by Rosie Scott
“It's not your responsibility to save people from their own fates, Uriel,” I said, repeating his own words back to him.
The healer smiled softly. “We must sound like hypocrites. Giving each other advice that we won't take for ourselves.”
“We sound like people trying to come to terms with tragic circumstances.” I picked up a new scalpel and started to clean it. “Tell me of the loved ones you've lost.”
“There are too many to list,” Uriel said, though he seemed open to conversation. “My mother died during my birth in the year 62. My father was a traveling trader. I often went with him on his journeys. We were father and son, but we were also best friends. I loved traveling around Eteri. It is such a diverse country. It changes so dramatically from north to south.
“Anyway—we went to Makani together in late 129. That's when I met Cyrus for the first time. He was there recruiting for the army. We didn't know it by its name at the time, but that was the first year of the Narangar Conflict. The dwarves were escaping from their attempts at getting the giants to rebel, and Eteri was preparing for retaliation. As part of Eteri's recruitment methods, they test you for elemental predispositions. My father encouraged me to try out. When I found out I could learn life magic, he was ecstatic.”
“Weren't you?” I asked.
“Not as much,” Uriel admitted. “I liked my life with him. Traveling with him. But my family was always poor. Life mages are paid better than most. We have more options than others. I think my father wanted a better life for me than he'd ever had.”
“But you joined the army,” I pointed out. “What convinced you?”
“Two things, really. My father looked up to Cyrus like a hero. At the time, Cyrus was fairly new to being a Sentinel himself. So was Altan. But they were treated like kings. I was a bit envious of that admiration, but I also looked up to them myself. I expected the acclaim to go to Cyrus's head and make him an asshole.” Uriel paused and smiled when I chuckled at his wording. “To my surprise, he was really humble. He encouraged me to join. Seemed really personally invested. So I did, and my father was proud.”
Uriel took a break from talking for a moment to start putting surgical tools away. “I had little use for the gold I made as a soldier, so I sent it to my father in Makani. Encouraged him to get a little place there with it and set up shop, and he did. He traded all his life, but that was always his dream. A shop of his own. In the meantime, Cyrus was called to Reva to take care of a metal dragon that was bothering the giants. I went with him, of course.”
“And impressed him enough in the battle that he suggested you for promotion,” I said, remembering that Uriel's plaque back in his apartment in Mistral had claimed the dragon was killed in 131.
“You remembered,” Uriel said happily, smiling over at me. “Yes. So, we went back to Mistral to report in. That's when Queen Tilda told Cyrus that Makani had been devastated by cannon fire. A Sentinel had been killed in the attack. Cyrus suggested me for promotion, and she granted it almost immediately. It wasn't like her. I think she was affected by her rage. Makani was almost completely destroyed. Thousands were dead. She wanted to retaliate again, but Eteri had a city to rebuild.
“Regardless, Cyrus told me this and congratulated me. My first thought was that I couldn't wait to tell my father. Cyrus and I went to Makani together to help it recover.”
When Uriel was silent a moment, I asked, “Did you find your father?”
“A piece of him,” the healer said, his voice lower. “His right arm, in fact. He'd had this silver bracelet made with an engraving on it. Something to do with being proud of having a soldier son.”
I frowned. “I'm sorry, Uriel.”
“I think he was waiting to show it to me. He probably would have been frustrated with the loss of gold since he'd have to update it to say he had a Sentinel as a son.” Uriel chuckled softly. “So go ahead, Kai. Tell me my regrets.”
“You regret encouraging your father to set up shop in Makani,” I told him. “Because even though you couldn't have known it would be attacked, you think your words put him in the wrong place at the wrong time.”
Uriel pointed over at me. “And this is why I like talking to you. You get it.”
“I do. You don't need me to tell you that thinking that's wrong.”
“No, because I'll think it anyway.” Uriel sighed. “The tragedy at Highland Pass allowed you to grow. The same is true for me when it comes to my father's death. Cyrus and I grew very close. He was there for me when I lost my father, and I owe my career to him.”
“Were you two ever more than friends?” I questioned.
Uriel chuckled. “Given our preferences and our close friendship, I suppose I should be surprised you've waited this long to ask. No, Kai, though I would have liked that at one time. We were always such good friends that to move beyond that was an odd prospect. Besides, we have both loved and lost throughout the years. The older we've gotten, the less we even try to search for such companionship. Life as a Sentinel can be hard.”
“Being on the move all the time doesn't really keep the doors open for romance or family,” I commented.
“You and Cerin manage it.”
“Yes, but we're used to it, and I can't get pregnant. Much of my time in the war would be vastly different if I were having children as quickly as my brother seems to be in Sera.” I hesitated and joked, “That's something you don't have to worry about, so you don't have an excuse.”
“I don't have to worry about having a brother in Sera?” Uriel asked, confused.
“No. Getting someone pregnant.”
Uriel laughed at that. “You're right. I do have to worry about being at my queen's every whim, though. You and Cerin may be on the move, but at least you always go together. I don't have as much freedom or choice. It's hard finding someone to love when those people are constantly being shuffled around to wherever Tilda wants them.”
“It's the perfect time for love, then, since we're all here for a few years.”
“You're right. I opened myself up to it, and now I've fallen hard and fast.” Uriel chuckled softly and added, “Again.”
“All is well with you and your secret beau?”
“It is.” Uriel huffed in amusement at my wording. “Kai—to bring this conversation back to where we began...Cyrus expressed concern to me about your use of magic to strengthen your friends.”
“Still? I've already spoken to him about it.”
“I think he was just reiterating himself to me,” Uriel assured me. “I believe his reasoning for telling me those concerns is because he knows I'm like you.”
“In what way?”
“You have the ability to put your friends on the path of immortality,” Uriel said. “I cannot imagine any situation where I had that ability and didn't use it. Especially after losing someone I love. I am a healer, after all. I look to protect. So do you. It will take some time for Azazel and me and the others to notice the long-term effects of your magic. We are still very much mortal. It will always be possible to die. Even so, the idea that you could change the fates of your friends over decades of work—you would be crazy not to use it. That is why I told you I felt flattered that day you gave me a high. You care for me enough to offer me such power. You trust me enough not to misuse it. I feel closer to you now than I did before, Kai. It feels like we share in this together.”
I hesitated from cleaning and looked up to find him watching me. “We do, Uriel. I care for you greatly. I would never have given you the spell if I didn't.”
Uriel smiled softly and turned his attention back to his work. “When you teach me the spell in Chairel...will you be opposed to the idea of me using it to give your power to others?”
“You want to use it to give my highs to your lover,” I surmised.
“I would like to, yes, but I would never do anything to undermine your trust.”
“Just say the word in battle, Uriel, and I will use the spell on your beau when I am able.”
“Of course. Why wait to go through you? I trust your judgment.” I paused and added, “Then again, I've never seen you in love before. It's possible you're like Nyx and fall for the criminals and shady sorts.”
Uriel chuckled. “We are all arguably criminals, Kai.”
“This is true.”
“His name is Hakan.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Your lover?”
“Yes.” Uriel appeared humbled as he said, “My secret beau, as you said. I'd prefer if we kept this between us.”
“Another thing we can share together.”
“Yes.”
“The secret, not the man,” I added after I thought back to my words.
Uriel burst out laughing. “I told you that you'd never be at the end of my spear, but I wouldn't test it if I were you.”
I held up two hands in playful defeat.
Uriel and I continued our conversation as we finished up with our cleaning. We had worked together over the few weeks since the Battle of Olympia. Thankfully, over time, the amount of injured lessened as more necessary surgeries were performed. Our casualties from the defense of Olympia were still higher than they'd been for its takeover. I tried to find solace in the fact that we were expecting Eteri reinforcements in about a moon at the turn of the new year. Then, we would finally be leaving Olympia behind to focus on Griswald.
A knock came at the door just as Uriel and I were preparing to leave the hospital to retire for the night. The healer answered it as I was putting utensils away.
“I'm sorry to bother you.” I turned to the door when I heard it was Holter. The younger man watched me hesitantly past Uriel's shoulder. “Azazel said you'd be here.”
“And here I am.” I smiled. “Is everything okay?”
Holter shrugged lightly. “Can I talk to you?”
“If you give me just a few minutes to finish up here,” I offered.
Uriel cut in. “Kai—go. Don't worry about it. I'll get it. We were almost done, anyway.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course.” Uriel stepped toward me to give me a friendly pat on the arm. “You're a leader, after all. You have more stuff to worry about than I do.”
“I don't know if that's true,” I teased. I grabbed my military satchel from a nearby table and said, “Thank you, Uriel. I'll see you first thing tomorrow morning.”
Outside of the hospital, Olympia was glimmering in shades of bright red and golden yellow as the sun slowly set in the west. Evening came early in the city due to the outreach of mountains which blocked much of the western sky from view, so there was an hour or two each day when it was still daytime even though all was in shadow. It was a unique phenomenon I'd only ever experienced here. When we finally left Olympia behind, I knew I would miss it. Of course, I found reasons to miss most of the places I'd ever visited. Nostalgia had always been a comfort to me. Perhaps losing so many people and traveling to so many lands made me cherish the memories I made even more. Oftentimes, memories were all I had left of something.
“Where do you want to go?” Holter asked me, once we reached the northernmost main road that led from west to east.
I smiled with amusement. “Wherever you want, Holter. You're the one who came to me.”
I'd meant to tease him, but Holter only seemed agitated. “I inconvenienced you, didn't I?”
“No. You got me out of work.” I wiggled my eyebrows teasingly. When Holter still didn't seem amused, I asked, “What's wrong?”
“I have a lot on my mind,” the scout admitted, embarrassed. “It all seems stupid now that I've pulled you out of the hospital of all places to talk about it.”
“I wasn't in the middle of a surgery,” I reassured him. “If you have concerns, let me hear them.”
Holter exhaled roughly and turned to point at a flight of stairs which led up the side of a four-story building. Though our battles in Olympia had destroyed many of the upper walkways and paths, there was one bridge in good shape which led from the roof of this building to the next.
“Let's go there,” he suggested.
Holter led me to the roof, which was flat and connected to an elaborate stone and gold bridge with ornate railings. At one time, the bridge had seen enough foot traffic to wear down its perfectly placed bricks, but most of the upper walkways were empty of traffic tonight. Between the escaped civilians and casualties of battle, the population of Olympia was now low enough that its streets could handle the traffic on their own.
Holter leaned on the railing of the bridge facing north, and I did the same beside him. We could see the Griswald Forest from over the wall here. The pines were beautiful as they shimmered multiple colors in the sunset. In the midst of the plains to the right of the forest, a trading cart was slowly being rolled to Olympia by a few overworked Vhiri. The cart was meant to be pulled by cattle like I'd seen in Eteri, but there weren't any cattle in Hammerton. The Sentinels had spoken about training the giant boars to do such work, but apparently, they'd had little luck with that idea.
“Let me guess why you picked this place to talk,” I said, breaking the silence between us.
Holter managed a shy chuckle and said, “Okay.”
“It's either the Vhiri blood in you that likes heights, or it's the oozlum blood in you that likes flying.”
“Maybe it's both,” Holter said.
“Is that why you picked a bird?” I asked.
It was a somewhat vague question, but he understood. “Yes, I think so. Flying is one of those things that everyone wishes they could do. I wanted to be a bird. I just had to figure out which one. I picked the oozlum because I wanted to be strong.”
“Were you frightened when you went through your first transformation?”
Holter grimaced and kept his gaze on the forest. “Terrified. My mother and best friend pleaded for me not to do it.”
“But you went through it anyway.”
“I did. I wanted freedom. It became really important to me after seeing what so many did to obtain it. My father told me stories about being a slave. I know I'm one of the lucky ones who was born on the surface, but my mother was always overprotective of me. I yearned to get away. If I could become a bird, nothing would stop me.” Holter hesitated. “My best friend, though—Caine—he saw my transformation and decided to become a beastman, too. His parents were both Vhiri and hated the politics of Eteri, but he wanted to join you there. We both had these grand ideas of finding you and offering you our service. After the underground takeover, we heard rumors you'd go to Eteri next. Caine's idea was to transform into birds and fly straight over that damn wall Tilda erected at the border like she was keeping us caged up like animals.”
“Were you two caught?”
“Caine and I? No. We never tried it. Caine died during his first transformation.”
I frowned, remembering the nameless Alderi man I'd watched die in such a way. “I'm so sorry.”
Holter smiled sadly over at me. “Me, too. His parents blamed me, you know. They used to be like parents to me when my own mother became too overbearing. But as soon as Caine died...” he trailed off and shrugged. “It was my fault he had the idea in his head. It was my fault because I talked him into it. Which I didn't, by the way. I actually advised against it. They couldn't see reason through their mourning.”
“Is that why you became a trader and left Silvi?”
“That's why I pretended to be a trader and left Silvi,” Holter replied with a charming smile.
“Whatever works,” I sympathized.
“I guess so.”
“Did you tell your mother you were leaving?”
“Of course not.” Holter laughed dryly and reached up to pull his dark hair out of its tie. It was cooler now that the direct sunlight no longer hit us. He left the tie on his wrist and shook out his hair as he continued, “She wouldn't have let me go. I'm an adult, but as she always used to say, 'but you'll always be my baby.'”
I
chuckled at that.
“I hope saying that doesn't bother you. I know your own parents are sorry excuses for people. You might be irritated with me for finding fault with mine.”
“Not at all. Though I do think it'd be nice for you to write a letter to your mother letting her know you're okay.”
Holter chuckled. “I might do that. You're a really good listener, Kai.”
“You sound surprised.”
“Just because I never thought you would be. You're a living legend. When Caine and I had those ideas of following you, it was because we respected you and wanted to see the world. I never let myself imagine you'd become a friend.” He hesitated. “That's what we are, right?”
I laughed. “Of course.”
“It just all blows my mind. Even still.” Holter leaned forward on the railing, spinning the Seran Renegade ring I'd had made for him around a finger with the other hand. “I don't mean to talk your ear off.”
“Don't worry. They're both still attached.”
Holter laughed softly at my jest before he sobered. “I wanted to apologize. That's the reason I asked to talk to you tonight.”
“Apologize for what?”
Holter waited to answer for the moment. Ahead, the eastern gate of Olympia's wall screeched as it slowly opened for the trading cart we'd watched cross the plains. “You've opened your arms to me, Kai,” Holter finally said, as the gate came to a close behind the traders. “And I've done nothing to deserve it. Then, in this last battle, I lost control. You and the Sentinels are working hard at repairing this city and getting it to run.” He pointed down the main street to the west, where the dragon corpse was slowly decomposing where it had collapsed. Eteri soldiers had been cutting the corpse down for weeks to remove it. “There are no less than six buildings down there ruined because of me.”
“As far as I'm concerned, the dragon destroyed those buildings,” I said.
Holter glanced over at me. “What do you mean?”
“I'm saying not to worry about it, Holter. The entire city is in shambles at this point. I'm more concerned about why you lost control. An intense high from using enervat should only be different from others in the pain that it gives you. You should still know what you're doing.” I hesitated, thinking about my own mindset during the destruction of Narangar. “Then again, with such power can come arrogance and feelings of invincibility.”