Life

by Rosie Scott

  I thought about teasing her about having an endless supply of men, but I didn't want to be disrespectful to Holter. Instead, I said, “I'm sure you'll be fine.”

  “Yeah.” Nyx chuckled, glancing down the hallway as if already looking for more men.

  “Nyx.” I lowered my voice. “That man in there adores you. Don't string him along.”

  Nyx grimaced, hurt by my words. “Gods, how badly do you think three years changed me? You know me. I've been nothing but honest with him. Holter likes me, but he's mostly here to be a part of something bigger. He's been really excited to meet you. Says he wants to travel the world and see Chairel.”

  “And you will be with us as well?” Azazel questioned from beside me.

  Nyx's eyes moved over to him. “I plan on it.” When Azazel said nothing, she added, “Do you have a problem with that?”

  There was a short silence as the two Alderi stared at one another. Azazel finally replied, “If Kai has invited you back, that's all that matters.”

  Nyx raised one black eyebrow at the archer. “I was nasty toward you in Welkin years ago, Azazel, and for that, I'm really sorry.”

  “It's not me I'm worried about,” Azazel replied.

  Nyx leaned back against the door frame and crossed both arms over her chest. “I made a brash decision that hurt a lot of people. I acknowledge that. But I was going through a lot.”

  “All of us were in mourning,” Azazel argued. “Jakan and Anto meant a lot to all of us.”

  “Azazel...” I put a hand on his arm, trying to calm him. “Let the past be the past. Nyx and I have already settled things.”

  Azazel's black eyes found mine, conflicted. “I don't like abandonment, Kai.”

  “I know.” I put an arm around his waist, squeezing him close to me. “Neither do I. But if I refused to forgive my friends after they hurt me by making rash decisions, I would not only be a hypocrite, I'd be completely alone. You were rash once, Azazel.”

  The archer grimaced. “In the underground, yes. But I wasn't abandoning you. I was abandoning Calder.”

  “It sure felt like you were abandoning me,” I retorted playfully.

  Azazel frowned. “I'm sorry.”

  Nyx chuckled at our exchange. “Look at it this way, bud,” she started, catching Azazel's gaze, “the fact that Kai's accepting me back with open arms should make you happy. It means she's understanding and willing to forgive. Both traits are good for a ruler of a country to have, aren't they?” Nyx's eyes moved to mine, showing a rare softness and humility. “You left us in Quellden, and she accepted you back with open arms. Now look at how loyal you are to her. The same is true for me. I needed a break. I took one. Thought things through. Decided I wanted to come back. Because I'm accepted here, and I want to be a part of everything.”

  Azazel exhaled heavily beside me. “That's exactly how I felt.”

  Nyx smiled at him. “See? We're not so different after all.” She reached out with a boot, kicking Azazel's teasingly. “I missed Kai a lot these past few years, but I also missed you.” She looked over to Cerin and Maggie. “And you guys. I'm sorry I wasn't there in Glacia. I worried a lot about you all, which I hated because I'm not used to it.” She wrinkled up her nose. “Kept thinking it was possible that even if your mission succeeded you'd all die there. Didn't matter, though. Because the Seran Renegades are apparently an unstoppable force of nature.”

  I huffed with amusement. “Yes, and let's hope that remains the case in Hammerton.”

  Five

  44th of High Star, 426

  An Eteri warship cut through the calm waters just west of Mistral, yellow and black sails rippling in the breeze. Even from the edge of the Orna Cliffs, I could hear the faint beat of the musician's drum. Many of the sailors on board the galleon observed the top tier of the capital city as they traveled past, some of them waving enthusiastically to catch the attention of those on the cliffs. I waved back and smiled, hoping they saw my greeting. Beside me, Azazel laughed softly.

  I glanced over at him with a smirk. “What?”

  Azazel raised his black eyebrows and shrugged. “You're awfully happy today.”

  “It's our last full day in Mistral, bud,” I replied, gazing off over the ocean. I couldn't see Hammerton from here, of course, but just knowing the last stretch of the war was laid out before me kept me looking for it.

  “You won't miss Eteri?” Azazel questioned curiously, pushing both blue hands into the front pockets of his pants as he watched the ocean with me.

  “Maybe the beauty of the land,” I replied. “Little else.” I thought of Jakan and Anto. Their graves would forever be in the highest reaches of the Cleves. They'd wanted so badly to see Eteri, and now they would never leave it. Depending on how the next few years went, it was possible I would never be able to revisit their resting places. I tried to make myself feel better by remembering that Uriel was bringing their weapons with us. We didn't want to risk them being lost if our mission in Hammerton did not end well and I couldn't get them from Eteri.

  Azazel was as quiet as I was, so I looked over and asked, “What about you? Will you miss Eteri?”

  “A bit,” he said, his long black bangs blowing back from his face as a breeze blew by to steal our body heat.

  “Because it is where you first saw the surface?”

  “That's part of the reason,” Azazel admitted, rocking back and forth a bit on his heels in a rare nervous habit. I reached over, putting a hand over the armor at his stomach as if to steady him. We were too close to the edge of the cliffs for my liking. Azazel grinned over at me before settling back on his heels.

  “I have a feeling you do things like that just to make me nervous,” I commented.

  “Sometimes I do.”

  I moved my face to glare over at him, surprised by his admittance. “You're serious?”

  Azazel chuckled. “It's nice to know I'm cared for.”

  “I'd rather you just ask me to say I love you than give me a heart attack by trying to make me prove it,” I mused.

  “Then tell me.”

  I huffed in amusement. “I love you.”

  Azazel smiled and kept his black eyes out over the water. “That's the other reason I'll miss Eteri, Kai.”

  “I'll still love you in Hammerton.”

  The archer chuckled. “I know. But we bonded here.” There was a pause. “Maybe you won't understand since you've had so many friends over the years, but somehow, Eteri feels special to me.”

  “Hazarmaveth feels special to me when it comes to you,” I said softly. “That is where I came to care for you.”

  “I came to care for you underground as well,” Azazel admitted. “But I feel so separated from who I was then that I don't really consider that a part of my life anymore. Does that make sense?”

  “It does.” I hesitated. “Will you be okay working with the Alderi in Hammerton, if they show?”

  “It's not my race that bothers me, Kai,” Azazel murmured. “It is the culture. If Calder does send his armies, I will work with them as I did in the underground. I simply won't partake in any other activities.”

  I was quiet for a moment, remembering the traumas of his past. “Do you think you will ever heal, Azazel?”

  The archer stiffened a bit beside me. “From my time in the brothel, you mean?”

  “...yes.”

  “I don't know,” he admitted, contemplative. “I think after your mind goes through so many repetitive incidents of trauma, it just learns to shut down and stop caring. I feel nauseated at the idea of physical intimacy. I don't think that will ever change. But to be honest, I don't really care if it does.” Azazel shrugged lightly, his eyes following the patrolling Eteri galleon as it sailed slowly back in the other direction. “I'm happy with the way things are.”

  “If you're ever uncomfortable with—”

  “Don't even start, Kai.” Azazel reached over to pull me in for a side squeeze. “I am comfortable with you. More so than anyone else. I started off
awkward, but there was once a time I was only touched if I was to be used. That time is behind me.”

  Azazel and I watched over the ocean for a few more minutes before I spoke again. “I understand what you mean about Eteri, Azazel. About it being special to you. Nahara is that way for me.”

  “Nahara? Not Sera?”

  “Sera is where I lost everything. Nahara is where I gained it.”

  “Ah,” Azazel said, noting the distinction. “Will you be happy in Sera, then? When we take it?”

  I smiled over at him, grateful for his optimistic wording. “Not always, if I'm honest. I'll spruce up the place. Change it. But I spent twenty-one years of my life there. In the years since I've fallen in love with traveling. After we take Chairel, I want to move around. I think I've become like Nyx. Staying in one place might make me stir crazy.”

  “How will you handle traveling if you are the queen?”

  “Chairel is the largest country in the world, bud. I can stay in my domain and travel. Besides, I don't know if I like the idea of being the only one with any say. Currently, Chairel has one queen and three regents. Perhaps I will expand on that idea and create a new government, and Chairel will be ruled by intelligence no matter where I am.”

  “You don't wish to rule?” He questioned.

  “No, I wish to rule. Just not alone.” I frowned with self-reflection as a breeze blew by, picking up my red hair and pulling it away from my neck. “My years in this war have taught me many things, Azazel. After our campaign in the underground, I know that to rule alone and unchallenged for hundreds of years only makes the people turn against you. After our time here, I know that I am much too powerful to rule unchecked.”

  I felt Azazel's eyes on me. “You don't think you'd be a good ruler?”

  “I intend to be a good ruler. I have nothing but the best intentions. But intentions are not actions. The combination of my god blood and my use of necromancy could be a recipe for disaster if I am left to rule alone. I have the potential to be the most powerful person to ever exist.” I thought back to my assault on Narangar. “And already, that power has gone to my head. I felt unstoppable in Narangar. It was an amazing feeling, but a dangerous one. What would become of me if I let my power get to my head while immortal?”

  Azazel was quiet a moment. “It says a lot about you that you would think of this now, Kai. But what could the others possibly do to stop you?”

  I grimaced at his wording. “You make it sound as if I would push my friends to the side.”

  “It's clear that the people you love are the most important things in your life. But you just mentioned Narangar, so perhaps it is time to remind you that you left us all behind to destroy the harbor.”

  I swallowed hard. “We've been over this.”

  “Yes, but if you'd allow me to make a request, I'd appreciate it.”

  I blew an exhale through my lips, causing some of my red hair to puff out toward the ocean. “Go ahead.”

  “I know your decision was made so you could win that battle and keep us all safe. Looking back, I understand your judgment was sound. My only issue is that you left us out of that decision. And before you start to argue,” Azazel continued, just as my mouth opened to defend myself, “I know you left us out of that decision because we wouldn't have let you go. I get why things happened the way they did, Kai. I really do. But before we go to Hammerton, I would ask you to promise me that you will be open with me when it comes to your future decisions and ideas. Even if I won't like them. Even if I try to get you to reconsider. If you are serious about wanting others to rule with you in Chairel, start putting that into practice now. I will not control you, because I cannot control you. You told Nyx back when she rejoined us that I was your greatest friend and right-hand man. Allow me to be. Even if we don't agree, allow me to raise my concerns.”

  I was quiet as I considered his plea. It reminded me much of when I'd pleaded with Calder to control his rages so many years ago. I'd been harsh with Calder while I tried to prepare him to be king. Azazel was being brutally honest in doing the same for me. As much as his words humbled me, they were words I needed to hear.

  “I couldn't keep much from you if I tried,” I finally said. “I'm surprised you heard what I said to Nyx across that crowded tavern.”

  Azazel chuckled. “I can't help my ears. Besides, I was worried that as soon as Nyx came back, you'd forget all about me. But then you told her that without even knowing I could hear you, and I was overjoyed.”

  I smirked, finding his attachment to me adorable.

  “Don't avoid answering my request, Kai,” Azazel finally reminded me.

  “What I said to Nyx was not a lie, Azazel. You're my right-hand man and best friend, and I will treat you as such. I promise not to keep anything from you, even if it'll hurt you when I say it.”

  “...and?” Azazel prodded.

  “Who are you, Cerin?” I jested.

  “You are easier to read than you think,” Azazel teased me.

  I sighed heavily. “And I wanted to thank you for bringing me down a notch, bud. Like anyone else, I have shortcomings. I need to be aware of them if I'm going to lead Chairel in a number of years. I trust you to point them out to me.”

  Azazel chuckled. “Like anyone else,” he lovingly mocked.

  “What?” I retorted.

  “It was amusing the way you said it, like it would be a surprise that you had shortcomings,” Azazel replied. “Wouldn't you know it? The gods are people, just like us!”

  “I will throw you over this cliff,” I teased, to which the archer laughed.

  Boot steps padded up slowly behind us, thick soles falling heavily over long folded grasses. Uriel walked up to my right, his light eyes on the ocean and his whitish-blonde hair pulled over one shoulder in a lazy side ponytail meant to combat the wind's tangling.

  “Are we heading into the castle now?” I asked the healer.

  “Not quite yet,” Uriel replied, still not looking over. “Zephyr's still on her way up.”

  “And Kirek?” Azazel questioned.

  “In the throne room still kissing Tilda's ass,” Uriel muttered, to which I snorted a laugh. The Sentinel finally looked over at me. “Where is Holter?”

  “In an inn,” I replied. “We didn't want to risk him coming with us.”

  Uriel nodded. “I'm glad to hear he came back safely. All went well?”

  “According to plan,” I answered vaguely.

  “Wonderful news,” Uriel murmured.

  “Let's hope.”

  Uriel glanced back behind us for a few seconds and then scooted a bit closer to me. “No matter what happens in Hammerton, I want you to know that you will never be at the other end of my spear. I would retreat and admit defeat before turning against you.”

  I nodded slowly. It warmed me to hear such a thing, but it was also a brutal reminder of the possibilities of this campaign. “Thank you, Uriel. I would say the same to you, but I do not carry a spear.”

  Uriel chuckled. “No. Your choice of weapon is far more powerful than mine. That will be a benefit for us, you know. You not only pull people to your side because you are easy to befriend, but you also attract people because they fear to be against you. You are an amazing ally, Kai, and a terrifying prospect of an enemy.”

  The healer quieted as we heard someone else near. “Hey, are you all ready?” Zephyr's bright voice was labored, proof of having walked up through Mistral's stairways. We finally turned from watching the ocean and followed the other Sentinel over the grass and to the queen's castle, picking up the others along the way. Altan, Leura, and Cyrus had been in the midst of a conversation with Cerin, and Nyx was sitting high up on Maggie's shoulders for no discernible reason. Maggie let the assassin down on the ground before we walked into the tower together.

  The last trek up into Mistral's castle was bittersweet. It was a beautiful and open building, and I would always be in love with its architecture. The view from the castle's top floor was hard to replicat
e. Even so, too many arguments and hard conversations had happened here. As gorgeous as this stone and glass palace was, I would be happy to finally put it behind me.

  Nyx feigned gagging beside me as Queen Tilda appeared at the other end of the throne room. It amused me, but I smacked her lightly on the side to get her to stop. If all went well, this was the last time we'd ever have to see the queen. I looked forward to getting it over with.

  Queen Tilda sat on her throne under a cascade of sunlight which shone through from the west as the afternoon slowly turned to evening. Waiting for us just in front of her were Kirek and Dax. A tray holding a teapot and a steaming mug of tea sat on a side table next to Tilda's throne. The light shining over it all dimmed as a guard near the wall lowered the shades to combat the sun.

  Tilda's sharp green eyes fell upon Nyx as we all came to a stop before her. I worried that she'd noticed the assassin's mockery until she finally said, “I thought you were dead. A casualty of the Battle of Highland Pass.”

  An ache settled in my gut as I mentally pleaded with Nyx to hold her tongue. I gritted my teeth as Nyx replied, “I look pretty good for being a corpse, don't I?”

  The queen blinked slowly at Nyx before deciding to simply ignore her. “You all are ready to leave in the morning?”

  “First thing,” Altan affirmed. “We'll arrive in Tal within a few weeks and leave for Hammerton by the 90th of High Star.”

  “I didn't ask for an entire rundown, Altan,” Tilda retorted impatiently, before directing her attention to me. “Let's hope the underground sends their reinforcements, Kai. If they do not, I simply don't have the resources to push my armies through both Hammerton and Chairel.”

  “Well, that's a problem you're just going to have to figure out how to fix,” I replied evenly. “Our agreement includes your aid in Chairel. I expect you to follow through.”

  Tilda chuckled dryly. “I find it cute that you think you're in a position to make such demands.”

  “I find it cute that you've so quickly forgotten what happens to those who think it is smart to cross me.”

  One side of Tilda's lips pulled up in amusement. “And what makes you so certain I would cross you, my dear?” She questioned as a deflection. “We've worked together for over five years now. We've had our problems, but surely we can consider most of your time here a success. I simply want to ensure our partnership continues to be successful. Without the support of the Alderi, our campaign in Hammerton will be an immense undertaking.”