by Cheree Alsop
Rafe cupped his hand in the water and drank from it, then motioned for me to do the same. The water was so cool and fresh it tasted like how the bottled water commercials always portrayed their products, the difference being that any brand of bottled water tasted the same to me, while the pool in Rafe's cave tasted like mineral-laced snow fresh from the highest peak. I took another drink and glanced up to find Rafe watching me. Water dripped down my chin and I wiped it away with an embarrassed smile.
He went to the cooler and opened it with the reverence of a child unveiling his most prized possessions. He set out a wind-up radio worn with use, a canteen, a pair of shoelaces, a small Swiss Army knife, a marble, a length of rope, and a battered crayon drawing of a man, woman, and little boy.
My heart slowed when I realized what he showed me. “How long have you been here?”
He picked up the child's drawing and stared at it intently. “Since I was four.”
I didn't know what to say. My stomach twisted and I fought for words, but nothing came.
He ran his fingers softly over the man and woman in the drawing. “I drew this by the campfire while my dad and mom cooked tinfoil dinners. Uncle Mitch and Aunt Diana had come to spend the night with us. Mitch was Dad's only brother and was a great uncle. I was so happy when he came.”
Rafe fell quiet, his eyes distant. I waited in silence, afraid to break his reverie, but also afraid of what his pain-filled gaze would reveal.
He brushed his hair back from his face and looked at the cave ceiling. “I liked to climb. It was a game of ours for me to climb a tree and Dad to find me.” His voice took on a strange tone. “I didn't realize until later that he always found me so easily because he was a werewolf and could just smell me out.”
His brow furrowed and he closed his eyes. “I climbed a tree just outside the light of the fire and waited for Dad to find me. Dad suddenly straightened up and looked me right in the eyes. 'Stay there, Rafey,' he said, as calmly as that. Then they were attacked.”
“By what?” I couldn't keep still. The horror on his face made my skin crawl, and I wanted more than anything to give him a hug and protect him from whatever had happened, but he was still caught in the memory.
“Men with guns, machetes, and knives attacked my parents and aunt and uncle before they could defend themselves. They were shot, then hacked apart while they were still alive.” He rubbed his closed eyes. “My mom screamed again and again, but tree branches were in the way and I couldn't see what they were doing to her. But my dad had fallen below the tree when they shot him. He kept his eyes on mine while they cut off his arms and legs. He mouthed, 'I love you,' before they cut off his head.”
A tear leaked from the corner of his eye, but he seemed not to notice. “I stayed up there for two days, long after they had carried away the bodies and destroyed the campsite.” He turned and looked at me, his golden eyes haunted. “This picture was the only thing they left. It was as if they knew I was out there somewhere.”
“That's horrible,” I said softly. He fell silent and even though he looked at me, I could tell he was seeing something else. I tried to think of anything to take his mind off it. “What about the wolves? How did you come to live with them?”
He blinked and looked around the cave. “Paul, the old alpha,” he paused and glanced at me. “I guess it's weird I named him after my father. It was the only name I could think of at the time.” He gave a sad half-smile. “Paul and his pack came to the remains of the camp and he looked right up at me like my father had. I slid down from the tree, phased into a wolf for the first time in my life, and followed them away.”
“I thought werewolves phase for the first time when they turn seven.”
He shrugged. “Desperate times call for desperate measures. I needed to be a wolf, so I was.” He tipped his head back against the cave wall. “I went back later that night for the picture and found this place to keep it safe.”
“Where did you learn how to speak so well?”
He gestured to the radio. “I began to miss being human, so I would phase and sneak into camps late at night and raid things I could use, like clothes and the radio.” A shadow of a smile touched his lips. “When I got older and more daring, I used to invite myself to their campfires and talk with them, just to enjoy being human for a bit. But I never met another werewolf and I thought I was a fluke.”
“Until you were captured by Tannin's men,” I concluded.
He nodded. “Then it was easier not to speak because I was so used to being silent.”
I was about to ask another question when a deep howl reverberated through the cave. Rafe's face lit up and he glanced at me, then cupped his hands around his mouth and sent back an answering howl. A chill ran through my body at the sound along with a shuddering need to phase and be a wolf.
Rafe gave an understanding smile. “I'll meet you outside.” He disappeared through the cave entrance before I could say anything.
The shudder ran through my body again and I was surprised to find that I was looking forward to phasing and experiencing the wolf side that had been such a part of Rafe's life. Heaviness hung over my thoughts at what he had been through. I couldn't imagine anyone living through that and turning out even remotely normal. The fact that Rafe handled what he had been through at Tannin's hands so calmly showed a depth of animal nature, the instinct to take everything in stride and keep on fighting no matter what. I saw the things I hadn't understood about him before in a new light, and it made me happy that I had chosen to go with Rafe instead of returning to a society of walls and restrictions.
I set my backpack down with the remainder of the supplies and turned the power off on the cell phone, then slid it into the back pocket. I looked at the cave around me while I pulled off my gas station clothes. Rough drawings in charcoal covered the wall at a child's height, changing to stone etchings and intricate paintings with earthen colors as the distance from the floor increased. It was as though I watched him grow up through the drawings on the walls.
***
The black and cream fur grew on my shoulders and back like a welcome blanket in the crisp night air. I shook to settle the fur, then stepped out into moonlit grays and blacks as clear as daylight to my wolf eyes. Rafe came out of the shadows to my left, strong and self-assured in his wolf form. The dark gray of his coat blended with the darkness around him, making him seem more a creature of the night than the wolves that waited for us down the small rise to the cave.
Rafe lifted his muzzle and howled a low, warm greeting. The wolves below joined him, eight cries of different pitches mixing in a way that made my blood run hot and cold at the same time. I lifted my face to the embrace of the moon and answered the call with a howl of my own. The voice, so unlike me yet a part of me in the fullness of the tone and the hunger to belong and be part of something special again, left my throat and entwined with the others to create a complete tapestry of sound in the haunting night.
The forest around us fell silent, and our voices reverberated through the trees and the mountains around us long after we had stopped. The alpha wolf below turned and seven wolves vanished into the trees. The mother wolf was at his side and I wondered which wolf had returned to the pups and how she dared leave them with another animal. Rafe bumped my shoulder with his own, his expressive golden eyes questioning. I gave a soft snort and started down the decline. He caught up, then passed me with the abandon of a puppy who has just found the joy of the run. I smiled inside and ran to catch up to him.
The pack flew through the trees, winding in and out of windfalls, dry creek beds, and across meandering streams that cut trails through the unforgiving forest floor. Rafe and I trailed to the pack's right, and it was amazing to see how, without word or motion to direct them, the wolves flowed as one through the forest, never missing a step or touching each other though their shoulders were inches apart. They reminded me of a flock of birds circling and swooping in flight, their hearts one as they enjoyed just being alive.
> We loped deep into the mountain range. Rabbits, mice, and the occasional ermine darted out of our way, but the wolves ignored them, intent on something else. I tried to find the scent they followed, and suddenly the smell of wild, warm meat, pounding blood, and the promise of a full belly filled my nose. I missed a step and staggered in surprise at the strength of the wolf instinct that filled me.
Rafe glanced back, then slowed to let me catch up. He watched me from the corner of his eye, his gaze questioning, but I couldn't voice the emotions that warred inside me.
The alpha let out a short bark and the pack suddenly split ahead of us. Rafe and I followed the right-hand branch around a grove of trees and down into a valley where a massive herd of elk lifted their heads and stared at our sudden entrance. The lead elk, an older animal with gray around its velvet nose and more spikes than I could count at the instant on his horns, raised his head and bugled a warning to his herd. They took off in thundering flight ahead of us.
The joy of chasing down prey and feeding those dependent upon us filled my bones and pounded in my ears. I joined the pack as they culled a young buck from the herd, a foolish animal who struck arrogantly with short horns while throwing hooves right and left. It was obvious by the cast of his head and the certainty in his eyes that he thought he could take on the pack, something my wolf consciousness knew was a mistake even though he towered high above us and his hooves struck the rocks with the strength of a jack hammer.
The rest of the herd left the young buck behind and soon it was only the nine of us against the huge beast. He backed against a jutting rock to protect his backside and struck out with black hooves and antlers that my instincts warned were deadly. I paused out of reach, knowing that I was far out of my skill range and suddenly doubtful that I wanted any part in the animal's death.
The alpha dove under the antlers and leaped for the animal's throat. The elk turned at the last instant and the alpha succeeded only in tearing skin from the animal's shoulder before jumping back out of the way of his striking hooves.
Rafe took advantage of the distraction and darted around the other side. He lunged for the elk's back leg and drew his fangs down the animal's hind quarter. The elk let out a bugle of pain and limped heavily on the leg when Rafe dove back to safety. The elk swept his horns Rafe's way, missing the werewolf by merely inches.
Two more of the pack attacked when the animal looked away and latched onto his side, driving him to his knees. The alpha dove under the sweeping horns once more and latched onto the elk's throat. The elk's eyes rolled and he tried to get back to his feet, but the weight of the wolf kept him down. The alpha's jaws closed while the wolves around him brought the elk to its belly. The alpha stepped back and blood poured from the animal's throat.
I looked away as the rich iron scent filled my nose and the animal's gurgling breath died away. The sound of tearing flesh and hungry animals feeding met my ears. I studied the ground in front of my paws and tried to remind myself that I was a human in a wolf's body, and that I didn't want to join them even though my stomach growled and my soul longed for the unity that pack feeding brought.
A chunk of meat fell at my feet and I looked up into Rafe's calm, beautiful golden eyes; a knowing look shone in them as if he understood the war I fought inside. His muzzle was dark red with blood and his breath smelled of warm life and food. He nosed the meat closer to my feet as if to tell me that it was alright to give in and just be a wolf for a while. I let out my breath softly, then bent and began to eat. Rafe turned and brought back another hunk of meat for himself, then settled on his belly next to me to eat his share.
The meat filled me as food in my human form never had. Though there was only one flavor, it was rich and tender from lush mountain grass and cold streams, tender bushes, and golden sunlight. I struggled to eat only my fill as the wolf instinct urged me to gorge in times of plenty against moments of lack. The other wolves' bellies were distended by the time they were ready to return to the meadow.
We followed the pack back to the den and I wondered why none of the wolves had brought meat back, but when the pups came out and pawed and danced around their mother at the scent of food, she regurgitated partially-chewed meat for them to feast on. Another wolf dropped a mostly-clean leg bone, and after the pups and the older light gray wolf that had stayed behind to watch them had eaten their fill, the pups began to play tug-o-war with the bone.
Rafe sat near the trees and watched the pups, a content expression on his face. I settled next to him and enjoyed the simplicity of no one asking how I was doing or if I had been able to control myself. The younger wolves played with the pups while the alpha and his mate lay next to the den entrance, occasionally licking each other's muzzles in a gesture so tender it was as obvious as a couple holding hands or hugging to see that they loved each other.
Chapter 6
“Your pack is amazing,” I told Rafe later after I phased in the cave and he came in wearing the shorts and shirt I had bought. “They care about you very much.”
“And I, them,” he said. He wrapped the rope he had gotten from the cooler around his waist and tucked it under the shorts. “They saved my life and gave me a reason to live.” He shook out the bear skin and spread it near the fire he had built. “You can sleep here.”
“I don't sleep, remember?” I said, though the bed looked very inviting and after the chase, my limbs felt heavy with exhaustion. My mind raced and I knew it would be a long time before I would be able to give in to sleep.
“That's right,” he said. He glanced at me with a teasing twinkle in his eyes. “The insomniac werewolf who chases elk by night and saves poor, caged wild creatures by day.”
I sat on the rug and smiled. “You aren't the poor, wild creature I thought you were.”
He gave me an unreadable look. “Aren't I?”
I shook my head and concentrated on the bear's thick fur, running my hand along the surface to make patterns.
“Why did you really save me, Colleen?”
I glanced at him and he met my gaze full on, his brow furrowed. “I told you-” I began, but he cut me off.
“I know, my eyes.” A smile twitched at the corners of his mouth. “I can't believe that eyes would make you dare flames and death to save a stranger.”
I squirmed on the rug, but I couldn't find the words to answer his question.
“You fell in love with me.”
Rafe's soft words were spoken with certainty, and the truth that beat through my soul was echoed in his eyes. My heart slowed and I tried to deny the statement, but we both knew I couldn't. “Yes,” I finally whispered.
His fingers touched my chin and lifted my face so I would meet his eyes. “Did you know that wolves mate for life? They chose one wolf as their companion on this earth and I've seen many wolves who chose to live the rest of their lives alone after losing their mate.” His eyes were soft with understanding. “It's in the blood.”
I shook my head. “Not my blood,” I replied quietly. “I wasn't born a werewolf.”
“Yet here you are,” Rafe said with a smile. He brushed the hair back from my face with a finger, then sat down at the edge of the bear skin. “Men on the radio rave about God, or a higher power, or something in the universe that guides us for the greater good.” His gaze darkened and he stared out the cave entrance into the night. “I used to hate whatever that was, some insurmountable being who had allowed my parents to be slaughtered and let me live for no apparent reason.”
His gaze lightened and his golden eyes reminded me of the moon, calling to me with some unknown force, soothing the parts of me that felt sharp and jagged with everything that had happened. “But then I watched the wolves and felt the love and respect they had for each other. I remembered the way my mom used to look at my dad, and how they used to laugh and hold hands. It was enough to hope that someday I would feel the same way about someone.”
He dropped his eyes. “But all I am is really just a wild werewolf. I kill and I eat what
I kill, I defend the pack with my life as they have defended me, and I have conversations with total strangers around campfires just to pretend that I’m human.” His brow tightened. “It really isn't much to offer.”
I stared at him, the way the firelight played off his tangled brown hair, casting the strong line of his jaw, his soft lips, and his dark brows in profile. My heart slowed at the self-deprecating look in his eyes and the scorn he felt for himself. His hands rested on his knees and when I touched one of them, he moved to turn away, but I caught his hand and wouldn't let go until he looked at me.
His eyes met mine with an exposed, haunted look. “I loved you before I even knew anything about you,” I said softly. “Everything I learn just adds to that love.” His eyes studied mine intently, looking for laughter or derision. When he found none, he dropped his eyes to our hands.
I took a steeling breath and continued, “I've found a werewolf who cares about his pack more than most do for their own family. I see someone who appreciates the forest in a way only those who have depended upon it for survival can. I hear the depth of love in your voice when you speak about your parents and I'm shocked to see that instead of being embittered or filled with hatred because of what you went through, you're humble and torn.”
He turned his face away, but I caught his cheek with my hand and drew it gently back to me. He blinked rapidly and tears shone in the firelight. I took a small breath. “And I see someone that I love so much it hurts.” He looked back at me and opened his mouth, but before he could say anything, I covered it with my own.
The kiss sent a thrill of warmth through my body. His lips were soft at first, then needing and wanting as though he couldn't get enough. He pulled away quicker than I was ready and stared at me, his eyes wide and still wet with tears. “Why love me?”
I blinked back tears of my own. “Powers of the universe?”