Sleep No More (Sleeping In Heaven, Waking In Hell Book 2)

by Forever Redd

  “What’s that?” I asked, but I was really thinking, the nerve he got to ask me for anything. But yes, I too can play the part.

  “Promise me you won’t ever change. You’re everything to me, Ma. You do your part and lots of times, mine too but promise me you won’t take that away from me.”

  I knew once I made that promise, I would have to stay true to it. I searched his eyes for any type of deceit, but I was unable to find any. All I could see was love. “I promise, Jody. I…” Tiny shrills interrupted my sentence. “We will finish this later, okay? Duty calls,” I said while walking out of the room to see which of the babies was unhappy.

  “Naw, Ma, go lay down. I got the baby. But can you fix me a bottle?”

  I had no idea if Jody knew what he was doing, but he did have a few younger cousins. Either way, I was happy that he was willing to jump right in and take on his role. “Okay, come on.” Jody and I left the nursery, just as we had entered it, hand in hand.

  It was Serenity with all the fuss. I took the bundle out the carrier and began to undress her. Once I got her down to her onesie, she had quieted the cry to a small whimper while Jody stood and watched.

  “We got two, Jody. Get the other one, he probably hot too.”

  “But he ain’t cryin’, Ma. I want my lil’ girl,” Jody said enthusiastically.

  He took the baby from my arms, and placed her tiny face to his chest. He rocked from side to side and gently rubbed her back. She quickly calmed down to the sound of his voice.

  “Ssshhh, ssshhh, Daddy’s little angel. I’m here, yea, Daddy here. It’s okay, don’t cry,” Jody whispered as he comforted Serenity.

  Look at that shit, another young lady falls victim to that man and his ways, I thought.

  By the time I returned with the bottle, Serenity was asleep, thumb in her mouth and head on daddy’s chest.

  “Go ‘head, Ma, do what you need to do. I got this.”

  I just walked away. I was living with an unsuspecting young lady that’s going to fall in love with that man, the great Mr. Jody. I hoped he didn’t hurt her the same way he had hurt me, and I couldn’t help but wonder if and when he was going to try his foolishness again. If he will do it once, he will do it again. I knew that wasn’t a very positive attitude to have, but I wanted to keep my guard up this time. I wanted to stay ahead of the game, be prepared should there be a next time. I hoped not I prayed not. I gathered all my toiletries, granny panties, and something to sleep in, then entered the bathroom for a much needed shower. I was certainly going to milk this generosity until it was no more.

  5

  Leon

  Karley and I sat side by side on the beige colored sofa at Karley’s house. I wanted to discuss the best news of my life. It should have been hers too, so why the distance?

  “Baby, what’s wrong? You ain’t said more than two words since we been home, you ok? Do you not want the baby? Talk to me Karley,” I asked out of concern for my soon to be baby-mama, and hopefully one day my life partner. It was like Karley didn’t know where to begin. I had never seen her in this state of mind, let alone, seen her cry. She was going to break, I could see it.

  “I’m fine, Leon. It’s just that…” Karley paused to collect herself and calm her nerves, when she heard the tremble in her voice.

  “It’s just that what, Baby?” I asked.

  Karley cleared her throat and wiped at her eyes. I was nervous, my baby was actually crying. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. Should I say or do anything at all? Karley had calmed her breathing and she continued through the tears.

  “It’s just, I’m scared, Babe. My mama isn’t here. She wasn’t there for me growing up, and now here I am, having a baby. I feel like I don’t have anyone. I feel so alone. I can’t call my mama and say Ma, I need help, or Ma, what does this mean…”

  “But you got Vic, you got Jody. Baby, you got me. Don’t that count for sumn? You aren’t alone, Karley.”

  She went from sad to pissed in all of ten seconds. “Goddamnit Leon, I want MY mama, don’t you get that? Do you have any idea what it’s like to be without your mom? I wake up in the middle of the night because I can hear her voice, I can feel her presence. Then as soon as I open my eyes, she is gone. She leaves nothing but her scent wafting through my nostrils. I remember waking up to the worse stomach pain I had ever had in my life. I got up to use the bathroom, and as soon as I got in there, the warm red liquid flowed freely from my vaj. Yes, I knew what it was, and I knew what to do, but she wasn’t there. She wasn’t there to take me to get tampons and pads, tell me everything is going to be okay. She just wasn’t there. I need her Leon, I need her here with me. Not you, not Victoria, and damn sho not Jody. Of course I don’t expect you to understand, you still got your mama, and your selfish ass don’t go see her. You don’t talk to her, hell, you don’t even talk about her. You sit here and talk about how much you love me, how much you respect me, but look at your feelings towards your own mother. How do I know you aren’t going to up and say fuck us, just pick up and leave? You know what, I don’t even wanna talk about this right now.” She got from the sofa, and stormed off. When she reached the bedroom, she slammed the door.

  I remained seated with my mouth hanging open. “What the fuck just happened?” I asked myself in disbelief. I had heard how pregnancy alters a woman’s hormones, but to see it firsthand had me kinda nervous. Damn, I thought. How could I fix her issue, fix her? Karley needed to see that I was there for her and our unborn child. I would remain by her side through the pregnancy, the delivery, and forever. I had no intentions of going anywhere, not if I could help it, but I would give her some time to relax, and hopefully calm down.

  I stepped out in the cool evening air, and hopped in my old-school, drop-top Impala. That was my baby. My father had left it behind, right along with me and my mother. I drove this car on Sunday’s, or whenever I had something heavy on my mind. It seemed the car made me feel closer to the man that assisted in giving me life. Whenever I was in it, I would imagine me and Pop talking about women, problems, and money. I could picture my father giving me the game, as I hoped to do with my own son. Hell, I would even give that time and game to my daughter.

  I sparked the freshly rolled spliff and cracked the window. I cruised around town getting looks from everyone at every stoplight. Older white people just looked on in amazement at the 1972 old-school on the massive tires. Some of them gasped as their windows shook from the heavy bass that poured from the custom installed speakers throughout the entire car. I was pushing three fifteen-inch speakers in the trunk, two six by nines cut into each door, and two twelve-inch speakers underneath the back seat. To say I was knocking was an understatement. I humped hard for this car. I put in serious work and money to achieve my vision. After all, it was the best made up memory I had of my estranged father.

  I knew I couldn’t leave Karley to fend for herself and battle her emotions alone, she needed me. She needed reassurance, and she needed my strength and love to get through this difficult time. I knew I wasn’t a replacement of her parents and that I wasn’t trying to be. I wanted to be her hero, rescue her from the past and deliver her to a future filled with happiness. I wanted her to realize she wasn’t alone, and that she did in fact have someone on her team. As long as she would have me, I would be there every step of the way.

  I outtened the greenery just as I turned into the parking lot of Columbiana Mall. Karley wasn’t the flower or balloon type, so her pick-me-up gift would have to be simple, Great American Cookie Company. She was a beast when it came to cookies, and she liked them all. I planned to get her a variety, then go back home and have a much needed talk. I gave her the opportunity to air out her feelings, but I needed some of that time too.

  ************

  Karley

  I lay on top of my bed with my head buried beneath the fluffy down comforter and cried my eyes out, I was so upset. No mother to share my news with, and I had yet to tell Victoria. There was already enough going on i
n the White house, they had no need for my news. For the first time in a long time, I felt abandoned and unwanted. I was unsure if my outburst had caused Leon to leave me as well, but I could only pray that he would return. When I heard the door close, it actually shocked me. I just knew Leon was going to come and console me. That was what I wanted him to do, but unfortunately, he didn’t. I had tried to be a decent person all my life, but was my happiness too much to ask for? Would I even be a good mother to my child? Did I even want to bring a baby into the world? I could get in an accident, die, and leave my child alone, like my parents did me. I caressed the baby bump I had been hiding for the last eighteen weeks.

  “Well kid, it’s just me and you. I have no clue how we gon’ make it, but I give you my word, I will never leave you.”

  I heard the front door close just as I was having a heart to heart with my baby, and I sighed with relief. He came back, I thought. And although I was very thankful, I wiped my tears, turned my back to the bedroom door, and closed my eyes. I don’t know why I wanted him to think I was sleep, or just didn’t care, but damn, I was going through a whirlwind of emotions. Him, this baby, Victoria, Jody…I just needed time.

  ************

  Leon

  I placed my head to the door and listened for any type of sound. Once I was certain the crying had stopped, I took that as a silent invitation and stepped inside the dimly lit room. I placed the cookies on the nightstand and pecked what appeared to be a sleeping Karley on her mouth. Karley stirred, but never opened her eyes. I took a seat on the opposite side of the bed and addressed my sleeping beauty.

  “I was eight years old when he left us. I don’t know if him and my mama had problems or not. They never showed it if they did, but I can remember one day hearing them argue about something simple. I think my mama ironed his work pants wit a crooked crease, I’ono, but it was sumn like that. After the argument, he came in the kitchen where I was having breakfast before school. He rubbed the top of my head and said, “Take care of yo mama, lil man,” gave me a pound and walked out the front door.

  “Quite naturally, I assumed he was goin’ to work, since he was goin’ on about them pants. I had no idea he was walking out our lives for good. When night had fallen and he hadn’t come home, I figured he was working late. My small mind couldn’t comprehend that he just wasn’t coming back. That night turned to day, that day to weeks, weeks to months, and he never even looked back. Birthdays and Christmases were both nonexistent in my house.”

  Karley was all ears. We had been in our relationship for a while, but never discussed my parents. One night in a drunken stupor, Karley told me the story of her parents, but begged me never to speak on it ever again. She said she didn’t want to be any ones charity case or pity party. Of course, I obliged her request and left it alone. I could relate to her pain, so to speak. Only Jody knew of my scarring past, and now Karley. I wanted her to know I would ride for her because I too knew that empty feeling all too well.

  “When my mother accepted the fact that Pops wasn’t coming back, it really did a number on her. Once she stayed in her room for a whole week straight. Nothing in the world would bring her out, not even me. She left me to fend for self. I had to feed myself, get myself up and ready for school. She ain’t care ‘bout nuttin but his ass.” I sniffled as I relived my past, but continued through the painful recap of my story.

  “It’s funny, I hear all the time about people who mama all strung out and shit, but you know what, I wished mine was. At least that way, I could have seen her, heard her voice, touched her. Anything to let me know she was there. I went to school some days dirty, hungry, and my hair nappy because she wasn’t around to help me fix myself up. One day, the school notified her as to my appearance, and just to keep social services off her ass, she came out that damn room. She came out when I was at school, then she would grocery shop and pay the little bills we had. She would do laundry every so often. Other than that, she wasn’t there. She never came out that fuckin’ room, man. Yea, she put food in the house, but hell, I could barely see over the stove. I remember one Saturday morning, I was tired of eating cereal with water, cereal with Kool-Aid, or just dry cereal; I wanted some food. I sat right there on the kitchen floor and ate damn near a whole pack of raw bacon. I just wanted something to eat. I was a kid, Karley!”

  Karley eased up off the bed and placed her head on my back. She knew this was difficult for me and could now see why. Karley wrapped her arms around me and squeezed me gently, letting me know she was there. She was silently giving me the okay to get it out. I patted her hand and continued my not so pleasant walk down memory lane.

  “She was empty, Karley. Her eyes were hollow and lifeless. Everything had taken a drastic turn so fast, and she had no idea how to stop the downward spiral that life had thrown her in. My pops mattered to her far more than I did, and I guess she wanted him more than she wanted me. When he left, she couldn’t bear the sight or the thought of me. I looked just like him, carried myself just like him. To this day, I shave the same way he showed me when I was six. I was definitely my father’s child. With her, she was nothing more than the canal in which I traveled into my Hell, but other people called it life. Sherrell, that’s her name. It hurts to even say it. When I turned twelve, the people came to get her. It broke my heart to go to the school counselor and tell on her, but she was dying. Life was her torture and I could no longer bear witness to that. The ambulance came to the house and had to break her bedroom door down just to get in to help her. When they opened that door, a part of me died right then. You shoulda seen her.” I was now fully crying.

  “All of her once long, pretty hair was gone, not gone like cut, gone like she ripped it out strand for strand from her scalp. There were open wounds all over her head, some filled with puss, others still bleeding, and the rest scabbed over and looking infected. It looked like she just laid there and picked at em all day. The stench in the room was that of death. The trash can was overflowing with trash. Rotting food littered the dresser and the floor. I have no idea the last time she bathed, or even brushed her teeth. She had aged a good twenty years, and it had only been four. I could hardly recognize her. She just laid there staring off in space wearing my pops’ old work shirt, chillin’ in her own feces. Once the paramedics removed her from the bed, and onto the gurney, I noticed the bed was covered in maggots, bed bugs, and gnats. They were eating her alive, Karley.”

  My emotions were getting the best of me and I couldn’t stop the pain, let alone the tears. Karley was overcome with emotion herself. As she listened, she cried a river right along with me. “I hadn’t heard her voice in years,” I choked. “The one thing she could have said to the child she neglected, was I’m sorry, I love you, anything other than “You shoulda let me die.” I just shook my head and allowed the case worker to lead the way to my aunt Paloma’s house in Branchville. I went from one hell to the next. Aunt Paloma lived so deep in the sticks, no one dared go there. Aside from the fucked up appearance on the outside, the inside was actually decent. She cooked and fed me, kept my clothes clean, and allowed me to go to school looking like everybody else. The only thing that made me a little less than thankful for my mom’s older sister was the fact that she had a thing for little boys. Yes, my aunt molested me, and called it a reward. She never went all the way and I had to promise never to tell. I would receive daily blow jobs for washing the dishes or getting good grades. I was fuckin’ twelve years old!”

  At that point, I was a snotty mess. I wanted to be strong, I wanted the pain to disappear. I would have been satisfied if it just hurt a little less. Karley got out of the bed and cautiously walked around and kneeled before me.

  “Baby, don’t cry. Please, don’t cry. I’m here now, and I will never leave you. I know I am not your parents, and you are not mine, but we have each other, and we have this baby we have to take care of. Let’s show all of ‘em how it’s done. You with me?” Karley asked with a reassuring smile.

  “You know I am, Baby
Mama! But can I tell you sumn?”

  “You can tell me anything, Baby Daddy,” Karley replied.

  “I’m worried about Jody and Victoria.”

  “Worried how?” Karley jumped back mortified.

  “I’m sayin’ though, like Jody, I mean.”

  “You mean what? Spit it out.”

  “Damn Mama, calm down. Jody, he be runnin’ ‘round any and errywhere. That dude act like he ain’t got no wife. Victoria cool as hell, but she so, so dumb, Bae. I’m sorry, I know that’s yo people, and for real, I am sorry for sayin’ that like that, but she is.”

  “She naïve Leon, she isn’t dumb by far.”

  “Shittin’ me she ain’t. That girl can’t see shit past Jody ass. Look, that dude be out all hours of the night. He do what the fuck he want, when the fuck he want. Now where her ass at? Home. What the fuck ever he tell her, she believe. That girl walk round with a smile on her face when she know good and damn well her shit fucked up. Who live like that? That right there is the craziest shit I ever seen in my life. Could you do it?”

  “Could I do what?”

  Karley had done sat straight up and her neck had a lil crook in it. It was ‘bout to go down.

  “Could you walk ‘round living a lie like that shit was all good? Could you stare in the face of the muthafucka that you know, you know sucking the air out yo lungs, but fake like he yo breath?”

  Silence

  I gave her a second to think about it. Love make ya do some crazy shit, but I wanted to know when was enough, enough? How far would someone really go in the name of love? I had no fuckin’ clue. But if I have to wake in Hell every day, some shit would hafta change.

  “Well,” Karley started. “I’ma be perfectly honest. Yes, I could. I can do whatever it takes to make me happy. I know what I want. I know I want it. Either get right or left. Victoria lives that lie because that’s the truth in her heart. She wants to be a wife and mother. She has always wanted that.”