious that Grizel should not suffertoo much from remorse. If she had asked his pardon then and there, Iam sure he would have replied, "Right willingly, Grizel," and beggedher not to give another thought to the matter. What is of moreimportance, Grizel was sure of this also, and it was the magnanimityof him that especially annoyed her. There seemed to be no disturbingit. Even when she said, "Which foot is it?" he answered, "The one onthe chair," quite graciously, as if she had asked a natural question.

  Grizel pointed out that the other foot must be tired of being a footin waiting. It had got a little exercise, Tommy replied lightly, lastnight and again this morning, when it had helped to convey him to andfrom his bed.

  Had he hopped? she asked brutally.

  No, he said; he had shuffled along. Half rising, he attempted to showher humourously how he walked nowadays--tried not to wince, but hadto. Ugh, that was a twinge! Grizel sarcastically offered herassistance, and he took her shoulder gratefully. They crossed theroom--a tedious journey. "Now let me see if you can manage alone," shesays, and suddenly deserts him.

  He looked rather helplessly across the room. Few sights are sopathetic as the strong man of yesterday feeling that the chair by thefire is a distant object to-day. Tommy knew how pathetic it was, butGrizel did not seem to know.

  "Try it," she said encouragingly; "it will do you good."

  And clung to it, his teeth set.]

  He got as far as the table, and clung to it, his teeth set. Grizelclapped her hands. "Excellently done!" she said, with fell meaning,and recommended him to move up and down the room for a little; hewould feel ever so much the better for it afterwards.

  The pain--was--considerable, he said. Oh, she saw that, but he hadalready proved himself so good at bearing pain, and the new school ofsurgeons held that it was wise to exercise an injured limb.

  Even then it was not a
reproachful glance that Tommy gave her, thoughthere was some sadness in it. He moved across the room several times,a groan occasionally escaping him. "Admirable!" said his critic."Bravo! Would you like to stop now?"

  "Not until you tell me to," he said determinedly, but with a gasp.

  "It must be dreadfully painful," she replied coldly, "but I shouldlike you to go on." And he went on until suddenly he seemed to havelost the power to lift his feet. His body swayed; there was anappealing look on his face. "Don't be afraid; you won't fall," saidGrizel. But she had scarcely said it when he fainted dead away, andwent down at her feet.

  "Oh, how dare you!" she cried in sudden flame, and she drew back fromhim. But after a moment she knew that he was shamming no longer--orshe knew it and yet could not quite believe it; for, hurrying out ofthe room for water, she had no sooner passed the door than she swiftlyput back her head as if to catch him unawares; but he lay motionless.

  The sight of her dear brother on the floor paralyzed Elspeth, whocould only weep for him, and call to him to look at her and speak toher. But in such an emergency Grizel was as useful as any doctor, andby the time Gemmell arrived in haste the invalid was being brought to.The doctor was a practical man who did not ask questions while therewas something better to do. Had he asked any as he came in, Grizelwould certainly have said: "He wanted to faint to make me believe hereally has a bad ankle, and somehow he managed to do it." And if thedoctor had replied that people can't faint by wishing, she would havesaid that he did not know Mr. Sandys.

  But, with few words, Gemmell got his patient back to the chairs, andproceeded to undo the bandages that were round his ankle. Grizel stoodby, assisting silently. She had often assisted the doctors, but neverbefore with that scornful curl of her lip. So the bandages wereremoved and the ankle laid bare. It was very much swollen anddiscoloured, and when Grizel saw this she gave a little cry, and theointment she was holding slipped from her hand. For the first timesince he came to Thrums, she had failed Gemmell at a patient's side.

  "I had not expected it to be--like this," she said in a quiveringvoice, when he looked at her in surprise.

  "It will look much worse to-morrow," he assured them, grimly. "I can'tunderstand, Miss Sandys, how this came about."

  "Miss Sandys was not in the room," said Grizel, abjectly, "but I was,and I--"

  Tommy's face was begging her to stop. He was still faint and in pain,but all thought of himself left him in his desire to screen her. "Iowe you an apology, doctor," he said quickly, "for disregarding yourinstructions. It was entirely my own fault; I would try to walk."

  "Every step must have been agony," the doctor rapped out; and Grizelshuddered.

  "Not nearly so bad as that," Tommy said, for her sake.

  "Agony," insisted the doctor, as if, for once, he enjoyed the word."It was a mad thing to do, as surely you could guess, Grizel. Why didyou not prevent him?"

  "She certainly did her best to stop me," Tommy said hastily; "but Isuppose I had some insane fit on me, for do it I would. I am verysorry, doctor."

  His face was wincing with pain, and he spoke jerkily; but the doctorwas still angry. He felt that there was something between these twowhich he did not understand, and it was strange to him, andunpleasant, to find Grizel unable to speak for herself. I think hedoubted Tommy from that hour. All he said in reply, however, was: "Itis unnecessary to apologize to me; you yourself are the onlysufferer."

  But was Tommy the only sufferer? Gemmell left, and Elspeth followedhim to listen to those precious words which doctors drop, as from avial, on the other side of a patient's door; and then Grizel, who hadbeen standing at the window with head averted, turned slowly round andlooked at the man she had wronged. Her arms, which had been hangingrigid, the fists closed, went out to him to implore forgiveness. Idon't know how she held herself up and remained dry-eyed, her wholebeing wanted so much to sink by the side of his poor, tortured foot,and bathe it in her tears.

  So, you see, he had won; nothing to do now but forgive herbeautifully. Go on, Tommy; you are good at it.

  But the unexpected only came out of Tommy. Never was there a softerheart. In London the old lady who sold matches at the street cornerhad got all his pence; had he heard her, or any other, mourning a sonsentenced to the gallows, he would immediately have wondered whetherhe might take the condemned one's place. (What a speech Tommy couldhave delivered from the scaffold!) There was nothing he would not jumpat doing for a woman in distress, except, perhaps, destroy hisnote-book. And Grizel was in anguish. She was his suppliant, hisbrave, lonely little playmate of the past, the noble girl of to-day,Grizel whom he liked so much. As through a magnifying-glass he saw hertop-heavy with remorse for life, unable to sleep of nights, crushedand----

  He was not made of the stuff that could endure it. The truth must out."Grizel," he said impulsively, "you have nothing to be sorry for. Youwere quite right. I did not hurt my foot that night in the Den, butafterwards, when I was alone, before the doctor came. I wricked ithere intentionally in the door. It sounds incredible; but I set myteeth and did it, Grizel, because you had challenged me to a duel, andI would not give in."

  As soon as it was out he was proud of himself for having thegenerosity to confess it. He looked at Grizel expectantly.

  Yes, it sounded incredible, and yet she saw that it was true. AsElspeth returned at that moment, Grizel could say nothing. She stoodlooking at him only over her high collar of fur. Tommy actuallythought that she was admiring him.